We’ll be talking on the tips to prove to your parents that you are matured enough to be independent. Maturity is one thing African parents never really see in their children, no matter what age he or she has attained. Independence is another illusion they pay no attention to and refuse to give credit to. You just have to open their eyes to it many times. But how do you get them to see it? I mean, even at 24 they still want to know the kind of girl you are dating, the amount of income you make, where you go, what you do with your time and money, who you hang out with and where. All this grumpy info and many more.
If they just want to know and keep in touch with what is going on in your life, it would have been cool.
But many times than not, they probe you with nagging questions that only shows they still want to influence your decisions and choices…
… that they don’t trust you are matured enough to be independent.
… that they still want to have a level of influence over you.
Truth is, if you decide to ignore all the signs and expect they’ll get tired and finally jump off your back one day, you’ll be waiting forever.
Reasons why most parents fail to believe their children are matured enough to be independent.
They never want to see it or act as they see it. Before you start developing grudges towards your parents, let me gladly inform you that it is their love for you that makes them forever interested in you.
They don’t want you to make any mistakes in life and experienced by age, they seem like the most certified persons to give you counsel on matters.
However, they do it in excess unknowingly. They want to exercise full control just like when you were still a kid with them and they had to change your diaper every night.
It is a problem 60% of African parents have; they want to be involved in all of your major and minor decisions, surprisingly even as a married person.
Another reason they keep bouncing into your life is fear. They want to remodel your life after a particular pattern they love or against a particular individual who they despise, Fear of you failing or not getting it right. I remember my mum will always reminisce to me stories of people she knew that failed to try a particular task out or getting involved with a particular group of people. She would also share an account of those she want me to remodel and use it as a yardstick to guide me.
She doesn’t believe my intuition is enough to guide me. Hence, even when I am away from home, she’ll still find someone in my new location to keep an eye on me or entrust me to, like some kind of investment or gift parcel.
Coming to school, she had planned the church I would attend, who would guide me through my registration process, where I will spend my weekend… Ha! Who is feeling my pain?
In fact, she totally handed me out. I used to feel sad about this and tried to rebel until I discovered it was with a heart of passion and love that she wanted me to watch over me. So, before you choose to flunk out in rebellion as I did, hang in there let me throw you the ropes you need to walk out of that dark room.
Five tips to prove to your parents you are matured enough to be independent
The wrong actions will only get you back to that square again, it will only make them more worried over you and want to gain all possible control over you. It could also get them to give up on you and avoid you totally which appears to be a solution but is worse than the problem. Those are two extreme ends you won’t want to be hanging on, trust me.
Here we are going to review just five basic steps I’m sure this will secure you, independence before your parents.
Disclaimer; this can only work if you are matured indeed as you can’t make up maturity, you will surely be found out. They will see through your packagings and come for you with double force for trying to deceive them. So, if these tips don’t work for you, you might just have to check your maturity scores.
Cheers to a journey of independence! (meanwhile, I hope you ain’t reading this in the living room or kitchen to save your head and mine if I’m found out) lol! Alright, let’s get into it already.
#Tip 1: Be of your best behavior; no matter how old you are, if you have basic character problems, your independence is far from you. For me this comes first for many reasons, remember our topic says tips to prove you are MATURED enough to be independent, not old enough. Your age isn’t enough factor to gain the green card to independence. Although that doesn’t rule out the factor of age. According to the law in Nigeria today, at 18 you are already considered an adult, although practically you are addressed as an adult at age 20. These factors affect your maturity level by 15%.
To prove your maturity to your parents, you have to carry the right attitude at all times, use the right words, right senses, right everything! you must just be right! Well, this is another hard task especially if you have difficult parents, you can never just get it right. But you can try, keep to instructions. It would appear like you are playing their cards but we know the truth.
#Tip 2: maintain a close conversational relationship with your parents.
Don’t stay away! It can make you appear suspicious especially if tip 1 is in place. They would place you under the microscope to observe what you are up to.
This is the time to draw closer and nearer to them yourself. Get to know what they are about. Take interest in them. Be involved actively in their lives. This will convince them that you care and grow their heart fonder towards you.
#Tip 3: show your abilities:
Now is the time to show them that common sense you have been gathering. Let them see the gold in you that they never knew. Let them feel your shoulders. Help them with difficulties and stand by them. Use your abilities to aid them to solve basic problems.
#Tip 4: make money and support them: this is a key factor.
If you don’t have a job, get one and try to support your parents with the little stipends you make. Give them money to fuel the generator, refill the gas, fuel their car. Support yourself and them financially.
When you make
Tip 5: Attempt and make plans towards moving out.
One statement I used to detest then was, “as long as you are under this roof…” because my mum will always point her authority over you whenever you attempt independence, by rebellion. We know that there is no way to fully be independent if you’re in your parent’s house and there’s no way to claim maturity when they are still sheltering you. Good!
Let’s draw a balance sheet here. Propose to them what it’ll look like for you to be on your own. They might be hurt, but it is also a great sign that you are no longer a kid. Discuss your plan with your father first, men are always quick to understand issues like this. Emotions can block your mother’s understanding. No offense, I’m also a woman.
With every other thing in place, you’re at the doorstep of Independence. Don’t flunk out, be patient, and enjoy the process.
See you on the other side.
ALSO, READ 7 TIPS ON HOW TO BREAK UP A RELATIONSHIP
How To Speak With Confidence (Experts Advice)
As a person, regardless of your family background or career path, you must know how to speak with confidence. This is how you express yourself to others around you.
To survive in today’s world you must learn to sell yourself. You should be able to tell others your value and how you bring it to the table and why you must be given a chance.
Being a confident communicator is not something you can compromise whether you are in the corporate world or in the entrepreneurship line. You may be doing something really amazing but if you can’t confidently tell me what you do, then people are likely not to buy your idea.
Leaving career aside, let’s talk about family. If you are not a confident communicator, how do you talk to your family members? How do you table your quarries? Just how efficient will your communication be without confidence?
When you speak with confidence, people tend to listen and accept your opinions better than when you are fidgeting when talking. When you show signs of anxiety when speaking, it shows a lack of confidence.
So, if you don’t act like you have faith in what you are doing, why should I? If you don’t believe in yourself how do I?
It is important to note that no one was born an efficient communicator. Even those who show some level of it as innate abilities, still have to improve and develop on it. This means knowing how to speak confidently can be learned or developed.
There is never a downside to confidence. It makes people want to listen to you, it also speaks brilliancy. If you truly desire to be better at your career or even social life, speaking with confidence is a must-have. And yes! You can learn it and begin to build on it.
To begin this journey of self-development, you must overcome some obstacles called FEARS. When you overcome them, your communication becomes more effective and healthy.
Don’t allow the lack of confidence to steal the limelight from you, you are valued and you definitely have something to say.
These tools and tips that you need to develop this skill in here in this article so read and be ready to take action.
How can I talk confidently? (10 Sure Ways)
1. Always Prepare Beforehand
The very first thing you should do is to be prepared. You should intentionally sit down, and do research on the subject topic. And generally, you should take time to learn a bit of everything.
So that whenever a topic is raised in any important or casual conversation or meeting you could confidently say a word or two.
When you are somewhere and totally clueless or don’t have something to contribute, your confidence is shaken and this puts you on an edge. Then anxiety comes in probably because you know you may indulge or ask yourself a question personally to say something. And there, is where the problem lies.
It’s always safe to know a little about a lot than knowing a lot about a little. So you at least know something about most topics you will come across. However, when going for a speech. Prepare well. Do a lot of research and get a deep understanding of that topic.
2. Try To Imagine It Ahead Of Time
After doing your research, the next step is to visualize it. Imagine yourself talking confidently with zero anxiety. See yourself doing it and that will form a type of self-motivation. Have winner and an overcomer’s mindset.
As mentioned earlier, you must overcome your fears and share your value with the world. Imagine yourself doing that perfect presentation, see yourself giving that top-notch speech. If you can see yourself do it, regardless of what any other person says, you will pull through.
3. Let Your Posture Speak Confidence
Now, you must let your audience know that you are confident using your body language. Your body posture, your walking step, even your smile must ooze confidence.
When walking ensure you stand tall and don’t cower, make sure your shoulders are straight beck don’t be caught slouching. Keep your head held up high and eyes up maintaining eye contact. When sitting, let your posture scream these three things ENGAGED, FOCUSED, and AUTHORITY.
Knowing these things is easier said than done. it makes end up being difficult. Even so, pretend like you own the moment. Because it only what you let on that people will know. So give them a good show.
4. Don’t Be In A Rush
Don’t forget that you own that moment so rule it. Don’t rush your sentences no matter much anxiety you feel. Rather, take a deep breath and take it slow.
Talking too fast in a speech is actually a really common sign of nervousness. And you do not want your audience to know you are nervous so at that moment what you need to do is take a deep breath.
Next is to take control of the situation before it goes out of control. Do this by just imagining you are talking to someone you are really comfortable with. If you are with a larger audience, then assume you are just speaking with your friends and start speaking with less urgency.
That way you are able to think of what you are about to say and align it properly. Practice speaking in a ‘not rushed manner often in your comfortable space.
5. Don’t Divert From Current Topics
During your speech, you may want to give examples using scenarios and at that point, there is a tendency to divert. Try to focus on the topic at hand and don’t go too deep into explaining examples.
When you do this, not only does it speak confidence; it also speaks intelligence. It shows you have full control of your speech. Also, don’t be too focused on what to say next, instead digress on the current point very well. This will ensure a smooth transition.
6. Use Silence Between Sentences Wisely
This doesn’t involve you saying something and keeping quiet for a long time it will only get your audience disconnected. Actually, what this involves is you saying a key point and letting the audience process it for seconds.
On many occasions, you may have said all you have to say at that point and your audience was supposed to respond yet you got none.
And it leads to a very awkward silence; leave it be. Don’t try to fill the silence with nervous chatters.
Standing on what you have said and not trying to fill in meaningless chatter shows you are confident about the subject matter and that earns you respect.
7. Have Breath Control.
Control your breath during conversations slow and steadily. Try to maintain the same tone from start to finish and let your speech hold a steady and confident pace.
It is an unwritten rule that the person who is confident will speak in the same tone in a gentle way. If possible, do a breathing exercise before your speech.
And when you find yourself speaking too fast or losing control of your tone during a speech, pause, take 2-3 deep breaths before you continue. Do this stylishly in such a way that your audience will not know what you are doing.
ALSO, READ How to stop being shy ( 8 sure ways)
8. Talk In Low Volume And Project Your Voice.
When you are talking, try not to talk loudly but project your voice so your audience can hear you. Talking loudly affects the quality of your voice making it look like you are shouting.
It also makes you get tired easily during conversation or speech that requires a long time of talking like two hours and above. Aside from that, talking loudly shows a sign of disrespect towards your audience especially the elderly, and no one really wants to listen to a voice like that.
So, regardless of how valuable the information you are trying to pass is, no one will listen if you are screaming.
9. Speak Clearly
When talking, let your speech be clear. Don’t fidget when presenting your idea because that just shows a lack of confidence.
Try not to use words like uhmm, erhhh, and other sloppy words. When you speak in public, ask someone to record your speech this is to do a self-evaluation.
The best way to discipline yourself is to know which soppy words or phrases you repeat and try to avoid them by practicing in private
10. Smile While Speaking
Being warm to people is a hack that can never go wrong. Smiling to a crowd or audience before you speak is a good way to grab their attention.
It’s very welcoming. Speaking with a smile on your face helps maintain a warm ambiance. It really shows a lot of courage if you are saying something serious with a smile.
A shy smile is not what we are talking about here but the type that captures every stare that comes its way. Smiling while talking can also help the quality of your voice with a touch of friendliness and composure. You know it’s not actually about what you say but how you say it.
In conclusion, learning to talk confidently takes Practice. It is the one thing that can aid your improvement over time.
Even when you know these skills in communication if you don’t apply them consistently you may not get the desired result. So you have to regularly practice these things to imbibe them.
As you practice, make time for self-evaluation. As you do this over time you become more confident. Also, practice without a timetable. Practice at every opportunity you get and you will become a better and more efficient communicator.
How To Be a Gentleman: 99 Things That Make You A Gentle man
When it comes to how to be a gentleman it has absolutely nothing to do with suits, ties, polished and etc… oftentimes when some of us hear “gentleman” those are what comes to our minds but it goes way beyond all that.
It’s not in any way attached to appearance as a definition. Although, appearance is major of a factor in being gentlemanly. It has everything to do with who you are your charisma, attitude, and more of how you carry yourself.
So now let’s examine some of the things that make a gentleman based on research
- Define who you are. Gentlemen know themselves, they do not have identity confusion and they always project their identity to anyone they meet.
- Maintain proper hygiene.
- Be mature in dealings.
- Grow up. Gentlemen don’t sulk or throw tantrums.
- Mind your language. Never be caught using the f-word or swearing.
- Always network with people. Be more open to sensible conversation and connect well with people. Know a bit of a lot so that you can contribute to most conversations.
- Find your passion and pursue it.
- Know what you want in all scenarios or situations.
- Keep to time. Learn to be punctual.
- Keep your word. A gentleman is a man of his word.
- When you promise something or someone, fulfill it.
- Hold the door open. This is one of the most common traits of a gentleman.
- Don’t owe favors. Always return it!.
- Keep your space neat. Clean up after yourself.
- Never kiss and tell. It ruins your image in front of others.
- Tell a good story without hiccups. You should look like a natural to those listening.
- Learn to give an exceptional toast.
- Be you.
- Be able to distinguish between confidence, boldness, and arrogance.
- Be open-minded but still maintain your morals and beliefs.
- Don’t judge.
- Know how to make a good meal.
- Remove greed from your dealings. Fight it.
- In most cases that require payment and you are with 2 or more persons, offer to pay.
- Know when to keep quiet or talk.
- Know the right time to clap and the right amount of claps.
- Offer to help your guest with their luggage.
- Learn to dance at least one classical.
- Filter your social media and remove irrelevant and childish information from before.
ALSO, READ HOW TO KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE
- Always let your partner knows you care. Be sure to tell her daily.
- Before proposing to your partner, seek her family’s blessings.
- before helping a lady with her coat, ask for her permission first.
- learn and exhibit table manners.
- Be diligent and pay attention to details.
- Being a gentleman is also a matter of character so you must respect your elders.
- Chivalry should be your focus.
- Maintain a positive attitude.
- Always make reservations for the restaurant if you eating out with a friend.
- Guard your reputation and name In a society very jealously.
- Be mindful of your choice of words in any form of communication.
- Walk confidently with a bold demure.
- Strive to be better daily by learning, observing, and studying but avoid idolizing
- When having a conversation, maintain eye contact but don’t not stare.
- Always be willing to offer help to those who need it.
- Learn humor.
- Mind your liquor and know your gauge.
- Be mindful of what you listen to. Since most times we tend to reproduce what we hear
- Keep good company
- Quickly admit when you are wrong and apologies. Apologizing doesn’t make you weak. It’s actually a strength
- Learn to say the magic words “please” ”excuse me” ”sorry ”” thank you” “pardon me”
- Wish the success of others
- Don’t pick unnecessary fights
- Learn to do things for others without expecting anything in return
- Be flexible and open to change
- Take alone times
- Easily forgive others. To err is human and to forgive is divine
- Make breakfast in bed oftentimes
- Don’t ever send more than two texts in a row to some person
- Don’t call more than twice in a row. Instead, just leave a message
- Never pick your nose in public
- Always smell nice, use a deodorant
- Make your handshakes firm
- Don’t pretend inability. If you can’t do something, don’t say you can
- Don’t wear dusty shoes. Always clean your shoes.
- When going on a date be very polite
- Be quick to offer your jacket if a lady looks cold
- Be a good guy even behind the scenes
- Always show up at an event like birthdays, weddings, baby showers, etc. with a gift
- Share your ideas with those around you except for a good reason
- Don’t wear wrinkled or rumpled shirts
- Be gracious
- Be humble
- Offer your seat to ladies especially the pregnant
- In every aspect of your life strive for excellence
- When intending to go for an event, if you can make it let them know beforehand.
- Lead by example
- Have high standards and values
- Always keep your and don’t pick on little issues
- Be authentic and genuine
- Respect peoples space
- Don’t be polygamous in a relationship. Keep to one lady at a time
- Don’t intentionally hurt people’s feelings
- Encourage people especially your partner to pursue their goals and dreams in life
- Be a good listener
- No one or two sports and be good at them
- When going out on a date, put everything into thought
- Encourage people to be better
- Send flowers and chocolates to your significant other often
- Pull out the chair for a lady
- Compliment your lady when she is looking nice
- Stand when a lady approaches or is about to leave a table
- Always keep your room tidy
- Take responsibilities
- Learn to prioritize things and keep the ones important to you
- Be reliable
- Always look sharp
- Check up on a friend after they leave your place to ensure they got home safe
- Embrace loyalty
- Open the cab door for people regardless of their gender
Interesting ways to deal with DUI depression in 2021
Driving Under the Influence (DUI) refers to driving while under alcohol or any other substance. DUI is also known as DWI in several areas in the United States. Driving is unlawful in most states in America if your blood alcohol content (BAC) exceeds the 0.08 percent threshold, and your BAC is usually measured by a blood or urine test. Driving while intoxicated is considered misbehavior a violation of the law, while repeat offenders may face criminal charges.
Depression is one of the unexpected and rarely acknowledged consequences of a DUI. Many people, especially those who have had their first DUI, express symptoms of depression following the arrest, such as intense grief followed by rage and melancholy again. These folks wonder how to deal with DUI depression. Instead of therapy and, mental health treatment through full-spectrum CBD, they frequently waste a lot of time wallowing in their folly and feeling like losers, and this depression and grief may last from a few weeks to a year. As a result of this, self-esteem is severely affected, and people begin to despise themselves. Aside from mental health issues and despair, it has a significant negative impact on their financial, social, and professional lives.
First Time DUI Charges:
According to statistics, most DUI accusations are filed by first-time offenders who have never been in problems with the law before. For the first time in their lives, they will be punished. Without adequate treatment and therapy, this depression can turn into suicide: often these are the people who think they have lost their self-respect and reputation. They are ashamed of their detention and unable to cope with family and friend’s pressure and only see one way to get out of this situation by killing themselves. Most first-time offenders see the consequences of a DUI on their mental and emotional health almost immediately.
Understanding how to deal with DUI depression for first-time offenders is essential as they are more prone to panic attacks. They face colossal family, social, and employment challenges ranging from having a suitable job to providing a home for their family.
DUI Instantaneous Consequence:
He will be sentenced to prison shortly after being arrested on DUI charges and his driving license will be canceled as well. He will employ a lawyer to help him prepare for the court hearings over the coming two weeks. His DUI counselor will attempt to finish the necessary paperwork for his client’s release. A competent attorney will quickly get his client out of jail while an inexperienced one will make the problem worse.
Then there are those who, after being arrested for DUI, instantly go into denial and refuse to recognize the allegations, as if everything would magically disappear. Consequently, they will be unprepared for the DUI hearing and will be unable to defend themselves in court due to a lack of adequate paperwork and study. This is certainly a failed strategy and there are more chances of severe penalties.
Apart from the immediate outcomes of arrest, a DUI charged individual face several short and long-term impacts. He has to deal with enormous pressure from society, family, and friends, ranging from unemployment to poor self-esteem to mental health problems. In situations like these, one must hold himself and hope for the better. Therefore it is critical to understand how to deal with DUI depression. Full-spectrum CBD products are one of the solutions for reducing depression, as many specialists feel that CBD provides better anxiety assistance. Everyone passes through difficult periods throughout their lives, but there is always hope at the end of the tunnel.
Dui emotional stress:
Emotional stress and severe mental disease are two of the most serious consequences of DUI accusations. Many first-time offenders experience a year-long phase of sorrow and melancholy. In most cases, People’s failure to grasp how to deal with DUI depression is one of the primary causes of sadness. DUI-charged individuals are sometimes being bullied among their social circle. Resultantly they even try to kill themselves to ease the agony of being bullied.
This seriously affects an individual’s self-esteem and he starts hating himself. These difficulties may drive an individual to withdraw from friends and family and he begins to shun social situations. It might be tough to move on after being subjected to public scrutiny or criticism. Therefore, one must seek help from the therapist or any psychologist to cope with the situation.
Dealing With Financial Stress:
Aside from mental illness and sadness, financial matters further deteriorate the problem. The financial burden of a DUI is one of the first difficulties that offenders confront. A DUI may cost anywhere from $4,000 to $17,000 in the United States. You’re dealing with a significant quantity of money between fines, attorney expenses, and insurance fees. Even if you’re in good financial shape, this is an unexpected expense that may cause a lot of worries. A DUI may be devastating if you’re just scraping by and living paycheck to paycheck. The most devastating aspect of a DUI arrest, according to those accused, is the financial burden which consumes a lot of their financial resources. Resultantly, inadequate financial resources lead to severe anxiety and depression. Like any other problem, financial stress can also be dealt with.
Family Issues and Unemployment Problems:
Another disastrous outcome of DUI charges includes housing and unemployment problems. DUI charged individual may lose his job as a result of taking too many days off to prepare for their hearings, or he may be fired for illegal conduct as a result of the DUI accusation. Those who are permitted to keep their employment may be ostracized by their coworkers, making team tasks impossible to execute. Many people are turned over for promotions, which limits their earning potential. This results in severe family issues and anxiety problems. A DUI conviction might exclude someone from leadership roles in voluntary and community groups outside of work. Others may no longer see the person as a role model, and friends and neighbors may cease to visit. Other people may even forbid their children from socializing with the children of the DUI offender at school or in extracurricular activities. Therefore, understanding how to deal with DUI depression is critical for these DUI convicts since they are more susceptible to panic attacks.
ALSO, READ HOW TO CULTIVATE A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE
Basic Freedom Right:
Unfortunately, public transit is neither as efficient nor as handy as owning a car. Having your driver’s license suspended is a problem that affects your freedom of movement. It might start to drag you down if you don’t feel like you have the flexibility to go to work or do ordinary errands on your own. A DUI conviction may hurt your mental health since it might make a person feel trapped in a situation he can’t get out of.
Best way to deal with a DUI:
The best approach to deal with DUI charges is to look at it as a chance, especially for the first time. You must consider it a red flag and a wake-up call, warning you about the implications of your choices. As a result, you’ll be more cautious about your activities in the future. Furthermore, this may reveal an alcohol issue you previously refused to acknowledge. It gives you the option to undo all of your prior wrongdoings and start again.
Counseling may be one of the best options as it aids the individuals in the development of coping skills, and helps them to better deal with the psychological effects of a DUI conviction. It helps you in developing a coping mechanism to deal with anxiety and depression.
Moving on from DUI / Conclusion:
Although there are severe impacts of DUI, yet there are methods to cope with its impacts. Here are some suggestions on how to deal with DUI depression :
- First and foremost, it’s vital not to beat yourself up and criticize yourself over a DUI arrest. While it may seem like you’ll be suffering from a DUI for the rest of your life, you’ll ultimately get over it.
- The court may order that you complete a drug and alcohol education program and undergo an alcohol examination. It also includes advice on how to avoid driving while intoxicated as well as a review of your drinking habits. Take these lessons carefully so you don’t make the same mistake again and learn how to deal with DUI depression.
- Don’t drive your support system away and let your friends and family assist you. Seek professional help from therapists; he may suggest full-spectrum CBD products for mental well-being.
- Concentrate on your physical well-being; exercise and a healthy diet can help you battle depression.
- Keep yourself informed and do your homework. Gaining a better knowledge of your DUI charges is key to understand how to deal with DUI depression.
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