We’ll be talking on the tips to prove to your parents that you are matured enough to be independent. Maturity is one thing African parents never really see in their children, no matter what age he or she has attained. Independence is another illusion they pay no attention to and refuse to give credit to. You just have to open their eyes to it many times. But how do you get them to see it? I mean, even at 24 they still want to know the kind of girl you are dating, the amount of income you make, where you go, what you do with your time and money, who you hang out with and where. All this grumpy info and many more.
If they just want to know and keep in touch with what is going on in your life, it would have been cool.
But many times than not, they probe you with nagging questions that only shows they still want to influence your decisions and choices…
… that they don’t trust you are matured enough to be independent.
… that they still want to have a level of influence over you.
Truth is, if you decide to ignore all the signs and expect they’ll get tired and finally jump off your back one day, you’ll be waiting forever.
Reasons why most parents fail to believe their children are matured enough to be independent.
They never want to see it or act as they see it. Before you start developing grudges towards your parents, let me gladly inform you that it is their love for you that makes them forever interested in you.
They don’t want you to make any mistakes in life and experienced by age, they seem like the most certified persons to give you counsel on matters.
However, they do it in excess unknowingly. They want to exercise full control just like when you were still a kid with them and they had to change your diaper every night.
It is a problem 60% of African parents have; they want to be involved in all of your major and minor decisions, surprisingly even as a married person.
Another reason they keep bouncing into your life is fear. They want to remodel your life after a particular pattern they love or against a particular individual who they despise, Fear of you failing or not getting it right. I remember my mum will always reminisce to me stories of people she knew that failed to try a particular task out or getting involved with a particular group of people. She would also share an account of those she want me to remodel and use it as a yardstick to guide me.
She doesn’t believe my intuition is enough to guide me. Hence, even when I am away from home, she’ll still find someone in my new location to keep an eye on me or entrust me to, like some kind of investment or gift parcel.
Coming to school, she had planned the church I would attend, who would guide me through my registration process, where I will spend my weekend… Ha! Who is feeling my pain?
In fact, she totally handed me out. I used to feel sad about this and tried to rebel until I discovered it was with a heart of passion and love that she wanted me to watch over me. So, before you choose to flunk out in rebellion as I did, hang in there let me throw you the ropes you need to walk out of that dark room.
Five tips to prove to your parents you are matured enough to be independent
The wrong actions will only get you back to that square again, it will only make them more worried over you and want to gain all possible control over you. It could also get them to give up on you and avoid you totally which appears to be a solution but is worse than the problem. Those are two extreme ends you won’t want to be hanging on, trust me.
Here we are going to review just five basic steps I’m sure this will secure you, independence before your parents.
Disclaimer; this can only work if you are matured indeed as you can’t make up maturity, you will surely be found out. They will see through your packagings and come for you with double force for trying to deceive them. So, if these tips don’t work for you, you might just have to check your maturity scores.
Cheers to a journey of independence! (meanwhile, I hope you ain’t reading this in the living room or kitchen to save your head and mine if I’m found out) lol! Alright, let’s get into it already.
#Tip 1: Be of your best behavior; no matter how old you are, if you have basic character problems, your independence is far from you. For me this comes first for many reasons, remember our topic says tips to prove you are MATURED enough to be independent, not old enough. Your age isn’t enough factor to gain the green card to independence. Although that doesn’t rule out the factor of age. According to the law in Nigeria today, at 18 you are already considered an adult, although practically you are addressed as an adult at age 20. These factors affect your maturity level by 15%.
To prove your maturity to your parents, you have to carry the right attitude at all times, use the right words, right senses, right everything! you must just be right! Well, this is another hard task especially if you have difficult parents, you can never just get it right. But you can try, keep to instructions. It would appear like you are playing their cards but we know the truth.
#Tip 2: maintain a close conversational relationship with your parents.
Don’t stay away! It can make you appear suspicious especially if tip 1 is in place. They would place you under the microscope to observe what you are up to.
This is the time to draw closer and nearer to them yourself. Get to know what they are about. Take interest in them. Be involved actively in their lives. This will convince them that you care and grow their heart fonder towards you.
#Tip 3: show your abilities:
Now is the time to show them that common sense you have been gathering. Let them see the gold in you that they never knew. Let them feel your shoulders. Help them with difficulties and stand by them. Use your abilities to aid them to solve basic problems.
#Tip 4: make money and support them: this is a key factor.
If you don’t have a job, get one and try to support your parents with the little stipends you make. Give them money to fuel the generator, refill the gas, fuel their car. Support yourself and them financially.
When you make
Tip 5: Attempt and make plans towards moving out.
One statement I used to detest then was, “as long as you are under this roof…” because my mum will always point her authority over you whenever you attempt independence, by rebellion. We know that there is no way to fully be independent if you’re in your parent’s house and there’s no way to claim maturity when they are still sheltering you. Good!
Let’s draw a balance sheet here. Propose to them what it’ll look like for you to be on your own. They might be hurt, but it is also a great sign that you are no longer a kid. Discuss your plan with your father first, men are always quick to understand issues like this. Emotions can block your mother’s understanding. No offense, I’m also a woman.
With every other thing in place, you’re at the doorstep of Independence. Don’t flunk out, be patient, and enjoy the process.
See you on the other side.
ALSO, READ 7 TIPS ON HOW TO BREAK UP A RELATIONSHIP
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