Theo!

The first time Theo left.

it felt like a dream

I knew I would never be able to stay without him.

how could I?

how could anyone?

how can anyone stay without the person who completes them.

But I knew he would come back.

he did.

and I opened my arms to him

like a fool I was.

a happy one.

The second time he left

I still felt he’d come back

he was my world

it wouldn’t be intact if he wasn’t here.

it took a while but he came back.

Theo left me again.

this time I knew it deep down that he wouldn’t come back.

I knew.

but I wouldn’t let go.

I knew even if he came back he wouldn’t really be mine.

cause anyone who owns a favorite toy, would know when it’s been mishandled by another.

I opened my arms to him

but not my heart…

he had to leave

I was done being the

“Fall back plan.”

******

Irony:

I am happy

really happy

the lady looks at me.

she’s my therapist.

I smile, a really big beautiful smile

that’s how it feels in my head

but she doesn’t smile back.

I am happy

my heart’s still good

I don’t need these speeches.

I don’t have nightmares

I am good. perfectly fine. to be honest.

she keeps staring at me really intently.

I think I see a slight smile.

“I’m not going to hurt myself”

I say at last.

I stare back at her

hoping she would see that I’m really honest.

But deep down of course

it’s all an irony.

*******

Cold:

Been cold

been really cold lately.

but I hear someone say the weather is really hot.

I wonder if it’s just me

who feels this coldness.

The same feeling I got

the day you decided

you wanted out.

but that wasn’t the words you whispered under your breath.

“I am tired. tired of you”

these were the words

then you walked out my dorm room without looking back.

And all I could feel was. Nothing.

nothing at all.

********

Love and sadness:

I’ve known love and sadness

known grief and hate.

in the years past

I’ve come to realize that I’m still learning to accept losses and pain.

Because I’m only human. I feel emotions

it’s important to feel these things

it’s perfectly normal.

after all, is felt and done

you eventually learn to leave with it all…

the love. the sadness. the pain.

cause we all know there’s no love without pain.

ALSO, READ BEST ROMANTIC LOVE LETTERS FOR YOUR PARTNER

Something about you:

There was something about you

I remember it all like yesterday.

something about you so carefree

the way you laughed easily

the way you’d smile

of course, you were the real deal.

“all for you,” you told me.

I smiled

I believed you.

but look at me now

searching for a place to hold

searching for a hand that fits mine.

why did you make me believe

if you were going to leave anyway?

********

past tense:

I have been

I was here

I used to be there.

there was a time

a time I used to wait

a time I used to think if it wasn’t her

there would be no one else.

I used to need her once. back then

what I failed to realize was I myself was someone

people needed too!

************

Just Because!

never have I ever.

it was the first game I played while sitting very close to you.

I could smell you

the Cologne. it smelled of everything promising.

I went to bed that night with a smile on my face

and the smell lingering in my nostrils.

I gave you my number

I didn’t hesitate.

me, who always believed there was nothing like love at first sight. i am in Love.

I knew I would need you over and over cause

no matter how many times we’ve fought

we always ended up together, tighter. needing each other More.

and even if you decide to leave now.

I wouldn’t let you

I would go through it all with you.

**********

Never knew

didn’t.

doesn’t

couldn’t.

didn’t know why she needed you.

doesn’t want to acknowledge it

but for a fact she knew,

couldn’t you even tell?

that light in her eyes when she saw you,

couldn’t you see

couldn’t you tell

that it was your voice she needed to hear before

her day ended

couldn’t you tell that it was you she needed?

*********

Used to

it was the middle of the night

there was something about the weather.

something about the way you laid

down next to me.

it used to feel right.

stormy nights

windy nights

cold nights

hot nights

you were always here with me

your body. Soul. Everything.

but tonight

this night.

your hands wouldn’t curl themselves around me.

even in your sleep, you are no longer here with me.

**********

To need

what was it about her

that he couldn’t place

he couldn’t get a hold-off.

that he couldn’t forgo

she had come tumbling down into his arms

one look at those shiny eyes

he was undone.

never had he ever thought that

a woman would strip him bare

when she left his bed mid-summer.

he knew then that to need someone

to love someone would take a lot of waiting. Hoping.

ALSO, READ Poem Title: TOGETHERNESS

OPPORTUNITY
Clouded by thoughts
Ideas flowing in and out
Some riddles you can’t solve

Chased by illusion
Concentrating on what’s not real
Trying to evade your past which haunts you more

Its a projector
Helping you to view the needful
To support the rise of your tommrow

Being a pessimist
Trying to put the blame on others
Not finding your own faults
You get swayed by dark emotion

Being altered
It moves away
You never realized that something glorious will come by

Cause you rejected it yourself
Its a mystery, that’s why we learn and adapt
But you pushed it away

Your future and opportunity
You tampered with it
Cause you refused to see the hidden truth

In sheer bitterness and regret
You cry and wail
But it will never come back

ALSO, Poem Titled: FRIENDSHIP

#KASPER STARK JULIAN (KSJ)