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Words words words!
You don’t always need so many words to
Tell a person how much you care about them.
Sometimes words ain’t even the right words to say.
Actions speak louder than words they say
But most people prefer words,
They do not understand
They want you to tell them,
You love them
That you care.
That you know they are special
That you know they are wonderful
That you can see stars in their eyes
That when you are with them the world goes away.
That when you touch them there’s no better feeling…
That when they smile you can’t take your eyes away.
I am not much of a romantic…But I love the idea of Romance.
Not the get me flowers kind of girl but I adore them
I love chocolates and romantic novels
I love horror movies
I feel light-headed at the sound of good music
Sometimes I think I can taste them.
I want to make someone happy
I want to make people happy
I may not KNOW how or when I fall in love
But I no, I’ve fallen in love once
And I no that I’m still scared to fall too deeply in love
Because i do not want to get heartbroken
I know I’ve been broken once
And I also know
I’ve broken more hearts than I can count…
I know I don’t usually give up on something
But sometimes it’s hard
Though I claim to be strong.
I feel most times that I have nothing to offer
I feel alone
Sometimes I love my company
No! I always do
When I want no one around me that’s when I get a lot of friends
And when I need someone I get none.
I make friends with people who I don’t give a fuck about at first
Or rather they do with me.
I find myself asking most times “why do I bother? ”
I am a girl,
a lady…with an impatient side
I fall hard and fast but I manage not to shatter when I reach the ground.
I shoot my shots when I want to,
Some wait for a man to come sweep them up
But I don’t think I’m patient enough!
Hoping again and again:
I know it’s hard
I know there wouldn’t be words to explain everything to you.
I know you wouldn’t even believe everything you hear,
Cause they keep saying the same thing.
They say it would be better,
That all will be well.
But you wake up every morning to the same news,
The same stories
The bomb blast in Abuja
The war in Syria
The killings in India
The explosion somewhere in America
You ask yourself when would all this end?
You are hoping.
You wake up one morning to hear
About the virus Covid19…
Which has found it’s way into the world
You see the news of people dieing
You hear tales of people getting the virus and dieing mysteriously.
You live in fear
But you still hoping
Cause that’s the only way anyone
You hear one morning that
Your friend is dead,
They found his body after two days in an abandoned building.
You break down,
You question God.
You blame the Government
But you have this hope that all
Will be well.
Cause that’s the only way to stay sane.
You wake up one morning to discover
That your sister
Who has always been indoors
Has caught the virus.
You are in shock
How? You ask
No one has an answer,
The health workers say it’s airborne,
The government come to take her away.
You stand there helplessly
With tears In your eyes.
She’s crying too
But you can’t console her
Cause they say
Nobody should touch her.
Now she’s a plague?
You wonder how she’s feeling
Your parents say it’s for the best
Those things would get better.
You are tired of hearing this
But still,, you hope
Cause that’s what keeps you sane.
Your friend’s depressed
You know he isn’t fine,
You can hear it
In his voice over the phone.
You can’t go to him
Cause of the virus.
He never cries.
he tells you he can’t do it anymore.
You hear the tears in his voice
You try to console him
But he says it’s ok,
That you shouldn’t worry anymore.
He hangs up
You can’t reach him anymore.
You get the news
He slit his wrist
He did it right,
they couldn’t save him.
They couldn’t stitch it.
Do you wonder if this is how it’s going to be forever?
If this is the new way of living?
You want to blame him,
But you can’t
Cause you can’t judge anyone
Maybe if you were weak-willed
You could have done what he did.
You knew one thing though
That hope was keeping you.
They said hope made a man go mad, they were right.
But what can you do?
Your cousin comes to visit
Your parents didn’t inform you he was coming,
You’ve never liked him.
Without a reason
You’ve hated him
But you have to tolerate him in your house
Because of your parents.
You are home alone with him
You wish you had somewhere else to be
He comes to sit beside you,
You don’t like that he’s so close
But you can’t leave,
Cause your favorite show is on.
I’m bored, he says
You ignore him
Come on let’s play truth or dare
You ignore him.
Please get me a glass of milk, he says finally.
You stand to go get it.
He slaps your ass
You turn around with a severe glare.
That if lasers could shoot out of the eyes
He’d be ashes by now.
Don’t you ever do that again in your life?
You warn, but he scoffs.
You come back with a glass of milk.
Set it down in front of him
And seat far away from him.
Moments later, he comes to you
You feel his breath on your neck
But he grabs you
Before you could react
He has you under him.
You fight him
But he is stronger
He takes you from behind.
You can’t cry nor shout
Cause he’s stronger still.
You wish with everything in you that he dies a painful death.
You are slipping out of consciousness.
But you hope still, that he stops.
You see your reflection in the mirror
Cause that’s how it feels.
You can’t cry,
Cause you were taught
That crying is for the weak.
You blame yourself.
You blame the government
You curse the virus, covid19, you say,
It will never be well with you.
You utter it over and over again
Like a mad man.
You question God.
You hate your cousin
You disown him in your heart.
You see a blade.
But you are too scared to cut yourself
Two days later,
Your cousin dies
Your parents found him in the pool of his own blood.
In the guest room.
Now you know
Ghosts would hunt the house forever
And maybe you
But you don’t care.
At the burial, that you never wanted to attend.
You see everyone crying
People are reading eulogies
Dedicated to him
They all say, he was a good boy.
A loving soul?
That’s what they call him
That instant you hate them all
Because they are all just ignorant.
People come to offer condolences.
I heard you two were so close
Sorry, they say.
“Son, I’m sorry for everything that’s happening,”
your father tells you.
Later that night,
your mother says
“I hope he finds peace.”
You don’t say anything
You can’t say anything,
you know he would never find peace.
You can’t say,
That you found his body first.
That you were the one who watched him slit his wrist.
He felt depressed
And weighed down by what he had done,
You offered him a way out
You stood there
Watching him cut himself
It felt good
You liked it.
You willed him to go deeper
When he was delirious from the pain,
You helped him slit his other wrist
And it was so neat.
You can’t tell them all this.
Cause what’s the use?
They say your sister would be back
You hope affliction wouldn’t rise a second time.
You hope it doesn’t take long.
You hope you find your healing soon.
You hope you never become
So weak-willed to slit your own wrist.
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