The Hidden Truth About Marriage

Last Updated on April 3, 2024 by Joshua Isibor

Nowadays, marriage seems to be viewed as the most challenging thing one can embark on. And it is all because we have tried to avoid the hidden truths about marriage. In my recent work on this, I conducted some research and found out that, out of 100 percent of people on this planet, 75 percent, especially young people, don’t know what they are likely to face in marriage.

Some people view marriage as the same as dating, with little differentiation in “that it is a lifetime journey.”

This is where the problem lies; some don’t even care to find out. We have been watching the ways our parents handle their marriages, and to us, this is the same thing we are going to face without even looking into them to see why they happen and what to do if they occur.

On the other hand, it seems like nobody wants to hear the hard Truths about what they are entering because we are all blinded by these perfect marriages and perfect lives that fly every day in our minds. And the worst part of it is the ‘social media marriage.’

The beautiful pictures, the love shared between couples, the expensive vacations at exotic places, the gifts, the lovely kids, and various displays of public affection paint a perfect family life which can make you dream of rushing into marriage with the next person without even thinking the norms and pros of marriage.

But come to think of it, have you ever asked yourself why some marriages don’t last? Why do those beautiful moments vanish in the twinkle of an eye? Why are there so many divorces and broken marriages? Why are singles rushing in and couples rushing out?

There are unavoidable questions you need to ask before you say, ‘Yes, I do.’

• First, what are your biggest fears in this relationship?
• What are the hidden truths about this commitment?
• What does God say about this union?
• Do you have the right mindset?
• Are you ready for the ups and downs, the beautiful and worst moments, the compromises, and much more?
• When they hit hard on you, what are you going to do?
• What if we disagree on the same thing? What should you do?
• How are you viewing this marriage?
• How compatible are you with your partner?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses? And a lot more?

My pastor always says, “Don’t go into what you don’t know; seek counsel and embrace the truth.”

There is a difference between knowing the truth of what you are about to do and accepting it.

For instance, you know that in marriage, you will compromise and adjust specific things about yourself, but when it happens, you see yourself refusing to do so. That means you know it is likely to happen but are not ready to make amends.

In this case, dealing with whatever comes with it will be difficult. This can cause a lot of problems in your marriage. But the truth is, no matter how hard you try to avoid them, they always stare at you.

Here, I will be telling you the hidden secrets of marriage.

THE HIDDEN SECRETS IN MARRIAGE

1. Marriage doesn’t guarantee unconditional love.

What do I mean by that? We want to be loved without conditions, limitations, reservations, or qualifications, as Christ loves us.

Unfortunately, it hurts us when we are not getting the same love from our spouse or being taken for granted. It would be best if you were prepared for your spouse to wake up one day and start hating you or acting strangely without you doing anything to them.

And when this happens, what are you going to do? In this case, initiating a heart-to-heart talk should best determine what you are not getting right. Try to initiate conversation rather than acting as if you are not bothered.

Just know that you can’t get 100 percent love as you want from your spouse. You can work on them but don’t expect much. Marriage should be based on love and support, especially in times of difficulty, and not leave when the journey gets tougher. This journey requires patience and full support from both of you.

2. Marriage is not an escape route.

Some married couples have been trapped in this situation because of their wrong views about marriage.

It is not where you rush in to test because others have tested or because you want to belong on the moving train. Peer pressure, parents, society, financial burdens, family responsibilities, and loneliness shouldn’t determine when and how you get married.

You must make up your mind first and know it is not stable ground to stand on forever. Earthquakes will happen, but we determine how they will happen and what they will break.

Yes! I know you want to get married because others are having their weddings every Saturday, or you can’t wait to grab a wealthy spouse to shove all your family problems onto. But that should not be the main thing because sometimes, we don’t get the complete package that comes with it(I mean, your expectations might not be met). It might not look exactly how you planned it, and it becomes more challenging.

Don’t let all these flashing expectations be the reasons you are sacrificing all your happiness to get. It doesn’t stop there; it moves faster than you won’t be able to catch up to. Know what you are entering, and be fully prepared to face it.

3. Being In Love Is Not Enough

Dr. Chapman said, “Being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage.”

There is more to just being in love. Have you noticed that whenever you ask someone why they are getting married, they will first say, “Because we love each other”? And maybe, after two to three years, you will notice many changes.

This happens because the average life span of a lover is two years, as research shows. But some might take longer, while some might be shorter.

That is why many married couples are divorcing—not because they don’t love each other anymore, but because they neglected those things that fuel love. They stopped at the first stage of love: the euphoric feeling that comes with the chill bumps, that sense of acceptance, the excitement of being together, the bubbling emotions, then I can’t live without you, and the love obsession.

Some feel like they were tricked into marrying their partners. No! Nobody cheated you into it, and you weren’t blinded by love. You neglected the main thing, which is work. Love requires work that keeps the emotions alive.

Emotions change, and love sometimes fades, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love the person. It just means the way you feel at first has changed. And you need to work on it and fill those potholes causing all the havoc in your marriage.

4. It Is Beyond Physical Appearance.

I know you want to get married to Prince Charming or Princess Cinderella, but these are not the main things we need in our relationship.

Yes, I didn’t say you should go for what you don’t like, but haven’t you noticed that sometimes, what we want is entirely different from what we get? You might love a tall, dark partner with this perfect body, and naturally, you start loving the opposite of that other person. The short, fair-skinned person may have everything you need but doesn’t give you the outer appearance you want.

Don’t let that be the reason you are tying the knots. You can’t afford to trade your happiness for what you will regret or run from.

Sometimes, couples get married because they think they can have beautiful kids or a happy home, but their expectations are not met in the long run, and they become weary.

There is more to attraction than what life can give. What will happen when those attractions fade or your perception of attractiveness changes? What will you do?

They are beautiful ones out there, better than your partner. Will you go for them, huh?

It won’t be easy to deal with, but love, faith, and work, especially work, cause sometimes love fades as we think so, but it depends on your definition of love. Love is beyond this worldly love that can be created at any time. Let God’s love be the drive in your marriage.

5. Marriage requires work/commitment.

If you want a good and lasting marriage, you must put in a lot of effort to make it work for both of you. It is not a one-person thing; it requires two people to keep it moving.

If Adam could have done it well, God wouldn’t have bothered to create Eve as his helper. God knows he wasn’t completed, and He gave Eve as a helper to lessen the work. But now, some people tend to pressure others, all in the name of being the head of the house. They turn the other one into what they want and forget it should be a fair and accessible relationship.

ALSO, READ 41 Keys to a successful marriage

6. There is ‘no’ Normal marriage.

The earlier you know this, the better. Marriage has seasons. There is no regular marriage; you only make it to what you want.

Don’t compare your marriage with others. Every relationship has different experiences, feelings, personality, or traits.

Essentially, looking at one’s marriage and saying whether it is average is impossible. You can’t let your marriage be based on the typical attributes we have given it. Like the standard arguments, the expected loss of romantic Sparks, the wish of being this or that.

These ‘normalcy’ symptoms can ruin your marriage. They make you keep doing things the way you think they should be. You are responsible for managing your home and family, and you can have the perfect marriage you want( at least 60% of it).

7. It is full of compromises.

Compromise is the long bridge you need to cross in your marriage.

“It is the settlement of difference by arbitration or consent reached by mutual concession.” It should be based on mutual agreement, not what one is losing.

It is not about giving up your individuality but adjusting it to fit in with your partner’s perspective. It should be where both of you are happy with the outcome, not where the other person is losing while the other is gaining.

“it is a sign that your relationship is more important to you than your ego. “Anon.

Sometimes, it is not easy to compromise, but know that this is the part that helps to build a stronger relationship.

What you are not ready to do, don’t try to force the other person into it.

You lead by example, and your partner follows. Trying to change someone because you don’t like this or that is wrong in a relationship, and it can bring a halt to your marriage.

However, know when you are the one sacrificing or surrendering. Compromise is not a sacrifice for the benefit of others but for both.

8. It is not about you anymore; you are now two.

You do things together and look for a way to settle fights because the longer it goes on, the longer your partner learns to adjust to it, and one day, she will wake up challenging your words and authority.

9. Communication is the critical point.

Learn to talk; when you are angry, tell her. If she is wrong, tell her, and if she complains about yours, listen. It is better to say it out than to let it be in your heart and wait for the right time to unleash it.

It might not come out right and could destroy the peace you have built over the years. When your partner offends you, try as much as possible to let them know or call their attention to what they have done, but in a calm way. Don’t flare up! Just apply wisdom and settle it amicably.

10. You can’t focus on every friendship.

This is true. You can’t keep everyone as friends anymore; you have your family to deal with. There are some friends you need to let go of your life for the sake of your marriage. Not every Friend counts, and you must be careful about who you talk about your relationship with or bring into your home. Some are there to destroy.

11. Hating your partner might set in

Sometimes, this is about to happen. You might feel irritated seeing your partner; sometimes, we don’t know when it will happen. A little mistake your partner makes you angry, and you may shout at them. It is better to note these things when they occur or notice them. It will prepare you ahead of time to handle them in your marriage.

12. Attraction outside your home.

The more you know this, the more you know peace. Listen, there are prettier people in this world, and they will always be because good things don’t exist to come.

Attraction outside marriage will occur, but it would be better if you stuck to your partner and didn’t look for another man or woman because you no longer find your partner attractive. No matter how you try to justify the situation, it will never end there, leading to family issues, which you won’t like to have.

13. Comparison in marriage

If you want a good relationship with your partner, please don’t compare them with anyone. Comparing them slowly kills them; one day, your partner might wake up and end it with you.

Some marriages have been broken because of comparison. You can’t keep reminding your partner or comparing them to others because you feel they are not catching up with what you expected.

Being supportive at this time is what your partner needs, not all this sermon of having this or that which doesn’t matter. If it doesn’t, it should come at the right time, or work towards it together.

14. Wrong expectation.

They entered marriage because of what they would gain. When that didn’t happen, they blamed their partners for their failures.

Marriage is not a solution based on where miracles occur. You decide your miracles and how to get them.

Marriage doesn’t guarantee success, wealth, or everything you want. It should be built with love, patience, and many other qualities. Don’t come with a mindset of solving all your problems; you will be disappointed.

15. Spiritual compatibility.

Marriage is spiritual. It is ordained by God for two souls to be together as one. God doesn’t joke with the vows we make on the altar. You are dealing with a spiritual entity with different spiritual characters, thoughts, etc.

That is why it is good to know your partner’s family background before you marry them. Some families have ancestral callings or deities that disturb them.

Ask questions, pray over your partner, and ask God to reveal much to you. You can’t let love be the utmost now or drive you into what you will regret later. Marriage is powerful and not a child’s play.

Conclusion

Marriage is effortless; the pictures we paint are different from the prominent painter’s mind.

We are coming as two people with different characters, perceptions, lifestyles, backgrounds, etc. And we are trying to adjust, compromise, and adapt to each other to make it work out.

If you are not ready to adjust or make this work, you won’t get the best things you want in a marriage. No marriage is perfect, but we can still reach the point we have always dreamed of. The hidden truths should not be ignored but welcomed as one of the best things we can embrace.

Our partners should be our friends, and our family and relationship would be better than all these bad vibes we are getting now.

I wish you well in your marriage.

 ALSO, READ Relationship and Marriage  Quotes by Reno Omokri