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Effective Parenting Rules for Mothers with sons

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mothers and sons

 

The effective parenting rules for mothers with sons, unlike every other parenting rules, there are very crucial knowledge and skills every mother with sons must have in order to instill the same to their sons.

Living in a society where the male gender is considered superior to the female gender, hence being favored more than the females, to change the narrative, you must first unlearn to relearn and reset the mindset from what was being circulated.

The rate of violence on women and children are two major effects of this mindset of male superiority.
Moreover, the female gender are not considered fit for some particular work or functions.
The generation past has made this mistake but this has to be changed in this 21st century and it starts with you, mothers with sons.

10 Effective Parenting Rules For Mothers With Sons

Rule number 1

Teach your sons to be accountable.
Accountability is one of the values you must teach your sons. Don’t be loose with your sons in the sense that, you allow them to do things as they wish without accounting for it, just because they’re boys.
Teach them the same moral values you teach your girls. When they misbehave, the same measure of discipline you use for the girls should also be used for the boys. This will make them know that moral values are for both gender, none is expected to be better behaved.

Rule number 2
Get your sons involved in house chores.

chilld doing the chores

pic of a son doing house chores

Growing up, I witnessed a lot of parents who tell their girls that house chores are for girls not boys, so, they shouldn’t expect their brothers to be involved in chores.
Truth is, this pattern is still on and you must change it if you really want to raise a wholesome boy.
Involving your sons in chores doesn’t make them inferior nor does it make them superior. House chores are one of the ways to teach your child responsibility. You can’t raise a responsible son, if you do not teach him responsibility.

“If you’re raising a son, you’re training someone’s husband” – Matthew L Jacobson

A son that’s raised with the mindset that chores are for girls would never be able to help his wife when the need be, and this could cause a lot of damage in his marriage/family relationship.

Chores teach children coordination. Your son needs to know to be coordinated because he would need that skill in his workplace tomorrow.

Rule number 3

Don’t make your girl take responsibility for your son’s misbehavior.
Many parents would scold their girl for not putting the house in order, the same house that was scattered by their sons. Instead of scolding the son, the girl takes the blame. Do not raise your son to think that he’s free to misbehave. Let him be responsible for his actions. If he scatters the house, he should arrange it.

Rule number 4
Allow your son to express himself. By this I mean, he should express his emotions the way he is comfortable with. If he wants to cry, let him cry.

Being a parent coach and mother to three active sons, I can boldly tell you that your son gets better when he expressed his emotions in his most comfortable way.
Don’t teach your son to buckle his emotions. Avoid the same statement frequently and ignorantly used by some parents “stop crying, boys don’t cry or you’re a man, you should behave like one, stop behaving like a woman”
It’s really sad to say that the increased rate of domestic violence is as a result of adults who were not taught the right way to express their emotions, so they resort to hitting.
Your sons also have emotions, just like your girls. Allow them to express it, only coach them to manage it properly not to buckle it up.
This also affects their mental health which could result in suicidal thoughts.

Rule number 5

Teach your sons how to cook and wash their clothes.
Cooking and washing is a survival skill every child should have whether a boy or a girl.
It’s also a medium to change the mindset of “a woman’s life ends in the kitchen”.
Your son could find himself in a different environment with a different set of people, his ability to take care of himself would be a great help for him.
Some young men today, go into relationships not because they are ready but because they do not have the basic life skills, so, they need a lady that would take care of those aspects for them.

An instance is, when a man is seen washing his clothes, you will hear statements like “go and marry” in other words, they shouldn’t wash their clothes or cook because of their gender.

Don’t raise your son in this manner!

Rule number 6

Be part of your son’s life.

Your sons also have emotional needs, they also need affection, they also need someone to talk to, someone to pour out their hearts to. Your sons also battle with a lot of things within.

You can’t know this if you’re not involved.

The suicidal rate in teens is on the higher rate now and one would wonder why. This is because they were not able to handle the situation and the last solution they could think of is death. But when you are involved, they would open up to you and your advice would bring a major difference.

Do you know that the same way girls suffer body shaming and bullying are the same way boys suffer it too?

Do you also know that sexual abuse is not only for girls, boys also get sexually abused?

Until you get involved, you will be a stranger to your son’s life and it definitely does not end well most of the time.

I have been privileged to teach and mentor some teenagers. Most of the reports I’ve got all center on parents not being involved in their lives. There’s always a vacuum that needs to be filled up. In an attempt to fill this vacuum, so many have been lead astray.

Rule number 7

Intentionally teach your sons that girls also have their own life to live.
Your sons should know that marrying a woman isn’t just for the sake of giving birth. Teach them to know that the phrase “Companionship” doesn’t end at satisfying their sexual needs. It entails helping in all-round wellness, financially and otherwise. They shouldn’t end their wives’ duty in the kitchen. Let them be allowed to express their talents and gifts to the world.
Let this knowledge sink deep into your sons.

Rule number 8

Teach your sons that respect and trust are earned not forced.

One who needs respect must be willing to give out respect. You don’t demand respect, you earn it.
Let your sons respect people if they also need to be respected.
Let them know that respect isn’t about greeting or accepting anything that’s said to them because the person involved is elderly.
Rather, respect is knowing who they are and what they want. They must have respect for their body, respect for others’ opinions, respect for people’s belief,s and generally, respect for humanity.
This would help them to know what to say in every situation and when to say it too.

Respect for their bodies and that of others as well as respect for people’s choices would stop the act of rape.

This quote by Shannon L. Alder further explains it; “To be a mother of a son is one of the most important thing you can do to change the world. Teach them to respect women, raise them to stand up for others, raise them to be kind.”

Rule number 9

Teach your sons that their fists are meant to protect their woman not to bruise them.

Your sons must be raised with this mindset of you wouldn’t want to be solving violence issues in the future.

This is where the need to talk about the weaker vessels being attributed to the female gender needs to be brought up.

The four most important people they should protect are their mothers, sisters, wives, and every female gender being maltreated by the male gender.

Rule number 10

Consistently and intentionally abide by the rules stated above if you desire to raise a wholesome son and to change the narrative of gender-based violence/maltreatment.

ALSO, READ RAISING A FINANCIALLY INTELLIGENT CHILD

Princess Ozioma Chukwuemeka is a certified parent and teen coach. The founder of the Effective Parent Community, a platform where parents and intending parents get the right knowledge and equipped with the right skills for parenting the 21st century children. She's also the convener of the movement THE PURPOSEFUL TEEN, a movement birthed out of passion to help preteens and teens discover their life and live purposefully . She has taught over a thousand parents both online and offline on effective parenting approach. She has taught a large number of youths and teenagers on sex and relationships. She's also the founder of Women of Grace Int'l, a women only platform with over 8,000 members, which is aimed at empowering women in order to become the best version of themselves and adding value to their homes and the society at large. She is the author of Sex Education Made Easy, Effective Parenting 101 and some children novels used in primary schools. She has been featured in magazine and her works published in blogs. Princess Ozioma Chukwuemeka is married and blessed with kids.

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    June 21, 2021 at 6:35 am

    I find this very educating. Am going to register.

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Parenting tips

How to Deal with a Drop in Your Teen’s Grades

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picture of teens reading

Dealing with a drop in your Teen’s grade is usually one of the challenges faced by parents. When there is a poor grade, complaining and worrying are bound to occur at a certain point as a parent. Poor performance in school is usually caused by several factors; some may be caused by the parents. A drop in grade is usually a predicament faced by many teens during high school.

Notwithstanding, it is very paramount to decipher these three things,
• The cause of the Low grades
• Why the low grades and
• How to tal
Here I’ll be sharing the steps to take when your college kid’s grades are slipping.

WAYS TO DEAL WITH A DROP IN YOUR TEEN’S GRADES

1.BE WATCHFUL
The first step to take is trying to visualize what might prompt the kid’s failure. Relocating to another apartment may make you change your teen’s school. A change in school might result in  drop in grades. This is usually because the new school may have more brilliant students than the old school. Other causes of a drop in grade might be inadequate sleep, busy social life, too many house chores, spending so much time in school activities, etc. All of these could result in laziness, a lack of motivation, or distraction.

If the drop in grade is so sudden then quick action must be taken. It’s very important to analyze your child’s grades from time to time to see if there is a spontaneous or a slow drop in grade.

2.TRY TO FIND OUT THE ACTUAL CAUSE

Several years ago, I was working as Home Tutor. While I was doing my work, I encountered John who used to be a great mathematician in Primary school. When he entered high school, I noticed he started failing mathematics woefully. The painful part is that the parents of the boy never had the time to have  one-on-one communication with him.
As a counselor, I spoke with him and he opened to me that all he wishes for, is to change school and I asked why? After much persuasion, I discovered that the hatred he had for his teacher in mathematic never allowed him to put his best in school.

Getting to know what’s actually wrong with the kid might be quite difficult because the child may seem perfect in everything that he does. He might be a person who doesn’t like asking questions in class.
It could take you a while to get the right answers. The best is to find a quiet time with the child and speak with him.

ALSO, READ The Dangers of Overscheduling Your Child

3.SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL

speak to the school

speak to the school when you notice a drop in your child’s grade.

A fluctuation in the kid’s grade should not make you be a regular visitor to the school authority. A fluctuation may occur because there were so many people in competition at that particular time. The child’s grade may drop from Grade A to B. if the grades are sustained over a long time, then you’ll need to visit the teacher rather gun blazing or apportioning blames…
One good thing about teachers is that they are able to provide valuable insight of  everything that is happening at school as regards the child. Talking to the teacher may provide a valuable solution.

4. GET A HOME TUTOR

get a home tutor

Getting a home tutor will help tackle poor grade in your child

Getting a home tutor is very important in a child’s academics. Many parents usually deploy this approach whether their child is performing very well or not, they see it as a necessity.
Get one if you feel you’re too busy, to give your kids academic attention, it would help a long way.

5.When there is an underlying issue

Other underlying issues may be bullying from other kids, emotional upset, depression, or anxiety. all of these are usually very difficult to communicate with parents and even teachers too.

A child that is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) may not perform very well in class. If after complaining to the school and you see no result, then visiting the doctor or a psychologist would be the best option.

6. MOTIVATE THEM DAILY

You might actually say, “is daily motivation really necessary? Yes, it is. Motivation is one of the Skeleton keys to Unlock good grades. it’s very annoying to see your child having this lackadaisical attitude towards their education, without any thought of the future. Motivating them is the best thing you can actually give in as parents, if you really care for your kids.
You can strategically give them these right tips on how to get back on their feet.

• Always give them the reasons to work hard.
A child’s good future is a better reward for parents. This is what they will always be thankful for. It is only left for you to make it or mar it. Make them see the reason to work hard to produce better results, not only in their academics but in other aspects of their lives.

• Make sure to tell them that hard work pays and it’s only the strong that will scale through.

• Always encourage them to do better in their study. If you can be there for them, do it diligently.
• Don’t ever be harsh on them. In this case, use good words and speak in a calm manner. Being harsh will only add more pain to your child, and they might see that all you care about is their performance and not their own happiness.

• Tell them to report to you whatever difficulties, they are facing in their school. This will give them room to open up to you and ask questions, they couldn’t ask their teachers. You need to be available for them too or create time for this.

• Encourage them to enter any educational competition or club. This will help them see other kids like them, doing what they are doing. It creates room for good achievements and good performance.

ALSO, READ How to Strengthen family bonds when you’re staying at home

• Create family learning time. This is not actually easy to do, but it helps in motivating kids. When they see you reading, they will love to read too. It brings the family together and makes kids feel free to ask anything they don’t understand.

• Give them a puzzle to solve. There are a lot of puzzles you can give your kids like kids Sudoku 9*9, kids word search puzzle, kid hangman game, mosaics, pictures crossword game, shape puzzle, dot-to-dot puzzle, and many more.
These are the easiest ways to help kids master a lot of things within and outside their field. And this helps to improve their grades in school.

7. REWARD

Reward here is promising them that “ if you come out the first position, or you get a good average point, I will do _______ for you”. Over 60% would do their best if they have been promised by the guardians. Always fulfill your promise and take them to somewhere that can add more value to them.
Besides, you don’t need to wait for them to come out well before rewarding them, you can do it occasionally just to say thank you for their support and obedience towards learning and life.

8. LEARN TO VALUE MISTAKES

Being angry that your child failed should not make you grow annoyed excessively. You should know that failure always a road to success. No man succeeds without experiencing any form of failure.
Don’t go overboard, shouting or smacking them for the drop in their grades rather find ways to make them accept responsibility to do well.

A WORD FROM RELATIONSHIPS SEEDS
A drop in grades is actually not something we should panic about, but something that needs our time to figure out what is actually the ‘cause’. Kids react to everything that happens within and outside their environment. That’s why they are kids.

Mental health professionals believe that when a child is emotionally down or meltdown, there must be something that triggers this reaction. Kids need time, care, love, attention, patience, and more for you to understand them.
You need to do your own part and so the teachers too. Always communicate with them and do the best for them.

ALSO, READ How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex

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Parenting tips

When do Babies Start to Walk?

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when do babies start walking


When do babies start to walk? is a frequently asked question by most new parents around the world. Most times when we come across a baby crawling and cruising we tend to wonder when he/she will take the first step?
A child’s first year is full of events but the most anticipated one might be walking. Hence the question, “When will my baby start to walk.?”

When Should Babies Start to Walk?

Research has shown that babies usually take their first step between the 9th and 16th month. Not all babies start walking in the 9th month. Your first child might have walked when he was 10-months and probably you’re scared that the second is in its 13th month, but still crawling. The truth here is that every child reaches its milestone at a different time. There are several factors that may make a baby walk early or not. Of all, for your baby to start walking he/she must have contracted enough muscles.

The stages of walking

An old adage says, “for you to stand you must sit, for you to walk you must stand, and for you to run you must start walking.” This shows that life itself is in different stages. For a baby to start walking, he must have gone through and mastered other developmental milestones. These include:

Sitting Up
For a baby to start walking, he must learn how to sit properly. Within the periods of the 6th month, your baby should start hacking the puzzle to sit upright, using the muscle in his trunk.
Around this time, the 6th month, you can start teaching your child how to sit. When trying to teach the baby how to sit, ensure you’re close enough to prevent falling.

Pulling to Stand
Pulling to stand varies among toddlers still; some may start this around the 10th month. The leg actually needs lots of energy for a pull to stand to occur because 70% of our body mass is fixed on the hip, so the legs need lots of energy to lift the torso.

Cruising
This is when the child starts playing around the house with any furniture he/she sees. The time varies too for kids.

Holding Hands
Holding your baby’s hands while walking would help to improve the coordination and balancing of the child. It also adds fun to the walking process. when your child starts holding your hand for him to walk, just know that he would start walking alone soon.

Walking Alone
This is the final stage of completing the puzzle on how to walk. Usually, it starts with trying to move one leg forward and balancing the other leg. Here, the child may be falling too while trying to walk, but it’s all part of the process.

Why Do Babies Walk at Different Times?

One thing you should know is that babies also have emotions too. Some babies usually have this I can do it attitude; to them, the act of walking is a risk they are taking, and have to overcome. You can even perceive it, ranging from the way they interact with you, even as small as they are.
They don’t care if they fall. That’s why you’ll see some children fall as many times as possible when trying to walk. The beautiful part is that they see walking as one of the several fun things they do.
Not all babies have this type of personality, some also have the mentality of wait and see, an unintentional delay caused by fear of trying. These types are usually very cautious. This factor may be the reason why your child is delaying to walk.
Aside from this, there are other things too, which can affect the time it takes for babies to start walking.

• Birth Order:
Research has shown that babies tend to walk faster when they have older siblings around. So they may want to imitate what he/she is doing. It may be very difficult for your first child to start walking at 12months, but if you have other children let’s say from age 3-7, you’ll see your child become smarter. That’s why you see most children become smarter when they have older ones around to play with. That’s why it’s very important (and highly advised) for your child, even in the 8th month, to start school.

• Stature:
The bigger the size, the more difficult for the baby walking. This is because the baby would need to expend more energy to stand upright compared to one with a small stature.
Even when you look at fat people, you’ll notice that they may experience difficulty in walking or running at old age.

• Recurrent Ear Infections: If a child emerges in the 16th month and he’s not walking, then an investigation must be done concerning his health. Perhaps if he has experienced any ear infection. “An ear infection can throw off a baby’s balance and delay walking,” says Dr. Jensen.

A word from Relationshipseeds
Lack of nutrients may also bring delay in the walking puzzle of a child. When a child lacks calcium, it causes an almost permanent impedance to walk-ability. If you notice that after 17 months, you see no visible changes, then you should seek professional help. Meet a pediatrician, a child doctor.

ALSO, READ Major differences between first and second pregnancies

Reference:

  1. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.johnsonsbaby.co.uk/amp/play-and-learning/when-do-babies-start-to-walk
  2. https://www.parents.com/baby/development/walking/when-do-babies-start-walking/
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Parenting tips

How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex

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signs your teenager is having sex




When puberty shows up, teenagers often make so many wrong choices. Teenage age is a very sensitive period where teens want to explore, try new things, and all that. We are living in a world of technology where you can easily get access to anything you want online. Whether it is boyfriend, phone sex, porn clips, illicit materials, and so on.
These days Teens are so smart that they can keep a secret from you without you having a clue. Here, we’ll be looking at the signs that show your child is sexually active.

SIGNS YOUR TEENAGER IS HAVING SEX

1. Ask Your Teenager

One may say why would I ask? When you keep on shying away from asking questions like that things may not end well. when you finally decide to ask her that question, choose your words carefully, if you do it a threatening way, you may not get the answers you are seeking, instead, they will tell you lies out of fear.
This approach is a 50:50 because Teens love being secretive, if you’ve never had a deep conversation or you’re not very close with your child you can never get a YES ANSWER.

2. Provocative Dressing

Like I said in the beginning, the teenage age is an exploring age. When you see that your child starts dressing provocatively, it could mean that they’ve already eaten the forbidden fruit. Apart from the girls dressing seductively, the guys may also dress exposing their chests or buying a pink lips balm.
The adolescence stage is when teens become conscious of their appearance and body image. When the girls start having s*x, it usually gives them a heightened sense of maturity, this would make them pay more attention to whatever they wear.

3. More Secretive
When you notice that your child becomes more secretive than ever, it could be a sign that they are started having sex already. You’ll notice they hide their phone whenever they are operating it, use passworded phones; they also use coded language while chatting.
Being secretive is always associated with suspicious movements, such as coming home late, become overprotective about their privacy, because they don’t want you to find out. Even when they want to go out they always find it difficult to tell you where they are going. They will never make a phone call in your presence except it’s a family member that’s calling.

4. Check for Signs of Sexual Activity
Seeing condoms or contraceptives is a sign of sexual activity. It could mean that they are planning to have it or might have done it already. When you notice it, you don’t need to start boil, all you need is a conversation with your child to know what’s up.
When you see these tools in your child’s possession, it means that they are well equipped with the knowledge on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies or prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). So you have to educate them more about unwanted pregnancy, STI, and how having sex can destroy their dreams and career.

5. Behavioral Change
When a child starts doing something evil, you’ll notice that they either become more extroverted or introverted depending on their type of personality. Sometimes, they may become more stubborn. For instance, imagine your child of 18 having an affair with someone who’s 40years of age. The child might start disrespecting you and your partner.
Also, the child may become happier than before. Always try to notice and find out the reason(s) for their new behavior.

6. Keeping Tabs On You
They become too conscious of you. If they want to know where you are going and how many hours you will be spending. Similarly, they will want to know the number of days you are going to spend.
Occasionally, when you come too early, they’d become angry or anxious because they need more time to carry out what they want.

7. Poor Grades In School

The reason why it is not good for teens to engage in sexual activities is that they are not mature enough to handle what relationship or sex is all about. Sex and relationship can take your whole emotions and can drain you mentally.
I remembered when I fell in love during my 11th grade in high school. I can boldly confess that whenever I’m reading my books, I always see the picture of the girl I’m falling for. It took me 6weeks to get over her. When I was in love with her I could barely focus very well on my academics. Also, I’m very sure that I would have failed woefully in high school if I had dated her.
When a teen starts dating at a very young age, it will be very difficult to balance emotions and priorities properly. There are lots of distractions when your child starts premarital sex.

8. Being Involved In Their Life Regularly

The key to being involved in their life is communication. As a parent, there should not be a communication gap. Make your kids open up to you. Some kids might be very difficult or have hardened hearts, but you have to try your best.
Always make them know that you are available for them if any issue arises. With this, if they are facing sort of sexual humiliation they will be able to tell you faster than when you are far away from them.

9. Know Their Friends And Partner
An African adage says “show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are”. If you do well as a parent to know the character of your child’s friend you’ll be able to know the capability of your child. For example, if the friends of your child are all womanizer or involve in illicit sex, it a sign that your child could be sexually active.
What other signs do you think can point out a sexually active child?

ALSO, READ Exploring the different sexual location






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