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4 Reasons why Nigerian Men are Afraid of Waist Beads

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waist beadss

 

There are several reasons why Nigerian men are afraid of waist beads, not just Nigerian men but also African men in general. Some reasons may be due to personal conviction or experience.

Let me share a story I was told by my friend…

She actually knows a Yoruba woman who sells female wears in Lagos, Nigeria. The next time she came visiting that same shop, she saw different types and colors of waist beads. She was like “Wow! You sell waist beads too?”.

“Yes, come and buy any one of your choices even if you don’t have the money you can pay later.” Was the seller’s reply.

So she replied: I don’t wear waist beads!! What is so special about waist beads anyway?

The woman replied: There are powers and charms in waist beads.

The reasons why most men are afraid of women who wear waist beads are listed below.

 

1. Some ladies wear them for spiritual/physical authority:  Most women who crave for dominance use waist beads that have been laced with charms. Many want to have spiritual authority and we know that the spiritual world controls the physical. With these waist beads, they would want to have control over their partners especially the opposite sex.

Whenever some men see a lady that wears it, they’ll regard the person as a witch

This example has been displayed in many Nollywood movies, and it has created more fears.

  1. Most Men tag ladies who wear them as a prostitute: Yes most prostitute wears them, When you go to a club you’ll only see a handful number of girls who are without waist beads.

Some men have agreed that they are easily turned on by women who wear waist beads. So some prostitute may want to use it to drag more customers when they go to a pub or hotel.

But there are some ladies (not prostitute) who are so crazy about fashion that still wears them.

  1. They feel it’s a love charm: Yes!!! According to the short story which I gave at the beginning of this article…

Most of it has been soaked in Juju with the aim of captivating any man that sleeps with them while wearing it. Ladies these days are desperate. So most men are being warned of it. Some might negatively use the love charm to suck all the guy’s resources, some might actually want to use it to attach themselves to a particular guy because of the high affinity of love she has for him…

In this case, what most men do is that they’ll tell their bae to remove the waist beads before having sex

  1. Religious Angle: Most religious bodies particularly the ‘CHRISTIANS’ do not encourage the use of waist beads. According to them, anyone wearing it would be regarded as an unbeliever.

Whenever a lady would want to try such, she would be seen as an agent of darkness, a prostitute, or someone irresponsible.

ALSO, READ 10 Reasons Why Women Wear Waist Beads

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lifehacks

 How To Make Someone Happy Today (12 Best Step To Take)

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How to make someone happy

To make someone happy is to make yourself happier; either a stranger or a loved one close to us. There are important people in our lives that we always want to keep happy. But oftentimes life gets too busy and we are unable to keep with its speed. We, therefore, unintentionally ignore the people around us.

This is most common among young couples still trying to make heads of their career. The pressure from making a living and career becomes really overwhelming that, they lose track of their environment.

According to Maya Angelou, “people will forget when you said, and what you did; but will never forget how you made them feel.” Making someone happy is such a noble course. It’s something everyone should do all the time.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are to give”. This means that since making others happy generally makes you happier; you should put effort into the quality of happiness you give to others.

To make someone happy, you also have to be happy; because in all sense, you can’t give what you do not have. You cannot be sad and depressed and yet want to make someone happy.

You have to possess a certain level of joy in you and that is increased when you make others happy. Aside from that, there is this feeling of fulfillment, that comes with knowing that you are the source of someone’s joy. And that feeling is a sort of joy generator itself. Also, you get what you give in the long run if not immediately.

Because humans are individually different, these tips may not all work on the person just sort out the ones that best suit the person you want to make happy.

Here Are 11 Tips To Making Someone Happy

1. Smile To Them Often

smile

A smile is a very effective tool for making someone happy. You do not need to be super attractive to give a wonderful smile.

Smiling to someone signifies warmth. It means you welcome them into your space.

Here, we are not talking about the sinister kind of smile; but the hearty and innocent type. Genuinely smile at the person and it will lighten up the person’s mood.

Whenever you see them, offer a smile to welcome them even before saying anything else. People’s mood, no matter how bad it is; will be lifted, a bit when met an amazing smile.

Make sure you are intentional about the type of smile, to whom you are smiling, and the circumstances surrounding that moment. This is because some people may misinterpret your smile. Also, lower your expectations; by not thinking that, everyone you smile at, will smile back at you.

According to the study carried out at the University of Wyoming, where about 100 undergraduate women looked at the photo of a woman in four different poses including

  1. Smiling in an open body position
  2. Smiling in a closed body position
  3. Not smiling in an open body position
  4. Not smiling in a closed body position

The results obtained from this study showed that; pose ‘a’ and ‘b’, were liked the most. This means, regardless of the pose she used; the pictures where she smiled, still had the highest likes.

Not only does smiling to someone elate their moods, it makes them like you more, and also leaves a positive picture of you in their minds.

Don’t limit smiling by the amount of time spent together with the person. Even if it’s just a couple of seconds, still smile at them.

ALSO, READ 25 ways to make someone feel better

2. Show A Sense Of Humor In Conversations

If you want to make someone happy, you should be able to make them laugh; or at least, smile. When the person has a bad day, he/she will want to communicate with you.

Because you help them relieve their stress by elating their mood and make happy. Due to your ability to chip in humor when having a conversation with them, they are happier with you around.

3. Be A Good Listener

If you want to make someone happy, learn to listen to them. Even if the topic is not interesting to you still listen. Don’t show disinterest in your attitude during the conversation.

It may not even be so important, but they just need to get it off their chest. Also, the person may not necessarily need your input or advice; your attention is the only help they need.

When they are able to talk about what is bothering them, they are less bothered. Therefore they become happier.

4. Always Be Positive

If you want to make someone happy, be the bringer of positivity in their situation. If the person is down or facing a roadblock; be the one to bring a ray of sunshine.

Always show up with happy, open, and good vibes. Good energy tends to spread to others; thus, the person becomes happier. Even you will be happier and in the end, it is a win-win.

5. Offer A Sincere Compliment

You don’t really have to know a person to give a sincere compliment. It could be a stranger off the streets, your next-door neighbor, or even your spouse.

Everyone loves compliments either from the person they know or know not. A simple ‘hello, you look rather splendid today’ can go a long way in brightening the person’s entire day.

Don’t be stingy with compliments because we all deserve a bit of it. If you see someone putting in effort into something, compliment them. Or if you notice someone has started showing a form of improvement, compliment them.

So offer a compliment today to make someone happy.

ALSO, READ WHAT TO DO IF YOU’RE UNHAPPY IN A RELATIONSHIP

6. Show Care If The Person Is Sick

show care if the person is sick

If you are not a doctor, so you can’t possibly treat them medically; but you can treat them emotionally. Show them that you care. Regardless of whom the person is if you want them to be happy; care for them.

If they are hospitalized, bring them flowers and a stuffed toy. Give them a get-well-soon card and that will make them feel better.

If you can, hold their hands and reassure them that they can do it. Tell them it’s just a phase and that they will pass through it, and come out stronger.

7. Say “I Love You” Even When The Person Is Mad At You

This works best for romantic couples, friends, and family. At that moment when your mum is so angry at you and she looks like she is about to puke fury, tell her you love her and see her reaction.

Tell your partner you love them, especially when you are angry with them. If your spouse offends you, tell her regardless of what she has done you still love her.

Sort out your issues and enjoy your relationship. Don’t allow fights, disagreements, and pressures to drift you apart from your loved ones. Reassure them that you love them despite what’s going on around you.

8. Do The Surprise Thingy

This is not just for your spouse, but for anyone you wish to elate his/her mood. If you want to make someone happy, surprise them with a gift.

If your boss in the office has been feeling down lately; check the calendar to see, if their birthday is coming up soon, and throw them a surprise birthday party. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; the thought behind it is what matters.

You can also Surprise your parents with a gift without any special occasion. It doesn’t have to be father’s day or mother’s day or their birthday. Just show them a sweet gesture and they will be very happy about it.

9. Don’t Hold Grudges Against The Person

Be quick to forgive; because, it’s the divine thing to do. If the person offends you, don’t hold grudges against the person, rather sort it out. Also if the person says you offended him/her, don’t take offense and start being defensive.

It’s true that the person may be wrong or even misunderstanding the whole thing. But, you have to be the bigger person, and let go by apologizing and making amends. Don’t judge based on your own feelings alone; rather, hear their own part of the story.

10. Get Down And Help When Someone Drops Something

This is such a sweet gesture. You will truly understand this if you are at the receiving end of it. It will make you smile. So imagine giving the same experience to someone else? It may be books, groceries, tools, and so on. Just lend a helping hand.

11. Warmly Embrace People

warmly embrace people

There is no telling of how much people are going throughout there. So, if you have the chance give someone a warm hug to make them feel comforted.

Hugs tend to relieve stress and meddle with the negative thoughts, which could be going through the person’s mind. So, if they don’t pull away immediately, hold the hug for a bit longer and pat them on the back while at it.

12. Encourage And Appreciate Them

We all want to be acknowledged, for what we do no matter insignificant it seems. And when we do get this appreciation, it just brightens our mood.

If you want to make someone happy, offer appreciation for what the person is doing and encourage them to do more. Let them know you see what they are doing and care about their growth. Tell the person you believe in him/her and you are sure they can do more.

Be caring and kind for no tangible reason to the person even if he/her is a stranger

  • When you visit a restaurant or bar and you are served, ask the waiter/server if he/she has eaten. This will earn you a grateful smile.
  • Randomly buy your neighbor or colleague a bouquet of flowers.
  • Ask your spouse, friends (close or not), and your domestic staff about their welfare. Ask how they are doing.
  • When you see an elderly struggling with a heavy load offer to help carry it.
  • Randomly gift people around you.

If we can genuinely offer to make someone happy, we have truly made the world a better place. And don’t forget it doesn’t have to be your spouse or relative. Also, be careful of your mental health when trying to make someone happy. So you don’t end up losing yourself in the process. Understand that there are boundaries and respect them.

Another thing to take note of is that not everyone will be receptive to the love and care you offer. Some may be very receptive while some may be antagonistic to it. Some may even fight you for it; therefore you should consider these three things

  • Your position In the person’s life
  • Their position in your life
  • And lastly, the situation surrounding your relationship.

Good luck on your quest.

ALSO, READ How To Speak With Confidence (Experts Advice)

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Personal Improvement

How To Speak With Confidence (Experts Advice)

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how to speak with confidence

As a person, regardless of your family background or career path, you must know how to speak with confidence. This is how you express yourself to others around you.

To survive in today’s world you must learn to sell yourself. You should be able to tell others your value and how you bring it to the table and why you must be given a chance.

Being a confident communicator is not something you can compromise whether you are in the corporate world or in the entrepreneurship line. You may be doing something really amazing but if you can’t confidently tell me what you do, then people are likely not to buy your idea.

Leaving career aside, let’s talk about family. If you are not a confident communicator, how do you talk to your family members? How do you table your quarries? Just how efficient will your communication be without confidence?

When you speak with confidence, people tend to listen and accept your opinions better than when you are fidgeting when talking. When you show signs of anxiety when speaking, it shows a lack of confidence.

So, if you don’t act like you have faith in what you are doing, why should I? If you don’t believe in yourself how do I?

It is important to note that no one was born an efficient communicator. Even those who show some level of it as innate abilities, still have to improve and develop on it. This means knowing how to speak confidently can be learned or developed.

There is never a downside to confidence. It makes people want to listen to you, it also speaks brilliancy. If you truly desire to be better at your career or even social life, speaking with confidence is a must-have. And yes! You can learn it and begin to build on it.

To begin this journey of self-development, you must overcome some obstacles called FEARS. When you overcome them, your communication becomes more effective and healthy.

Don’t allow the lack of confidence to steal the limelight from you, you are valued and you definitely have something to say.

These tools and tips that you need to develop this skill in here in this article so read and be ready to take action.

How can I talk confidently? (10 Sure Ways)

1. Always Prepare Beforehand

always prepare

The very first thing you should do is to be prepared. You should intentionally sit down, and do research on the subject topic. And generally, you should take time to learn a bit of everything.

So that whenever a topic is raised in any important or casual conversation or meeting you could confidently say a word or two.

When you are somewhere and totally clueless or don’t have something to contribute, your confidence is shaken and this puts you on an edge. Then anxiety comes in probably because you know you may indulge or ask yourself a question personally to say something. And there, is where the problem lies.

It’s always safe to know a little about a lot than knowing a lot about a little. So you at least know something about most topics you will come across. However, when going for a speech. Prepare well. Do a lot of research and get a deep understanding of that topic.

ALSO, READ How To Be a Gentleman: 99 Things That Make You A Gentleman

2. Try To Imagine It Ahead Of Time

After doing your research, the next step is to visualize it. Imagine yourself talking confidently with zero anxiety. See yourself doing it and that will form a type of self-motivation. Have winner and an overcomer’s mindset.

As mentioned earlier, you must overcome your fears and share your value with the world. Imagine yourself doing that perfect presentation, see yourself giving that top-notch speech. If you can see yourself do it, regardless of what any other person says, you will pull through.

3. Let Your Posture Speak Confidence

good posture

Now, you must let your audience know that you are confident using your body language. Your body posture, your walking step, even your smile must ooze confidence.

When walking ensure you stand tall and don’t cower, make sure your shoulders are straight beck don’t be caught slouching. Keep your head held up high and eyes up maintaining eye contact. When sitting, let your posture scream these three things ENGAGED, FOCUSED, and AUTHORITY.

Knowing these things is easier said than done. it makes end up being difficult. Even so, pretend like you own the moment. Because it only what you let on that people will know. So give them a good show.

4. Don’t Be In A Rush

Don’t forget that you own that moment so rule it. Don’t rush your sentences no matter much anxiety you feel. Rather, take a deep breath and take it slow.

take a deep breath

Talking too fast in a speech is actually a really common sign of nervousness. And you do not want your audience to know you are nervous so at that moment what you need to do is take a deep breath.

Next is to take control of the situation before it goes out of control. Do this by just imagining you are talking to someone you are really comfortable with. If you are with a larger audience, then assume you are just speaking with your friends and start speaking with less urgency.

That way you are able to think of what you are about to say and align it properly. Practice speaking in a ‘not rushed manner often in your comfortable space.

5. Don’t Divert From Current Topics

During your speech, you may want to give examples using scenarios and at that point, there is a tendency to divert.  Try to focus on the topic at hand and don’t go too deep into explaining examples.

When you do this, not only does it speak confidence; it also speaks intelligence. It shows you have full control of your speech. Also, don’t be too focused on what to say next, instead digress on the current point very well. This will ensure a smooth transition.

6. Use Silence Between Sentences Wisely

This doesn’t involve you saying something and keeping quiet for a long time it will only get your audience disconnected. Actually, what this involves is you saying a key point and letting the audience process it for seconds.

On many occasions, you may have said all you have to say at that point and your audience was supposed to respond yet you got none.

And it leads to a very awkward silence; leave it be. Don’t try to fill the silence with nervous chatters.

Standing on what you have said and not trying to fill in meaningless chatter shows you are confident about the subject matter and that earns you respect.

7. Have Breath Control.

Control your breath during conversations slow and steadily. Try to maintain the same tone from start to finish and let your speech hold a steady and confident pace.

It is an unwritten rule that the person who is confident will speak in the same tone in a gentle way. If possible, do a breathing exercise before your speech.

And when you find yourself speaking too fast or losing control of your tone during a speech, pause, take 2-3 deep breaths before you continue. Do this stylishly in such a way that your audience will not know what you are doing.

ALSO, READ How to stop being shy ( 8 sure ways)

8. Talk In Low Volume And Project Your Voice.

When you are talking, try not to talk loudly but project your voice so your audience can hear you. Talking loudly affects the quality of your voice making it look like you are shouting.

It also makes you get tired easily during conversation or speech that requires a long time of talking like two hours and above. Aside from that, talking loudly shows a sign of disrespect towards your audience especially the elderly, and no one really wants to listen to a voice like that.

So, regardless of how valuable the information you are trying to pass is, no one will listen if you are screaming.

9. Speak Clearly

When talking, let your speech be clear. Don’t fidget when presenting your idea because that just shows a lack of confidence.

Try not to use words like uhmm, erhhh, and other sloppy words. When you speak in public, ask someone to record your speech this is to do a self-evaluation.

The best way to discipline yourself is to know which soppy words or phrases you repeat and try to avoid them by practicing in private

10. Smile While Speaking

Being warm to people is a hack that can never go wrong. Smiling to a crowd or audience before you speak is a good way to grab their attention.

It’s very welcoming. Speaking with a smile on your face helps maintain a warm ambiance. It really shows a lot of courage if you are saying something serious with a smile.

A shy smile is not what we are talking about here but the type that captures every stare that comes its way. Smiling while talking can also help the quality of your voice with a touch of friendliness and composure. You know it’s not actually about what you say but how you say it.

Wrapping Up

In conclusion, learning to talk confidently takes Practice. It is the one thing that can aid your improvement over time.

Even when you know these skills in communication if you don’t apply them consistently you may not get the desired result. So you have to regularly practice these things to imbibe them.

As you practice, make time for self-evaluation. As you do this over time you become more confident. Also, practice without a timetable. Practice at every opportunity you get and you will become a better and more efficient communicator.

ALSO, READ How To be Pretty: 21 Natural Ways to be More attractive

 

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Mental Health

The 16 Best Ways to Stop Internet Addiction

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internet addiction

Internet addiction can be defined as compulsory use of the Internet, despite negative consequences on the person. This is a recognized behavioral disorder that can include addictions to social media, online gambling, Internet video games, cybersex, and more.

If you have an online relationship with someone and find yourself obsessing over Tinder matches, webchats, and other forms of seeking online relationships, you might have an Internet addiction. Or, if you find yourself constantly searching the web for information on anything and everything, this is also a sign of Internet addiction.

Because our world is so digitized, it’s easy to form Internet addictions without realizing it. And with the impact of COVID-19, many of us took our already digitized worlds to the next level, having virtual meetings and parties, relying on phone apps to deliver our food and groceries, and video chatting with loved ones.

Signs of Internet Addiction

If you’re not sure whether you have an addiction to the Internet, there are a few warning signs you can be on the lookout for.

Here are some of the signs of Internet addiction:

  • Having obsessive thoughts over the Internet (such as constantly thinking about when you can use it again, getting connected to WiFi everywhere you go, and having most of your thoughts revolving around the behavior)
  • Feeling anxious when you’re not on the Internet
  • Skipping out on in-person activities to be on the Internet
  • Not being emotionally present at social gatherings because you’re using the Internet or thinking about it
  • Using the Internet as your primary way to cope with stress, sadness, or another negative emotion
  • Spending most of your time online
  • Lying about how much you use the Internet
  • Minimizing the impact of your Internet use on yourself and others
  • Missing deadlines, homework, or major events because of your Internet use
  • Feeling guilty or shameful about your Internet use

If you can relate to any of these signs and are struggling to overcome an addiction to the Internet, hopefully, these tips can help you to stop your Internet addiction.

16 of the Best Ways to Quit Your Internet Addiction

 1. Change Your Daily Routines

daily routine

Behavioral addictions usually require a total refresh in the routine department. If you’re addicted to the Internet, your day is probably centered on that activity. Start by changing your daily habits to replace Internet-focused behaviors with other things. Work on creating a schedule for yourself and stick to it.

2. Find a New Hobby

The biggest issue with quitting an Internet addiction is replacing those unhealthy habits with life-giving ones. If you have nothing to replace your addiction, it’s likely you’ll go right back to it in times of stress, boredom, or emotional problems. Find something to fill your time that makes you feel happy and gives you the ability to choose to spend your time somewhere other than the Internet.

3. Meet with Others Face-to-Face

 Internet addictions encourage us to dissociate from the real world and live in a virtual environment. To get out of this cycle, try spending time with people in person. Set up hangouts with friends, family dinners, dates with your significant other, or some other way to talk to someone you enjoy spending time with.

4. Set Time Limits on Your Phone

If you’re addicted to anything on your phone (online games, social media, chat rooms, your email, etc.) you can start by implementing restrictions in your settings.

Follow these steps for iPhone users: 1. Settings 2. Screen Time 3. App Limits.

Follow these steps for android users: 1. Settings 2. Digital Wellbeing & parental controls (tap the chart) 4. Set timer.

 5. Set Restrictions on Your Computer

You should also set restrictions on your computer to limit your time spent on the Internet. Set restrictions to block websites you normally frequent, implement time limits, or even add parental controls. These can all help to deter you from using the Internet and falling back into old patterns.

 6. Get Into Nature

There’s an entire world to experience that’s full of natural endorphin-boosters. Take your eyes off your screen and spend time in nature for a set amount of time. This might start out with a 10-minute walk each day if you’re not used to this type of activity. Work yourself up to spending more and more time outside each day and away from the Internet as a way to refresh your spirit and spend time in the natural elements.

7. Practice Mindfulness

PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

One of the reasons many of us are addicted to the Internet is because it’s where we go in the still moments of our day. As soon as there’s nothing to do, we run to social media for a mindless scroll or turn Netflix on for some easy entertainment. Instead, use these quiet moments to practice mindfulness.

To do this, close your eyes and focus on the present moment. Notice how your body feels, whether you’re tense or relaxed, and pay attention to your emotions, feelings, and surroundings.

8. Address Other Mental Health Issues

Internet addictions often occur alongside other issues, such as social anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or substance abuse. If you suspect you might have another issue in regards to your mental health, take the time to sort through that by speaking with a friend, mentor, or professional counselor.

9. Try Going to Therapy

There are therapeutic practices specifically designed to address addiction to the Internet. Some of the most commonly used therapies for Internet addiction include cognitive behavioral therapy, talk therapy, family therapy, and group therapy. These are great outlets to discuss your struggles with the Internet, find solutions to specific problems, and cultivate important life skills to stop Internet addiction.

10. Find a Self-Help Group

One of the best ways to get over an Internet addiction is to communicate with other people who understand what you’re going through. Find a self-help group in person and start making connections with other people who can help you to get better.

11. Start Journaling

You can use a journal in a few different ways. For one, this can be a great outlet to express your thoughts and emotions, factors that might be contributing to the addiction. By channeling these positive and negative feelings into a healthy outlet, you’ll be able to better control your Internet use. You can also keep a journal that logs when you use the Internet, why you went online, what you felt like afterward, and what things you want to change.

ALSO, READ 22 ways on how to build self-belief

12. Go to a Rehab Program

When you think of rehab, your mind probably goes straight to drugs and alcohol. But there are a lot of programs that treat behavioral addictions like an addiction to the Internet. If you feel like your Internet addiction is overwhelming all else in your life and you need help to get out of it, you might want to think about going to a rehab center. You’ll be immersed in an environment that’s totally Internet-free, have a staff of counselors and therapists who can help you to work through the issue, and create a plan for post-recovery goals and ways to avoid triggers.

13. Practice Self-Control

Addictions form out of a struggle with self-control. Whether it be substances or Internet addiction, your brain is responding to your daily habits and activities, creating new neural pathways and generating chemicals based on your lived experience. To overcome Internet addiction, you should practice self-control (not only with the Internet but with every area of your life) to build new patterns that your brain can respond to. Try waking up earlier, exercising, prioritizing important tasks, and removing temptations that usually trigger an unhealthy response.

14. Set Alarms to Pause

SET ALARM

SET ALARM

One way to curb your Internet use is to set alarms on your phone as times to pause, sit, and think (or grab a coffee, go for a walk, or call your mom). Pick several times in the day for an alarm to go off on your phone and commit to stopping Internet use altogether and choose an Internet-free activity.

15. Turn Off Your Notifications

With the constant dings, pings, and rings emanating from our phones, tablets, computers, and other devices, it’s no wonder many of us are addicted to the Internet. Turn off all notifications, including those for text messages, social media, email, and anything else that might serve as a distraction from your progress.

16, Do an Internet Cleanse

Devote a set period of time in which you don’t use the Internet in any capacity. If you have to go online for work or school, choose a weekend when you can spend two or three days pursuing activities offline. You need to give your mind a chance to detach from learned patterns and detox yourself from the Internet. Take a few days and use the tips in this article or come up with your own activities to step away from the Internet. If you need to ease into it a bit more, commit to at least one evening where you don’t use the Internet.

ALSO, READ How to Cope With Environmental Stress

 

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