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DWELLING TOGETHER IN HIS PRESENCE

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dwelling TOGETHER

In This article, we’ll be treating dwelling together in his presence as married couples.

What is God’s presence?

It means God is in a particular person, situation or circumstance. If you look at Israel in the wilderness, when they left Egypt and we’re going to Canaan in different ways, God manifested His presence to His people. For example, as they went on the journey in the night, God came like a pillar of fire and in the day He came like a pillar of cloud.

Psalm 16:11:

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

His presence was with them. God also manifested His presence to them in providing food for them. He gave them manna and quails to eat. God’s presence was also with them when He helped them to defeat their enemies like the Amalekites.

The presence of God was also with Israel because He was very patient with them for those forty years. They provoked Him ten times before He finally reacted. When God was annoyed with them, He showed His presence in a very terrible way. At a particular time He sent serpents to bite His people! So God’s presence is His presence in a particular person, situation, or circumstance and it can come in different ways. For us as married people, the presence of God is not optional. There is no alternative to God’s presence because if a man leaves the presence of God, he enters the presence of the devil.

We know from the Bible that God works through families. God said it is not good for man to be alone. Without even praying, Adam got a wife because God knew that together with Eve, he would be a better person. Throughout the Bible, in many cases, people that God used were married people. We have Abraham and Sarah, Priscilla and Aquila, David and his wives. Even Isaiah had a wife and she too was a prophetess. Only a few people were not married, like Paul the apostle. It is a blessing to be married.

For Moses, the presence of God was very important Exodus 33 verses 2, 15, 16, and 14. The same thing went for Paul. Paul said he preferred to die and to be with God. – 2 Cor. 5:8. David said in Psalm 84:10:

“For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. “

As married people, I want to point out a few things about the presence of God that we must know. Firstly, as a married person, it is possible to dwell with your spouse and not enjoy the presence of God. There is an example in the Bible of Ahab and Jezebel. Ahab was a king in Israel but he was a very wicked man. His wife was even more terrible. You will find their story in 1 Kings 16:31 and 1 Kings 18:18.

Secondly, you can enjoy His presence as a married couple at the beginning but at the end it is possible for you to be cast away from His presence. You will find a good example in Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-10. They were part of the early Church but some time later, they left the presence of God. The Bible says that by their fruits you shall know them. How did we know that they left the presence of God? It was because they wanted to lie to the Holy Spirit. They sold their land and wanted to hide part of the money and bring part of it. It is like making a pledge with your spouse and failing to fulfill it.

Thirdly, as a married man or woman, it is possible for one partner to stay away from God’s presence for some time. When this happens, something terrible may occur. There is a good story about Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar that will show you this in Gen. 16:1-5. Sarah told Abraham to go into her maid and they had a child called Ishmael. Up till today, the descendants of Ishmael and the descendants of Abraham through Isaac are not friends. They are killing one another. Every day when you open the newspaper, you will find the story about the fight between the Jews and the Arabs. This started all because one woman was not staying in God’s presence.

The wife of Job told him in Job 2:9 to curse God and die. Thank God, Job did not curse God. When a partner is not in the presence of God, the damage that can be done may be terrible.

Fourthly, I must dwell in the presence of God together with my spouse. Our lives are joined together. The Bible says the man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Our destinies are together. We sink or swim together and we shall not sink in Jesus’ Name.

The fifth point is that there must never be a situation where one partner is enjoying the presence of God and the other partner is not enjoying the presence of God. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Proverbs 27:17:

“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 :

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

  1. What does it mean to dwell in His presence?

It means to stay permanently and not as a visitor. The visitor comes and goes but the dweller stays inside the house. To dwell means to continue doing something. As a couple, it means we are together with God at the same time, maybe not in the same place but together at the same time in the spirit. You will find what it means to dwell together in His presence in John 15:4-7, Isaiah 48, and 2 John 8:31-32

  1. What happens in His presence?

Isaiah 6:1-8:

“In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings, with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly.

And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because

I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts. Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:

And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged. Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.’

From the above passage, we can deduce six things that happens in His presence.

(a) Is 6:1 – When you are in the presence of God, you will see Him: When you see Him, it will help your marriage. It will help you and your partner to stay together because when you see God, you will fear Him. Many people do not fear God because they do not see Him. It is not possible to see Him physically, but you will see Him in the spirit as you read the word of God, and as you pray. Psalm 4:4:

“Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.”

As a couple, you will see God as the anchor for your marriage, and that will help you a lot. When the cat is not at home, the mouse will play. When young children hear their father coming and they are One misbehaving, they will go and hide quickly because if daddy catches them there will be trouble. When there was no judge in Israel, people behaved anyhow. When you see a wife or husband misbehaving means that they have not seen God. When they see Him they will sit up

(b) Is. 6:5 – You will see yourself: You will yourself as God sees you and that will help you a lot. Many of us see ourselves through our own eyes. When God sees you and He allows you to see yourself as He sees you, you will be embarrassed. You will see your nakedness. You will see your shortcomings and it will help you to accommodate the weakness of your spouse. He will help you to see yourself in such a way that you can work on your own weaknesses with His help.

(c) You will see the world, as God wants you to see it: You will see the kind of environment you are living as a Christian couple. You are living in the world but you are not of the world and when you are in God’s presence, He allows you to see what this world is like. The ideas of this world about marriage are not good at all because they are upside down. In some countries in Europe, a man is allowed to marry a man. In Holland, a woman can marry a woman. In England, they are debating whether they should allow homosexuals to be Pastors. In some other places, it is possible to bring a woman into your house, have children for you but she will not bear your name: In the presence of God, you will see the world’s systems. The Bible says that if a man loves the world he is an enemy of God. I will not be an enemy to God in Jesus’ Name.

  1. d) Isa. 6:5-7 – In the presence of God you will find divine help particularly in the use of the tongue: The Bible says life and death is in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat the fruit thereof. You will also find passages about the tongue in James 1:26 and James 3:2-12. If you want to stay in His presence, and I am talking to sisters particularly, please watch your mouths. If you want to stay with your husbands together in God’s presence, you must watch your mouths.

Proverbs 21:19:

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

Proverbs 25:24:

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”

Once your mouth is set in order, there will be peace in the house. How can you cut your husband into pieces with your mouth and lift up holy hands to sing to the Lord? God will not answer you.

(e) The Bible says the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof.: As a married person, God has sent you to the whole world. When you are married, your efficiency is multiplied. One shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand (Deut. 32:30.)

(f) Isaiah 6:1 – When I am in His presence, I will see His glory: You will see the glory of God like Moses saw the glory of God in Exodus 34:29-34. When you see the glory of God in your marriage, it will be different from any other marriage. There will be beauty in your marriage that others will like to have.

  1. Why must we dwell in His presence?

(a) For fellowship (Mk 3:14): God wants fellowship. When Jesus appointed the disciples, the first thing He wanted was for them to be with Him. God wants husbands and wives to be together with Him.

(b)For us to know Him more: Even Paul said he did not know Him, as he should. You do not know somebody unless you stay with him. Hosea 4:6 says God’s people perish for lack of knowledge. When you know God in your marriage, it will help you. If you do not know

Him, there will be trouble.

(c) For the love of God to be perfected in our lives: The more we dwell in God’s presence, the more we love Him and the more our love grows for Him. When you stay with Him, you will see His beauty. You will see His compassion and His mercy. The Bible says He has not rewarded us as we deserve(1 John 4:12 and 16).

(d) It is a command: Jesus commands it in John 15:4 7 and we must obey this command. (Heb. 10:25, Col 3:16)

4.How can we dwell in His presence?

 (a) Through praise and worship: I will enter His gates with thanksgiving. I will enter His court with praise (Ps. 100:2 & 4; John 4:24.) Jesus said the Father is looking for worshippers in spirit and in truth. When you want to invite Jesus into any meeting, the first thing you must do is to praise and worship Him. In His presence there is fullness of joy.

(b)We must come with clean hands and pure hearts. Psalm 15:1-2:

“LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart.”

If there is any misunderstanding between you and your spouse, you must settle it before you come to God(Ps 24:3-4, Ps. 140:13.).

(c) You must come with a humble spirit and a contrite heart. Isaiah 5715:

“For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.”

When we are coming into God’s presence, we must also come with faith (Heb. 4:16, Heb 11:1 & 6.)

(d) You must study the word (Col. 3:16; 2 Tim. 2:15). Many men are higher than their wives are spiritual. There is a danger if your wife is not on the same spiritual level with you. God forbid, but the day you fall, you will fall very badly. However, when you are at the same level with your wife or she is slightly lower than you, when Satan wants to attack you or make nonsense of your ministry, your wife is able to stabilize you.

 

  1. The blessings of His presence

(a)Fullness of Joy Ps. 16:11.

(b)Pleasures for evermore – Ps. 16:11

(c) Glory and Honour 1 Chron. 16:27

(d) Strength and gladness –1 Chr. 16:27; Ps. 22:1.

(e) Protection and Security – Ps. 91:1; Rom. 8:31; Col 3:3

(f) Rest of mind, rest of body, rest of spirit Ex. 33:14

(g) Courage in the battles of life – Deut. 20:1

 

(h) Assurance to the end Mt.28:2

(i) Assurance from the Lord.

He says where two or three are gathered in His Name He

is there in their midst. A husband and wife is the smallest church as they live together in the Name of the Lord. God is there with them and He will never leave us in Jesus’ Name.

ALSO, READ MY TIMES ARE IN HIS HAND-FOR SINGLES

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Marriage & Divorce

Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney

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Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney

 

Going through a divorce without legal help is like committing financial suicide. You might be thinking of going through your divorce on your own
and just using information that you can research online but that can do more harm than good. Though a DIY divorce may apply to certain situations,
it is still smarter to hire a divorce attorney to ensure that your best interests are taken into consideration. Keep reading for reasons why hiring a divorce
attorney could be one of your best divorce decisions.

You Want to Eliminate Mistakes

“The legal system is complicated enough to navigate for those who have a legal degree, so navigating it from a layman’s perspective is like trying to pilot a plane without even knowing how to ride a bike”, says Michael Porter of Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc.

Legal jargon can be very challenging. It can take just one word for you to completely misunderstand something (like a debt or medical issue) or overestimate/underestimate the value of an asset. This is the last thing you want. Why? Because mistakes like this can cause your financial ruin or may need to be corrected with more legal proceedings in the future. An attorney can ensure that your case is being handled properly and that you will not be making decisions that you will regret for years to come.

You Will Benefit from Legal Advice

A divorce attorney can ensure that you get what you deserve during a divorce. This is important because state laws do not always support an even split of a couple’s assets. There are cases where a spouse is entitled to a spouse’s future income and/or retirement. By hiring an attorney, you ensure that complicated issues such as debts, child custody, current assets, future assets, and child support are legally addressed.

You Want to Minimize Stress

Divorce is a highly stressful time. Not only will it be addressing the end of your marriage, but might also bring up painful experiences from the past. A divorce attorney will provide objective help in gathering information, presenting information, and representing your interests. This will give you more time to process your feelings and take care of yourself and your family.

Keep in mind that a divorce will be a very painful time and the last thing youneed is to have to take on legal work. That is what an attorney is for.

You Don’t Want Delays

Completing all the paperwork needed for a divorce plus gathering information and documenting everything isn’t an easy task. Yes, there are court provided documents but that is just a small percentage of what you actually need. Aside from paperwork, there are other legal issues that can prolong a divorce or halt the progress into a crawl. An experienced divorce attorney knows how to avoid problems like the above and get things done as fast as possible.

You Want A Clear Divorce

A divorce is a legal agreement and is legally binding. You want everything in your divorce to be as clear as possible and that each point that needs to be
addressed are taken care of. A divorce attorney will ensure that your wishes are accurately presented and that you understand everything that goes into
the divorce. This way, the divorce would be free from unclear language or errors.

ALSO, READ TOP 5 MONEY ISSUES THAT COULD  DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP

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Marriage & Divorce

What to Look for in a Wife TO MARRY

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what to look for in a wife

Before getting married to the love of your life as a man, questions like “what to look for in a wife?” Will definitely arise. The ideal woman for Everyman differs. Some may say they want a skinny lady, or a fat girl, if you could hear some of the things said by MEN, as per what they want, you’d be shocked.

Choosing a life partner is a major decision taken by man, here he selects one lady over a bunch of them. Marriage is a lifetime race, and when it’s not been run properly, it could lead to a broken home. Nobody wants a broken home. Everyone wants to live happily ever after. When you choose the wrong partner, it may take you years to correct, or even spending all your life trying to put things in proportion. A marriage that is not Divinely approved will end in divorce, emotional pains, and suffering.

It is therefore important to choose wisely. Before you choose to marry any lady make sure that she is Kind of person, never you force yourself on her just because you think she’s the most beautiful lady on planet Earth or you wanna marry her because she’s a model.
In life generally, if you want to buy something expensive, you don’t just rush in purchasing it. for instance, if you’re trying to buying used car worth $40,000 for yourself, there are things you need to look out for in the car before buying it. You’ll need to check stuffs like the * * vehicle history- you’ll need to make sure that the vendor is not selling a stolen car. Through the use of VIN, you can actually check if the car has been in an accident.
• You can check how efficient the engine is- this would be better if you go with an motor engineer (i.e the mechanic). In order not to bore you with these,the main message is to carefully search what’s needed.
So, If you’ve been asking questions like What qualities should I look for in a wife? Then keep reading this article .

6 Things To Look For In A Wife

Like we said in the beginning, men have different tastes when choosing women, but we’re going to bring out the most important thing to look for when hunting for a wife. They are things that you must consider without looking back.

1.Attractiveness

ATTRACTIVE LADY

I’ve always told my friends that if I want to marry, I must marry someone who I’m deeply attracted to. Yes! She may have all the wife material features, but bro, if she isn’t so attracted to you, I’ll advise you to leave her. Attraction isn’t everything but it’s something.

You may say, she’s beautiful, she has the qualities of a good wife, she’s just so perfect in her ways… but if you’re not attracted to her it may lead to another problem in future.
A girl once crushed on me years back! I noticed she had every quality that a good mother should possess but the problem actually was that I wasn’t attracted to her… I vividly know that if I end up marrying her, I would cheat on her like I never had a wife.

If you aren’t comfortable hanging out with your woman or introducing her to your friends, then I’m sorry to give you the breaking news, “Leave her Alone”, this may be very hard for you.. it was hard for me when I decided to make my own decisions, but the good news is that you’ll overcome.
It is very good to foresee because, if you’re marrying her because she is skinny, her body morphology may change with the season, she may run out of your taste!!
Marry someone who you know with or without her body changing drastically, you’ll still fall for her. Attraction goes beyond the physical structure, it’s more of a psychological feature, so be wise!!!!!!

2. She brings out the Best in You

Wow!! This is also an important factor in what to look for in a wife… one important question to ask yourself is “does my woman brings out the best in you?” Not all women have the capability. If you have one like this, then you’ll need to hold her really tight..

Some women may just decide to focus on just themselves, but a woman who’s really interested in you will want to resharpen and remold you.
If you’ve got the habit of smoking and drinking alcohol all the time, extravagant living, she’ll want to help you in that arena.
One way to know that she really brings out the best in you is that whenever you’re with her, you’re always inspired and you just discovered something just awakened in you.

This kind of woman reinforces your confidence. Here, she’s just like a coach to you. She just has the ability to make your world brighter.
She’s never in to demotivate, instead, she’ll motive and lift your heart’s up…
If you’re in a relationship now and you’ve ever felt like you’re in a prison, then that should be a red flag on your side telling you to run.

ALSO, READ BEST ROMANTIC LOVE LETTERS FOR YOUR PARTNER

3. Find a Wife who’ll Love you Unconditionally

An Ex. Once asked me, Josh!! Why do you love me?? Can you please tell me what you like about me or the major reason why you love me???.. As a relationship expert, you know full well that the answers you make can hurt you or flame up something in the future. Like the cops will always tell any criminal they capture. “ any you say or do, will be used against you in the court of law”.

It’s not bad to give an answer of your choice tho.

Finally, I gave her no answer, I just told her that I don’t have any reason(s) for loving you. that if I do, in the future, if that reason is no longer manifesting, then the love will fade away. I told her I just love her unconditionally.

The word unconditionally has a dictionary meaning: without a condition.
The day I was shocked, was when I saw a lady who married a man in a wheelchair. I wept in my heart. I asked my self does true love like this still exists?? That’s an example of an unconditional love.

When exchanging the marriage vow, the priest usually quote stuff like:

“in riches and in poverty”
“in sickness and in good health”
This was meant to be the true definition of an unconditional love.
Looking for someone who’ll love you unconditionally might be very tough for you. But if you carefully watch her well. You’ll be able to detect it.. an adage says by their fruits, ye shall know them. When the fruits in a mango tree is ripe, It’s always accessible for sightseeing until it’s been plucked.
An unconditional love is a sacred kind of love!! Not everyone in a relationship is lucky to get it. Some actually got it, but screwed things up!
Unconditional love also means putting your partners first, Before putting yourself. You deserve a woman that’ll love you the way you are.

4.Sexual Openness

Sexual compatibility should be one of the TOP 3 discussed topics Before marriage.
It’s very important! I once asked a lady, “how sexual are you? Rate it from 1- 10. She said 3. I was shocked, I just told myself deep down, that i cant be with such a fellow!!.

She told me she isn’t a Fan of sex!!! Although research and statistics have proven that sex wanes and waxes at different stages of life. For instance, the sex drive for nursing mother’s periodically low.

If you’re a man who’s practicing abstinence from sex with your partner before marriage, then this issue of sexual openness needs to be taken very seriously.
And if you’re a man who’s so crazy about sex and wants more in marriage, then you’ll need to look for a woman who has a healthy sex life that discusses sex openly, in other not to fall into a sexless marriage.

Find out little things like “does she love kissing?😘”, would she want to explore the world of sex?.
Being so religious shouldn’t make you shy from the REAL TRUTH.
When you fail in this aspect, you’ll be left with no choice rather than to cheat.

5. intellectual and Educational Compatibility

intellectual and Educational Compatibility

It has never been in the dictionary of some educated men to marry a lady that is not educated.
Education shouldn’t be something you place so much value on over intelligence. Education can never be substituted for intelligence!!
Whenever a man feels his woman is less Intelligent and educated than him, if they tend to marry, the man will definitely maltreat her.
However, such men would find it very hard to let their wives make key decisions about child-rearing, money management etc if they doubt their wives’ intelligence.
ALSO, READ SIGNS YOU ARE NOT INTELLECTUALLY COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR PARTNER

6.Marry Your type

Marrying your type means you should look for a wife that has similar traits, characteristics, and personality. If you’re an extroverted man and you’re not really comfy handling an introvert, then you shouldn’t run into marriage with her. Marriage shouldn’t be something that will bore you. Having a partner that you can’t have a long conversation with would be boring especially you’re the type that loves talking a lot.

These are some funny answers that Joshua Isibor– A relationship Coach, got when he asked some guys the kind of lady that they want..

“ I want a woman that loves drinking alcohol”
“ I want a lady who smokes”
“I also want a lady who is good in bed”

The goal here is to find someone that’s like a best friend to you: someone that you’re free with.

Please leave your comments!

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Marriage & Divorce

Modern day definition of marriage

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marriage

 

 What is marriage?

Marriage is a symbolic union between a man and woman, it involves two people unanimously coming together as husband and wife. Marriage is a sacred union between two parties (male and female). By the word sacred, I mean sacrosanct, divine, holy, inviolable, and consecrated, it’s a union to be valued, cherished, adored, and respected by the two persons involved.

Marriage is sweet, interesting, lovely, and appreciated if and only if the two parties agree to make it work. You can make your marriage be how you want it, but the question is are you ready and willing to pay the prize? Are you just after the rosy part of marriage?

Before going into this union called marriage, there are some questions you should ask yourself and answer by yourself.

asking questions like

Questions like:

🌟 What exactly is marriage?

🌟 Am I ready for marriage?

🌟 How prepared am I for marriage?

🌟 What knowledge have I acquired about marriage?

🌟 What exactly am I after in marriage, (companionship or procreation or both)?

🌟 Do I really love this person I want to settle down with?

🌟Am I financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually stable to get married?

🌟 Can I withstand the ups and downs in marriage?

🌟 Can I tolerate my partner’s excesses?

 

These questions and more are very important for you to meditate on and answer sincerely before you work down the aisle and say “Yes I do”.

Questions to ask before getting married

1.What exactly is marriage?

Like I said earlier, marriage is a union,a sacred one between two people who agree to be joined in holy matrimony. Presently, people have a different picture of marriage entirely. Before you make up your mind to get married, you should and must have a good knowledge of marriage, because when you have a proper understanding of what you are going into, you will surely know how to perform your duties as expected.

Marriage is a union created by God for man, for the sole reason of companionship and procreation. Your union brings you together, to help, appreciate, love, understand each other as soulmates. Your purpose of getting married should be known, either for companionship or procreation or both. If this is not stated as it suits you both, the purpose of your marriage will be lost.

This is where most couples make mistakes, they fail to define what kind of relationship they want or how their marriage will look like. They just jump into marriage with little or no knowledge of what marriage is.

Marriage goes beyond the union of coming together as husband and wife, as couples you are meant to complete, assist and help each other in all ramifications. It is a blissful union meant for soulmates (Divinely connected) to fill in the gap for each other. You practically help each other grow and make yourselves happy, through commitment, love, affection, care, and standing for each other.

 

2.Am I ready for marriage?

How ready are you for marriage? are you actually prepared for marriage or wedding? Maybe you are just after the beautiful wedding shower, accessories, wedding party etc. A lot of people are only preparing or are prepared for a wedding, not marriage. They only have an idea of how to get beautiful stuff for their wedding but know little or nothing of the beautiful things to spice their marriage and make it work.

So are you really ready for marriage? Or you are just prepared to flaunt your wedding outfits instead of your marriage to be a model of example to others and encourage people to build and have a beautiful healthy marriage.

 

3.How prepared am I for marriage

Are you ready to support your partner? In marriage you look out for your soulmate, you are no longer alone, you now have someone to care for, are you ready to be a shoulder your partner can lean on? can you stand for your partner and defend him/ her? Can you be someone to hold on to?

Are you ready to perform the duties expected of you as a wife or a husband? answer these questions before you accept that marriage proposal. Marriage has a lot of commitment, you should be ready to make sacrifices and be committed to each other.

4.What knowledge have I acquired about marriage?

Knowledge is power, the level of information you have about something determines how well you perform, marriage is like a school, but here you don’t graduate,”No graduation in marriage”.You continue to learn and make adjustments where necessary. Your knowledge about marriage will determine if your marriage will be successful or not.

Note: Knowledge here, is not just any form of fabricated information, it must be the right information, not all knowledge are helpful, some can destroy your marriage.

Seek knowledge from the right source, read books and learn from people whose marriage are glowing and fruitful.

5.What exactly am I after in marriage (Companionship and procreation)

Marriage is solely for the purpose of procreation and companionship, but this can be determined by you and your partner. Discuss what you want. If you guys want to bear kids or not.

A lot of people have issues in their homes because they failed to discuss some crucial things about what they want in a marriage. Your goal about marriage should be in line with that of your partner, selfish reasons should not come in. Two must agree to become one, in marriage, you must agree on what you guys want and need.

ALSO, READ Before marriage questions for a healthy relationship

6.Do I really love this person I want to settle down with?

Love is a feeling, an emotion felt. inwardly, it connects you to your partner. Love is a great attraction. You must love your partner enough for you to spend the rest of your life with. The love you have for your partner should not be based on selfish reasons, true love that keeps you guys going even in tough times.

Love strengthens, heals, and binds you together. If you love shallowly your union will be shallow and not productive. When I say love I mean deep and affectionate love for your partner, which assures security, approval, and commitment, without this kind of love you can’t be committed to your partner.

Love is not selfish, hurtful, deceitful, painful, wickedness, but love is joy, peace, in-depth happiness, sacrifice, and commitment. When you love genuinely your partner becomes your major priority.

 

7.Am I financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually stable to get married?

married couples on top of money

What is your financial status like? Can you boast of taking care of yourself how much more another person? Your financial state counts before you consider marriage, you can’t be planing to get married and you have a lot of unpaid bills.Financial crisis has become the order of the day in most homes which sometimes leads to divorce, you should consider your income because you have a lot of needs and bills to take care of together.

Emotional stability affects your marriage positively or negatively, if you are still emotionally broken, it’s not advisable to go into marriage, if your heart is filled with hatred, then deal with it first. Don’t go into marriage in such a state, else how do you intend to show love, when you can’t let go of the past hurts.

Your physical stability, both health-wise, & mentally, all together are what makes you complete as a human. Your brain must be active and ready to settle with your partner.

Spiritually, do you guys connect body, spirit, and soul? You must be at the same level in this aspect else your relationship will suffer.

 

8.Can I tolerate the ups and downs in marriage?

Marriage is full of ups and downs, the moment you acknowledge that all your marital fears are over. You and your partner are two polar different people with a different temperament, personality, and character, you should be ready to tolerate the different phases that show up in your marriage.

Every marriage has its beautiful moment and challenging moment, your ability to withstand, tolerate, and solve your problems together makes your marriage to be successful and unique.

 

9.Can I tolerate my partner’s excesses?

Like I mentioned earlier, you and your partner are two polar opposite people, what you like might be what he or she dislikes. Marriage creates room for adjustments where and when necessary, you must learn to tolerate, understand and adjust because marriage is for better or worse till death do you part.

You are not perfect neither is your partner but you can make a perfect marriage by having mutual respect, being committed, understanding, and having affection for each other.

 

 Modern-day marriage in the present society

Most marriages today have become a charade, couples now take marriage as employment. when they are fed up, they quit and seek for another partner, like a job hunter, but the question is how long will you continue to “Spouse hunt”.”

Marriage is not a bed of roses”, but today most people have failed to understand this fact, you can’t possibly get everything you wished for, no one is perfect, you are not also perfect, that your partner has some flaws is not enough reason to leave because you don’t know how the next person you are “Spouse hunting for” will be, even flaws has it’s benefits, for example, stubborn people are good decision makers and overly organized people are good at paying bills on time.

Majority don’t put into consideration these things mentioned above, that is why most marriages are suffering today and the rate of divorce cases is increasing by the day. Marriage is now assumed to be a contract, when you have finally gotten what you want selfishly or you are tired or no longer satisfied with the said contract, you file for a divorce.

ALSO, READ God promises in marriage

Marriage has lost its sense of value and dignity, they say is not a do-or-die affair and as such no mutual respect, understanding, genuine love and affection, tolerance, honesty, sincerity, and fidelity. Which are basically the building blocks for a healthy and happy marriage. Couples fail to understand the importance of the fundamentals of marriage, they want everything at a plater of gold, no one wants to pay the price and make sacrifices that will make the marriage blissful. Marital issues are not settled, instead of sorting things out maturely and amicably, matters of importance or concern are swept under the rug.

Communication gap is a major barrier in marriage, lack of communication destroys relationships and no matter what you do, the bond that once existed begins to diminish. Couples live their lives based on assumption, you assume your partner is supposed to know and actually he or she doesn’t. Men and women reason, react and behave differently, the male psychology is different from that of females. You may feel your actions are right but in the sight of your partner it’s wrong and hurtful and you wouldn’t know without proper communication.

When last did you care about your partner’s emotions before acting? you only care about yourself and how things dim fit to you. Love is meant to be mutual, caring, and respectful, and if you can’t treat your partner right then it’s no longer love.

happy couple

Marriage has become a game and a field for infidelity, couples have turned their union as a means for gambling, they gamble with their partner’s emotions. Faithfulness is a key factor for a successful marriage. When one party decides to break that vow, marriage crisis arises. You can’t possibly love your partner and continually cheat on them, knowing it will break them into pieces. Infidelity breaks the marriage bond. Cheating is not a gender thing, man or woman none is permitted to cheat, or have a better reason to cheat. Your marital vow is to be faithful to your partner till death do you part. Infidelity sows a seed of discord in marriage. The joy and peace of marriage are lost when one party becomes unfaithful.

The issue of disrespect has become a thorn in the flesh in marriage, couples fail to acknowledge the importance of mutual respect.” Respect is reciprocal” is not meant for a particular gender. Most couples lack this attribute, they have little or no respect for their spouse, they speak to their partner so rudely even in public. They practically abuse their partner and criticize whatever they do, not minding their feelings.

Never deny your partner the respect they deserve, but mind you respect is given to whom respect is due, so for you to be respected you must earn it. You don’t expect your partner to respect you when you don’t behave responsibly, you must be worthy of respect first before you can be respected because your responsible attitude triggers respect from your partner.

This generation is so proud that when you emphasize on respect.  they don’t even see why respect should be a matter of concern in marriage. The fact that you both are married and have become one doesn’t mean you should not value, appreciate and respect your partner. Respect is an asset in Marriage, it’s one of the key factors that determine the life span of your marriage.

Marriage is a blessing and as such demands a lot of sacrifices, if you don’t truly have your partner at heart you will never see the reason to make sacrifices. Some couples are so self-centered, all they know is how to satisfy and please themselves, they can never compromise when necessary just to make their partner happy but they would want their partner to always please them whether it’s convenient for them or not. You can’t expect to receive when you don’t give out. You receive what you give, when you become selfish your marriage becomes stunted.

Family crisis is inevitable but it becomes a tug of war when there is no commitment. How committed are you to your partner? Are you committed with time? Are you committed to your partner’s needs? Do you really care about your partner?

Whenever you plan to go out on a date, do you always keep to time or you show up late or you don’t show up at all. when you can’t make it do you give notice before time or you just ignore it? Do you apologize when you are wrong or you wait to be told before you reluctantly apologize without being remorseful? These are questions you should ask yourself and answer sincerely, your level of commitment ascertains how successful your marriage will be.

For your marriage to work, there must be mutual commitment, you plan together, agree together, and execute your plans together as one. Instead of couples agreeing they continually disagree and fight at every slightest provocation over something that can be easily handled. The day you “Say I do” you have signed up for a total commitment to your partner.

ALSO, READ 41 Keys to a successful marriage

 

Today couples don’t see the reason to fight for each other and make their marriage work, marriage is now seen as a car or clothes you can easily change when it’s faded or obsolete. Divorce has become a very good option, am not saying there are no good reasons to divorce which could be as a result of infidelity or abuse.

Marriage requires a lot of work to make it work, you don’t give up working, even when everything seems well, you still need to work and nurture your marriage.

Marriage is like a farmland where a farmer cultivates crops, the amount of work he puts in determines the type and quantity of crops he will harvest, and even after harvesting, he stores the crops to avoid spoilage. Marriage should be guided by jealousy, if you can’t put in your best then you can’t expect a blissful marriage.

Your partner should be your major priority, they are to be valued and cherished and not to be treated like a handbag that can be dumped after been used to your satisfaction. Marriage is a lifetime journey and commitment, you don’t just discard it because you don’t feel that person anymore. Your partner is your better half and bet me, you can’t discard your better half because you don’t feel like keeping it anymore.

“Marriage is like a “SIM Card” and the SIM’s network, Marriage is the sim card and your partner is like the network” no matter how old the sim card looks you don’t discard or let go, even if the network fluctuates and is unstable, you are always patient enough to wait for it to stabilize, reason because the “SIM card” is important to you, you have a lot of info stored inside and so you wouldn’t let it go.

Patience is a virtue needed in marriage and as a couple, if you lack this, your marriage can never be blissful. Couples are so quick to file for a divorce even when they can calm their storm amicably.

Most people before marriage already concealed divorce in their mind, they already have the mindset that once you fall out of love with your partner, or you are no more attracted to your partner, or you guys have unresolved issues then you can file for a divorce. Such people can never be committed in their marriage, they feel is not so important, so once they are tired with their partner they just take a walk in another direction.

Marriage is actually “for better for worse”. you are the only one that can determine the state of your marriage. If you want the best then put in your best. Every marriage has its own storm, your duty is to calm the storm and let peace come in and not to ignore the storm or abandon your partner.

People have become so accustomed to quitting, this a selfish generation where people are so concerned about themselves. People are so career and socially conscious forgetting about family. Gone are the days when people value family and put them first. We have become so selfish that we only care about ourselves and leave our loved ones behind. I am not saying you shouldn’t pursue your career, but the issue of the “me! me!! me!!” mentality has eaten us so deep that commitment is no more valued, they are only after what they want and can get which can be correlated to the failed marriages and increase in divorce cases. If you so see marriage as an investment then being committed and putting in enough work would mean a good dividend in your marriage. Compromise is a difficult concept when it’s so easy to quit, when you can’t have your way, if we can’t let go of our selfish desires, then there will be an increase in failing marriage and divorce will be inevitable.

 

 the ideal kind of marriage?

The ideal kind of marriage is not all about respect, love, flirting around, having a fun time together, it also involves disagreeing and agreeing. Marriage is not all about butterflies and rainbows, but going through all that and still being committed to each other, coming out and holding hands on the other side of the wind is rainbows and butterflies and unicorns too.

An ideal marriage is a marriage where both parties have mutual respect, understands, and are committed to each other, stand by each other, tolerate, being sincere, faithful, and honest to each other. These things are the key players for a healthy relationship and Marriage. It might sound antiquated but you will agree with me, it’s better to have a peaceful and happy marriage than going through the process of divorce.

An ideal marriage doesn’t lack sincere communication. communication is the only means you can share your feelings, discuss and settle your differences. We blame technology for the cause of the communication gap, people no more sit face to face to listen to their loved ones, they prefer social media communication. The act of visual communication makes it easier to express yourself and your emotions are seen and felt from your facial expressions and body language.

The communication gap breaks the union and bond and slowly the love you once felt is gone, communication strengthens marriage when there is a crisis. Disagreeing to agree, accepting that you are at fault, and taking corrections without mixed feeling makes your relationship stronger and healthier.

ALSO, READ Causes of Lack of communication problem in marriage and in relationships

 

Food for thought

🌟 Love is not a foundation for marriage, but marriage is a foundation for love. Love alone cannot guarantee a peaceful marriage.

🌟 Understanding, faithfulness, trust, patience, unity, honesty are the key players for a successful marriage

🌟 Communication is one of the building blocks for a healthy marriage

🌟 Beauty only attracts but virtues keep the marriage.

🌟 There is no graduation in marriage, you keep learning.

🌟 Marriage requires a lot of work, you never stop working.

🌟 Commitment is an obligation or duty for couples to build a strong relationship.

🌟 Divorce should not be an option,try to work out your marriage.

🌟 Make the right choice of a life partner, never settle with someone for selfish reasons.

🌟 Learn to forgive always.

🌟 Make your partner your major priority.

🌟 Learn to always agree even after disagreeing.

🌟 Avoid pretentious attitude in courtship, be yourself, let your partner see and accept you for who you are.

 

A Little more piece

Marriage is a divine union of holy matrimony, love alone cannot sustain a marriage. Your commitment, understanding, fidelity, sincerity, and respect for each other are what will keep you going. Divorce should never be an option, except in cases of infidelity and abuse. Above all learn to forgive and always prioritize your partner in your life, be ready and willing to listen to your partner, and together always agree and treat each other as one.

Your marriage can become the best and exactly what you wished for if only you are ready to work and be committed to each other.

Lastly, no marriage is without storms, because you are two different people with different temperament, character, personality, and backgrounds, be willing to complete each other and make adjustments where necessary, always remember marriage is a lifetime commitment and investment and if you so believe it’s an investment then put in your best to get a positive outcome. Spice up your marriage and let it be a model for others.

ALSO, READ 5 REASONS YOU SHOULDN’T HIDE YOUR PHONE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

 

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