Whether you’ve been through a divorce or you’re going through one already, you realize it’s one of the most challenging obstacles a person can face. Divorce will make you feel sad, frustrated, exhausted, and depressed.
It’s natural to feel out of control when you’re going through a divorce or breakup. Yet there is some stuff you can do when it comes to separation and self-care is important.
To help you deal with these emotions and regain a sense of normalcy, we’ve assembled a list of five positive approaches that will help you relieve stress through this tough time.
Five Ways to Deal With a Divorce
1. Be active
Perhaps the safest way to refocus your energy during a breakup is through physical activity, which is an outstanding source of support. Kick-boxing, cycling, and other physical exercises can not only help you relieve pent-up anger, but it also unleashes mood-improving endorphins that will raise a fog of unpleasant emotions that frequently surround a breakup.
A taste of fresh air will clear your mind and rejuvenate your soul. Similarly, if you feel alone, try to join a nearby league to play a competitive sport like soccer or basketball, so you can connect with others.
However, whatever you decide, help to consider realistic goals and be patient with yourself. Overexerting yourself to accomplish an unachievable ideal of happiness and peace can make you feel unsure and disheartened instead of self-confident and optimistic.
2. Self Care
In addition to physical exercise, certain types of self-care are exercised. It starts with a regular sleep schedule and a healthy, balanced meal. Also shouldn’t bind to soothing foods that always feel good at the moment, which can make you feel apologetic and nauseous later.
Be vigilant of narcotics and liquor as well, as these medications frequently reinforce unhealthy feelings and patterns of actions which also contribute to wrong choices which you regret.
Alternatively, consider other ways of safe relaxation: have a massage, go for a stroll, or have a hot bath. Avoid getting so strict on yourself. Give yourself any kind of compassion and consideration and you deserve it. Be generous and caring to yourself above anything else. Enjoy yourself, for only enjoy is going to get you on the other side.
3. Stop taking choices hurriedly
Divorce can be a very frustrating process, and feelings sometimes dominate over logic. It’s also a moment when you will have to make big decisions, some of which may influence the outcome of your life for years to come.
Stay mindful of your mental condition and do not attempt to make snap decisions. Allow yourself the time and space you need to weigh your decisions and make logical thoughtful choices. Seek the support of a trustworthy relative, acquaintance, or expert. Real estate brokers, accounting consultants, and professional divorce lawyers will all be useful tools through this critical time in your life.
4. Seek advice
The most important thing to consider in coping with divorce is not to do it on its own. Contact your relatives and friends anytime you are stressed, and try talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you handle your feelings.
Many divorcees find that they value the help of community counseling. In a group counseling environment, you can share your thoughts with people who have faced similar problems, so that will make you feel less isolated. Treatment of any kind provides a moral judgment-free space where you can deal with the complicated situations that often facilitate divorce.
Keep away from someone who is particularly pitiful about your condition or anyone who makes you believe you owe an explanation to them. Speak to people who truly matter to you, who are uplifting you, and who is helping you move on with your life.
5. Find healthy distractions
It’s easy to let our feelings and thoughts run wild before and after the divorce. You might begin to be obsessive about previous decisions or to care about the rest.
To battle recurring or nervous feelings, find entertaining stimuli that encourage you to turn your mind elsewhere. See a funny show, spend time with friends, or play with your kids or pets. Creative activities such as journal writing, woodworking, or drawing are particularly therapeutic hobbies as they can be enjoyable and cathartic, allowing you to overcome your emotions while expressing yourself.
Dan Buckley is a leading family lawyer in Toowoomba and a Legal Partner at Best Wilson Buckley Family Law. He has 14 years of experience and was the Recommended Family Lawyer for the year 2015. He has a Bachelor of Law with a Post Graduate Diploma in Legal Practice.
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Pros and cons of marrying a younger woman
Marrying a younger woman these days doesn’t raise many eyebrows like before. Gone are those days, when the masses see it as marrying a lady young enough to be their daughter. But now, it has become pretty normal. A lot of people have asked me, what’s the age difference that shows that an older man is marrying an older lady?
I always replied then that it is when a man of 48 is getting married to a girl of 20. Then, it could be said that he’s marrying a younger woman. It can be thrilling when you marry a vibrant, clever, and pretty girl at old age. Choosing a life partner for men is much easier than ladies, it has always been said that “the younger the better”.
What are the Advantages of Marrying a Younger woman?
1. You’ll get a chance to become a father:
One of the pros of marrying a younger woman is that you’ll get a better chance of becoming a father quickly. It means that if you marry a lady, who’s very close to your age as an old man, she may have reached menopause unknowingly to you. This will make it a problem for her to conceive.
Ladies ranging from teen to the age of 40 are much more fertile than a lady of 48. Therefore, you won’t pass the emotional torture of not having a child except there are other underlying factors that may cause her not to get pregnant.
2. You will keep up with new trends
Have you seen an old man tweeting or Instagraming? This is because someone has influenced him, it could be his kids or his new wife. When you get married to a younger lady, she’ll keep you up with the latest trend of technology. She’ll make your virtual life 10X more active and vibrant.
Even when she starts producing kids for you, your children would be so amazed how you were able to meet up with the latest trends. One of the advantages of keeping up with the new trends is that you’ll have less chance of someone trying to scam you because you know how things work!.
3. She’ll awaken your youthful Life Again
Marrying a younger lady is not like marrying an older woman; An older woman would prefer to sit at home all day, read books, watch TV or Visit a Family Member. But a younger woman would want to spice the relationship by making you guys go for a vacation, beaches, Cinemas, or Clubbing. She’ll raise you up from your armchair to explore the world. Definitely, you’ll enjoy Her youthful vim and vigor.
4.She’ll Never bore your sexual life
A younger woman would always want to utilize, explore and fulfill her youthful Age. She’ll never bore or deny you sex like an older woman. As an older woman’s age increases, she’ll start experiencing low libido. She can decide to stay a whole month without having sex with her husband, but this can’t happen when you marry a young woman.
5. She’s incredibly attractive (beauty satisfaction)
When you get married to a beautiful young lady, everyone around you would be envious of you; including your friends, family members, or at work.
Also, you feel satisfied and happy to flaunt her around.
What are the Disadvantages of Marrying a Younger woman?
1.She might get bored with you
Remember that you’re just like her father but primarily her husband! She might often get bored being around you
Why she might get bored around you?
• Your conversations might not align with hers. Because while she is talking about the latest trends, and you might be so backward in the conversation.
• You may choose to go to bed earlier than her while she wants to spend more time with you. this might make her bored.
• When she’s looking for who to have a conversation about the latest tv series on Netflix, you may be the last option she’ll go for.
What to do?
When she gets bored around you, what you need, is to learn how to adapt and make her feel she’s married to her age mate. Always distancing yourself from what she loves might make her cheat on you so quickly.
2. You can get uncomfortable with the other’s perception of your relationship
Irrespective of how bold you may be when you get married to her, you might be feeling so shy and uncomfortable with others’ perceptions. The first impression anyone would get when he/she gets close to the both two of you, would be; Is she your daughter? Wow! Your daughter looks so pretty? You guys look alike, are you guys related (or is she your daughter?).
3. You’ll be getting threats from Younger men
After marrying the young lady, you may start having the feeling that she’ll soon cheat on you with someone whose cutie, muscular, and has better stamina. Almost all men who engage themselves in marry a younger lady always experience this kind of insecurity.
4. You might get bored with her
In no #1, we talked about her getting bored around you, it could be a vice-versa too. For instance, if you’re trying to make a reference to a popular story that happened in the 1980s and you’re trying to tell her the story, she won’t flow well and this might make you get bored easily when you’re with her. Another minor incompatibility that you’ll notice is that,
• Your music taste differs.
• She might have little or no idea how to budget her money very well.
• Her immaturity might be exasperating.
• Her intellectual contribution might be vague.
5. Having a Younger wife makes you feel Older
One of the reasons why most men marry young women is for them to feel younger even when they are old. They’ll actually make you feel alive due to their bubbling nature and high energy. One way to you’ll know you’ll feel older is when you are in the midst of her friends, then you’ll know you don’t actually fit in. and probably you might have kids who are in the same age categories with her.
All marriages are the same, regardless of the age difference. What matters is love, honesty, communication, the ability to be open, and understanding. Then you’ll have a happy home.
Getting married to a younger woman that loves you alot is an amazing thing. The most important thing to keep at heart is to have fun with each other and live happily after.
How to deal with disrespectful in-laws without stress
Marriage is not just marrying your spouse, it’s also marrying the family of your spouse, which are your in-laws. There are mysteries you will unravel with time; a part of the mystery is with your in-laws.
One of the challenges faced in marriages is having disrespectful in-laws. Not every married couple experiences this, some in-laws turn out to be the best. There are in-laws who treat you as if you are from their bloodline.
Getting an in-law who’s alive is a great privilege because you’d have an additional parent who’ll impart their wisdom from years of experience and also from matured sibling in-laws too.
The way most in-laws act towards you before marriage may be totally different after getting married to their child. If you’ve seen the signs of disrespectful in-laws, then you must be careful in dealing with them.
All you need to do is to be ready for the fight, till you win. Dealing with a disrespectful in-law is more like you’re fighting a battle.
10 Ways To Deal With Disrespectful In-Laws
Disrespectful in-laws can be a pain in the Ass if they are rude, cheeky, discourteous, and manipulative. Also if they have a negative influence on your spouse, it could cripple your marriage.
Having disrespectful in-laws doesn’t mean that your marriage will end. If you’re able to handle the whole matter very well, they may turn out to respect you 100%.
Always bear in mind that, problems are created to be solved, you can still make peace with your in-law. If you’ve been asking questions like, how can I deal with my in-laws who are disrespectful? Then, this article is for you.
If you wish to leave a healthy life, then setting boundaries should be implemented. All you need to do is to, draw the line. If your in-laws are the type that wants you to cancel meetings just to please them, then you need to take action, so you won’t be treated like a puppet.
When you sir to their entire request, they’ll gradually lose their respect for you.
Always learn to handle things in your own way, without raising an eyebrow. When they need your time and you’re not there, learn to appreciate their concern but if your disrespectful in-laws still disrespect your boundaries, then you’ll bring forth the issue to your spouse.
The worst is staying close to your in-law’s apartment. If you are in that shoe or you know someone who’s doing that, then you need to advise that fellow to move out to a new apartment. Here are some of the rules you should employ to enable you set boundaries to your disrespectful in-laws.
• Avoid arguing too much/ raising topics that set off fireworks
• Every in-law (from both sides) that’s visiting should call first to avoid invading your privacy. They should make calling a prerequisite even if they’re living THE next street.
• Never allow your in-laws to override any decision you and your spouse make in the family. If they are giving you a piece of advice, that’s totally different!
ALSO, READ 41 Keys to a successful marriage
2. Avoid Public Conflict and Drama (Simply Ignore them)
If you’re in public with your disrespectful in-laws, try to give an arm’s length. Avoid anything that’ll bring embarrassment or fight to the both of you. Swallow all the nonsense which they may present you.
Simply ignore them, if you’re the type who always reacts to people, then you need to learn how to control your anger and just Ignore their snarky remarks.
3.Unite as a couple
Uniting as a couple is one of the best ways to fight disrespectful in-laws. Doing it alone might inflate the hatred they probably have for you. You cannot control or react except you come together as husband and wife.
For instance, if you’re a woman who’s married for 15years without having a baby, you’d imagine the shame, disgrace, and torture your in-laws would put you through. As a woman, you don’t have to keep quiet. You’ve to explain to your hubby how the torture is affecting your psychology, marriage, and other areas of life.
Have a good time/Open conversation with your spouse so you’d be able to tell them your awful experience with your disrespectful in-laws.
When having a conversation with your spouse about handing your disrespectful in-laws, never try to conclude because once your partner is on your side, your battle will be won.
4.Limit your interaction with your disrespectful in-laws
One of the best ways to deal with your toxic in-laws is to limit your interactions with them. A popular African Proverb says (Too much play brings no respect). This proverb is usually spoken to kids from an adult. It means that when you play with a child too much, in no time the child would gradually lose respect for you, irrespective of your age gap.
Whenever you notice this disrespect from a child, the best advice is to limit your conversation with the child. This applies to those who have disrespectful in-laws, when you notice the disrespect is growing, and then you need to give them a Gap.
When you give them some distance, they’ll begin to have respect for you. Also, they won’t have the opportunity to hurt you again and you’ll cry less.
5.Only spend time with disrespectful in-laws when your spouse is present
Don’t dare go there alone, it’s like visiting a zoo, probably the LION’S DEN!! You may regret ever going there. Your partner needs to be at the center of everything in case there is a fight from your abusive in-laws. For you to handle your abusive in-laws, never you spend time alone with them.
If your spouse sent you on an errand, then you could beg him that both of you should Go, he needs to grab the bull by its horns… Not all family in-laws have the gut to disrespect their child’s spouse in the presence of their son or daughter.
If your partner is around the home, there would be fewer issues compared to when one is left alone with their in-laws.
6.Summon the courage to tell them you’ve done nothing to be disrespected
Firstly, you don’t have to visit them and pop this up immediately you get there. They may also pop you out if you quickly do it. Look for a time when they are calm to boldly talk to them. If you have no concrete reason(s) for them to believe you, then you need to stop that Mission.
One of my best tactics of getting into someone is to make them feel bad about what they are doing, once you’re able to make them feel bad, they may start apologizing to you and may promise to be the best in-law to you.
When you have the opportunity to talk with your disrespectful in-laws, shoot your shot!!!
7.Turn your controlling sister-in-law into an ally
Handling your toxic in-laws takes a lot of wisdom. Turning your controlling sister-in-law into an ally might not be 100%. But you can smartly turn them to be against her parents and make you scale through the pain. But if she turns out to be her old self then you can trash her out.
8.Don’t take loans or favors from in-laws and don’t extend them as well
If you must regain your integrity, don’t take loans, grants, or any favor from them. When you do and you start giving them attitude, they’ll tell every member of their family that you aren’t loyal.
Some In-laws usually display all these favors to be in total control of their in-laws. Not accepting a favor from them doesn’t mean if they tend to give gifts during Christmas, you’ll now reject it.
Accepting gifts or any favor from disrespectful in-laws always comes with a string attached.
9.Go the professional route
If dealing with disrespectful in-laws is really giving you a tough time, it’s always better to seek a therapist’s help.
The counselor can equip you with effective tactics to deal with your in-laws without compromising your sanity.
Also, there could be some serious issues or underlying health problems that can be causing your in-laws to behave in an unhealthy or spiteful way.
In this case, you can take your spouse’s help and persuade your in-laws to try out counseling or therapy for themselves. The therapist will be able to get to the roots of their toxic behavior and help them through effectively.
The psychologist will teach you useful methods for coping with your in-laws without jeopardizing your sanity.
Obvious Signs your wife wants to leave you
Look, it is true – you are no wizard, but for an imminent break, there would surely be signs your wife is about to leave you. A lot contributes to the future of your relationship, but in the long run, your ability to identify majority (if not all) of the signs your spouse gives off – and the best practices to win her back – is what keeps your marriage together.
Why Does Your Wife Want to Leave You?
Definitely, a perfect relationship is not worth sacrificing anything for, and no woman in her right mind would want that, but when you observe some of what would be highlighted here, then you should understand that some things are beginning to happen that you probably didn’t take cognizance of until it escalated.
A review of other Google queries relating to questions some husbands ask when they feel like they are losing connection with their spouse goes along these lines:
Does my wife love me? How to know if my wife loves me. Why is my wife not interested in me sexually? Why does my wife suddenly want to go on a break? Why is my wife mean / rude to me? Why is she spending more time away from me? How to know if my wife is cheating. Why does it look like my spouse is avoiding me?. .
My guess is, you are reading this because you either stumbled upon this post or you searched it out because you’re beginning to feel distant from your spouse and you really cannot decipher what’s wrong.
What Does Intimacy Really Mean?
Truth is, it is a hideous task; trying to (be aware of, and) understand each other’s feelings totally. It takes bonding to become one, and it takes understanding to relate and live together. The role of proper communication of emotions cannot be over-emphasized, but when even talking becomes a task on your to-do list – that almost never gets to be ticked, then it becomes impossible to fill in on how you and your spouse relate.
A relationship is based on Intimacy, and though you may feel like it is something you’ve already got worked out, there are facets that you might have had lagging. Or maybe misconstrued.
According to an interview with Huffington Post, Christine Wilke, a marriage therapist, reveals that “most issues leading to divorce circle about the need for women to feel seen, heard, appreciated and validated.” Further on she says, “sadly in most cases the issue is not really noticed until it has deteriorated to the divorce level.”
In a similar interview, Kristin Davin, a psychologist, and mediator lays emphasis on the need for both parties to “show up.” She said, “Most women carry the weight of their family without considering their husbands because they feel left out.”
So, what does intimacy mean? In some cases, it is viewed as the feeling bred off togetherness, closeness, friendship, fellowship, and involvement in one another. According to Wikipedia, genuine intimacy in human relationships require dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. All four; a subject of our humanity being laid as the driver for deeper relationships.
In the past, a wife had to stick with her husband for life even if he mistreated her because it was shameful to divorce. Unfortunately, that’s not the case anymore. TV shows, movies, and pop singers have made the idea of affairs, divorce, and starting a new life seem cool. Hence, the quote, “Marriage is not a bulletproof.”
I saw that quote somewhere and I can say, it rings true. In today’s world, if you want to keep a relationship together, you have to build on the respect, attraction, and love that your wife feels for you, rather than taking it for granted and expecting that she will stick around because you are married.
It’s safer to say that if you want your wife to stay with you forever, you have to continue working at being the sort of man that she wants to stay with for life.
If you observe the following behaviors in your spouse, or you find yourself stuck in similar situations as relayed here, then there are probabilities that she is considering a break from you.
3 Signs your wife wants to leave you
Arguments between couples are caused by a long list of underpinned realities; Children, Leisure, Work, Money, Habits, Relatives, Chores, Commitment, Friends, Personality, Intimacy, even more. They exist because (one or) both parties are trying to make the relationship better in ways the other doesn’t agree to.
This is seen to occur more often than not between couples that are still trying to blend. But once the argument stops there are two reasons.
1. You’ve finally found a level ground for both parties to agree, and this is the good side of it.
2. The second part gives off the impression: “You never listen to me!”
A statement like this reveals that she has tried to communicate with you in all of the ways she thinks wise (or possible), but hasn’t been able to have any effect on you.
At this point, you’ll notice that most of the arguments that come up would have the same theme. With time, she believes you’re unchangeable, unyielding, and her life would make better sense if she was away from you. Hence, her next step. To quit arguing with you. A depiction that she has finally given up on you.
There are several forms in which withdrawal can come; your spouse suddenly has piled up excuses not to be together. When she’s beginning to do things without you in it – more timeout with friends, and you notice several other excuses ranging from piled up work and (feigned) tiredness, even as a reason not to be sexually intimate. When she starts to abhor physical contact with you. No holding hands. No closure. You might be experiencing withdrawal.
Now, there are two sides to this coin. She might actually be caught up with work and all the excuses you observe might be genuine, but you might be feeling this way because you defaulted in some things you might want to check out:
1. You may have neglected her for a while and are now feeling guilty for it. Have you in any way neglected her? Probably your work hasn’t given you the opportunity to be the better husband you want yourself to be? Then, you might want to actively work on becoming the man for whom married. This would mean imply that for the expected love, respect, and attraction to stay alive for life, you because things felt so good at the start.
2. You may be making her feel less important, unintentionally. A time would come when she would feel like she has had enough of the ill-treatment you give to her, which has led to her feeling unhappy in the relationship. It could mean that your wife’s attraction for you has faded, as she feels disrespected. The best option for her to regain her respect would be to withdraw from you.
3. You may have been expecting too much from her –a little over the border. This goes along with the second point raised. Just like you, she’s human, and everyone has limitations in some ways. The least you can do is appreciate her for the little she does (especially if she isn’t a housewife).
The little sacrifices that go unnoticed and unappreciated are part of what can contribute to a feeling of neglect, and all other ones that might stem up from there. Gary Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages,” emphasizes the need for each spouse to understand, as well as, fill each other’s emotional tank.
This is meant to be obvious, for someone that is already being withdrawn from. You’ve been unyielding, and dissident. And that has dropped your rank too. She now prefers outings rather than stay in the house with you; a timeout with friends (family, and maybe a new guy), and her plans are gradually excluding you, even financial plans. If you notice this, you’re no longer top on her priority list. It takes two to tango, but you’ve slipped through the rank that she no longer makes contentious efforts at salvaging the family.
Now, I’ve tried to be explicit enough in giving you a compressed pattern that you should look out for if you are feeling like your marriage is going in the divorce direction.
As a bonus, I won’t just leave you with the signs that you came looking here for. The purpose of this article wasn’t just to reveal these. NO. Relationshipseeds would love to know that you were able to make things work with your spouse thus some tips to implement in order to rev up the tension between you both.
Remember my point about intimacy? Yes, you would have to build that back by all means possible, starting with personal efforts on your side; making yourself the kind of person she’d love to stay with for the rest of her life by:
– Paying (and giving proper) Attention
– Putting Effort (into making things work)
– Taking Responsibility (and admitting to wrongs – not shoving it aside)
– Being Intentional (she’ll know if you’re faking it to get her on your side)
– Setting up Strong Communication
– Being as understanding as can be.
A home that lacks these qualities is one that has set itself up for a break already. These are prerequisites for a marriage that’s set to be successful, with or without children. They are what build bonds, and make the familial spirit stay alive. You can always experiment with the 5 love languages Gary Chapman talked about in his book.
Remember, divorce these days is as easy as visiting a lawyer and coming back with some papers to support the claim. But the effect. . . I’m sure you’d want to avoid that as much as you can, by doing all you can to show her you don’t just love her; you appreciate her in every way. And that’s the point of this article – to show you where you’ve gotten it wrong, and point you in the right direction.
Think of it this way: Why does your wife need a divorce (or break, as it may be coated)? Is it justifiable? Do you have intentions of getting the divorce out of the picture? If really you want to work on this, then you have just the signs to look out for to know if your spouse wants to leave you, and you know just what to do.
I’d be waiting to hear from you in the comment section, or you could message Relationshipseeds using the icon by the bottom right of this page. Cheers!
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