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HOW TO EXPRESS NEEDS IN A RELATIONSHIP

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express needs

In this article, we’ll be talking on how to express needs in a relationship… Without communication in a relationship, partners often feel like they aren’t loved, like the other person doesn’t understand them. However, this problem arises as a result of not knowing what your partner actually needs.

Healthy couples, however, understand that knowing each other’s needs is very important for their relationship to last. It can be difficult to express needs in a relationship especially when you don’t want your partner to feel as though he or she hasn’t been fulfilling the necessary duties or has been incompetent over time. That is why it is important to understand how to approach the discussion and settle things before they go overboard.

The following guides to changing this narrative has been helpful, I’d like to

share with you;

1. Keeping an open mind: The conversation can begin with a sly warning that your partner shouldn’t be offended if you tend to say things that might hurt him or her.. Your sole intention should be to have a better relationship by telling them what you really want. The warning you lay should also apply to you too.

You shouldn’t be offended if they tend to say something that makes you feel hurt at that time. Talk about all the things you love about your partner, how much he provides you, and how you want to improve your relationship to ensure that you both stay happy and satisfied.

The key is to make sure you include your partner’s happiness in the discussion or it will seem as though you are attacking him with your wants and not considering his.

2. Open lines of communication: The idea should be not to begin the conversation in the heat of an argument, this is because during this time, your partner is actively listening and the needs just go in through one ear and leave through the other.

The best way to express these needs is to initiate the conversation when everyone is calm and ready to listen. Be careful not to apportion blames, when you tell your partner what you’re feeling, you need to be careful to not vent or explode in a vague, accusatory way (“I’m angry/upset and you’re to blame!”) which may feel abusive, and isn’t productive. In order to keep the conversation as a problem-solving discussion rather than a heated argument, you want to accurately convey the nature, intensity, and cause of your feelings.

So before you begin the conversation, you’ll want to have expressed as much as possible the specifics of what you’ve been feeling.

The following can help you analyze your feeling;

  1. Add modifiers that accurately convey the intensity of your feelings. Have you been feeling a little resentful or a lot? Slightly discouraged or majorly depressed? Be honest here.
  1. How long have you been feeling this way? Have you been stressed since you lost your job or ever since you got married? Have you felt irritated for weeks or days?
  1. Avoid naming your partner as the cause of your feelings, no matter how tempting, and even if their actions have been the determinant factor. Blame brings defensiveness, not communication. What will result is a fight that doesn’t end up addressing the real problem whatsoever.

Instead, try to express the cause of your feelings in the form of their impersonal context, and describe your own feelings rather than those of the other person. You can accomplish this by using “I” statements rather than “you” accusations.

Be specific: While trying to express your needs, avoid decorating the words you would choose to use, leave out analysis, interpretation, and inflammatory or accusatory language – try to make it as specific, impersonal, and objective as possible.

Check out these examples;

Our relationship has been rough lately

  • Our room looks like an exploded bomb
  • You spend like a maniac
  • I’m irritated by your nagging attitude
  • I’m tired of this marriage without sex
  • Why do your hands seem to be so sloppy
  • I’m always stuck at home, I’ve not gone to see friends in a long while..

Instead, use these

  • We have been fighting a lot in the last few days
  • You keep clothes and shoes scattered everywhere in our room
  • We have less than 200k in our account, you have been spending above the estimated budget
  • You give me too many reminders about a certain issue and it makes me uncomfortable
  • We haven’t had sex in three months
  • It makes me angry when you always drop things on the floor.
  • I’ve not had fun outside the house since we had the baby

Being specific helps your partner understand clearly what the issue is, without having to think over and over about it and this helps get over the problem as soon as possible.

Ask for a change in behavior only: It is very important to keep this in mind. Don’t expect your partner to change his or her values, attitudes, motivations, or feelings. These characteristics are very hard to change. It’s like asking someone to be taller or darker. People feel personally threatened if you ask them to change qualities that are seen as part of their very nature and beyond their conscious control. For example, what does it mean to ask someone to be ‘more loving’ or ‘less persuasive’ or ‘neater’? These kinds of requests are heard as attacks, and little real change is likely to result.

Instead of going after someone’s “core” attributes, and having them react defensively, stick with making a request that they modify a specific, observable behavior.

You can use words such as; It would mean a lot to me if you hugged me when I came home from work and asked me how my day was.

When you make your request, only tackle one situation and 1 or 2 observable behavior changes at a time. You don’t want to overwhelm your partner – they just shut down. Pick small changes that will make them feel like, “Okay, that’s reasonable. I can do that.” See if your partner follows through on those changes.

If they do, then bring up something else to work on down the line. It boils down to being specific, intentional, and polite while making those known.

Evenly share your needs: This can be very easy to do when you understand that both of you could have separate needs, so to make it easy, you can make a list of 5 or 10 things you would like to change each and evaluate each one individually.

Discussion Phase: Once both of you have completed the phase where you get to write out your individual needs, the next would be to discuss the needs and see exactly what your partner needs, this will reduce the risk of misunderstandings.

Keep in mind however that these needs might not be temporary, you need to continually follow through by viewing the list from time to time to find out how to aid your partner.

If a discussion of the needs becomes heated and turns into an argument, take a break from it for as long as each of you needs to feel calm again.

CLICK HERE TO READ 5 REASONS WHY SEX IS IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

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Marriage & Divorce

Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney

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Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney

 

Going through a divorce without legal help is like committing financial suicide. You might be thinking of going through your divorce on your own
and just using information that you can research online but that can do more harm than good. Though a DIY divorce may apply to certain situations,
it is still smarter to hire a divorce attorney to ensure that your best interests are taken into consideration. Keep reading for reasons why hiring a divorce
attorney could be one of your best divorce decisions.

You Want to Eliminate Mistakes

“The legal system is complicated enough to navigate for those who have a legal degree, so navigating it from a layman’s perspective is like trying to pilot a plane without even knowing how to ride a bike”, says Michael Porter of Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc.

Legal jargon can be very challenging. It can take just one word for you to completely misunderstand something (like a debt or medical issue) or overestimate/underestimate the value of an asset. This is the last thing you want. Why? Because mistakes like this can cause your financial ruin or may need to be corrected with more legal proceedings in the future. An attorney can ensure that your case is being handled properly and that you will not be making decisions that you will regret for years to come.

You Will Benefit from Legal Advice

A divorce attorney can ensure that you get what you deserve during a divorce. This is important because state laws do not always support an even split of a couple’s assets. There are cases where a spouse is entitled to a spouse’s future income and/or retirement. By hiring an attorney, you ensure that complicated issues such as debts, child custody, current assets, future assets, and child support are legally addressed.

You Want to Minimize Stress

Divorce is a highly stressful time. Not only will it be addressing the end of your marriage, but might also bring up painful experiences from the past. A divorce attorney will provide objective help in gathering information, presenting information, and representing your interests. This will give you more time to process your feelings and take care of yourself and your family.

Keep in mind that a divorce will be a very painful time and the last thing youneed is to have to take on legal work. That is what an attorney is for.

You Don’t Want Delays

Completing all the paperwork needed for a divorce plus gathering information and documenting everything isn’t an easy task. Yes, there are court provided documents but that is just a small percentage of what you actually need. Aside from paperwork, there are other legal issues that can prolong a divorce or halt the progress into a crawl. An experienced divorce attorney knows how to avoid problems like the above and get things done as fast as possible.

You Want A Clear Divorce

A divorce is a legal agreement and is legally binding. You want everything in your divorce to be as clear as possible and that each point that needs to be
addressed are taken care of. A divorce attorney will ensure that your wishes are accurately presented and that you understand everything that goes into
the divorce. This way, the divorce would be free from unclear language or errors.

ALSO, READ TOP 5 MONEY ISSUES THAT COULD  DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP

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Marriage & Divorce

What to Look for in a Wife TO MARRY

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what to look for in a wife

Before getting married to the love of your life as a man, questions like “what to look for in a wife?” Will definitely arise. The ideal woman for Everyman differs. Some may say they want a skinny lady, or a fat girl, if you could hear some of the things said by MEN, as per what they want, you’d be shocked.

Choosing a life partner is a major decision taken by man, here he selects one lady over a bunch of them. Marriage is a lifetime race, and when it’s not been run properly, it could lead to a broken home. Nobody wants a broken home. Everyone wants to live happily ever after. When you choose the wrong partner, it may take you years to correct, or even spending all your life trying to put things in proportion. A marriage that is not Divinely approved will end in divorce, emotional pains, and suffering.

It is therefore important to choose wisely. Before you choose to marry any lady make sure that she is Kind of person, never you force yourself on her just because you think she’s the most beautiful lady on planet Earth or you wanna marry her because she’s a model.
In life generally, if you want to buy something expensive, you don’t just rush in purchasing it. for instance, if you’re trying to buying used car worth $40,000 for yourself, there are things you need to look out for in the car before buying it. You’ll need to check stuffs like the * * vehicle history- you’ll need to make sure that the vendor is not selling a stolen car. Through the use of VIN, you can actually check if the car has been in an accident.
• You can check how efficient the engine is- this would be better if you go with an motor engineer (i.e the mechanic). In order not to bore you with these,the main message is to carefully search what’s needed.
So, If you’ve been asking questions like What qualities should I look for in a wife? Then keep reading this article .

6 Things To Look For In A Wife

Like we said in the beginning, men have different tastes when choosing women, but we’re going to bring out the most important thing to look for when hunting for a wife. They are things that you must consider without looking back.

1.Attractiveness

ATTRACTIVE LADY

I’ve always told my friends that if I want to marry, I must marry someone who I’m deeply attracted to. Yes! She may have all the wife material features, but bro, if she isn’t so attracted to you, I’ll advise you to leave her. Attraction isn’t everything but it’s something.

You may say, she’s beautiful, she has the qualities of a good wife, she’s just so perfect in her ways… but if you’re not attracted to her it may lead to another problem in future.
A girl once crushed on me years back! I noticed she had every quality that a good mother should possess but the problem actually was that I wasn’t attracted to her… I vividly know that if I end up marrying her, I would cheat on her like I never had a wife.

If you aren’t comfortable hanging out with your woman or introducing her to your friends, then I’m sorry to give you the breaking news, “Leave her Alone”, this may be very hard for you.. it was hard for me when I decided to make my own decisions, but the good news is that you’ll overcome.
It is very good to foresee because, if you’re marrying her because she is skinny, her body morphology may change with the season, she may run out of your taste!!
Marry someone who you know with or without her body changing drastically, you’ll still fall for her. Attraction goes beyond the physical structure, it’s more of a psychological feature, so be wise!!!!!!

2. She brings out the Best in You

Wow!! This is also an important factor in what to look for in a wife… one important question to ask yourself is “does my woman brings out the best in you?” Not all women have the capability. If you have one like this, then you’ll need to hold her really tight..

Some women may just decide to focus on just themselves, but a woman who’s really interested in you will want to resharpen and remold you.
If you’ve got the habit of smoking and drinking alcohol all the time, extravagant living, she’ll want to help you in that arena.
One way to know that she really brings out the best in you is that whenever you’re with her, you’re always inspired and you just discovered something just awakened in you.

This kind of woman reinforces your confidence. Here, she’s just like a coach to you. She just has the ability to make your world brighter.
She’s never in to demotivate, instead, she’ll motive and lift your heart’s up…
If you’re in a relationship now and you’ve ever felt like you’re in a prison, then that should be a red flag on your side telling you to run.

ALSO, READ BEST ROMANTIC LOVE LETTERS FOR YOUR PARTNER

3. Find a Wife who’ll Love you Unconditionally

An Ex. Once asked me, Josh!! Why do you love me?? Can you please tell me what you like about me or the major reason why you love me???.. As a relationship expert, you know full well that the answers you make can hurt you or flame up something in the future. Like the cops will always tell any criminal they capture. “ any you say or do, will be used against you in the court of law”.

It’s not bad to give an answer of your choice tho.

Finally, I gave her no answer, I just told her that I don’t have any reason(s) for loving you. that if I do, in the future, if that reason is no longer manifesting, then the love will fade away. I told her I just love her unconditionally.

The word unconditionally has a dictionary meaning: without a condition.
The day I was shocked, was when I saw a lady who married a man in a wheelchair. I wept in my heart. I asked my self does true love like this still exists?? That’s an example of an unconditional love.

When exchanging the marriage vow, the priest usually quote stuff like:

“in riches and in poverty”
“in sickness and in good health”
This was meant to be the true definition of an unconditional love.
Looking for someone who’ll love you unconditionally might be very tough for you. But if you carefully watch her well. You’ll be able to detect it.. an adage says by their fruits, ye shall know them. When the fruits in a mango tree is ripe, It’s always accessible for sightseeing until it’s been plucked.
An unconditional love is a sacred kind of love!! Not everyone in a relationship is lucky to get it. Some actually got it, but screwed things up!
Unconditional love also means putting your partners first, Before putting yourself. You deserve a woman that’ll love you the way you are.

4.Sexual Openness

Sexual compatibility should be one of the TOP 3 discussed topics Before marriage.
It’s very important! I once asked a lady, “how sexual are you? Rate it from 1- 10. She said 3. I was shocked, I just told myself deep down, that i cant be with such a fellow!!.

She told me she isn’t a Fan of sex!!! Although research and statistics have proven that sex wanes and waxes at different stages of life. For instance, the sex drive for nursing mother’s periodically low.

If you’re a man who’s practicing abstinence from sex with your partner before marriage, then this issue of sexual openness needs to be taken very seriously.
And if you’re a man who’s so crazy about sex and wants more in marriage, then you’ll need to look for a woman who has a healthy sex life that discusses sex openly, in other not to fall into a sexless marriage.

Find out little things like “does she love kissing?😘”, would she want to explore the world of sex?.
Being so religious shouldn’t make you shy from the REAL TRUTH.
When you fail in this aspect, you’ll be left with no choice rather than to cheat.

5. intellectual and Educational Compatibility

intellectual and Educational Compatibility

It has never been in the dictionary of some educated men to marry a lady that is not educated.
Education shouldn’t be something you place so much value on over intelligence. Education can never be substituted for intelligence!!
Whenever a man feels his woman is less Intelligent and educated than him, if they tend to marry, the man will definitely maltreat her.
However, such men would find it very hard to let their wives make key decisions about child-rearing, money management etc if they doubt their wives’ intelligence.
ALSO, READ SIGNS YOU ARE NOT INTELLECTUALLY COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR PARTNER

6.Marry Your type

Marrying your type means you should look for a wife that has similar traits, characteristics, and personality. If you’re an extroverted man and you’re not really comfy handling an introvert, then you shouldn’t run into marriage with her. Marriage shouldn’t be something that will bore you. Having a partner that you can’t have a long conversation with would be boring especially you’re the type that loves talking a lot.

These are some funny answers that Joshua Isibor– A relationship Coach, got when he asked some guys the kind of lady that they want..

“ I want a woman that loves drinking alcohol”
“ I want a lady who smokes”
“I also want a lady who is good in bed”

The goal here is to find someone that’s like a best friend to you: someone that you’re free with.

Please leave your comments!

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Sex Education

How impotent men can make love?

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Impotence is not to be perceived as an end to fulfilling sex life. It is surely a man’s problem and a woman’s despair. Impotence can be a ruthless relationship killer.
Impotence or ED (Erectile Dysfunction) is still majorly perceived as a man’s problem alone. Because of its embarrassment, many men who suffer refuse to effectively communicate it to their partners. They are ashamed and feel they have to carry the burden of it by dealing with it themselves.
The embarrassment also withholds the suffering men from seeking professional help. The only way they choose to cope is by avoiding sexual contact altogether. Even if the man with the said affliction gathers the guts to reach the therapist’s office, he is against his partner accompanying him more often than not.
Leaving the woman out of the equation alienates her and doubles the impact the man’s impotence has on her well-being. A woman with an impotent partner may feel she is unloved or her appeal is unsexy. She may feel the romantic spark that burned bright with her partner has completely faded.
In her reluctance to appear insensitive, she may hesitate to be proactive in communicating with her partner to satisfy her pent-up s3xual desires. The Woman may fear something’s wrong with her man, something that has to do with his health or his work.
Many men also regain their potency. Even those who don’t can also be effective lovers. With some insights and creative imagination, it’s possible to restrict impotence from ruining your love life and the beauty in your relationship.

When is it not impotence?

An occasional performance failure cannot be categorized as the feared impotence. When a man who was a stellar performer in bed slips in his action one time, her partner may start questioning her self-image and attraction. It is usual for some women to suspect their husbands of having affairs.
All men now and then go through something like this. These occasional failures do not define their identity as impotent. The reasons for it may vary, it can be the many stressful and anxiety-inducing fast-paced lifestyles we are increasingly adopting. Persistent worry and professional obligations may have some part to play.
If it’s an occasional occurrence in performance, ignore it and steer yourself away from the counterproductive thoughts. Don’t start obsessing over it. If such a thought process enters your consciousness, the performance anxiety will slowly creep in. It can lead to a vicious cycle.

How to regain the lost intimacy and make love again?

Communication

The most important and effective tool for a very satisfying sex life or a very fulfilling relationship is clear communication. If you have ED, there is no better way to start addressing and doing something about it.
Talk openly and freely about your intimate desires. Without hesitation communicate your deep fears. The whole experience will manifest a new bond that solidifies your relationship. This eliminates the worry the woman may be having regarding her attraction and sex appeal. It is essential to reassure each other and remain supportive.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A good sex therapist can help you and your partner in overcoming these issues and provide valuable insights on improving your sex life.

Relaxation

Stress and anxiety are significant contributors to ED. In many cases, their role is more impactful than the physiological problems. When buried in worry, both the performance and the enjoyment dwindles.
Redirect your focus and attention from your ED to getting intimate with your partner. Lose yourself in the moment. Enjoy the little things that make the atmosphere romantic and sensual. Cherish the time you are getting to spend with your partner. Try deep breathing exercises to relax and be mindful.
A gentle erotic touch may bring simple pleasure. The more relaxed you are, the more you’ll break the barrier of impotency to experience fulfilling and stress-free sexual action.

Rediscovery

Reflect on the moments you and your partner had when you first started your relationship. Channel that experience of each touch electrifying your senses. Remember what it was like to explore so many new things about this fascinating person. You both had built this bridge of relationship discovering each other’s life from a unique perspective.
Relive those beautiful moments of togetherness. Kiss, laugh and experiment. There are many sex toys available for adult play. Just immerse yourself in the act and just purely enjoy it. Touch and caress each other. Discover the joy in extra-foreplay and sync intimately with your partner.

Playfulness

Even without a firm erection, you may still be able to 0rgasm. Even without intercourse, you and your partner can indulge in a great deal of sexual pleasure. All you need is a desire to take action and a twisted creative thought.
Mutual masturb@tion is one great way to learn more about what you and your partner enjoy. Experiment with innovative s3x toys to turn things spicy on the bed. Sex Vibrators are great to provide CLIT0RAL STIMULATI0N. Penis sleeves are fascinating toys for men with ED to wear and satisfy their partners. Along with tools for arousal and action, both mutual and oral stimulation can also be fun and exciting.
Sex doesn’t just have to be a game where the playground is always the bed. You can choose different and safe locations to be intimate and let the novelty of the place add extra excitement.

Determination

Physical intimacy is an essential part that sustains a happy and satisfying relationship. It’s possible to establish a relationship and have a sexually fulfilling time even without an active ERECTI0N.
Doctors may prescribe medications and treatments for ED. There might be other underlying ignored conditions that need to be addressed. Impotency can also mean early warning signs of heart disease.
For a long-term satisfying s3x life, it’s important to take care of your overall health. You also need to practice good communication to clearly convey your intentions and desires. Have a grip on your sexual expectations, adopt healthy habits into your lifestyle. Don’t forget to get creative to satisfy each other’s needs.

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