To most couples, moving in together is the next logical step when they feel their relationship is progressing towards marriage. Moving in together like every other thing in life has its pros and cons.
Since it’s mostly the lady that moves in with the guy, although sometimes it’s the guy who moves in with the lady. There is a need to weigh the pros and cons before doing so.
Before we consider the pros and cons, it is important to know that before you consider moving in with him or her, your relationship should be defined; that is you, should make sure the relationship is heading somewhere, so you wouldn’t be just someone who is sharing the bills with them.
Some of the advantages (pros) of moving in with him:
- Money will be saved: One of the major reasons you might be planning on moving in with your boyfriend might be because of financial issues. You will agree with me that it will be easier for you to save money when the two of you are putting your incomes or resources together to pay rents, electricity bills, and the rest of them.
Even if one of you isn’t working for one reason or the other, moving in together splits the responsibilities of house chores between both of you. This saves the person working a lot of time and stress.
- It will increase your communication skills: Moving in with your boyfriend is a good way to practice your conflict resolution and communication skills without having a high emotional investment or high stakes of marriage involved.
Some people struggle with very high emotional sensitivity, and moving in together takes some pressure off them and helps them communicate better in a long run.
- It gives you time to adjust to his habits: Moving in with him gives you enough time to know all his habits ( spending, eating, hygienic), either good or bad and allows you to adjust to them.
Moving in with him you let you know him to the very last detail, so you won’t be in for a rude awakening when you get married.
- Divorce is more expensive than breakups: moving in with him will open your eyes to a lot of things you might not have prepared for or things you might detest outrightly about him.
It will be easier to break up then if he doesn’t change or when you both can’t compromise on the issue. Although breakup sucks it is easier than divorce especially when kids are involved, or joint assets plus a long sordid history between both of you.
- Your level of intimacy increases: one big advantage of moving in with him, is that increases the level of intimacy between the both you.
You get to wake up next to each other every day and snuggle together for as long as you want. You can have deep conversations with, face to face, at any time of the day. You might probably cook and have most of your meals together.
You also get to have sex at any time you want and anywhere in the house.
- It will increase your happiness: there is this popular saying that happiness is the only thing that multiplies when shared.
Moving in with your boyfriend will double the happiness in your life, imagine the feeling of going home to your boyfriend after a hellish day, pure joy. Couples who live together have more confidence with each other and improved self-esteem.
- It is a practical option: Living alone in the world today is very expensive and can be extremely difficult, so moving in with him is highly practical, as you both share all expenses.
Another reason it is practical is that you no longer have to wait to have sex but you can now do so when the mood strikes you.
- It gives room for your growth and development: Moving in with your man will give you free reins to explore whatever it is you have always wanted to explore, as the financial strain on you has lessened.
Seeing as it is not a marriage, the social obligations expected from a wife is not expected from you. You will also learn a lot from your man that will help in your physical development, as you will be spending a lot of time with him.
- There is always someone to share everything with: There are always tough times and happy times in life and no matter what time we are facing in your lives, we always need someone to talk to. Moving in with your man gives you that added advantage as you no longer have to wait until it is okay for both of you or until both of you are free. All you need to do is go home and share whatever you need to with him.
Some disadvantages (Cons) of moving in with him:
- You will lose some of your personal space: if the type of person who values her space and likes spending some time apart from your significant other then moving in with him will inhibit your ability to this.
You might be saving money for yourself, but you won’t have much space to keep your things anymore. Take your closet as an example, while leaving alone you already have a full closet, when you move in with him, you might have to pack some of your clothes in a box as you also need to create space in the closet for him.
- Disapproval from family: If you are from a conservative or a Christian home, there might be tension between you and your family members as you are going to live with someone who is not your husband or even your fiancée.
Although this depends on how much you value your family’s opinion, you have to be careful as ignoring their wishes on important issues like this can cause problems for a long. So you must think carefully if it’s really worth it.
- You could get stuck in a bad relationship: When you start living with him, you might end up being in a relationship with him, when you actually want out of the relationship because it might be easier for you to continue staying with him than start trying to figure out new living conditions because of cost.
- Your relationship with others might change: Your relationship with others might change greatly as your lives become entwined with that of your partner when you move in with him. You will not be able to hang out frequently with friends as you tend to hang out more with your significant other.
Your friends may even frequently forget to invite you to hang out with you because they assume you may have other engagements with your man, especially when you have blown them off severally.
- You might turn into a Nag: When you move in with your partner, you’ll have more exposure to his habits, less personal space, and more room for communication, you might be tempted to nag.
You start nagging when you continually ask for something to be done in a bad or negative manner. You will agree with me that nagging isn’t pleasant at all
- Boundaries will be blurred: When the communication between you and your partner is not transparent, moving in together might blur the lines. Will you both still be thinking along the same lines? Will you still be thinking of getting married? Will you guys turn into roommates or will the romance still be there?
These are the questions you should ask yourself before you consider moving in with him. Living together and sharing the same space, over-familiarity might arise and you may forget your initial plan of getting married
- No more mystery: That sense of mystery that makes things fresh, new, and exciting flies out of the window immediately you move in with him. You now know everything about him from how he smells and his morning routine to his bedtime routine, which makes the relationship boring. And no one likes a boring relationship.
It has been proven again and again that the romance between couples goes down the drain immediately they move in together. The newness of the relationship wears off and you both turn into ordinary roommates.
- You will have to include him in all your decisions: When you are living alone, you are the boss of yourself, and you get to take any decision you want about your household.
But when you move in with him, you will have to be making decisions together, that will be easy if the both of you see eye to eye on everything, but you will agree with me that it’s impossible. Making changes to suite each other might be very difficult and it may create problems between both of you.
- You might end up not getting married or getting divorced: Most relationships are doomed immediately they move in together, true some of the couples who live together before getting married eventually get married but they have about 33% divorce rate higher than normal.
When you move in with him, he might begin to rethink the reasons why he should marry you, when you are already performing wifely duties for free.
- Everyone will start bugging you about marriage: if you move in with him, it might not necessarily be because your relationship is so close to marriage, but the outside world doesn’t see it that way. In fact in our part of the world today, the moment you move in with a guy you are automatically called his wife even without him doing the marriage rite.
To most people looking at the both of you, the feel immediately you move in with him, there is marriage on your horizon. Thereby putting unnecessary pressure on both you, which when not properly handled may lead to a breakup.
11.Unwanted Pregnancy: when you move in with him, there is an upside that you get to have sex whenever you want and at any part of the house, but with this advantage comes the danger of unwanted pregnancy. As both of you may forget or forgo protection in the heat of the moment.
Now imagine when you get pregnant for a guy you are living with when there was no plan of marriage anytime soon on the horizon, it may lead to the both of you getting married in a hurry to cover the shame it will bring especially in the case when both parents were against your moving in together or when they are strong Christians whose believes are against giving birth out of wedlock. This will eventually lead to a loveless marriage and an unhappy home, you will agree with me that a home that is always unhappy and filled with disagreements is no conducive environment to raise children.
Now that you know all this, look at your relationship with your man carefully and weigh it against both the pros and the cons listed above to know if moving in with him will be a great idea or not.
I believe you now know what to do. Kudos to you