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Last Updated on May 18, 2024 by Joshua Isibor

This write-up will discuss how to get rid of your ex in your new relationship. Sometimes, telling if you’re done with your ex is challenging. You might think that you’ve moved on—and you are sure you do—but suddenly, you realize you’re still thinking about your past love.

Maybe the breakup came out so suddenly—perhaps you were never ready, and it came like a time bomb—and all you wanted to do was forget everything and move on, so you jumped into a new relationship to find solace. In the long run, you find out that you still crave your ex and are not paying your full attention to your new relationship.

You are not alone in this journey. We all have experienced many things, but I assure you that there are solutions.

So, I am going to share some tips that will help you fight this, and you will promise me that you are a strong person and will do your best to walk out of this situation.


1. The first thing to do is to survey yourself

It would be best if you were open to yourself. The best thing one can ever do is be honest with oneself. You can’t tell us you want to move on while you have made up your mind to go back to it. You have to be sincere with your answers and ask yourself if this is actually what you want. Do you need a solution, or are you just deceiving yourself and your new partner?

If your answer is ‘Yes, I Want A Solution to this,’ then know what pops up in your mind: the idea of your ex. Are you missing your ex-partner? Do you still wish you guys were still together? Are you feeling sorry for them because you were the one who caused the break-up, or are you still angry that the union ended so badly? Or do you wish your new spouse had your ex-lover’s qualities, or do you miss the time you spent together with them—the unforgettable memories?

It’s essential to have a clear mind about how you’re feeling about them, thinking about them constantly — even if you do not hate them — it can be a sign you crave them or are so obsessed with so much hate them.

Google defines it:

  “Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.” So if they don’t pique your interest, they should be out of the picture.

Take a journal and write down what you feel. Then, look at your feelings and tell yourself whether you still need them.

Oh, yes! This is the only way out, and trust me, it might feel weary, but you have to save yourself from this mess.

And when you are done listing them, talk to God about it. You need him to come and open your heart and guide you through all this and He will help.

2. You Need To Have A Cool Heart-to-Hheart Talk With Your Partner Once You’ve Figured Out Your Feelings.

Talk to your spouse as soon as you are done, and let your partner know how you feel about your past love and how much you want to remove your ex-lover from the picture.

.hearth to heart

Make sure you have figured it all out before having this conversation because it will only be a waste of time for both of you. Maybe you’re not sure where you stand, or you think you are doing your new lover a favor when you know deep down you miss your past love more than them.

Whether it’s “I’m struggling to let go of my anger towards my ex,” “I’m not sure I’ve moved on,” or “I don’t know what I feel right now,” your spouse deserves to know.

Your companion might feel jealous or angry, but if they are understanding, they might figure out a way out; they might suggest you go for counseling (a relationship therapist is the best for this) or always be there to guide and help you. Just know that once you open your heart to this, it will work out perfectly.

3. Decide if You Are Ready For This New Relationship

As I said earlier about surveying yourself, you still need to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship or need time to heal.

Only you know if you’re ready to be in a relationship. Are you just doing it to hide from the hurt of your past love? Are you using your new lover for your selfish gain?


two lovers holding hands together

If this whole break-up hits you so hard and you still find yourself craving for your ex-lover while with your current lover, you must let your spouse know you can’t return that kind of love they need.

Know what your new lover has to say about this, how they want to support you or their decision and plan on your next moves.

A friend said:

” If you figure out you still crave for your ex while in your new relationship, I think you need to figure yourself out first, just come out of the relationship and focus on loving yourself, and if someone who will love you like you love yourself comes by, you will feel nothing for your past love.”  And it is pure truth.

Maybe you haven’t faced your F.E.A.R. yet and are still wearing the ‘victim shoes. ‘ You keep on wishing for a relationship that doesn’t exist anymore but only in your mind.

It is time to face embrace, and win over those fears.

One of the love coaches said:

“It usually means you’re feeling brave enough to risk being brokenhearted. It’s normal to feel ready one day and not ready the next. I usually tell people not to give in to fear. Sometimes we need to lean into the fear instead of allowing it to dictate the direction of our lives.” By Brooke Bergman, relationship and dating coach.

But if you find out you can fight for your new love and deal away with your past love, then it is time I take you by your hand and embark on this loving journey.

 The Action Plans.

Yes! We have arrived, and we need to do what is necessary to win this battle. But first, stand in front of your mirror and wear a conqueror’s smile.

It Is Time To Implement The Action Plans, And Here We Go:

1. Disconnect yourself from anything that reminds you of them.

You need to get rid of those things that spark up old memories. They might be Calls, Texts, Pictures of both of you sharing Adorable moments on your phone, Gifts, Clothes, Social media, Favorite food, games, restaurants, Music, and so on.

You need to trash them away or return the ones you can, but if you can’t stand them, I suggest you give them out.

Then, after some time, try and create new memories with your new spouse with almost the same pattern—you must not do it the way with your ex but let it be similar to it differently—if they keep coming back to you.

Why? It erases old memories and makes room for new ones. Tell your new lover you want to do these, and they will understand and help you out.

2. Never try to compare the two

Don’t ever try it unless you want to kill the relationship. You don’t need to do it if you accept to adapt and move on.

You have a new partner, and your goals should be to create a beautiful life together, not the ‘do or don’t’ in the relationship.

Let it run at its own pace, and you will see everything fall into place.

3. Let go of the fantasy

Do you know what I mean? The beautiful lives you have created at the beginning of your relationship with your ex-lover, the good and sweet things you want to do, the places you want to travel to, and the beautiful achievements you two had planned to achieve.letting go

Wait! You can still do all these things in your current relationship but don’t expect them to come fast and spoil the whole love thing. Create a new vision for your future that doesn’t include them—past vision— and run with them.

4. Let go of the blame

There is no need to feel guilty about what happened, whether your fault or theirs—you need to let it go.

There is no room for all these causes. By now, you should have forgiven yourself or your ex and let God take control of everything.

Also, know that not all breaks are wrong; it might be an excellent opportunity to see your flaws and learn how to improve them. At last, you will be thankful that the whole thing happened.

5. Make peace with the past

It really hurts when the person you trusted so much betrays you or treats you like you are worth nothing. It is natural to get angry at them.

But how long should we linger on this anger and let it destroy us?

We can’t let their actions limit our abilities to move forward because if we still hold onto them, they have control over our lives.

Forgiveness isn’t about letting the person off the hook for their bad attitude towards you; it is about your emotional freedom.

A friend said:

You must challenge your spirit to concentrate on the present and future realities, thereby differentiating your past from the future.”

Forgive and learn to forget what happened in the past and focus more on your new-found self.

If you can meet up with your past love and discuss this, OK! But if you are unsure whether you can stand them, don’t go.

Relax, enjoy your new relationship, and stay happy.

evaluate your past mistake

6. Evaluate your past mistake

This is more important than everything because it tells you why you broke up with your past love. What happened? What are the weaknesses and strengths of the relationship? What are the mistakes you made, and what are the causes? The foundation you built it on? Try to examine them and find a solution for them.

Write them down, take them step by step, and try to avoid them in your current relationship. Trust me, it works perfectly fine.

7. Surround yourself with things that don’t remind you of your ex

Spend time with yourself, your family, and your new-found love. Get a hobby, discover your passion, engage in things that give you enough Peace of mind, go shopping, and avoid places that will bring back the old Wories unless you are fit and free to associate with them when they come by.

surrounding yourself with friends

Look! You don’t need to hide from anybody or anything. Don’t let anyone make you feel uncomfortable just because you are still healing. Show them you are not a toy to play with. It is your life, and only you can permit what happens to it.

8. Listen to music that keeps your mind busy when you are alonelistening to music

Have a music playlist that keeps your mind busy and out of the mood. Enjoy your time alone, and remind yourself that you can do better. You can make a long list of your favourite music and flow with them. Life is so beautiful to waste it on things that are not important in our lives.

9. Discover a new passion or career that keeps you busy.

You know all those things you love doing. It is time to engage in them and discover what you can do to help the world. Enjoy every bit of life. Travel to where you can afford it. Try those new things you never imagined doing, and your life will be beautiful.

And one more thing: It is ok to love your ex still cause they are humans, and we can’t hate them forever.

Love is never wrong. We humans are just making it look like one. Know that whoever enters your life allows you to experience love, the best gift ever.

You have to recognize that love is not enough to make a relationship work. Many other factors and circumstances, such as timing, incompatibility, values, choices and decisions, understanding, and more, play a significant role in our lives. You can’t be too blind to see them because you are madly in love.

Sometimes, the only way to let go is to love someone enough to want the best for them, even if you are not together.

If you can still keep them as friends, that’s fine, but if you are not comfortable having them around, just stay away, okay?

Know that you are the best gift God gave to mankind, and you are here for a reason. If you also have someone facing the same problem, pass this to them too.

In the comment section, I would like to hear from you about how effectively these have helped you and where I can help you more.


ALSO READ, Romantic Questions to Ask Your Partner


Originally posted 2020-09-02 23:22:52.

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