In this writeup we’ll be talking how to do away with your ex in your new relationship. Sometimes, it is very difficult to tell if you’re really done with your ex. You might think that you’ve moved on — and you are really sure that you do— but, suddenly, you realize you’re still thinking about your past love.
Maybe the breakup came out so suddenly—maybe you were never ready and it came like a time bomb— and all you want to do was to forget all and move on and you jumped into a new relationship to find solace. On a long run, you just found out that you still crave for your ex and you are not giving your full attention In your new relationship.
You are not alone in this journey, we all have passed through a lot of things but I assured you that there are solutions to this.
So, I am going to share some tips that will help you fight this and you are going to promise me, you are a strong person and will do your best to walk out of this situation.
1. The first thing to do is to survey yourself
You need to be open to yourself. The best thing one can ever do is, to be honest with one’s self. You can’t be telling us you want to move on while you have made up your mind to go back to it. You have to be sincere with your answers and ask yourself if this is actually what you want? If you need a solution or just deceiving yourself and your new partner?
If Your answer is ‘Yes, I Want A Solution to this,’ then know what pops up the idea of your ex in your mind? Are you missing your ex-partner? Do you still wish you guys were still together? Are you feeling sorry for them because you were the one that caused the break-up or you are still angry that the union ended so badly? Or do you wish your new spouse has your ex-lover’s qualities or you just missed the time you spent together with them—the unforgettable memories?
It’s important to have a clear mind about how you’re feeling about them, thinking about them constantly — even if you do not hate them — it can be a sign you crave for them or you are so obsessed with so much hate for them.
Google defines it:
“Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.” So if they don’t pique your interest, they should be out of the picture.
Just take a journal and pen down what you feel, look at them, and tell yourself whether you still need them or not.
Oh, yes! This is the only way out and trust me, it might feel weary but you got to save yourself from this mess.
And when you are done listing them, talk to God about it. You need him to come and open your heart and guide you through all this and He will definitely help.
2. You Need To Have A Cool heart to heart Talk With Your Partner Once You’ve Figured Out Your Feelings.
Talk to your spouse as soon as you were done, let your partner know how you feel for your past love and how much you want to take your ex-lover out of the picture.
Make sure you have figured it all out before having this conversation cause it will only be a waste of time for both of you. Maybe, you’re not sure where you stand or you think you are doing your new lover a favor when you know deep down you miss your past love more than them.
Whether it’s “I’m really struggling to let go of my anger towards my ex,” “I’m not sure I’ve really moved on,” or “I don’t know what I feel right now,” your spouse deserves to know.
Your companion might feel so jealous or angry but if they are understandable, they might figure a way out of this; they might suggest you go for counseling (a relationship therapist is the best for this) or always be there to guide and help you. Just know that, once you open your heart for this: it will perfectly work out fine.
3. Decide if You Are Really Ready For This New Relationship
Like I said earlier about surveying yourself, you still need to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship, or do you need time to heal?
Only you know if you’re ready to be in a relationship or are you just doing it to hide from your past love’s hurt? or are you using your new lover for your own selfish gain?
If this whole break-up hit you so hard and you still find yourself craving for your ex-lover while you are with your current lover, I think you need to let your spouse know that you can’t return that kind of love they need.
Know what your new lover has to say about this; how they want to support you or their decision on this and plan on your next moves.
a friend said:
” If you figure out you still crave for your ex while in your new relationship, I think you need to figure yourself out first, just come out of the relationship and focus on loving yourself, and if someone who will love you like you love yourself comes by, you will feel nothing for your past love.” And it is pure truth.
Maybe you haven’t faced your F.E.A.R yet and you are still wearing the ‘victim shoes,’ you keep on wishing for a relationship that doesn’t exist anymore but only in your mind.
It is time to face those fears, embrace them and win over them.
One of the love coaches said:
“It usually means you’re feeling brave enough to risk being brokenhearted. It’s normal to feel ready one day and not ready the next. I usually tell people not to give in to the fear. Sometimes we need to lean into the fear instead of allowing it to dictate the direction of our lives.” By Brooke Bergman, relationship and dating coach.
But if you find out you can fight for your new love and deal away with your past love, then it is about time I take you by your hand and embark on this loving journey.
The Action Plans.
Yes! We have arrived and we need to do the necessary to win this battle, but first stand in front of your mirror and wear a ‘conqueror’s smile’
It Is Time To Implement The Action Plans And Here We Go:
1. Disconnect yourself from anything that reminds you of them.
Those things that spark up those old memories, you need to get rid of them. It might be Calls, Texts, Pictures of both of you sharing Lovable moments in your phone, Gifts, Clothes, Social media, Favorite food, Game, Restaurant, Music, and so on.
You need to trash them away or return the ones you can but if you can’t stand them, I suggest you give them out.
Then after sometimes, try and create new memories with your new spouse with almost the same pattern—you must not do it the way with your ex but let it be similar to it in a different way—if they keep on coming back to you.
Why? It erases the old memories and gives room to new ones. Tell your new lover, you want to do these and they will understand and help you out.
2. Never try to compare the two
Don’t ever try it unless you want to kill the relationship. As far as you accepted to adapt and move on, you don’t need to do it.
You have a new partner and your goals should be creating a beautiful life together, and not the ‘do or don’t’ in the relationship.
Let it run at its own pace and you will see everything falling in its place.
3. Let go of the fantasy
You know what I meant? The beautiful lives you have created at the beginning of the relationship with your ex-lover and the good and sweet things you want to do, the places you want to travel to, and the beautiful achievement you two had planned to get.
Wait! You can still do all these in your current relationship but don’t expect them to come fast and spoil the whole love thing. Create a new vision for your future that doesn’t include them—past vision— and run with them.
4. Let go of the blame
There is no need to feel guilty over what happened— whether the fault was from you or them— you need to let it go.
There is no room for all these causes. By now, you should have forgiven yourself or your ex and let God take control of everything.
Also know that not all break up are bad; it might be a good opportunity to see your flaws and know how to improve them. At last, you will be thankful that the whole thing happened.
5. Make peace with the past
It really hurts when the person you trusted so much betrays you or treats you like you worth nothing, it is natural to get angry at them.
But for how long should we linger on this anger and let it be destroying us?.
We can’t let their actions limit our abilities to move forward cause if you still hold onto them, it means they have control over your life.
Forgiveness isn’t about letting the person off the hook for their bad attitudes towards you; it is about your emotional freedom.
a friend said:
“You need to challenge your spirit to concentrate on the present and future realities, thereby differentiating your past from the future.”
Forgive and learn to forget what actually happened in the past and focus more on your new-found self.
If you can meet up with your past love and talk about this, fine! But if you are not sure whether you can stand them, just don’t go.
Relax and enjoy your new relationship and stay happy.
6.Evaluate your past mistake
This is more important than every other thing because it gives you the reasons why you broke up with your past love? What really happened? The weakness and strength of the relationship? The mistakes you made and the causes? The foundation you built it on? Try to examine them and find a solution for them.
Write them down, take them step by step, and try to avoid them in your current relationship. Trust me, it works perfectly fine.
7.Surround yourself with things that don’t remind of your ex
Spend time with yourself, your family, and your new-found love. Get a hobby, discover your passion, engage in things that give you enough Peace of mind, go shopping and avoid places that will bring back the old memories unless you are fit and free to associate with them when they come by.
Look! You don’t need to hide from anybody or anything. Don’t let anyone make you feel uncomfortable just because you are still healing, show them you are not a toy to play with. It is your life and only you can permit what happens to it.
8.Listen to music that keeps your mind busy when you are alone
Have a music playlist that keeps your mind busy and out of the mood. Enjoy your time alone and keep reminding yourself that you can do better. You can make a long list of your favorite music and flow with them. Life is so beautiful to waste it on things that are not important in our lives.
9.Discover new passion or career that keeps you busy.
You know all those things you love doing, it is time to engage in them and discover what you can do to help the world. Enjoy every bit of life. Travel to where you can afford. Try those new things you have ever imagined to do and your life will be so beautiful
And one more thing: It is ok to still love your ex cause they are humans and we can’t hate them forever.
Love is never wrong. Just we humans are making it look like one. Know that whoever comes into your life gives you the opportunity to experience love, which is the best gift ever.
You have to recognize that love is not enough to make a relationship to work. Many other factors and circumstances, such as timing, incompatibility, values, choices and decisions, understanding and more of them, play a significant role in our lives. You can’t be too blind to see them because you are madly in love.
Sometimes, the only way to let go is to love someone enough to the extent of wanting the best for them even if you are not together with them.
If you can still keep them as friends, fine but if you are not comfortable having them around just stay away, ok?
Know that you are the best gift God gave to mankind, and you are here for a reason. If you also have someone facing the same problem past this to them too.
I will like to hear from you on the comment section and know how effective these have helped you and where I can help you more.
I LOVE YOU
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