“Life Of a Pretentious Female Lover”
When we walked up to that altar, right before his holy presence.
At first, I thought the rudiments of that day would always be sure to reserve what I first saw in you, the exact thing that made me stand firm to those scary trying questions uttered by the priests’ but yet still had myself say
Yes, I Do..and finally with you having it sealed with a KISS OF BETRAYAL and right before everyone that witnessed our Union.
I still remember the first day we met when I had a heart emptied of love cause it was just I in search of something else until your sudden unexpected loving presence interrupted swiftly and then made my heart skip saying…
“There’s so much good in you that isn’t meant for just this moment not to talk of a day perhaps”
Show me a little more of your kindness “I yearned”
Let me get to know you more “I pleaded”
Let your happiness revolve around us.. for all I care.
Make me a part of who you are ” That was all I ever wanted with you and of course you know that if souls do exist having mates, that I sure wouldn’t bother losing mine to you so then, I asked you out and you told me you couldn’t make it out;
And so of course, I had thought you were the busy type “wow” Am impressed!
But then I was surprised you later showed up and with you, that day was marked one of the best I ever had in life and so that left me thinking.. if I found such happiness and moments of heartfelt peace within me having had just a day spent with you, then how about spending the rest of my life with you? “I asked myself” and of course, I never planned on letting you go until you say yes..to being my wife along with beams of much smiles on ur moonlight face towards me.
I had imagined (smiles)
So then I got drunk and had you drive me home..!
Thanks anyway, but then I asked you to stay back and I was surprised to hear you say “Mama” would be worried about you!
I can call her if you want and then have I and my relatives coming to pay off your bride price the next morning and I guess that made you smile.
Well, thank God at least, you pitied my situation and had yourself stay back but then that got me wondering how hard you’d played to get convinced for something you may really had want doing..(smiles)
Then, all I asked from you was just one night with you only to hear you say that if you should do so, it would be your first time..Whoa!! (Glasses felled off) “I exclaimed” and for some hours that got me thinking that if only you’d make me your first and then I made you my woman in return, that you would always be faithful but guess what happened afterward after I had unleashed you,
I found out that you’d just been playing a game of “hidden imperfections..” of which I had to find out myself and so did I make up my mind and then finally deserted you disappointedly, but because you still wouldn’t want to admit to your wrongs that “Game’s over..” (sniffed, sobs as he nods hurtfully sitting head bent on the bed)
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Five Minutes Before Thirty-three-Part 2
“Do you so delight in killing me?” Rhonda spat in bated breath, her hands placed on her throbbing chest, as her face turned to meet, none other but Gladys and her sarcastic chuckle, so very annoying.
“Jeeezzz… If only you know how obvious your face shows it.” Gladys retorted, “but girl, I just wonder who it is, and I hope — in fact, just forget it.” She flagged a hand immediately, her eyes blinking away from the gift, rested on Rhonda’s face.
Thanks to her bronze skin, her flush wasn’t so obvious. Rhonda sighed, “anyways, you’re highly welcomed to the board of wonder, and that of hope, may be.” She said, picking up her gift.
“Gosh, I’m so damn late. Just can’t wait to catch a glimpse of Mr. knight, or is he inside already?” She brushed past Rhonda in haste, into the house with expectancy.
Sighing bitterly. “He’s inside my cupboard – check it out yourself.” Rhonda uttered in mock grin, trailing behind Gladys, her left hand, banging the door close.
“None – sense!” Gladys tossed her shoulder bag on the couch, walking up to the wall hanging mini bar.
“FYI, I’m outta wines – outta champagnes, just to save you the stress, I’m out of anything you can imagine of, on that bar.” Rhonda said in a sing-song manner.
“What would you ever have?” Gladys fumed. “Biko, go dress up make we waka.” She walked again into the kitchen.
“I never shower oh,”
“E get anytime, wen I go come see you ever get ready? I don’t just know, that day ehnnn…” She wriggled her head.
“Spare me two minutes, and I’ll be done.” Rhonda interrupted.
“Take ten in short, if it isn’t still okay, take the whole night, I’ll be here waiting. We can always party here, you know.” Gladys opened up the fridge, deliberating on which drink to take.
“Thank God it’s week…” Gladys’ ears could still hear Rhonda’s receding sing-song voice, before rushing water from the shower overwhelmed it. She walked out of the kitchen with a tray of two glasses and a carton of Hollandia yoghurt eventually.
Picking up the remote, she increased the volume of the blues playing softly from the speaker, singing along with it. She then unscrewed the drink and poured it into one of the glasses.
In the middle of downing the contents in one blow, the door cracked open. “Would you take it easy, girl? No matter what, It still won’t quench your parched throat, cos no be water oh. It’s a drink, a drink that needs to be enjoyed.”
The fruity voice was very familiar, “aproco!” She spat in a break. Then went ahead to gulp down the remaining contents of the glass.
In a mock shock, “Chei! That’s called drink assault.” Gladys turned to dewy oval face, the glass making a loud thud on the table as she dropped it. The lady with a skin like weak tea with milk, took a seat next to her.
“Drink assault, ehn?” Gladys’ brow arched, as they bursted into a fit of hysteric laughter. “Girl, how do you come up with such weird words?”
Sticking her tongue out, the lady wriggled her head, flipping her long braids backward. “Where this madam na?”
“And to think, you just arrived ohhh.” Rhonda uttered, approaching the sitting room.
“Wow!” Both immediately gasped unanimously, mouths agape, as Rhonda stood in front of them.
“This is…” Funmi shook her head in amazement, thinking of a perfect word, “mhen, this is… glamourama!” She snapped her fingers.
“Abeghi. Like, who needs those anyways?” Rhonda hasted to the center table, taking her share of the drink.
“But it’s an English word na, haba.” Funmi said in her best thin voice, sounding like a toddler.
“We know, English teacher.” Gladys retorted. “Can you just spin around.” She turned to Rhonda, rotating her index finger.
Her bronze skin was a compliment of the bright gold dress. It was just a perfect dress, like one made specifically for her own hourglass shape. With slant neck and puff sleeves, glittering from the reflection of light, as she gyrated her body. The gown ran straight to the hip area, and flayed down below her ankles in pleats, the back of it, tail-like.
Her curly braids were tied forward and allowed to dangle by the left side of her face.
“Mhen, dude just knows your exact size,” Gladys bit her lips.
“That alone thrills me, I can’t just wait to unravel this puzzle,” Rhonda sipped from her glass, excited, and just in seconds, she turned all serious. “Besides, what makes you think the gift is from a dude?” She asked, Funmi staring at them like a stray cat.
“Oh, may be you’re into oldies now, right? Or-” Gladys’ forehead creased in worry, “don’t tell me you do girls now?!” She said in mock shock.
“Pttftt…” If only she hadn’t swallowed her mouthful last sip of yoghurt, it would have ended up a spittle drench on her friends. “How absurd?!” Rhonda shrieked.
“I noh even understand una oh, bring me to lime light jhoor.” Funmi just couldn’t hold back her perplexity.
“Tell her, to tell you,” Rhonda managed to toss the ball to Gladys, throwing herself on the couch. Gladys rolled her eyes.
“Oh really – Please, how do I get to tell someone else’s story? Abeghi, it’s only you who’s to tell us how you found your knight, ehn?” Gladys glared, tossing back the ball to Rhonda.
“That’s goodnews, then.” Funmi understood eventually, with a hint of excitement.
“How you manage to come up with this dude thing, just amazes me. Don’t you think, it could be a fan, a friend, a family member, just anyone, you see.” Rhonda hissed, “just stop drawing those conclusions, abeg.” She dropped the glass into the tray.
“Oh well, who knows?” Gladys reasoned, while Funmi nodded, “but I still have this strong hunch it’s a dude.” Gladys swallowed her last sip from the glass. Rhonda just sighed, and bent slightly forward to release the stuck edge of her gown from the pressure of her feet.
Funmi snatched the carton of yoghurt from Gladys who wanted to turn it into her glass again, “she don even finish am sef,” drinking from the carton instead.
“I thought you didn’t mind na.” Gladys pouted,
“Can we just get going already.” Rhonda stood, and dashed again into her room.
“Let’s go, and she’s back into her room. Jeez!” Funmi sighed. Throwing her head in amazement, Gladys just stood to her feet, picked up the tray, and made her way to the kitchen to drop it.
“Take the carton na.” Funmi hollered, dragging the remaining content with her breath, as the empty carton squeezed.
Gladys sighed, “You noh get leg?” She hasted towards the kitchen.
“Mean girl!” She got up, and trailed behind Gladys, to discard the carton.
“Yippee… and I got ya!” Rhonda screamed in a delightful sing-song manner some seconds later, in so much that her friends stared at themselves both in amazement and quest, while walking back to the sitting room.
(To be continued)
Five Minutes Before Thirty-three -Part 1
STORY TITLE: Five Minutes Before Thirty-three -Part 1
Rummaging both bedside drawers for the umpteenth time, Rhonda couldn’t see a trace of her dairy. Trying to recall for the last time, where she’d either seen or dropped it.
She’d ended up squealing, “Ouch…!” after unconsciously biting hard her forefinger that was inside her mouth. Flinging it to sooth the hurt, her eyes darted to the wall clock.
She’d been too anxious within the day, and a sting of that still lurked around this early hours of the night. It was only half an hour to 7:00p.m.
“What the heck?!” She gnarled. It’s been almost twenty-five minutes of dairy hunting, already. She wiped off the beads of sweat on her forehead.
Wasn’t it supposed to be breezing cold, why was it now a contrary ooze of heat? She walked up to the air condition’s switch, apprehensively turning it off.
“You’re of no use, jeez!” She scowled at the inanimate object as if it could understand her.
Where could it be? That shaggy cover, silvery edge, pink color notepad was of utmost importance to her. By the way, what’s with pink and girls? She was already gliding off that pinky phase stuff, thanks to maturity, and besides, white had become her most endearing, and was going to be for the rest of her life. Being the realist she was, she’d rather stay in tune with this founded neutral attraction of hers with no alternative, because life itself is. Taking this dairy thing off her mind was becoming non-negotiable with her head, and allowing anxiety obstruct her fun night? Not at all. She was certainly going to find it somehow, period.
The image of it, and where she’d seen it that morning before leaving for work, kept coming to her mind. That moment you can’t find something you’d seen a while ago, is just irking.
It was one of her best gift, received eight years ago. Worth thousands of magic leaves in different colours had already housed so much pleasant, awkward, bad memories, ideas, name it; but above all, had contributed massively to her growth.
Just left with two leaves upon which she wanted to nibble down those wishes before thirty-three, and now, it was more like the hardest puzzle to solve.
Could anything be more worse? She ran her fingers through the tail of her braids. Her butts barely kissing the bed, came the doorbell ringing.
“Damn!” She had the inkling about who it was, but she hadn’t even started preparing yet. Putting her bathrobe on, she waltzed her way to the sitting room, tightening the ropes.
She glanced through the door’s peephole instead, to confirm, but those beady azure eyes of hers didn’t catch a glimpse of anyone, as expected. She hesitated for a few more seconds, if the doorbell would come ringing again, but it didn’t, and there wasn’t a trace of anyone, still.
At thirty-two, just few hours to clock thirty-three. She’d grown into a beautiful multi-talented lady. As a communication manager, she earned the privilege, working for a renowned telecommunication company. Aside that, she was also one of Mainframe’s production editor. Rhonda was accomplished, but particularly, one thing hadn’t balanced all up.
She’d been through her share of life’s misery. A female turns twenty-five, she’s seen as already old. Questions like, when are you getting married? Where’s your husband? Do you think you still have all the time in the world? All that jazz, and the pressures it comes with, was all she’d experienced, but then, she’d eventually braced through.
It was much worse two years ago, when she turned thirty, and had ended it all with the so called “perfect one”. As if her life depended on it, her mum’s display of all hope was lost for her daughter, after the shocking confirmation that fateful evening, manages to tickle her in some way, anytime she recalled.
“You’re now thirty, you should have a kid or two by now.” Her Uncle’s statement. “I’m getting old, I need to drink wine on your head, oh.”
She’d sighed bitterly, he was only concerned about giving her out in marriage, yet never bothered or supportive of the fact she was eager to further her education. She wouldn’t blame him, because he’d refused to grow with time, else he won’t always have to remind her how a woman’s achievement only ends in the kitchen. How could one she’s supposed to look up to, possess such fogyish mindset, in today’s world?
Rounding up her Master’s degree had landed her this current dream job, and also served as a refuge that kept her soaring beyond all those pressures that made it seem as if singleness was a stigma or crime.
She knew exactly what and where she was headed in life, and wasn’t letting nothing pull her down. The job came with its juices, aside others, like the company’s A-class Mercedes, a well furnished flat situated in Alaka way, Lekki Phase 1, where she lived away from her widowed mum, outdated uncle, and the knacks, at least. Also, being and editor came with its privileges.
It was an all occupied four flat block, and her neighbors were just the best she could ask for, having stayed in the environ for about three years now. Life was quite fair, and her hard, smart work paid off than expected.
Standing by the door, she felt more perturbed, staring through the peephole, yet seeing no one at the door, still.
Okay, her nerves were cladding dramatically, so she heaved deeply, an attempt to release the negative energy building up within. It was now dark outside, so she switched the verandah’s light on. It was a weekend, and all three neighbors were out to catch fun as usual. She was no homebody at all, in fact she was preparing to leave too, and would prolly have been ready by now, had it not been the dairy hunt.
She’d even returned to see Felix, her next door neighbor driving out. But then, who would have rung her doorbell? Turning breezily back to the room, she halted in her tracks, unable to resist the perturbing urge to go back and open up the door.
Walking up to it, she swinged it open in full force, her eyes darting to her doorstep. There, laid a large white carton box, wrapped in red ribbon. She heaved, a bit relieved, nervously picking up the little card placed on it. Carefully, her eyes made out the contents written on it, which got her lips curving into a smile.
“Just want to be the very first to gift you. Sorry for the inconveniences this has and will still cause you. I just hope you won’t mind doing me the delight of putting this on for the night? You remain that perfect queen I always adore.
Happy birthday in advance, my dearest, much love):
Rhonda stood frozen on the spot, totally numb to the surrounding, yet fully aware of the warmth spreading within her. Fresh energy coursed through her, flutters of hope swirling in her heart. The impact from the card, was just too overwhelming, and it’s been so long she felt this way. Oh gosh, just a mere card with so much effect? She sighed.
It was difficult connecting the dots, it could be anyone and not what her mind was suggesting, right? Like, it’s already been three and a half years, since she dissolved the only serious and promising relationship. Everyone’s green light about it was like the confirmation she couldn’t object, but it just wasn’t it for her. Yes, it was better than the rest, and was very difficult breaking out too, but she had to, and it was so worth it for he was no match for her at all.
She had no time to entertain or open up scars anymore. The key to such memories and its negative energy was thrown far behind her now. Although, she’d been in a set of three or so, sort of, and she’s been so better off since, walking away with the lessons, each came with.
Who exactly is this, getting her all perked up through a piece of note?
And to think, this gift pattern was similar, sort of, her mind immediately toured down memory lane, trying to figure it out. But then, her reverie got interrupted, a welcome back startle to reality, the worse she’d prolly ever gotten.
(To be continued).
Story Title – Life’s Mystries
From a very rich family, yet very stubborn. Always bringing loads of trouble and problems to his parents in very different ways. Indulged in examination malpractice right from the early stage of junior secondary two. Never for once had he opened his books to read, though he was very intelligent, and that, always resulted a dependence of paying his teachers to pass him.
He had tons of girlfriends, a range of different skin colours, heights and weights, name them? Even the male friends he had, all played a negative role in his life.
He moved from one sort of corrupt act to the other. Indeed, friends can either make or mar a person. Bribery and corruption have been a cankerworm, eating deep into the fabric of our great nation, and Kelly was not exempted from it, he collects money from his parents as fee claims, yet lavishes them on his women, turning a drunk and still pressing on with his bribery acts, so his teachers could grade his passes.
Not just enough, he eventually resorted to robbery at the long run, as introduced to him by his friends, a result of not being able to get money anymore, because his father stopped giving it to him, with complaints that his demands were more than he can do with, and was apparently over the top.
So, without option, he gave into joining his friends in a robbery. They go after fellow students, emptying their pockets, and taking things not belonging to them forcefully. Cultism, the worst society ever in a university world, was the very last idea Kelly and his friends had resorted to, and eventually formed, named the big axe confranity.
A means where they went about raping and impregnating innocent young girls, and yet he found no satisfaction at all. His life grew more shallow by the day. His parents had disowned him, with wishes to rather stay childless than have him as one. The owner of the school tried so many times, to expel them but it was all to no avail because their cult group had powerful backing.
The constitution is that whoever kills must be killed, but he’d never been killed, for all the murders he’d committed. Then, on that fateful day, Kelly mistakenly killed one student of a prominent family background. It led to the arrest he’d always escaped from, and this time he was hooked to five years imprisonment from where his judgement to be killed was passed.
While in the prison he turned into a changed human being after hearing the good news of salvation, he began reading his bible on a daily and also said his rosary.
There was a general decision made for just one convict in each prison cell to be released. There, luck kissed Kelly, and he was being released amongst others in his prison cell. From thence, his life was saved. Stepping out of the prison was a totally different Kelly, who was apparently going into the once free world, where he used to be, to live the best of this next phase of life, he was opportune to have again.
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