According to Wikipedia, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder comprising feelings of self-importance, a reduced level of empathy, and a craving to always be the center of attraction.
A narcissistic mother tends to have the characters mentioned above. Good upbringing and attention can not be given to children by a narcissistic mother.
Due to their feeling of entitlement, they often mistreat their children, always play the victim’s card and leave the children craving for love.
10 Signs Of a Narcissistic Mother
It is very important that children understand the signs associated with a narcissistic parent if they suspect that she has this health issue. Here are some of the signs to look out for:
1. Takes Advantage Of Other People
A narcissistic mother often avoids personal responsibilities and tends to make use of others to satisfy their own needs. They always want things to go their own way.
People with a narcissistic behavior likes to play a “smart one” on someone, even on those they call friends. They choose their friends based on what they stand to gain from them.
2.Brags In Front Of Others
In this case, a narcissistic mother brags about her child/children’s accomplishment only when she wants to show off that she is a good parent.
She would do anything to look good by probably claiming to make lots of sacrifices which is far from the truth. To her, she deserves all the acknowledgements and the child.
3.She Crosses Boundaries
Parents are expected to respect their children’s boundaries when it comes to having a healthy relationship. Of course,they don’t have to agree on the decision the child wants to make but they should have it in mind that every of their movements can’t be controlled.
Narcissistic mothers always want to be in control and have the ultimate power; and to achieve their goal, someone’s boundaries will often be trampled upon.
4.Empathy Is Usually Not Part Of Her Personalities
A normal parent is expected to be in great pain when their child is in pain. She will like to understand how her child feels; likes, dislikes and those things that are personal to the child. When a mother can’t make sense of all these things, there is always this feeling of guilt.
A narcissistic mother; however, is quite the opposite. She tends to show limited or no interest in the emotional needs of her child/children. She will not actually bring out the opportunity to understand who they really are or represent.
5.She Is Always In Competition With You
When most parents want what’s best for their children, narcissistic mothers most times are competing with their children especially daughters.
There is joy in knowing that your children will have a better life than your ever had. However, narcissistic mothers are resentful of their children’s youth, successful adventures and beauty. They do this by sabotaging them and often criticizing them.
6.Always Plays The Victim’s Card
A narcissistic mother will often try to influence a situation in order to gather pity and attention; as it has to do with feeling more important than others. It might be that she complains often of being misunderstood or noticed.
7.She Emotionally Blackmails
A narcissistic mother is often manipulative and makes others to believe what is not true.
She often tries to manipulate others by crying unnecessarily or accusing her child of not treating her properly while in reality she is excessively controlling.
8.She Enjoys Gaslighting You
Gaslighting is the act of making someone question their own sanity. She constantly might make the child feel guilty in order to fulfil her own desires.
This psychological disorder from a mother tends to make another person feel crazy. It might come in form of: making you change your thoughts, telling you that the way you feel was an overreaction or even making you think that you are misunderstanding a situation.
9.She Constantly Needs Affirmation
A narcissistic mother is always in need of validation from others. Once a conversation is going on, she will always try to make it round back to her. A mother who suffers from NPD ignores her child’s achievements and only talks about hers. Other around her are often neglected too.
10.She Hates Taking Blames
As a narcissistic mother, instead of acknowledging that the problem at hand was as a result of her behavior; she would instead blame the child when something goes wrong. She will not like to be criticized when things go wrong at home.
How To Cope With a Narcissistic Mother
1.Take some Time Alone
When you spend time alone, you will be able to think more and plan your next course of action. Understand that you are only expected to give her space and not to cut contacts with her.
2.Know More About Narcissism
By making more research about this disorder, the child should be able to understand why she(mother) behaves the way she does. The child can also help her get a professional help.
3.Accept Their Condition
It is not easy to change a narcissist unless the person wants to change. When the child accepts who the mother is, it will help to reduce anxiety.
Beneath that tough composure she shows is an individual who is sensitive, who needs pity and empathy from you. Have it in mind that she might not show it but really cares.
5.Try To Seek Her Own Point Of View
There may be reasons behind a mother’s narcissistic attitude. Maybe it’s due to some previous experiences or expectations from the children which are not forth coming.
As a child with a narcissistic mother, you must not necessarily agree with what she wants but you can try to understand more about her life in the past.
With proper mental health, a child can help the mother to deal with this behavior. By being calm and surrounding yourself with positive energy, chaotic situations can be avoided.
7.Express Your Thoughts
Healthy boundaries should be set between a child and the mother. As a child, within the right age, talks should be made openly with the mother about certain things in life. Let her know you don’t appreciate her over controlling attitude.
Not every one will understand the toll all these experiences are having on your emotions. So it is important that as a child with a narcissistic parent, you should seek help from a professional who understands and will also make you feel secured. Stop blaming yourself and find support!
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