Grandparents raising grandchildren is a voyage… Some may say it’s actually a privilege, some may say, “it’s nonsense I can’t do that!!. I’m not ready for such a huge task.” Raising grandchildren is tasking.
9 Reasons why grandparents get involved in training grandchildren
Most times, when parents become unavailable to take care of their children, grandparents become the new child raiser.
Based on research, In the U.S.A over two million grandparents are functioning as a caregiver to their grandchildren. The rate at which grandparents take care of their grandchildren is drastically increasing.
These are some reasons why grandparents become the new caregivers.
- When a parent is deceased:
LIFE is not fair, life is unpredictable! The world is full of surprises. A bad event doesn’t always take permission to occur such as an accident, fight, earthquakes, fire outbreak, hurricanes, etc. A bad event is no-respecter of any person. He doesn’t give a F***k about anybody.
An example of a Good event could be house warming, birthday celebration, wedding( wedding anniversary, party, and many more.) These are predictable events that may even need an Invitation.
Death has caused thousands of children to become an orphan at a very young age. Death can occur through childbearing, accidents, assassination, sickness, and diseases and when a parent is deceased, the child is automatically left for the grandparents.
- Another thing that can make grandparents become caregivers is when the parent (s) are too busy with their careers.
This is mostly the reason(s) why most grandparents become caregivers.
It could be that the work of the parent is time-consuming, hence this would make the parent want to handover his/her child to the grandparent.
Sometimes a parent could be stationed overseas in the military.
Grandparents are the best Set of people that can take care of your children. Raising grandkids comes with different challenges.
Grandparents are more experienced in training up a child because they have had several years of experience in child upbringing. YES!! That’s very true you can’t compare a teacher who has been teaching for 20years to a fresh graduate. Their years of experience differ.
- When a Parent(s) has an addiction
Every good grandparent would not let their grandchildren be under the roof of an addict. Addiction could be in form of smoking, drinking, or taking hard drugs.
Several years ago, I saw a video of a woman giving her child Marijuana to take.
I WEPT!!!! The child wasn’t even up to 4years. How would you expect the child’s life to be when he’s 18?
- When a parent has mental health challenges or emotional problems:
Life itself has so many challenges, The mom/dad to the child could have a sickness that must have affected the brain. This could as be the reasons why some grandparents raise grandkids
Abnormal people can’t fit in a normal environment. Emotional stress can lead to mental or health challenges.
- When the Parent is in jail:
In this case, The Child’s parent must have committed a huge crime such as murder, rape, theft, or fraud. This could be another reason why the grandparent(s) takes up the responsibility for raising the kid(s).
- Youth or inexperience of parents:
Yes. There are so many young parents out there where the lady is usually 16years and the man 18years. You can’t expect to leave your grandkids for such an inexperienced parent.
It’s not that they are inexperience but they haven’t experienced the realities of life. Life hasn’t hit them yet.
From the look of things they are still teenagers and at that age they still need grooming, nurturing, and more home training.
- The Parents Financial status:
Some grandparents are far richer than their children. Especially those grandparents who prepared their future ahead of time.
Years back, there was a woman who had 8 children and when she started having financial issues in her home, she divided the children and gave 4 of them to the grandparents to raise.
- Domestic violence in the home, family challenges, and divorce:
These are some familiar factors that could make the grandparents take charge over the children. Children are not meant to Visualize certain things in life because in return it could affect their psychological and mental health. domestic violence in the home would mean parents fighting.
- Physical health issues:
May Include health challenges like stroke, sight, deafness, dumbness, and other health-related issues can make the child go live with the grandparents.
THE challenges for RAISING GRANDKIDS
Grandparents are not as strong as The “original parent” so there are various challenges which the granny might suffer.
- Physical stress:
The grandparents are old, their health may become friable due to their health so they may not be able to carry out proper care of their grandchildren.
In old age, grandparents are weak. Because of the degeneration of their physical health, they may not be able to give physical and adequate care to the child. eg. bathing the children and giving them a well-balanced diet.
- Mental Stress:
If the grandchildren’s parents are late, it would become a burden to the grandparents. They’d start thinking of how to get adequate finance to take care of them and lots more.
Due to mental stress, grandparents may look very unkept and dejected. Also, they might not be able to give proper training to the children because they may have other needs such as psychological needs, special medical, and educational that require quick attention.
- Financial handicap:
Financial stress is usually one of the biggest challenges for grandparents raising grandchildren.
Why? Because they may not have the extra financial support, thereby, living with little retirement benefit or not at all. For those who had no opportunity to work with the government, they’d live in abject poverty while training their children.
Due to their improper way of raising children, some children become wayward and become street beggars.
In this case, if the grandparent (s) suddenly find themselves feeding extra mouth without support or a steady income it may lead to their early death.
- Issues with guardianship:
This can be quite frustrating especially when the parents are not available, life as a grandparent could be tough because you would experience difficulty in providing medical health care, enrolling them in school, and even accessing their record(s). Getting legal guardianship is usually expensive especially when you are broke!
6 TIPS IN RAISING GRANDCHILDREN:
- Establishing a daily schedule: One quality of being a good granny be it man or woman is the ability to plan the child’s day (children’s day).
All you need to do is to set up a daily routine which would actually be beneficial for both you and the kids.
You could try doing things together like fetching water, preparing meals, always have a day out set aside to learn and teach them new things too.
- Communicate with them: Don’t just leave them as people who do not matter, don’t handle them like those who are not up to your standard, ( because they are still growing up). You can talk with them about the rules you have set out and what they think about it.
Most kids communicate through playing, so play regularly with them, and see if there is anything bothering them you would know.
As grandparents, you should be interested in knowing about their life challenges and how to help deal with them.
- You should involve yourself in their school activities: Many parents fail in this aspect. So as grandparents, making errors like this shouldn’t be allowed.
When you take the children to school you should try to make friends with their teachers/coaches. Also, when you get home, make sure the kids follow up academically and if peradventure the child has a poor performance you can as well communicate to the teachers to focus on the child a little.
This would make the child perform better. If you are a busy granny you can hire a home lesson teacher for your grandchild/children too.
- Decide on how to Discipline the Child: All you need to do is to set rules and limitations (s)… you can get our book on the creative ways to discipline a child at very discount prices here.
- Take Care of Yourself: When taking care of the child, You have to remember that we only have one life to live, and you should know that life has no DUPLICATE. Always take care of yourself. If you can afford a nanny to assist you, do so!!!!
You can take care of yourself by taking a nap, exercise, or relaxing. This could help you calm your Nevers.
- Support or encourage contact with parents: It is very healthy and necessary for parents and kids to have close relationships, especially when the parent is still alive.
Contact might be in form of phone calls, visiting, or spending holidays. If this is not done when the grandparent(s) is still alive it would be difficult for the parent-child bond when the grannies are gone.
As a grandparent, you should watch your words when talking about your grandchild’s parents, especially if they have done you wrong in the past.
In this case, always make visitation a routine for your grandkids. It might be monthly, quarterly, or annually, depending on the condition at stake.
How to Deal with a Drop in Your Teen’s Grades
Dealing with a drop in your Teen’s grade is usually one of the challenges faced by parents. When there is a poor grade, complaining and worrying are bound to occur at a certain point as a parent. Poor performance in school is usually caused by several factors; some may be caused by the parents. A drop in grade is usually a predicament faced by many teens during high school.
Notwithstanding, it is very paramount to decipher these three things,
• The cause of the Low grades
• Why the low grades and
• How to tal
Here I’ll be sharing the steps to take when your college kid’s grades are slipping.
WAYS TO DEAL WITH A DROP IN YOUR TEEN’S GRADES
The first step to take is trying to visualize what might prompt the kid’s failure. Relocating to another apartment may make you change your teen’s school. A change in school might result in drop in grades. This is usually because the new school may have more brilliant students than the old school. Other causes of a drop in grade might be inadequate sleep, busy social life, too many house chores, spending so much time in school activities, etc. All of these could result in laziness, a lack of motivation, or distraction.
If the drop in grade is so sudden then quick action must be taken. It’s very important to analyze your child’s grades from time to time to see if there is a spontaneous or a slow drop in grade.
2.TRY TO FIND OUT THE ACTUAL CAUSE
Several years ago, I was working as Home Tutor. While I was doing my work, I encountered John who used to be a great mathematician in Primary school. When he entered high school, I noticed he started failing mathematics woefully. The painful part is that the parents of the boy never had the time to have one-on-one communication with him.
As a counselor, I spoke with him and he opened to me that all he wishes for, is to change school and I asked why? After much persuasion, I discovered that the hatred he had for his teacher in mathematic never allowed him to put his best in school.
Getting to know what’s actually wrong with the kid might be quite difficult because the child may seem perfect in everything that he does. He might be a person who doesn’t like asking questions in class.
It could take you a while to get the right answers. The best is to find a quiet time with the child and speak with him.
ALSO, READ The Dangers of Overscheduling Your Child
3.SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL
A fluctuation in the kid’s grade should not make you be a regular visitor to the school authority. A fluctuation may occur because there were so many people in competition at that particular time. The child’s grade may drop from Grade A to B. if the grades are sustained over a long time, then you’ll need to visit the teacher rather gun blazing or apportioning blames…
One good thing about teachers is that they are able to provide valuable insight of everything that is happening at school as regards the child. Talking to the teacher may provide a valuable solution.
4. GET A HOME TUTOR
Getting a home tutor is very important in a child’s academics. Many parents usually deploy this approach whether their child is performing very well or not, they see it as a necessity.
Get one if you feel you’re too busy, to give your kids academic attention, it would help a long way.
5.When there is an underlying issue
Other underlying issues may be bullying from other kids, emotional upset, depression, or anxiety. all of these are usually very difficult to communicate with parents and even teachers too.
A child that is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) may not perform very well in class. If after complaining to the school and you see no result, then visiting the doctor or a psychologist would be the best option.
6. MOTIVATE THEM DAILY
You might actually say, “is daily motivation really necessary? Yes, it is. Motivation is one of the Skeleton keys to Unlock good grades. it’s very annoying to see your child having this lackadaisical attitude towards their education, without any thought of the future. Motivating them is the best thing you can actually give in as parents, if you really care for your kids.
You can strategically give them these right tips on how to get back on their feet.
• Always give them the reasons to work hard.
A child’s good future is a better reward for parents. This is what they will always be thankful for. It is only left for you to make it or mar it. Make them see the reason to work hard to produce better results, not only in their academics but in other aspects of their lives.
• Make sure to tell them that hard work pays and it’s only the strong that will scale through.
• Always encourage them to do better in their study. If you can be there for them, do it diligently.
• Don’t ever be harsh on them. In this case, use good words and speak in a calm manner. Being harsh will only add more pain to your child, and they might see that all you care about is their performance and not their own happiness.
• Tell them to report to you whatever difficulties, they are facing in their school. This will give them room to open up to you and ask questions, they couldn’t ask their teachers. You need to be available for them too or create time for this.
• Encourage them to enter any educational competition or club. This will help them see other kids like them, doing what they are doing. It creates room for good achievements and good performance.
• Create family learning time. This is not actually easy to do, but it helps in motivating kids. When they see you reading, they will love to read too. It brings the family together and makes kids feel free to ask anything they don’t understand.
• Give them a puzzle to solve. There are a lot of puzzles you can give your kids like kids Sudoku 9*9, kids word search puzzle, kid hangman game, mosaics, pictures crossword game, shape puzzle, dot-to-dot puzzle, and many more.
These are the easiest ways to help kids master a lot of things within and outside their field. And this helps to improve their grades in school.
Reward here is promising them that “ if you come out the first position, or you get a good average point, I will do _______ for you”. Over 60% would do their best if they have been promised by the guardians. Always fulfill your promise and take them to somewhere that can add more value to them.
Besides, you don’t need to wait for them to come out well before rewarding them, you can do it occasionally just to say thank you for their support and obedience towards learning and life.
8. LEARN TO VALUE MISTAKES
Being angry that your child failed should not make you grow annoyed excessively. You should know that failure always a road to success. No man succeeds without experiencing any form of failure.
Don’t go overboard, shouting or smacking them for the drop in their grades rather find ways to make them accept responsibility to do well.
A WORD FROM RELATIONSHIPS SEEDS
A drop in grades is actually not something we should panic about, but something that needs our time to figure out what is actually the ‘cause’. Kids react to everything that happens within and outside their environment. That’s why they are kids.
Mental health professionals believe that when a child is emotionally down or meltdown, there must be something that triggers this reaction. Kids need time, care, love, attention, patience, and more for you to understand them.
You need to do your own part and so the teachers too. Always communicate with them and do the best for them.
ALSO, READ How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex
When do Babies Start to Walk?
When do babies start to walk? is a frequently asked question by most new parents around the world. Most times when we come across a baby crawling and cruising we tend to wonder when he/she will take the first step?
A child’s first year is full of events but the most anticipated one might be walking. Hence the question, “When will my baby start to walk.?”
When Should Babies Start to Walk?
Research has shown that babies usually take their first step between the 9th and 16th month. Not all babies start walking in the 9th month. Your first child might have walked when he was 10-months and probably you’re scared that the second is in its 13th month, but still crawling. The truth here is that every child reaches its milestone at a different time. There are several factors that may make a baby walk early or not. Of all, for your baby to start walking he/she must have contracted enough muscles.
The stages of walking
An old adage says, “for you to stand you must sit, for you to walk you must stand, and for you to run you must start walking.” This shows that life itself is in different stages. For a baby to start walking, he must have gone through and mastered other developmental milestones. These include:
For a baby to start walking, he must learn how to sit properly. Within the periods of the 6th month, your baby should start hacking the puzzle to sit upright, using the muscle in his trunk.
Around this time, the 6th month, you can start teaching your child how to sit. When trying to teach the baby how to sit, ensure you’re close enough to prevent falling.
Pulling to Stand
Pulling to stand varies among toddlers still; some may start this around the 10th month. The leg actually needs lots of energy for a pull to stand to occur because 70% of our body mass is fixed on the hip, so the legs need lots of energy to lift the torso.
This is when the child starts playing around the house with any furniture he/she sees. The time varies too for kids.
Holding your baby’s hands while walking would help to improve the coordination and balancing of the child. It also adds fun to the walking process. when your child starts holding your hand for him to walk, just know that he would start walking alone soon.
This is the final stage of completing the puzzle on how to walk. Usually, it starts with trying to move one leg forward and balancing the other leg. Here, the child may be falling too while trying to walk, but it’s all part of the process.
Why Do Babies Walk at Different Times?
One thing you should know is that babies also have emotions too. Some babies usually have this I can do it attitude; to them, the act of walking is a risk they are taking, and have to overcome. You can even perceive it, ranging from the way they interact with you, even as small as they are.
They don’t care if they fall. That’s why you’ll see some children fall as many times as possible when trying to walk. The beautiful part is that they see walking as one of the several fun things they do.
Not all babies have this type of personality, some also have the mentality of wait and see, an unintentional delay caused by fear of trying. These types are usually very cautious. This factor may be the reason why your child is delaying to walk.
Aside from this, there are other things too, which can affect the time it takes for babies to start walking.
• Birth Order:
Research has shown that babies tend to walk faster when they have older siblings around. So they may want to imitate what he/she is doing. It may be very difficult for your first child to start walking at 12months, but if you have other children let’s say from age 3-7, you’ll see your child become smarter. That’s why you see most children become smarter when they have older ones around to play with. That’s why it’s very important (and highly advised) for your child, even in the 8th month, to start school.
The bigger the size, the more difficult for the baby walking. This is because the baby would need to expend more energy to stand upright compared to one with a small stature.
Even when you look at fat people, you’ll notice that they may experience difficulty in walking or running at old age.
• Recurrent Ear Infections: If a child emerges in the 16th month and he’s not walking, then an investigation must be done concerning his health. Perhaps if he has experienced any ear infection. “An ear infection can throw off a baby’s balance and delay walking,” says Dr. Jensen.
A word from Relationshipseeds
Lack of nutrients may also bring delay in the walking puzzle of a child. When a child lacks calcium, it causes an almost permanent impedance to walk-ability. If you notice that after 17 months, you see no visible changes, then you should seek professional help. Meet a pediatrician, a child doctor.
How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex
When puberty shows up, teenagers often make so many wrong choices. Teenage age is a very sensitive period where teens want to explore, try new things, and all that. We are living in a world of technology where you can easily get access to anything you want online. Whether it is boyfriend, phone sex, porn clips, illicit materials, and so on.
These days Teens are so smart that they can keep a secret from you without you having a clue. Here, we’ll be looking at the signs that show your child is sexually active.
SIGNS YOUR TEENAGER IS HAVING SEX
1. Ask Your Teenager
One may say why would I ask? When you keep on shying away from asking questions like that things may not end well. when you finally decide to ask her that question, choose your words carefully, if you do it a threatening way, you may not get the answers you are seeking, instead, they will tell you lies out of fear.
This approach is a 50:50 because Teens love being secretive, if you’ve never had a deep conversation or you’re not very close with your child you can never get a YES ANSWER.
2. Provocative Dressing
Like I said in the beginning, the teenage age is an exploring age. When you see that your child starts dressing provocatively, it could mean that they’ve already eaten the forbidden fruit. Apart from the girls dressing seductively, the guys may also dress exposing their chests or buying a pink lips balm.
The adolescence stage is when teens become conscious of their appearance and body image. When the girls start having s*x, it usually gives them a heightened sense of maturity, this would make them pay more attention to whatever they wear.
3. More Secretive
When you notice that your child becomes more secretive than ever, it could be a sign that they are started having sex already. You’ll notice they hide their phone whenever they are operating it, use passworded phones; they also use coded language while chatting.
Being secretive is always associated with suspicious movements, such as coming home late, become overprotective about their privacy, because they don’t want you to find out. Even when they want to go out they always find it difficult to tell you where they are going. They will never make a phone call in your presence except it’s a family member that’s calling.
4. Check for Signs of Sexual Activity
Seeing condoms or contraceptives is a sign of sexual activity. It could mean that they are planning to have it or might have done it already. When you notice it, you don’t need to start boil, all you need is a conversation with your child to know what’s up.
When you see these tools in your child’s possession, it means that they are well equipped with the knowledge on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies or prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). So you have to educate them more about unwanted pregnancy, STI, and how having sex can destroy their dreams and career.
5. Behavioral Change
When a child starts doing something evil, you’ll notice that they either become more extroverted or introverted depending on their type of personality. Sometimes, they may become more stubborn. For instance, imagine your child of 18 having an affair with someone who’s 40years of age. The child might start disrespecting you and your partner.
Also, the child may become happier than before. Always try to notice and find out the reason(s) for their new behavior.
6. Keeping Tabs On You
They become too conscious of you. If they want to know where you are going and how many hours you will be spending. Similarly, they will want to know the number of days you are going to spend.
Occasionally, when you come too early, they’d become angry or anxious because they need more time to carry out what they want.
7. Poor Grades In School
The reason why it is not good for teens to engage in sexual activities is that they are not mature enough to handle what relationship or sex is all about. Sex and relationship can take your whole emotions and can drain you mentally.
I remembered when I fell in love during my 11th grade in high school. I can boldly confess that whenever I’m reading my books, I always see the picture of the girl I’m falling for. It took me 6weeks to get over her. When I was in love with her I could barely focus very well on my academics. Also, I’m very sure that I would have failed woefully in high school if I had dated her.
When a teen starts dating at a very young age, it will be very difficult to balance emotions and priorities properly. There are lots of distractions when your child starts premarital sex.
8. Being Involved In Their Life Regularly
The key to being involved in their life is communication. As a parent, there should not be a communication gap. Make your kids open up to you. Some kids might be very difficult or have hardened hearts, but you have to try your best.
Always make them know that you are available for them if any issue arises. With this, if they are facing sort of sexual humiliation they will be able to tell you faster than when you are far away from them.
9. Know Their Friends And Partner
An African adage says “show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are”. If you do well as a parent to know the character of your child’s friend you’ll be able to know the capability of your child. For example, if the friends of your child are all womanizer or involve in illicit sex, it a sign that your child could be sexually active.
What other signs do you think can point out a sexually active child?
ALSO, READ Exploring the different sexual location
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