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Marriage & Divorce

How Pornography Can Destroy Your Marriage

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How Pornography Can Destroy Your Marriage

hideous disadvantage and consequence of pornography to your marriage.

So many persons are afraid of facing this question: The fear of heeding to the truth is only a sign of mediocrity. Not many people are aware of the ways pornography can destroy their marriage. In actual fact, you will be shocked that a large percentage of persons see nothing wrong with pornography. To them, it is just a form of entertainment and relaxation with no possible consequence.
If you are married, you need to be informed on how pornography can destroy your marriage. In this article, I intend to bring to you the hideous disadvantage and consequence of pornography to your marriage.

This topic is one that is almost forbidden to talk about, no one just casually talks about pornography. Although it is something so many people have been involved in and are presently addicted to, no one sits down and talks about it like one would a season movie.

Porn is like the unpopular F word. It doesn’t just naturally come up in our conversation. This says a lot about the negativity of the word/ context.
Pornography is a sexual addiction that takes many a long while to break. It is one of the easiest addiction to pick up, very easy!! There are pornographic adverts everywhere online, it is simply a click away. Gone are the days when we go to the vendor and carefully select such videotapes. Today, they are very much present in our phones, all you need is to tap a button and there you go.

A lot of young people, millions of youths view pornography on a daily basis. Majorly, men; men view porn more than women, owing to the fact that they have stronger sexual urges. In fact, some persons have come to the notion that it isn’t bad in itself and is a good thing for young persons, especially when you are single and there is no available girl at the moment. It seems okay to just ease the urges through pornography. This seems like an explanation to why men are more into this, if pornography could help ease their crazy urges then it isn’t bad, right?

Well, we’re not focused on answering whether pornography is right or wrong. Rather, the topic of this discussion is to point out how pornography can destroy your marriage.
That thing that seems legalistic when you are single, has a whole different implication when you get married. The effects of porn on marriage are more outrageous than anyone would think.
A top researcher named Patrick Fagan, Ph.D. did a broad study on pornography and in the end, called it the ‘quiet family killer.’
56% of divorces had one partner in porn, which is also saying that 56% of destroyed marriages were caused by pornography.

How does that fact sit with you? Do you still doubt how pornography can affect your marriage? Well, we can be sure that most of that percentage was made up of men. Not that women don’t get trapped into porn, it is easier for a woman to break out of it than for a man. Many men struggle with this addiction for many years.

In my study, I am not just interested in how pornography can affect your marriage or the effect of porn on your marriage. I would want to first and foremost introduce us to myths about pornography; the trap that gets people stuck in the very first place.
Myths About Pornography And Its Effect Of Pornography On A Married Couple.

1. Enhance sex lives:

Enhance sex lives

it is believed that by watching others perform the act, you could learn some sex positions, tips, or styles that would help you satisfy your spouse the more, hence you end up enhancing and building your sex lives by the singular act.

Some persons even suggest the couples watch it together, it helps the enhancement occur stronger. It exposes you and carries you on an adventure into the world of sex, where you can be exposed to so many options for your exploration.

2. Help you relax: another group, not so distinct from the first, is the belief that porn is a great relaxation technique. It helps ease out the day’s stress just like swimming would. So, it stands as a relaxation alternative.

3. Ease sexual urge: some persons are of the view that if you can’t have sex with your spouse all the time, probably because they are not available, they went on a journey, are physically or emotionally sick, pornography is the way to ease your sexual urge

4. Helps put adultery in check: some women feel it is better than their spouse sits before a computer screen watching a naked lady or a naked couple than actually being involved with one. They even agree with it as they enter the marriage. It is like another marriage code; no adultery but yeah you can watch all the porn you want.

Seven Ways Pornography Can Destroy Your Marriage
You’d notice I didn’t judge or argue any of the myths. Myths are not true, they are like made-up reasons or believes why people should do something, that has been generally accepted. There is no point in debating them. However, I bring you seven confirmed ways porn can destroy your marriage if you let it through the door of any of the above-mentioned myths.

1. Nullifies true passion:
Great marital sex involves true intimacy, technique, stamina, and experience. Your mind is filled with passion and desire. Porn eliminates this subtly; it doesn’t just disappear immediately. By watching porn, your desire and passion start to burn slowly. No matter the urge that pushed you to initiate the process, you end up discovering that you don’t want to continue any longer.

You are not feeling the excitement in you, it is just an activity that is consuming your energy and time. Many couples struggle together in this period, they try to make it work but the mind is sick and overfed with images and clips that hinder great marital sex. Because unknowingly, you are trying to replay what you have watched, it is very exhausting and leaves little or no space for actual passion. Some couples don’t even feel anything when their partner touches them any longer. Porn is that destructive!

2. It can kill your sex life:
The next thing that happens after the loss of sexual passion is the death of your sex life. This is a continuation of the first result. If your marriage is not rescued at the stage where passion is lacking, it is only a matter of time before your sexual life is totally dead and inexistent. I concluded the first point by stating that feelings and arousals start to get missing. There are no more butterflies in your stomach or goosebumps when your partner initiates romance. This is because you have filled your head with images of what true sexual pleasure is about and when it is not exactly playing in synchronization with the image in your head, the first comment is you are not interested. Pornography leads to less sex and it is only a matter of time before it replaces the act fully.

ALSO, READ Benefits of helping others

3. Ridiculous expectations:
One thing many people don’t think about is the fakeness of porn. It is only entertainment performed by actors and is never real. No matter how real it appears, there is a script that is being acted out and everything is being controlled by a director.
A script that ends up playing on your screen. From the adventure and exposure, you have had, you have an idea of what great sex should be like and how your partner should act in order to satisfy you. From here, ridiculous expectations begin to build. You only allowing the script director to control your sexual life.

4. The loss of trust and intimacy
Once passion is dead, there is not intimacy left. With time, you discover that you don’t trust your partner anymore. For women who are being sincere, watching your husband engage in porn is equals to cheating. It is a number one call of unfaithfulness. And sexual unfaithfulness destroys marriage quickly.
It first erodes every form of trust in the relationship and any relationship without trust is just chaff.

5. Fosters negative self-image:
A young woman once shared her story to confirm how porn can destroy marriages. She narrated that in the very beginning she used to watch porn as a single lady and when she got married, it became one of her favorite TV series with her husband. So, they both watched it together but eventually, all of the above negatives that we have mentioned started to show up and she lost interest in porn. (Remember I said it is easier for women to break out) however, her husband was still a huge addict already and continued watching it. after some time, she started to feel he loved the pornstars more than her, or she wasn’t good enough.
She started to dress like those porn stars whenever they wanted to have sex. Try to master all the moves and replay them. asides the fact that she never enjoyed sex any longer, she also began to feel that she wasn’t enough and will never be. One very discouraging thing was the fact that her husband would still go on to watch it after they have had sex.
Porn can destroy your self-image and that of your partner.

6. Creates shame and emptiness
Imagine the best sex with your wife and the euphoria that accompanied it. you will discover that it is totally different from the feelings you have when watching porn. That is because it is fake and just gives you a strange form of sexual excitement, eventually leaving you empty. Porn also breeds shame, serious shame. Especially after you commit after-acts like masturbation. You feel dirty, drained, and ashamed. But because it is only it is an addiction, you surely get back to it once you are over the feeling.

7. Progressively worse and unsatisfying
Just like every addiction, you’re always in search for a more intensified version of your addictions. The more addicted you get, the more you get deeper into pornography, your desires increase. You always want something more and even when it seems like you have gotten it, you still don’t get satisfied.
As a porn addict, you can never reach satisfaction. You are just fanning an inflammable fire of consistent lust that will require great efforts to put out.

I am very sure beyond a reasonable doubt that you have been educated today on how porn can destroy your marriage and why you should stop watching porn as a couple or married person. If you are single, you should also do away with it. it will give you a fake expectation of sex that doesn’t exist. Why would you want to consume something that can hurt the people you love or your ability to love? Before it robs you of a great marital experience, quit porn now!
Porn is energy-draining and it takes time to recover from. The earlier you quit, the better.
If you need help, do not hesitate to see a trusted clergy or a marriage counselor. There a lot of them willing to help you. You don’t have to carry this burden alone.
I wish you luck.

ALSO, READ SAFE PERIOD: HOW TO TIME SEX TO PREVENT PREGNANCY

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  1. Nwankwo Benedicta.C

    November 6, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    Wonderful 👏👏👏

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Marriage & Divorce

How To Stop Dating A Married Man

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how to stop dating a married man

This generation of ours has made every negative thing a norm and tends to forget the absurdness of it. For example, The negativity around depression has failed to be seen as people find solace in it, speeding toxicity, another example can be seen in prostitution, where this is seen as a “Career” or a source of income. The world has failed to see the absurdness of this making women more objectified and this should not be. Another example is Dating married men, Women see this as a norm and a source of income for themselves, not thinking of the absurdness of this….They just do it without thinking!

When things like prostitution are made a norm there is a tendency that woman would date married men. Some of them do this for reasons best known to them, while some of them do it because of preference, they just prefer married men.

Some of them don’t even know why they do it, they just feel like it’s the right thing to do and they just go for it. Some of them do it to spite the wife in the marriage for one misunderstanding or the other, Some of the.do it because it was spiritually inclined into them.

But, This doesn’t mean that some of them are not tired of it, especially those ones who don’t know why they do it and feel ashamed about it, they want to stop but they don’t know how to, they have tried what they thought was right but still had the same results, and I know that you reading this right now might be one of them.

Ways to Stop Dating A Married Man

1: Acknowledge that it’s a problem

Until you see the absurdness of this you would not be able to make the decision of stopping it. Until you see why it is wrong and should not be done at all, there is every tendency that you might not make the choice of stopping. So firstly think about the absurdness, acknowledge that is wrong, and work towards your stopping it.

2: Put God first

When you acknowledge that it’s a problem, run back to the place of prayer and let God take over, sometimes spirituality is involved. Daily reading and meditating on the bible tends to change your perspective about life making you see more of the absurdness of Dating A Married Man.

ALSO, READ 18+ Proven Signs A Married Man is Unhappy in His Marriage

3: Set your priorities right:

It is said that some of them that do it and want to stop but can’t stop is because of the income they make from it, the comfort it brings and the solace added, making it their top priority. This is the excuse they have. But after acknowledging that it’s a problem and putting God first, set your priorities right.

Be independent, withdraw from that relationship, and start a life of your own, where you don’t have to rely on a man or a married man for your well-being, Establish yourself. This is one of the ways a strong woman is built, she starts by setting her priorities right.

Ways you can set your priorities right include

A: Believe in yourself:

Many women think or feel that they cannot do anything without the help of a man or a man who already knows how to take care of a woman because of his experience in marriage. But facing the fact that it is wrong and telling yourself you can do better than that, you can become who you want to become without giving yourself to a married man.

B: Do a reality check:

Look things logically, a married man would only see you as mistress and nothing more, he wouldn’t have time for you, he’d always come only when he feels like, you’re not being loved but being used. You’re not in a relationship that would lead to a happy married life, you’re just eating What you  did not cook, and what you fail to understand is the bitterness of the after taste, you’re in a relationship where you’re at the mercy of whatever he brings, whether it works for you or not.

He’s not going to meet your parents because you don’t expect him to leave his wife because of you, and if he was going to marry you, think about how his kids would feel, they would hate you for stealing their mom’s lover, can you deal with that?  Would your loved ones approve of it, ask yourself these questions.

Doing a reality check makes you come to a realization of these things.

C: Tell the wife:

This basically frees you from the guilt. Your freedom is what matters, telling the wife doesn’t make you a coward, or show your sense of irresponsibility, it only shows your level of good reasoning and good you have come to the realization of the absurdness of it. When you te the wife you are free.

D: Break up with him:

This is the point where you make that decision to cut ties and don’t go back. This is the point where your realization comes into reality. Then you can become independent.

4: Do a daily Mind exercise:

Dating Married men can be traced psychologically, as it becomes a mindset that has been embedded into you by experience, doing mind exercises can completely eradicate the thoughts of your mind. Close your eyes for ten to fifteen seconds, imagine yourself coming out of that situation or that mindset and keep working towards it by the first three things listed above.

5: Change your hobbies:

This might seem funny, but every little thing matters. Most women date married men because of their love for luxury and material things, they want everything on a platter of gold, their love for money would always cloud their mindset, and the fact that they always get it would set their hobbies to doing things that are luxury worthy. For example, Shopping every single day, reckless spending of money on things that don’t matter, etc. Therefore making these things their favorite thing to do.

So changing your hobbies to little things and finding your talent improves your probability of not dating Married men.  When you work for some things yourself and do some things by yourself without the help of anyone, you’d actually know what you actually like and what you don’t.

6: Seek Counsel:

After doing everything listed above, seeking advice from a good adult would do a great deal of detaching yourself from Dating a Married Man. A counselor would always tell the truth and give you the next line of action.

Conclusion

How to stop Dating A Married Man is a choice you have to make, a choice that has to come from the realization of the absurdness, setting your priorities right, changing your hobbies, doing a little mind exercise and seek good counsel. With a these well done, dating a married man would not even be a thought in your mind not to talk of an act!

ALSO, READ SIGNS HE WANTS TO GET YOU IN BED

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Marriage & Divorce

10 Signs You’re Ready to Get Married

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signs you're ready to get married

Description: One of the things many people fear is getting into marriage for the wrong reasons. Before you consider the idea, ensure you’re prepared to handle the responsibilities that come with marriage. Here are ten signs you’re ready for marriage.

How do you know if you are ready to get married? (10 Signs)

Because of the excitement of meeting a person you love, you might feel ready for marriage after the first date. Knowing you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is an incredible feeling. But no matter how you feel, marriage is not something you should take lightly. Marriage requires a lot of work, compromise, and sacrifice to maintain the relationship. Anyone craving companionship must have a few things figured out before saying “I do.” While you can borrow from installment loan lenders for your wedding, it’s something you must think about critically.

Before committing, do some soul soul-searching to know who you are and what you want. Understand the things you can give your prospective spouse and what you expect from them. Being ready for marriage means you have figured out what you want in life and are prepared to be in a relationship where you contribute and compromise. Here are signs that will help you know you’re ready for married life.

1. You’re Psychologically Mature

Some people will realize they’re not ready for marriage after 5 years of dating, and this is okay. Just because you have been out there for a long time does not qualify you to get married. Maturity is an essential component that will keep your marriage going strong amid all the turbulence. There is no best age for marriage, and you should never fall for the pressure to get married because you’re approaching a certain age. However, there’s an optimum level of maturity that shows you’re emotionally ready for marriage.

Experts say that the brain does not reach peak development until the age of 27, especially the part of the brain linked with one’s ability to review long-term consequences and also compare options. Until you have a fully working brain able to assess situations correctly, you should not get married. This is a ready-for-marriage checklist you must complete as it influences your choice of mate and ultimately determines if you’ll have a successful relationship.

2.You Love Yourself

ENSURE YOU LOVE YOURSELF

Knowing you’re ready for marriage after divorce can be confusing, as some people want to fill the void created by prior events. However, this is the time you should trackback and exercise self-love for healing. When you truly love yourself, you will easily give selfless love to others. The way you love yourself is how you teach other people to love you. Focusing on self-love before you get married is crucial as it helps you set standards that no person can undermine. Having respect for yourself means you cannot tolerate disrespect from anyone or abuse in a relationship.

Marriage comes with different stressors that test your resilience and patience. Failure to love yourself enough means it’s easy to feel lost during times of struggle. You get comfort knowing you adore yourself enough to be brave and conquer challenges in your marriage.

3. You’re Financially Stable

There are cases where you find a lady is ready for marriage, but the boyfriend is not. Some of these cases involve finances, as the boyfriend might not have attained the financial stability they believe is sufficient to take care of a family. Looking at your finances, are you ever ready for marriage? There are many perks you get from marriage if both of you are bringing income to the family. Before getting started, both of you need to evaluate your financial situation to know if it can sustain a marriage.

Money is a critical component of marriage that could make or break the relationship. Also, you don’t want to use marriage as a way to get rich as this could attract consequences later. Besides your wedding, the beginning of your marriage costs a lot – from kitchen equipment and furniture to a place to stay. Discuss finances with your partner to find common ground and understand how you can sustain the marriage if you decide to go ahead.

4. You Truly Love Your Partner

you truely love your partner

Love is among things you must confirm is present before you start thinking about how to get ready for a marriage proposal. You must love your partner for everything they are. Their personality is unique and different, so don’t attempt to change it when you get married. It’s something you need to accept and respect before you proceed with a marriage. It’s easy to tell about one’s character by looking at how they treat others. Know if they’re kind, and don’t ignore red flags that could blow up later in the marriage.

Looking at all things, you should ensure your partner is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Avoid falling for illusions of false expectations and face reality, which means asking yourself if you truly love that person.

5. Your Values Align

If you’re ready for marriage but your partner’s not, it could mean your values don’t align, which is a sign you should not go ahead with the plan. Having values that align makes your lives easier in the future. You need to be comfortable discussing taboo topics like sex, finance, and religion. Ladies ready for marriage should check that they’re comfortable discussing sensitive topics with their partners, as this will make it easier to know what to expect in the future. If there are clashes whenever some issues are brought up, it could mean you’ll endure stress in the marriage. People who share the same values protect their relationship from disappointment, clashes, and resentment. Values define people. It’s not something you can change overnight. They show the things you place much significance to.

Check Out: Home Proposal Tips and Ideas: How to Get Your S.O to Say Yes!’

 6.If you Trust Yourself Around Your Partner

Getting ready for marriage in a dream is easy as everything feels smooth, but before accepting to get married, ask yourself if you feel safe around your partner. This is like a situation where a friend brings life to the party, but everyone feels the void when they leave, and the event gets dull. If you’re considering getting married, you must address topics like whether you trust the person to give you what you need to feel loved and at peace.

You must have already touched on topics that could shake the stability of the relationship. If it feels necessary to hide your true self because you fear your partner would never accept or love you for that, then it could be you’re not dating the right person. Marriage is a long-term investment, and nobody deserves to suffer in silence or suppress some aspects about themselves.

7. You Overcome Conflict Together

Is anyone ever ready for marriage until they go through conflict with their partner? This comes as a learning moment where you get to understand how it feels to deal with conflict and moments of high pressure. Marriage is not always lovey-dovey as you will encounter moments where you will split apart for some time.

Forgiveness is one of the main dimensions of a stable marriage, so when you experience this while still dating, it could signify you can live together for many years to come. Couples must learn conflict resolution before entering into a marriage. Handling conflict successfully brings marital satisfaction.

ALSO, READ 12 Steps to Increase Your Self-Esteem

8.You Have Realistic Expectations

You’ll not find a perfect human if that’s what you want for marriage. If you have lived with your partner for some time, you might be aware of this. So, before getting married, understand that besides many happy times, you will encounter sad moments. It’s common to see people expect the perfect type of love they read in all the fairies, but this is unrealistic as you’re dealing with a real human being. Check the lingering doubts of marrying the person to understand the trade-offs. 

9.You’re Inspired to Succeed

Sometimes, it’s easy to feel you’ve found the perfect person, so all you need is to relax and enjoy life. However, feeling settled and not aiming to improve is something you should be aware of. Having the inspiration to reach greater heights comes from an inner calling. It means just because you finally found your true love; it should not mean you should neglect other things, like your job, purpose, or mental and physical health. These are things that should stay with you even after marriage. You should not let the relationship make you forget about your ability to stay hungry for success.

10.You Support Each Other’s Hobbies

If you never fancied fly fishing, but this is something your partner enjoys, you should support their passion and try learning a bit about it. You will discover many interesting things and probably also find happiness doing those things.

Conclusion

Marriage marks an important transition in one’s life, so it must be approached carefully as you expect to spend your life with your partner.  Finding the right person for marriage is not enough as you also need to evaluate yourself to know if you’re ready for marriage. Consider these things before you get married to improve your chances of success.

How do you handle conflicts in your relationship? Leave a comment below. 

Jade is a finance analyst and has been involved in many successful business projects with a range of companies throughout the country. She started writing 3 years ago and enjoys researching, discussing, and writing on the topics of finances, budgeting, money advice, lifestyle, and wellness. Jade loves to spend time with her family and has many hobbies, including hiking, riding a bike, cooking, and traveling.

ALSO, READ HOW TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF

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Marriage & Divorce

Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney

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Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney

 

Going through a divorce without legal help is like committing financial suicide. You might be thinking of going through your divorce on your own
and just using information that you can research online but that can do more harm than good. Though a DIY divorce may apply to certain situations,
it is still smarter to hire a divorce attorney to ensure that your best interests are taken into consideration. Keep reading for reasons why hiring a divorce
attorney could be one of your best divorce decisions.

You Want to Eliminate Mistakes

“The legal system is complicated enough to navigate for those who have a legal degree, so navigating it from a layman’s perspective is like trying to pilot a plane without even knowing how to ride a bike”, says Michael Porter of Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc.

Legal jargon can be very challenging. It can take just one word for you to completely misunderstand something (like a debt or medical issue) or overestimate/underestimate the value of an asset. This is the last thing you want. Why? Because mistakes like this can cause your financial ruin or may need to be corrected with more legal proceedings in the future. An attorney can ensure that your case is being handled properly and that you will not be making decisions that you will regret for years to come.

You Will Benefit from Legal Advice

A divorce attorney can ensure that you get what you deserve during a divorce. This is important because state laws do not always support an even split of a couple’s assets. There are cases where a spouse is entitled to a spouse’s future income and/or retirement. By hiring an attorney, you ensure that complicated issues such as debts, child custody, current assets, future assets, and child support are legally addressed.

You Want to Minimize Stress

Divorce is a highly stressful time. Not only will it be addressing the end of your marriage, but might also bring up painful experiences from the past. A divorce attorney will provide objective help in gathering information, presenting information, and representing your interests. This will give you more time to process your feelings and take care of yourself and your family.

Keep in mind that a divorce will be a very painful time and the last thing youneed is to have to take on legal work. That is what an attorney is for.

You Don’t Want Delays

Completing all the paperwork needed for a divorce plus gathering information and documenting everything isn’t an easy task. Yes, there are court provided documents but that is just a small percentage of what you actually need. Aside from paperwork, there are other legal issues that can prolong a divorce or halt the progress into a crawl. An experienced divorce attorney knows how to avoid problems like the above and get things done as fast as possible.

You Want A Clear Divorce

A divorce is a legal agreement and is legally binding. You want everything in your divorce to be as clear as possible and that each point that needs to be
addressed are taken care of. A divorce attorney will ensure that your wishes are accurately presented and that you understand everything that goes into
the divorce. This way, the divorce would be free from unclear language or errors.

ALSO, READ TOP 5 MONEY ISSUES THAT COULD  DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP

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