Opening up yourself in a relationship can be a big deal especially when you have been a secretive person all your life; talk more when you want to find out ways to get your partner to open up to you. In our previous article, why you should open up to your partner, we talked about five basic importance of opening up to your partner and those tips are for both genders actually. Towards the end, I gave a few tips to help you open up. If you haven’t read the article, you should read it HERE.
Any long-lasting relationship is an open relationship. You can quote me anywhere. Benefits like an increase in trust level and intimacy are some of the strong cords that hold any long-lasting relationship together. The more open your relationship is, the more intimate you and your partner become, the better you trust each other, the steadier your relationship, the longer you last together.
In case, you don’t fully grasp the meaning of an open relationship, this is a kind of relationship where planning, discussions are held together by partners and there is no form of secrecy between the partners. Everything is planned collectively and decisions are made together. An example of such a relationship is marriage. In marriage, the couples are expected to be naked to each other, (not only physically). Though some married people still shy away from openness to their spouse, you can check any successful marriage and confirm this fact. The couples are mostly naked (open) to each other, emotionally, financially, career-wise, and otherwise. This strengthens their communion and union.
Well, as a truth spiller, I have to also bring to your notice that is generally hard for men to open up than it is for women. You might have heard this before. Men have more trust checks to do and they are not usually the conversation kind of people. This doesn’t mean that a man cannot enjoy or open up a conversation. They can laugh, chat, gist, and talk with you, but once it gets to emotional or deeply sensitive talks, the man just wants to hit the nail on the head or totally avoid it, and runoff. It takes great effort for you to know the emotions of any man. This is why, once you have thrown the trowel in and given him your yes, you have to be ready to own his heart totally.
This is another reason why men rarely get heartbroken; they maintain a closed up position emotionally. No matter how much they love, there are inner doors they won’t open to you. Doors they believe will reveal the vulnerability of his superman personality and make him susceptible to you. You have to work to destroy that mindset and break the lock. Don’t get comfortable doing all the whining and talking all the time while your man gives you encouraging remarks. You can both have an open relationship where you sit and do a heart to heart. He tells you all that is on his mind in reciprocating your openness. Oh yes! it is absolutely possible.
However, building an open relationship isn’t something one person can do, neither is it rocket science. You first need to be open to your partner. Be an encourager by your examples. Don’t wait for promptings, nothing will go wrong if you take the right steps first and open up. Your partner will surely be surprised and more motivated to change. In my last write-up, I mentioned that you cannot change anybody. Having done this, you need to be patient and fully armed before you jump into the next stage. You need to know how to get your partner open up to you. It is not magic. There are basic steps. Below, I have made a list of them. Especially for men, society expects a man to be tough and self-secured. If you need the convos to start flowing, read on for some easy ways to make it easier for you both to talk and build a happier, healthier relationship.
1. Be a good listener:
the listening skills are very necessary condiments here. If you want someone to talk to YOU, you need to learn how to listen. Not just hear their voice or what they have to say, you need to learn how to listen to them. Pay attention to each of the words they speak, do not make any assumptions. If a particular statement is not clear to you, ask for an explanation, politely. Give them brief and sharp motivations to keep talking while the conversation is going on. You can do this by nodding your head, making encouraging sounds like ‘hmmm’, helping finish up a sentence, etc. Also, when you notice your partner is speaking out of anger, don’t say anything. When he/she is calm, ask if they need your opinion. If the reply is negative, keep silent.
2. Don’t force or beg for the conversation:
women are awesome conversation starters and we love to have the flow when we are speaking. But we fail to use the same pattern we use for chats when we want to discuss a serious matter. We just drop the plate hard on the table and expect our partner to rush at the food as they would to a gist.
You can’t force a conversation, no matter how serious it is. It will be stilted and strained.
Avoid starting a conversation with, “I want us to talk.” You will definitely scare your man, and before the next word flies out of your mouth, his defenses are up and he already has a ready answer to whatever you have to say cooking in his heart.
Instead of forcing or begging for a conversation, you could start it as a casual gist. Make sure the atmosphere is friendly and calm before you bring any discussion up. When you are ready to switch to the important subject, ensure your voice is calm and normal. Let the convos flow naturally.
3. The right character:
a good character is like an erotic perfume, it makes you more appealing and desirable, even in a room of beauties. Work on your character, you will earn the trust and unhindered love from your partner. Thence, it will be easier to encourage him to open up.
4. Ask questions:
there a number of questions you could ask a man to get him talking. One of the top questions is; How was your day?, How did the contract go?, How was work today? trust me, he is sure to give you a passive answer like, “It was fine”, “It went well”, “It was stressful but I did my best”, and many more.
It is your duty to ask deeper questions more affectionately. Let him feel the affection and care in your voice. Once he doesn’t feel it, he will tend to lock up immediately. As he begins to speak, listen attentively to what he has to say. Ask questions for clarification’s sake alone and avoid controversial questions, it will lock him up sooner than you can ever get to open him up again. Men usually talk about actions, ask questions that will expose their feelings, and reveal a part of their vulnerability.
5. Talk every time you are alone:
especially in the car. Take advantage of your alone time and start off conversations. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, you could talk about your work, your day, your family and try to get him participatory in the talk. Remember to pay attention to his reactions. The goal is not to just hear him speak but know how he reasons and thinks. Speaking in the car is more comfortable for them because they are quite distracted by the scenery of the road. The lack of an eye to eye can make the conversation more relaxed. Talking eye to eye can be intimidating for some men.
6. Approach issues from the corner:
you don’t just jump into the water and expect it to be still, there will surely be a splash. Approach your conversations from the side. Go from abstract to specific. Jumping into specific can be scary and initiate locking of doors before they start. If you want to ask him for details about his means of income, you can begin with a joke or a very light conversation about football or food.
7. Use yourself as bait to start a conversation:
this is another miracle tip. You can narrate a personal experience and ask what they will do if they were in your shoes.
8. Take their personality into consideration:
the rules we have listed here are only basic, the personality of your partner will help you introduce other rules that are necessary.
9. Talk while doing something else:
to avoid the intimidation from an eye to eye conversation, you could start conversations while working in the house. (cooking, washing, cleaning, etc)
10. Speak his love language: one way you can make him melt in your hands like an ice cream is by speaking his love language. You could endear his heart from that angle and hit your strike.
11. Be open-minded and accept anything he has to say:
shouting and arguing over something he revealed to you is an off-turner. Expect the best and the worst. Train your mind to accept shocks. Be calm and don’t bicker as many couples would. If you don’t have anything worthwhile to say, you could keep your mouth shut and process what you have said.
12. Keep practicing: keep starting up conversations, even when he is not responding well. Continue trying to start up talks and listen to what he has to say. Don’t push him or force him to talk. If he is not responding at all despite several numbers of tries, you can let him be at this point. Relationship therapists state that it is still possible to live in harmony together, you just need to be understanding.
Whew! I’ve succeeded in listing twelve amazing ways to get your partner open up to you. None of this is magic. Don’t expect quite supernatural results. Apply patience to this condiment and see what miracle happens.
ALSO, READ How to mend broken trust in a relationship
How To Break Up With A Married Man With Ease
You tapped on this post because you’re in a situation like this and you feel guilty for dating another woman’s husband or you’re just tired of the relationship. But here’s the thing, you want to get out and you don’t know how to. So let’s press play and start this journey together. You want to know how to break up with a married man?……SOLUTION AWAY!
Now a lot of women out there get into relationships like this for reasons best known to them and because of those reasons they don’t see how unreasonable it is, literally, logically basically and practically unreasonable. But you tapped this post because you already see that it’s unreasonable and you just can’t keep up with.
Here’s the good news, you’re half way through the solution.
Now breaking up with a married man would require the following procedures:
8 Sure way to break Up with a Married Man
1: Put God first
This is the most essential part of making any decision in life even something as ‘Sinful’ as this. Basically it is called adultery, so you’re committing a sin with a married man, Even though the sin is more on the man, you’d still be seen as a partaker of it. Remember a sin is a sin, and when you’re involved you have committed a sin.
What does God say about adultery?
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
It says here that you’d judged for being adulterous, why would you want to face God’s wrath for just a few months of pleasure. Just be assured that, that married man would always pick his wife over you.
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
It shows that it corrupts you, it reduces your dignity and the standard that you may have built for yourself, you become a shadow of your own self.
1 Corinthians 7:2
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
The bible gives an alternative, Get yours and don’t reap the fruit you did not sow.
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
This explains the side of the man, as long as the man looks at you, he’d always commit a sin because all he would need you for is sex!
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
With this, You dating a married man means you’ve hindered the main ordinance of marriage, Coming Into the life of a married man means you’ve broken a bond that was made by God.
“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
This is self explanatory. It buttresses the point of the former when It means you’ve broken a bond created by God. But this is seen in another context and still makes the same point. Whatever makes you date a married man who had been divorced is not love but lust, or just admiration for what he claims to be. Succumbing to him only makes you commit adultery. This generation doesn’t even see the absurdness of this, but putting God first makes you see this.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
The bible also see this as sexual immorality! Which means you don’t just sin against God but against yourself. That’s a loss on both sides!
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Even though the man doesn’t see how wrong it is, be the first to make that move, do the right thing. You basically don’t belong together, if you are a Christian, what relationship does your righteousness have with such lawlessness?
These are questions you must ask yourself
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Make the man know this. His lust/love for you shouldn’t be in the picture if he claims to truly love his wife. It is God’s commandment and he must follow it.
Read through the rest of the bible verses and drop your questions in the comments zone.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Read your Bible on a daily basis, pray and always communicate with God your solution comes quicker that way.
After putting God first, The “how” and the “When” comes in.
How and when do you break up with a married man
2: Do a reality check
Face reality, he’s not the one for you, you’d always be a mistress to him, you’re only needed when he needs you and not when you need him. You have no true emotional support, you’d still be left alone to live for life on your own. Your only usefulness is quench is sexual urge or desire.
3: Become independent
Most women go into relationships like this because you feel like that’s what you deserve, to be pampered and showered money when you want or need it. You feel you should have everything on a platter of gold, but think about this properly you can make that money on your own and even more. All you have to do is believe in yourself that you can do it without the help of any man. Say daily affirmations to yourself everyday, encourage yourself. Stop blaming yourself for whatever guilt you have and own up to it. Face your mistakes and fix it. Start up a business of your own. Save up some money. You can become successful without the help of a Married Man!
4: Try to scare him off
Now testing a man’s love for his wife or the fear of losing his married is quite easy. This is where the intellect comes in. Try the pregnancy scare. Tell him you’re pregnant. His reaction would determine your next action. Not all men would accept it and some men would also accept. If he doesn’t accept it, that’s your cue to leave! Now if he accepts it that means you have to work with option B. Ask him to file a divorce with his wife. Trust me, no man would want to lose his marriage to a woman he barely loves.
In rare cases the man might want to file the divorce. So just go straight to the point!
5: Tell his wife
This would actually be the best thing to do it trying to scare him off doesn’t work, tell his wife. Telling his wife does two things in one
- Clearing the feeling of guilt that you have: This would make you free. It’s the truth so it would always set you free, you’d feel the burden lifted of your shoulders.
- The fact that his children might hate you: While doing a reality check, you’d find out that if you end up getting married to that man, his children might hate you for life. Trust me if a child hates you, you’d barely survive in that house. So telling the wife actually saves you the stress.
6: Seek Counsel
You can talk to your best friend about it, or someone you trust, or an older person that might have had such experience or even a mother figure in your life. Talking about it with someone would also go a long way relieving you from that feeling of guilt
7: Cut ties
At this point breaking up with him would be very easy. Tell him how you really feel about the whole situation then let him go his way and find yours.
8: Get yourself back
Build back that standard for yourself. Make yourself happy again. Channel your mind to finding love when the time is right and work on getting yourself back.
Breaking up with a married man may not be an easy process, but the result is what really matters. You can get out of such relationship, just acknowledge that it’s a problem and work towards the outline given above. You can get yourself back. You can be happier. And your happiness is what really
10 Sure Signs Your Ex Regrets Dumping You
Being in love is a beautiful thing and being loved back by your partner is the best feeling ever. You would never want to lose such a beautiful relationship, however, never say never.
You should understand that, not all relationships lead to a happy ending as a lot of them ends in premium tears. Break-ups in relationships are inevitable especially when your partner is not committed to the relationship. Being dumped by your girlfriend/boyfriend can be so devastating and the most painful feeling that you can experience in your life. After breakup, you will begin to wonder what went wrong in the relationship and you will have many unanswered questions. Some of the frequent questions running through your head might be if your partner has really moved on or if he/she regrets dumping you.
For the latter, you begin to look out for signs that show your ex regrets dumping you. Now let’s take a look at 10 common signs to be wary of:
10 SIGNS YOUR EX REGRETS DUMPING YOU
1.They keep communication alive.
“They say out of sight is out of mind”. However, the ex that claims to be over you still has you in mind if he or she keeps communication alive by constantly sending unsolicited texts to you. They will always initiate communication with you and ask all sorts of personal questions so as to get you talking. This may indicate that they are not truly over you and might want you back.
In cases where it may have been a while since he/she dumped you, but out of the blues, you begin to receive texts regularly from your ex asking about your well-being and all that, may indicate he/she wants you back.
Either way, they still care about you and feel some sort of regret for dumping you. It may be a sign you’re about getting back together.
ALSO, READ Signs You Are Not Ready to Date
2 .They always want to hang out with you.
Dude, you just dumped me, yet you are seeking for my attention! This is one of the best signs your ex regrets dumping you. Your ex simply still misses you and derives some sort of happiness being around you. His/her feelings for you are still intact and might think about you often.
So if your ex shows a sign of wanting to always hang out with you, perhaps, they are looking for the right moment to tell you they are still interested in the relationship.
3.They apologize for dumping you.
When your ex finally realizes his/her mistake for breaking up with you and how hurt you must have been, they will apologize to you. This is because they obviously regret dumping you and would want to have you back in their life.
4.They can’t stop keeping tabs on you.
When your ex begins to ask about your private life from your friends and keeps talking about you trying to know who you’re dating next, then that’s a sign of regret for dumping you.
They are always the first to like or comment on any post you make on your social media platforms even when you shut them out of your page. This obviously indicates he/she regrets the decision of dumping you.
5.They become extremely nice and caring than before.
When an ex suddenly becomes more loving and caring towards you after dumping you, he/she probably regrets breaking up with you. Perhaps, they are trying to get back to you by being loving and affectionate even more than they did when you were still dating. They begin to shower you with so many gifts and love to show how remorseful they were for breaking up with you.
When you notice this, it is a good sign that your ex regrets dumping you and cares about your feelings.
6.They keep talking about the happy memories you guys had.
This is another good sign that your ex regrets dumping you when they are reminiscing the good times you had together. They begin to remember how you both made a great team together and realize it was actually a bad decision letting you go.
So if you hear your ex still talking about the best memories you had together and share them with you, it could possibly mean he/she misses you and would still want to create more positive memories with you.
ALSO, READ SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
7.They suddenly got dumped too.
Yes, your ex can get rejected too by another person and will probably regret dumping you. They will understand that you actually loved them more, you wanted them to be happy and supported them in their worse moments. Right there, they will regret treating you badly and miss your love for them. They will realize that they lost something that meant a lot to them and would probably want to run back to you.
So if your ex lacks the courage to work through his/her current difficulties, it might indicate regrets for dumping you.
8.They are feeling depressed and lonely.
This is not a feeling that comes immediately they break up with you; rather, it is a gradual process. At first, they might feel in control and experience this feeling of freedom and power from the decision of dumping you. However, after few weeks, they will inevitably feel the loneliness and depression that accompanies a breakup.
When loneliness sets in, they begin to reminisce on the wonderful memories with you and a sense of regret from dumping you starts setting in. Although, an ex might move on and be happy but when this doesn’t happen, then he/she is obviously regretting the decision.
9.They can’t stop flirting with you.
Flirting is a sign of attraction and when an ex still flirts with you; it means they are still fascinated about you. The attraction and attachment was never lost and they regret not being romantically involved with you.
10.They beg you for another chance.
This is most likely to happen when an ex regrets their decision for dumping you and it is also your decision to accept the plea or move on. When an ex still loves you, then they will look for any means to get you back.
When you observe these signs from your ex, it indicates your ex still loves you and might want you back. But don’t be in a haste to take him back, I know this might seem difficult especially when you still love your ex a lot. let them woo you again and fight for you so that you will be valued more. If you make it easy, your ex might just end up taking you for granted again.
How To Spoil Your Man (Experts Advice)
It feels so good to be showered with love, care, and attention, you know that feeling when your man spoils you with gifts and surprises.
Everyone loves the idea of been spoilt, it’s not meant for a particular gender.
Women rarely think of how to spoil their men or make them feel loved. If you are among the few women thinking of how to treat your man right then you are very close to winning his heart forever. Men also need to be loved and cared for, they need our attention too, it mustn’t be all about us.
Generally, women are used to being loved and cared for by their men and they feel to realize that they also need that tender care from their women.
You don’t need to wait for a special event before you show him some love. You can surprise him with a lovely gift, a love note, or even a surprise dinner for just the two of you. Men also crave for these things, you shouldn’t always expect to receive love and care but learn to extend it to them.
If you have been thinking of how to make your man feel special and loved or you want to communicate how much you love him, then below are some useful tips on how to spoil your boyfriend.
Best ways on how to spoil your man (12 Proven Tips)
1. Give him a massage
A massage will make a great deal for him especially when he just returns from the day’s activity. Men love the soft tender touch of a woman, it relieves them of their stress having you around makes them forget how stressful and tiring their day went.
ALSO, READ How to make a guy fall in love with you
2. Suprise him with his favorite home-cooked meal
There is a saying that, the easiest way to a man’s heart is his stomach. This adage is still working. if you want to please your man, prepare his favorite meal by yourself. Men love the taste of home meals. Eating out is great, but you can never measure the joy in a man’s heart when he eats the food prepared by his WOMAN for him.
3. Send him unexpected text messages
Sending messages shouldn’t be left for men to do alone, you know how you feel when you just receive a love text message from your man. That feeling of love that flows like an electric current, which makes you happy all day.
You should also do so, let him have that same feeling. You can send him while at work or even when he is sitting on the couch focused on the newspaper.
4. Spoil him with random gifts.
Men also love gifts, the fact that they rarely mention it doesn’t mean they don’t value or appreciate it when you buy them a gift. It will be nice if you buy your man a gift, especially something he has been craving for; this single act will make him love you more.
You must not wait till his birthday, Valentine’s Day, or Christmas to buy him a gift. let your gift come unexpectedly, it will be more appreciated.
Give him a valuable gift and tell him how much he means to you. Let him know you cherish every moment spent with him.
5. Leave him a Love Note
Leaving love notes triggers his emotions, which indicates he is always on your mind. It could be on the stairs, in his briefcase or suit pocket, wherever that seems right to you; Just make it brief and romantic. Here are some samples of a romantic love letter to keep for him.
6. Buy him flowers.
The idea of buying flowers has been thought to be for women alone, flowers depict love; so it’s not a gender thing. Get your man some beautiful lovely flowers with a nice fragrance, you will have him all around you.
ALSO, READ Cute Paragraphs For Him After An Argument
7. Plan a date night
Wow! A date night doesn’t sound romantic, sure it does. Just imagine what it will look like when your man comes back from the day’s work and he meets you all dressed for dinner, with the table set with different dishes. It will be a very wonderful scene to behold.
You can also plan an outside date, it mustn’t be an in-door date, it could be in a nice restaurant, just make the dinner romantic, let the moment be memorable and remarkable.
8. Give him compliments
Just as women love to be flattered and complimented, men also love to be complimented, it triggers their “Hero instincts”. It shows that you appreciate them and you love them the way they are without having any reservations.
9. Plan a surprise
A surprise event can actually do in this case, it could be a surprise party for his birthday, your marriage anniversary or to celebrate his promotion. This will really mean alot to him.
10. Take care of his laundry
This is a rare task, these days you rarely see women washing their husband’s clothes. So doing his laundry simply means you care about him and his looks and you want him to always be at his best. do his laundry and make him happy, it really means alot to them to see their women taking care of their personal belongings.
11. Plan a romantic weekend getaway.
This is an opportunity for the two of you to be together, having a quality time alone to bond and make up for the times lost. It must not be work always.
plan for a vacation or a weekend and enjoy the best of the moment.
12. Go on a mini road trip.
A mini trip is just like a short vacation or a short-distance trip to rekindle your love and ease you guys of the stress from your daily activities. It mustn’t be an expensive trip, the most important thing is the bonding and quality time spent together.
13. Get the ingredients for a new recipe and cook dinner together.
Go to the market and get some new recipes to prepare a nice dinner, you too can cook the food together, this is one of the most wonderful moments. The last time I did this with my husband he was so happy and he wished we do it often.
14. Watch the sunset.
Have you ever watched a movie where two lovers sit together holding hands or cuddle each other watching the sunset? You observe the vibe and the beautiful romance in that picture,try and practice same with your man.It is a moment for you guys to feel each other and express your love for each other.
15. Spend the day together with your phones turned off.
Our phones and other personal gadgets can distract us and make us distant from our partners. These days, couples rarely have time for each other because of social media.
Try spending time together with your phones off, to avoid distractions and keeping you away from your partner. The more time you spend together the closer you guys become and the stronger your love for each other.
A little more piece
Spoiling a man doesn’t make you look cheap or desperate for his love and attention. The more you care for him, the closer you are to his heart his love for you increases. It’s nice to reciprocate the gesture he shows towards you as well.
Men wish to be loved too and pampered, treat them like your hero, your baby, and your partner. The love we desire from them is also what they desire.
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