You might be wondering if there is any serious reason why you should open up to your partner. I mean, you are two different people: he has his thought pattern, you have your thought pattern.
However, openness and transparency is a strong fiber of any long-lasting intimate relationship. Especially when it has to do with intimate relationships like the one you share with your partner. You could use your temperament or body make-up as an excuse for your secretive attitude with anybody, including your parents. No matter your excuse, it will get them worried; they will be more worried if they were close to you. You need to know and understand why you should open up to your partner.
Secrecy breeds a level of privacy and could end up making you appear suspicious. It does more harm than good actually. Many persons I know, lock-up themselves to people because of hurts they have experienced from the past. They don’t want ANYBODY to have access to them and hurt them emotionally or otherwise. Only random and basic things that are public.
In fact, some people even go as far as straining their public life, that before you can ever see or notice any peculiar change about them, it will take you a long time. Or someone close would have to give you a hint. This is quite understandable because a lot of persons have been hurt by opening themselves to a supposed friend or family member.
Fear of vulnerability or repeat of a hurtful experience keeps many people in a secret box. Truthfully, openness could make you more vulnerable as an individual. To anybody you open yourself to, you have given the person some license to a very private place of you.
It is just like giving someone access to a room, the person could actually use whatever that is in the room in a way you might or might not like. It is no big deal when you are single, without a date, partner, or spouse. Nowhere is it written that you must be practically open to anyone else including your parents.
I remember times when my mom would sit me down for hours trying to break all the barricade in my head and disarm me to know what I am thinking, why I did what I did, who are the closest people to my heart, what are my plans and all of those personal things.? All her efforts were futile; I had placed a peculiar key on that door; SELF.
Then, it meant nothing to see her sweat it trying to break through me. I cared less, after all, I wanted her to know nothing. So, I folded by arms and gave passive answers to her question. I know a few of you are like that, you are used to being passive and allowing people to figure out things themselves instead of just letting them know what they want to know, and many times than not, they ought to know.
However, the fear of vulnerability should never make you lock up to your partner. if there is anyone you should be open to, as a lady or guy that you are, that person should be your partner/ spouse. You might be wondering, “if being open has the capacity to leave you hurt, is there any strong reason why should I open up to my partner?”
I understand your worries and fears. In answering your question, I have listed three reasons below that will educate you better and make you understand why it is necessary that you should be open to your partner.
Five Reasons Why I Should Be Open
1. Secrecy could lead to unnecessary assumptions:
using the story I was sharing earlier about how my mum struggled while trying to break me open, I can certainly say this. I remember then, once she asks me something and I give her passive answers, she would get offended and round off the talk. Afterward, she will make her assumption of the situation and decide on that. We had a series of arguments over how true and how false something is because I failed to initially explain myself when I had the chance.
2. Increase in trust level:
when you are open to your partner, it enables them to trust you more. They don’t have to guess or try to make themselves find out what is going on with your life if you come up front and just explain yourself.
Telling your partner things, you would have rather considered private without him/ her having to ask or probe you is one way to win your partner’s trust forever. The more open you are, the more trust you provoke. This is one of the strong importance of openness to your partner.
3. Prevents gossip stings:
A lot of relationships today have been destroyed because they allowed the pest called gossip to give their relationship a bite. Gossip is one thing you cannot control, individually or as a couple.
People will always have their views and interpretations of your actions, fake news to spread, and many other gossip baits. You only fall victim, when you fail to be open to your partner.
How will you explain to your partner that you were caught in the night with your brother and not a sexual partner as gossip claims if you have always been secret about your family members or movements? This is one of the strongest reasons why you should be open to your partner and win their trust so gossips won’t matter to them any longer. Don’t let your partner hear something he could have heard from you, from a stranger. You would be allowing gossip to sting your relationship.
4. Increase in intimacy:
Openness breeds a form of intimacy with your partner. definitely, trust leads to intimacy, so we can point a direct arrow to openness as the chief factor that breeds intimacy in a relationship. By being open to your partner, he/she tends to know you more. By knowing you more, they feel more intimate and the bond of your relationship is strengthened. It is like tightening a cord. Before such a relationship can be broken or penetrated, the cords would have to loosen or get broken. Forever is very possible here.
5. Yields more emotional benefit:
when you are open to someone, your feelings for that person are strengthened. It is as though you have given a part of you to that person and without intending to, you begin to fall deeper in love. Your partner is not exempted; the level of intimacy you have created by your openness helps him/ her to love you more.
6. Creates an amazing support system:
here is another interesting reason why you should be open to your partner. One beautiful thing about relationships is that it avails the opportunity of two persons to grow together.
There is an African adage that says; “if you want to go far, go together. If you want to go fast, go alone”. Also, the holy book tells us that “one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand” This goes a long way to point out the result of togetherness as a couple.
However, these beautiful things can only happen when you involve your partner in your personal life; your plans, dreams, goals, and visions. Without opening these things to them, there is no possible way they can come in and help you have that multiplying effect. It doesn’t occur by sex or dates, it is by openness, trust, and intimacy that can only come from being open.
If you want to enjoy these multiplication results, then don’t be afraid to open your heart and head a little wider to your partner.
Now that you have understood why you should be open to your partner and you have come to appreciate the importance of intimacy in a relationship, you should not expect anything to be magical.
First of all, you should not expect your partner to respond immediately by also throwing all of themselves at you when you take that bold step to intimacy with this understanding of the importance of openness in a relationship. He/ she might need time to process the step you have taken. Because by being open to your spouse, as we have earlier mentioned, it takes you one or more steps closer. So you have made a bold step, your partner needs to trust you and understand your motives, they need to digest this new stage properly before following suit. It is like moving your relationship to a new level. You knew of the level upgrade, you planned it, they need time to adjust.
Patience is very necessary here. However, if you feel your partner is taking so much time to respond to you, that could be a new issue for you and you’ll need to now learn ways you can help your partner become open to you. You don’t force it; you have to help to make it happen.
That is a full article that we will have to devote an article to. So, in another article, we will be discussing how you can get your partner open up to you, so it won’t be a one-sided thing.
However, I also need to bring to your notice that the process of opening is not magical. It can’t just happen after you are done reading the last sentence in this article. You just have to make it happen. But this might prove difficult if you have always been secretive.
Trying to open up when you have been locked up for a while can be very stressful. You don’t have to push yourself too much. Treat it the way you would train a baby to walk. You are learning to come up and talk and be open. Start little.
To be very sincere with you, everything that has an advantage definitely has a disadvantage. I wouldn’t want to create a sugar coat content or message and present it to you. You deserve to be informed of the pros and cons, so you know what to expect and won’t be taken by surprise at all by the turnout of things eventually.
What happens when you are open with your partner might not always be pleasant. There might be some form of disappointments. You might even get betrayed. It is even possible that you get used or manipulated. No human is perfect but this is why you need to be sure about whoever you are dating or in a relationship with. If they are not trustworthy, DO NOT GIVE THEM THE CHANCE.
However, this is not a reason for you to then decide to lock up. It doesn’t nullify the importance of openness to your partner. The result of choosing to lock up might turn out to be worse than the possible disadvantage of opening up.
There is an African adage that says, we shouldn’t for the fear of death or blood avoid going to the battlefront. You shouldn’t for the fear of being hurt lock up yourself from your spouse, you deserve a chance to be happy at the very least.
You deserve a chance to have a sweet forever and intimacy that only openness can guarantee. A relationship is a risk, just like every risk investment. Do not let the fear of losing hinder you from winning.
I wish you good luck in your relationship.
ALSO, READ HOW TO EXPRESS NEEDS IN A RELATIONSHIP