You might be wondering if there is any serious reason why you should open up to your partner. I mean, you are two different people: he has his thought pattern, you have your thought pattern.
However, openness and transparency is a strong fiber of any long-lasting intimate relationship. Especially when it has to do with intimate relationships like the one you share with your partner. You could use your temperament or body make-up as an excuse for your secretive attitude with anybody, including your parents. No matter your excuse, it will get them worried; they will be more worried if they were close to you. You need to know and understand why you should open up to your partner.
Secrecy breeds a level of privacy and could end up making you appear suspicious. It does more harm than good actually. Many persons I know, lock-up themselves to people because of hurts they have experienced from the past. They don’t want ANYBODY to have access to them and hurt them emotionally or otherwise. Only random and basic things that are public.
In fact, some people even go as far as straining their public life, that before you can ever see or notice any peculiar change about them, it will take you a long time. Or someone close would have to give you a hint. This is quite understandable because a lot of persons have been hurt by opening themselves to a supposed friend or family member.
Fear of vulnerability or repeat of a hurtful experience keeps many people in a secret box. Truthfully, openness could make you more vulnerable as an individual. To anybody you open yourself to, you have given the person some license to a very private place of you.
It is just like giving someone access to a room, the person could actually use whatever that is in the room in a way you might or might not like. It is no big deal when you are single, without a date, partner, or spouse. Nowhere is it written that you must be practically open to anyone else including your parents.
I remember times when my mom would sit me down for hours trying to break all the barricade in my head and disarm me to know what I am thinking, why I did what I did, who are the closest people to my heart, what are my plans and all of those personal things.? All her efforts were futile; I had placed a peculiar key on that door; SELF.
Then, it meant nothing to see her sweat it trying to break through me. I cared less, after all, I wanted her to know nothing. So, I folded by arms and gave passive answers to her question. I know a few of you are like that, you are used to being passive and allowing people to figure out things themselves instead of just letting them know what they want to know, and many times than not, they ought to know.
However, the fear of vulnerability should never make you lock up to your partner. if there is anyone you should be open to, as a lady or guy that you are, that person should be your partner/ spouse. You might be wondering, “if being open has the capacity to leave you hurt, is there any strong reason why should I open up to my partner?”
I understand your worries and fears. In answering your question, I have listed three reasons below that will educate you better and make you understand why it is necessary that you should be open to your partner.
Five Reasons Why I Should Be Open
1. Secrecy could lead to unnecessary assumptions:
using the story I was sharing earlier about how my mum struggled while trying to break me open, I can certainly say this. I remember then, once she asks me something and I give her passive answers, she would get offended and round off the talk. Afterward, she will make her assumption of the situation and decide on that. We had a series of arguments over how true and how false something is because I failed to initially explain myself when I had the chance.
2. Increase in trust level:
when you are open to your partner, it enables them to trust you more. They don’t have to guess or try to make themselves find out what is going on with your life if you come up front and just explain yourself.
Telling your partner things, you would have rather considered private without him/ her having to ask or probe you is one way to win your partner’s trust forever. The more open you are, the more trust you provoke. This is one of the strong importance of openness to your partner.
3. Prevents gossip stings:
A lot of relationships today have been destroyed because they allowed the pest called gossip to give their relationship a bite. Gossip is one thing you cannot control, individually or as a couple.
People will always have their views and interpretations of your actions, fake news to spread, and many other gossip baits. You only fall victim, when you fail to be open to your partner.
How will you explain to your partner that you were caught in the night with your brother and not a sexual partner as gossip claims if you have always been secret about your family members or movements? This is one of the strongest reasons why you should be open to your partner and win their trust so gossips won’t matter to them any longer. Don’t let your partner hear something he could have heard from you, from a stranger. You would be allowing gossip to sting your relationship.
4. Increase in intimacy:
Openness breeds a form of intimacy with your partner. definitely, trust leads to intimacy, so we can point a direct arrow to openness as the chief factor that breeds intimacy in a relationship. By being open to your partner, he/she tends to know you more. By knowing you more, they feel more intimate and the bond of your relationship is strengthened. It is like tightening a cord. Before such a relationship can be broken or penetrated, the cords would have to loosen or get broken. Forever is very possible here.
5. Yields more emotional benefit:
when you are open to someone, your feelings for that person are strengthened. It is as though you have given a part of you to that person and without intending to, you begin to fall deeper in love. Your partner is not exempted; the level of intimacy you have created by your openness helps him/ her to love you more.
6. Creates an amazing support system:
here is another interesting reason why you should be open to your partner. One beautiful thing about relationships is that it avails the opportunity of two persons to grow together.
There is an African adage that says; “if you want to go far, go together. If you want to go fast, go alone”. Also, the holy book tells us that “one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand” This goes a long way to point out the result of togetherness as a couple.
However, these beautiful things can only happen when you involve your partner in your personal life; your plans, dreams, goals, and visions. Without opening these things to them, there is no possible way they can come in and help you have that multiplying effect. It doesn’t occur by sex or dates, it is by openness, trust, and intimacy that can only come from being open.
If you want to enjoy these multiplication results, then don’t be afraid to open your heart and head a little wider to your partner.
Now that you have understood why you should be open to your partner and you have come to appreciate the importance of intimacy in a relationship, you should not expect anything to be magical.
First of all, you should not expect your partner to respond immediately by also throwing all of themselves at you when you take that bold step to intimacy with this understanding of the importance of openness in a relationship. He/ she might need time to process the step you have taken. Because by being open to your spouse, as we have earlier mentioned, it takes you one or more steps closer. So you have made a bold step, your partner needs to trust you and understand your motives, they need to digest this new stage properly before following suit. It is like moving your relationship to a new level. You knew of the level upgrade, you planned it, they need time to adjust.
Patience is very necessary here. However, if you feel your partner is taking so much time to respond to you, that could be a new issue for you and you’ll need to now learn ways you can help your partner become open to you. You don’t force it; you have to help to make it happen.
That is a full article that we will have to devote an article to. So, in another article, we will be discussing how you can get your partner open up to you, so it won’t be a one-sided thing.
However, I also need to bring to your notice that the process of opening is not magical. It can’t just happen after you are done reading the last sentence in this article. You just have to make it happen. But this might prove difficult if you have always been secretive.
Trying to open up when you have been locked up for a while can be very stressful. You don’t have to push yourself too much. Treat it the way you would train a baby to walk. You are learning to come up and talk and be open. Start little.
To be very sincere with you, everything that has an advantage definitely has a disadvantage. I wouldn’t want to create a sugar coat content or message and present it to you. You deserve to be informed of the pros and cons, so you know what to expect and won’t be taken by surprise at all by the turnout of things eventually.
What happens when you are open with your partner might not always be pleasant. There might be some form of disappointments. You might even get betrayed. It is even possible that you get used or manipulated. No human is perfect but this is why you need to be sure about whoever you are dating or in a relationship with. If they are not trustworthy, DO NOT GIVE THEM THE CHANCE.
However, this is not a reason for you to then decide to lock up. It doesn’t nullify the importance of openness to your partner. The result of choosing to lock up might turn out to be worse than the possible disadvantage of opening up.
There is an African adage that says, we shouldn’t for the fear of death or blood avoid going to the battlefront. You shouldn’t for the fear of being hurt lock up yourself from your spouse, you deserve a chance to be happy at the very least.
You deserve a chance to have a sweet forever and intimacy that only openness can guarantee. A relationship is a risk, just like every risk investment. Do not let the fear of losing hinder you from winning.
I wish you good luck in your relationship.
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5 Best Ways to Attract a Russian Guy
Chivalry is very rare in this modern era. Any woman today has had experienced being catcalled or yelled “nice behind” almost anywhere they go. To say that it has become sad is an enormous understatement.
However, this isn’t the case in Russia. Men in Russia are still as courteous as ever. Offering one’s seat in a public transportation system or even opening a door didn’t die with time.
Russian men will be a perfect fit if you wish to end up with a real gentleman. If you want to make them fall for you, below are the surefire ways to attract a Russian guy.
Shared Qualities of Men in Russia
But first, let’s talk about some qualities Russian men share and the values they still regard even in this modern time.
Men in Russia have always had a strong respect for women and the elderly. They show concern to them and assist them with whatever they need. Gestures like opening the door or helping get down a bus are seemingly simple acts in Russia but are grand for most Westerners.
While others misconstrue this attitude of Russian men as an act of sexism, they think otherwise. Men’s courteousness towards women and the elderly results from their concern and kindness — nothing else. This attitude of Russian guys is easily traceable to the way men in the past treated ladies.
Unlike before, Russian men are more sensitive to women’s choices and opinions. They now listen to women’s voices. The technological advances or modernity of the world didn’t affect their perception of chivalry.
2. Protective and confident
Russian guys are innately protective because of their sad history. They carried this quality until today because their women counterparts still expect them to be their protectors.
Russian women also need them to take the lead in the relationship. They want to end up with a confident man who can make them feel safe and make sound decisions for the family.
Russian men like to think about things beyond the grasp of understanding. While Western men like making casual talks to strangers in public, Russian guys don’t.Men in Russia do not see the value in casual talk as they prefer to talk about real-life matters. They like to dive into meaningful conversations.
5 Best Ways to Attract a Russian Guy
Now that we have that figured out, let us go ahead and talk about the compelling ways to make a Russian guy fall for you.
1. Learn how to cook
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
The saying is true, at least for Russian guys. Russian men’s idea of love is when their partner serves them dinner. While this may hurt any feminist’s pride, this is an undeniable truth for most Russians.
Men in the country love a woman who will prepare their favorite food, even when it isn’t tasty. However, if this isn’t your love language, perhaps a guy in Russia isn’t for you.
2. Be feminine
Women from other countries want to do things their way — and there isn’t anything wrong with that. But, Russian men prefer to take the lead in a relationship. They like a woman who will trust that they can protect them, in general.
As such, to attract your Russian date, assure them that you need them in your life. Let them know that you feel safe when they are around.
3. Challenge him
Russian guys may like to be the more assertive ones in the relationship, but it doesn’t mean they always win. This is often something they look for in a partner — someone who’ll spice up the conversation or challenge them now and again.
Men in the country are highly opinionated people, and they would love for a woman to speak their minds. Telling him off when he’s aggressive or poking fun at him can also help lower his ego.
4. Laugh at his jokes
Russian men generally love a good laugh. Throwing out funny punchlines at friends at social gatherings is innate for them. It is a typical scene at any party, and for them, it’s an excellent way to strengthen any relationship.
So, show your amusement when your Russian date throws a joke. But beware — a Russian guy’s humor may be a little dark. They often throw jokes about death.
If you wish your laugh to be more genuine, study your Russian date’s culture and history. Often, your date’s jokes may also be about Russian movies or political scenarios.
5. Love his family
Anyone that understands Russia knows how much they value family. They are the most important thing for most locals in the country.
As your date, nothing will make a Russian guy appreciate you and your presence if they see you bond with his family. He’ll love your effort even more if you respect his family, even when they are hostile towards you — in case they are.
Cherish your interethnic relationship!
To find a loving and courteous man in today’s era has become more of a challenge.
Since you already know about Russian men, be sure not to settle for anything less. Look for your modern Ivan Tsarevich and wait patiently in the process. Once you finally find him, cherish him deeply.
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How To Improve Your Relationship? (Top Tips)
Having a relationship is tough. Taking care of your relationship is even more difficult. You need to make sure that your relationship is going smooth so that it can last longer even a lifetime. Many people face problems in their relationship and this is normal. Life is not smooth.
We face many different situations in our daily life and our relationships are no exception. Your relation with any person depends on whether you both share a similar nature or not. If the person you are dealing with has a very different nature than yours then your relationship will suffer a lot. But life is all about compromises and you can compromise with your relationship as well. Here I am going to share 5 tips that will help you improve your relationship with anyone.
1. Be Neutral with your relationships
Don’t close your mind when it comes to having a relationship with someone. An ideal romantic relationship is one in which you don’t have a mental block with the person you love. You need to make sure that you understand what your partner needs or wants. Listen to them. Consider things that your partner says and take note of that thing.
If you keep your mind blocked on specific things then you are going to face a lot of problems in your relationship as you will not understand what your partner requires from you.
2. Understand their feelings
Whether it’s a relationship with your wife, your kids, your parents, or even your co-workers you need to know what they feel about you. Make sure that you never hurt someone’s feelings just because you think it is the right thing to do. Everyone has emotions and you need to make sure that those emotions are understood by you.
By understanding the emotions of others you are bound to be having a successful relationship. Understand what the other person wants to convey and then speak anything.
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3. Control your temper
One of the worst things that can destroy a relationship is your temper. Have your anger under control and your relationship will survive, One of the reasons many relationships fail is because people become too aggressive.
They know that the person they have a relationship with will listen to them whether they are angry or not. This is because relationships are complex. People get habitual to the temper of their partners because they have feelings for them.
People can do anything for their partners and they are also ready to deal with their partner’s anger as they have feelings for them. But you need to make sure that you don’t get angry with kids, your wife, or your family no matter what if you want a healthy relationship.
4. Keep your work and personal life separate
Make sure that when you come back home from your office, you keep your office life at your work and your personal life separate. If you involve your work life with your personal life then your relationships are going to suffer. Work is stressful in many cases. We deal with a lot of people in our work on a daily basis.
We will face a lot of people who are going to temper our mental level and if we have that same temper level when we come home then the people at home will suffer as well.
5. Give time to people you love
You need to know how to love. Give time to people you love. If you don’t give time to people you love then your relationships will fall down. Your partner, your parents, or your children need your time.
If you don’t give time to them they will think that you are not part of their life and they make start to drift away from your life slowly. These small things may look ignorable but in a long run, they will have a large impact on your relations.
Make sure you keep note of these 5 things and your relationship will be improved for good. Make sure that your ego doesn’t come forward with the person you love and have affection for.
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How To Secure Your Relationship (Proven Ways)
In this life, no one wants their relationship to fail. securing your relationship is a question of how much effort you are willing to put into the relationship.
But before we go into these tips why not ask these questions and do a quick self-check to be sure of why these tips are important.
Important questions to answer before learning how to secure your relationship
- Are you worried that your spouse will find a better person?
- How far are you willing to go for the relationship?
- What are your desired end results for the relationship?
- What lengths are you willing to go to secure the relationship?
- Are you feeling anxious in your relationship especially when you are with your partner?
- Are you a little too clingy even to the point of pestering?
- Are you in love or desperate?
- Are you too insecure?
- Are obsessed with your partner?
- Are you possessive?
- Do you “over-check” on your partner?
- Is your partner trying to evade your attention?
- Do you downgrade your value in your relationship?
- Are you quick to pick fights?
- Do you feel threatened by third parties, even when there is no cause for doubt?
- Do you require constant reassurance from your partner?
When you have answered the above questions, then you can look at the tips we came up with after thorough research to help you in this journey. They will guide you in making your relationship remain faithful and secure.
Don’t leave us behind in this journey you can contact us for counseling and advice. Let us hold your hands in this walk. We are here for you
12 Way To Secure Your Relationship
1. Ensure The Communication Lines Are Always Open
If you are having issues in your relationship, talk about it. However, if it’s hard talking about it, then solving the issue will be even more difficult. So when the awkward moment occurs, learn to talk about it and that leads to coming to a compromise and eventually solving the problem.
2. Always Do A Rain Check On Your Relationship.
This is because you want to ensure everything is working well. Doing rain checks prevents loopholes because you detect the faults soon enough. How to do this is by asking a strategic question like asking for honest feedback from your partner.
3. Find Balance In Your Relationship.
Learn to balance things up in your relationship. To properly secure your relationship, you must balance things up in your life. A healthy amount of intimacy and not bad, a right amount of attention is clinginess and a right amount of space is not neglect. If you find this hard, seek counseling. You can contact our counseling TEAM
4. Know When You Are Being Insecure And Work On It.
Anxiety is one of the major causes of unpleasant and distressing feelings in relationships. And because we are humans our natural reaction will be wanting to “get rid” of them. This is why they eventually become clingy and over-checking on his/her.
Even if you do feel insecure you should not always act on it but work on it. So you don’t mess up the beautiful things you have going on. The truth remains that everyone on earth feels insecure at one time or the other but what we do with that feeling is what matters.
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5. Understand Your Level Of Independence.
In therapy, most people will say they are fine and do not need people. And this is one of the reasons why people stay in miserable relationships for a very long time. Or even date people who are not good for them knowing full well they are headed for doom.
If you are having issues that you are unable to solve or finding it hard to make a decision, seek therapy. It’s not just for “big problems”. If you require any form of assistance in your relationship, it will be best you seek a professional rather than a telling a friend.
6. Do Not Show Insecurities. It Makes You Weak.
In learning how to secure your relationship, you must be very careful in how you deal with it. When you are feeling insecure, and you show anxiety, it sends the wrong signal to your partner.
Your partner feels you’re telling them that they are bigger, better, and more important in the relationship. You are simply saying that you have no value and that your partner calls the shots. Getting scared of losing your partner is normal and quite common. But don’t be too engrossed in the relationship that you lose yourself. Remember you are just as important as your partner and you always have a choice.
7. If You Are Always Thinking Of Cheating, Seek Counseling Or Therapy.
I know sometimes, you may feel like telling a friend or a close relative. That is not bad at all but you must understand that these are not professional. And what you need at that moment is not sentimental comforting but professional help.
You need help because, though you love your partner, you can’t help thinking about cheating. What you think about overtime becomes reality. So, before this becomes a reality, you must curb it and secure your relationship.
8. Never Be Alone With An Ex-Lover.
Whether you were attracted to them or not, or what you had ended on a bad note. You should never be found alone with them. If you loved them or something happened between you two before it’s possible for something to happen now
9. Don’t Be Found Around Who Are Being Unfaithful.
“Evil communication corrupts good manners” is as true as it gets. When you hang around people that cheat it’s very possible for you to cheat and see nothing wrong with it. Your partner may not trust you if you keep friends who cheat on their partners. Even if you are not encouraging them in the act, “best of same feathers flock together.”
10. Always Reassure Your Partner Of Your Love.
Tell them you love them often. Don’t be stingy with sweet reassuring words if you really want to secure your relationship. Sometimes, look into his/her eyes and tell them you will choose them over and over again in any situation. When you feel you’ve lost touch with their feelings, tell them you miss them and you want them back. In all cases, words are powerful and this is why even the most beautiful woman still wants her man to tell her she is pretty. She knows how beautiful she is, she just wants to hear it.
11. Make Plans For Intimacy Time.
When it’s time for romance please put in detail. Don’t get too familiar with your partner when it comes to intimacy. If you become too familiar, your romantic sex life becomes boring.
When going on a date no matter how casual, dress for the occasion. Ladies, please put on lipstick at least, it’s a date after all. Keep the magic alive.
12. Don’t Compare Your Relationship With Others.
Social media has ruined a lot of relationships because we fail to understand that those people are just doing showbiz. It’s all show business. a large percentage of them are just acting because they want you to like them. I mean who adores a couple that is always fighting? Social media is no what it seems, all is rosy there but it’s thorny in reality. So, why will you compare your relationship to theirs? Instead, just work on getting better in yours and grow intentionally.
One of the tools of not losing people is value. If you offer people value, they will not want to let you go. If your partner knows there is a void you are filling in their life, and they feel special with you, it will be hard to lose them.
It’s true that every partnership takes effort. Just how much of that effort you are willing to put in makes the difference and it should be a collective effort, not just you.
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