For a long-term relationship, compatibility in all aspects is super important. For example, having shared values, expectations and aspirations are the primary things partners need to see eye-to-eye on. According to experts, intellectual compatibility in A relationship is of very high importance.
Jenna Ponaman, CPC, once said that “Intellectual compatibility is when both people are mentally stimulated by the same conversations”. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you both have to be on the same IQ level but have the tendency to engage in deep and meaningful conversations that are mutually interesting for the two of you.
However, you should also note that no matter how much in love you are with your partner, there is a very high probability of very serious issues coming up if you both want different things in life and do not complement each other, and have the same goals.
In other words, it is really difficult to make a relationship last if you and your partner have nothing to talk about. So, according to experts here are some signs that you and your partner may not be intellectually compatible;
12 SIGNS YOU ARE NOT INTELLECTUALLY COMPATIBLE
1.YOU HAVE DIFFERENT IMAGINATIONS OF THE FUTURE.
When it comes to issues of marriage, children, or other personal goals and you and your partner don’t seem to agree, then there is a red flag. It simply shows that you both imagine different futures and different things in life which cannot be compromised because it would only bring about feelings of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
Such incompatibility should not be managed as it might lead to emotional trauma as time goes on.
ALSO, READ SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
2.WHEN THERE IS A STUDENT-TEACHER FEELING.
According to a licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, M.A “If one partner feels intellectually superior and the other feels intellectually inferior, this can be a big problem in the relationship”.
Have you ever been in a situation where your partner tries to turn every little mistake into a teachable time? Does he/she always claim to be right and you wrong? Do they correct everything you do or say? Does your partner always make you feel guilty for something when he/she is entirely at fault? Do they interfere whenever you want to talk? This can make the relationship to be biased as one partner has taken the role of a ” teacher ” and the other the role of a “student”.
You can have an open conversation with your partner if this bothers you as they may not even realize that they are doing it. Being highly intellectual shouldn’t cause discomfort and incompatibility.
You and your partner will need to work on your intellectual abilities if there is a feeling of boredom.
Whenever you feel bored and tired with the topics your partner brings up or the way they communicate, this is usually a sign of intellectual incompatibility.
According to Rosalind Sedacca, bored partners will find themselves calling friends, family, and other persons frequently in order to get the excitement they are lacking in their relationship.
Nevertheless, if there’s any evidence of an intellectual difference in your relationship, have it in mind that you cannot just force your partner to change who they are. You can instead find other factors that strengthen your relationship.
Make an effort to discover other mutual interests if you wish to improve your connection with him/her and give you something of real value to share.
4.HAVING ONLY SMALL TALKS
There is an intellectual incompatibility In your relationship if you can’t discuss any serious thing with your partner or have long discussions.
Although it could also be a sign that you are not yet comfortable with each other because having a deep and meaningful conversation comes with time, with someone you have been with for a very long time.
However, if you have been together for a long and you are no longer having more exciting and meaningful discussions about topics you care about, then the compatibility is lacking.
When you can’t be yourself in front of him/her, you struggle to meet up with his expectations at the expense of your happiness, you inconvenience yourself to please him/her and always strive to strike a rapport and develop a good understanding level, then it might be a sign that you are intellectually incompatible because when you are truly compatible with your lover, you do not shy away from expressing your true emotions.
6.WHEN YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT TREAT YOUR NEEDS AS IMPORTANT
When your partner does not value your needs whether sexually or emotionally them there is a problem. If he/she takes you for granted and you are the only one who really strives to make the relationship work or he/she is unapologetic when you are disrespected then the intellectual incompatibility can’t be overemphasized.
Everyone at one point in time loves to have his/her opinion matter and not made to feel less important as this can cause low self-esteem. Avoid such toxicity and never let anyone silence your voice.
7.FEELING OF COMPETITION
If you feel like you are always competing against each other or if your partner feels more like an adversary and less like an ally, then life Coach, Nina Rubin, M. A says it might be a sign of intellectual incompatibility.
Couples shouldn’t always have the need to outdo each other although there is something called a ‘healthy competition’. In as much as being competitive can be a fun way to flirt with each other, if that is your choice, it shouldn’t be happening all the time.
If this is happening, it is of utmost importance to speak up early and let your partner know how you feel for, in a relationship, there is enough room for each member of a couple to succeed. Making every activity competition will make it difficult for you both to grow together.
8.LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF WHEN AROUND THEM
You may be intellectually incompatible with your partner when you start feeling resentful, jealous nervous, or less confident around them.
You tend to agree with and say yes to everything they say even when you are not comfortable with it because you doubt yourself to really know better.
This tends to occur when one partner has a habit of interrupting, over-explaining, or sometimes even putting their partner down. If this is the case, be aware that your partner putting you down has nothing to do with you or your intelligence level, rather it might be that you are not just that compatible.
Speak up if this does not go well with you to avoid the feeling of being belittled because they may not even realize they are doing it.
9.MORE FOCUS IS ON THE PHYSICAL ASPECT
Even while it is perfectly OK for a relationship to be purely physical, take note if you or your partner is trying to connect on a more emotional level, but instead, things get diverted to the physical. For example, if your partner tries to attract you with physical acts whenever you try to have a deep conversation, that is a sign to look out for. Most times, this happens because they may not know how to be engaging with you on intellectual topics so they rely on their strengths instead.
If this is the situation, ask them what they are looking for from the relationship to see if you both want the same thing.
10.YOU FIGHT WRONGLY
It is absolutely normal for every couple to disagree, argue or fight once in a while but the way both partners resolve the issue determines how compatible they are together. If one or both of you likes to sweep the issue under the carpet and pretend like nothing ever happened or keep on complaining about the same issues, it shows that both of you are finding it difficult to resolve the problems from the root. This can be counted as a sign of incompatibility.
11.YOU DON’T FEEL LOVED
If it gets to a point where you feel your relationship has lost its spark and you both do not have the same emotional connection or you believe it is not working out anymore despite putting in your best efforts and your love is not reciprocated. Then, maybe it’s best to accept the fact that you both are not meant to be together and that it is time to move on.
Sometimes you might not have any misunderstandings or fights with your partner but will have a feeling that something is off in your relationship. You should know if the relationship is meant for you or not and you can do that by relying on your gut feeling.
In conclusion, you need to find someone who is truly very close to your choice for at least 75%. A good intellectual relationship is a secret to a successful relationship.
ALSO, READ SIGNS YOU ARE DATING A NARCISSIST
How To Break Up With A Married Man With Ease
You tapped on this post because you’re in a situation like this and you feel guilty for dating another woman’s husband or you’re just tired of the relationship. But here’s the thing, you want to get out and you don’t know how to. So let’s press play and start this journey together. Do you want to know how to break up with a married man?…… SOLUTION AWAY!
Now a lot of women out there get into relationships like this for reasons best known to them and because of those reasons they don’t see how unreasonable it is, literally, logically basically, and practically unreasonable. But you tapped this post because you already see that it’s unreasonable and you just can’t keep up with it.
Here’s the good news, you’re halfway through the solution.
Now breaking up with a married man would require the following procedures:
8 Sure way to Break Up with a Married Man
1: Put God first:
This is the most essential part of making any decision in life even something as ‘Sinful’ as this. Basically it is called adultery, so you’re committing a sin with a married man, Even though the sin is more on the man, you’d still be seen as a partaker of it. Remember a sin is a sin, and when you’re involved you have committed a sin.
Now how do you put God first?
Prayers: Daily communication with God enhances your relationship with him, your frequent communication with him yields faster results than leaning on your own understanding.
God would always accept you, so despite the fact that you’ve done something as “bad” as this, he’d still draw you close.
“For I will be merciful to their iniquities,
And I will remember their sins no more.”
God would accept you the way you are, so you wouldn’t have to worry
For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.
Yep! That’s just self explanatory. Accepting Christ is the reconciliation, so pray and build relationship with Jesus himself
Reading and meditation of the word: While you build your relationship through prayers , read your Bible.
Without these two things you haven’t put God first. But you also have to come to the understanding that God would accept you!
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Even though the man doesn’t see how wrong it is, be the first to make that move, do the right thing. You basically don’t belong together, if you are a Christian, what relationship does your righteousness have with such lawlessness?
These are questions you must ask yourself
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Make the man know this. His lust/love for you shouldn’t be in the picture if he claims to truly love his wife. It is God’s commandment and he must follow it.
Read through the rest of the bible verses and drop your questions in the comments zone.
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Read your Bible on a daily basis, pray, and always communicate with God your solution comes quicker that way.
After putting God first, The “how” and the “When” comes in.
How and when do you break up with a married man
2: Do a reality check
Face reality, he’s not the one for you, you’d always be a mistress to him, you’re only needed when he needs you and not when you need him. You have no true emotional support, you’d still be left alone to live for life on your own. Your only usefulness is quench is sexual urge or desire.
3: Become independent
Most women go into relationships like this because you feel like that’s what you deserve, to be pampered and showered money when you want or need it. You feel you should have everything on a platter of gold, but think about this properly you can make that money on your own and even more. All you have to do is believe in yourself that you can do it without the help of any man. Say daily affirmations to yourself everyday, encourage yourself. Stop blaming yourself for whatever guilt you have and own up to it. Face your mistakes and fix it. Start up a business of your own. Save up some money. You can become successful without the help of a Married Man!
4: Try to scare him off
Now testing a man’s love for his wife or the fear of losing his married is quite easy. This is where the intellect comes in. Try the pregnancy scare. Tell him you’re pregnant. His reaction would determine your next action. Not all men would accept it and some men would also accept. If he doesn’t accept it, that’s your cue to leave! Now if he accepts it that means you have to work with option B. Ask him to file a divorce with his wife. Trust me, no man would want to lose his marriage to a woman he barely loves.
In rare cases, the man might want to file the divorce. So just go straight to the point!
5: Tell his wife
This would actually be the best thing to do it trying to scare him off doesn’t work, tell his wife. Telling his wife does two things in one
- Clearing the feeling of guilt that you have: This would make you free. It’s the truth so it would always set you free, you’d feel the burden lifted of your shoulders.
- The fact that his children might hate you: While doing a reality check, you’d find out that if you end up getting married to that man, his children might hate you for life. Trust me if a child hates you, you’d barely survive in that house. So telling the wife actually saves you the stress.
6: Seek Counsel
You can talk to your best friend about it, or someone you trust, or an older person that might have had such experience or even a mother figure in your life. Talking about it with someone would also go a long way in relieving you from that feeling of guilt
7: Cut ties
At this point breaking up with him would be very easy. Tell him how you really feel about the whole situation then let him go his way and find yours.
8: Get yourself back
Build back that standard for yourself. Make yourself happy again. Channel your mind to finding love when the time is right and work on getting yourself back.
Breaking up with a married man may not be an easy process, but the result is what really matters. You can get out of such a relationship, just acknowledge that it’s a problem and work towards the outline given above. You can get yourself back. You can be happier. And your happiness is what really.
ALSO, READ 10 Sure Signs Your Ex Regrets Dumping You
10 Sure Signs Your Ex Regrets Dumping You
Being in love is a beautiful thing and being loved back by your partner is the best feeling ever. You would never want to lose such a beautiful relationship, however, never say never.
You should understand that not all relationships lead to a happy ending as a lot of them end in premium tears. Break-ups in relationships are inevitable especially when your partner is not committed to the relationship. Being dumped by your girlfriend/boyfriend can be so devastating and the most painful feeling that you can experience in your life. After a breakup, you will begin to wonder what went wrong in the relationship and you will have many unanswered questions. Some of the frequent questions running through your head might be if your partner has really moved on or if he/she regrets dumping you.
For the latter, you begin to look out for signs that show your ex regrets dumping you. Now let’s take a look at 10 common signs to be wary of:
10 SIGNS YOUR EX REGRETS DUMPING YOU
1. They keep communication alive.
“They say out of sight is out of mind”. However, the ex that claims to be over you still has you in mind if he or she keeps communication alive by constantly sending unsolicited texts to you. They will always initiate communication with you and ask all sorts of personal questions so as to get you talking. This may indicate that they are not truly over you and might want you back.
In cases where it may have been a while since he/she dumped you, but out of the blues, you begin to receive texts regularly from your ex asking about your well-being and all that may indicate he/she wants you back.
Either way, they still care about you and feel some sort of regret for dumping you. It may be a sign you’re about to get back together.
ALSO, READ Signs, You Are Not Ready to Date
2 . They always want to hang out with you.
Dude, you just dumped me, yet you are seeking my attention! This is one of the best signs your ex regrets dumping you. Your ex simply still misses you and derives some sort of happiness from being around you. His/her feelings for you are still intact and might think about you often.
So if your ex shows a sign of wanting to always hang out with you, perhaps, they are looking for the right moment to tell you they are still interested in the relationship.
3. They apologize for dumping you.
When your ex finally realizes his/her mistake for breaking up with you and how to hurt you must have been, they will apologize to you. This is because they obviously regret dumping you and would want to have you back in their life.
4. They can’t stop keeping tabs on you.
When your ex begins to ask about your private life from your friends and keeps talking about you trying to know who you’re dating next, then that’s a sign of regret for dumping you.
They are always the first to like or comment on any post you make on your social media platforms even when you shut them out of your page. This obviously indicates he/she regrets the decision of dumping you.
5. They become extremely nice and more caring than before.
When an ex suddenly becomes more loving and caring towards you after dumping you, he/she probably regrets breaking up with you. Perhaps, they are trying to get back to you by being loving and affectionate even more than they did when you were still dating. They begin to shower you with so many gifts and love to show how remorseful they were for breaking up with you.
When you notice this, it is a good sign that your ex regrets dumping you and cares about your feelings.
6. They keep talking about the happy memories you guys had.
This is another good sign that your ex regrets dumping you when they are reminiscing the good times you had together. They begin to remember how you both made a great team together and realize it was actually a bad decision letting you go.
So if you hear your ex still talking about the best memories you had together and share them with you, it could possibly mean he/she misses you and would still want to create more positive memories with you.
ALSO, READ SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
7. They suddenly got dumped too.
Yes, your ex can get rejected too by another person and will probably regret dumping you. They will understand that you actually loved them more, you wanted them to be happy and supported them in their worse moments. Right there, they will regret treating you badly and miss your love for them. They will realize that they lost something that meant a lot to them and would probably want to run back to you.
So if your ex lacks the courage to work through his/her current difficulties, it might indicate regrets for dumping you.
8. They are feeling depressed and lonely.
This is not a feeling that comes immediately after they break up with you; rather, it is a gradual process. At first, they might feel in control and experience this feeling of freedom and power from the decision of dumping you. However, after a few weeks, they will inevitably feel the loneliness and depression that accompanies a breakup.
When loneliness sets in, they begin to reminisce on the wonderful memories with you and a sense of regret from dumping you start setting in. Although an ex might move on and be happy when this doesn’t happen, then he/she is obviously regretting the decision.
9. They can’t stop flirting with you.
Flirting is a sign of attraction and when an ex still flirts with you; it means they are still fascinated by you. The attraction and attachment were never lost and they regret not being romantically involved with you.
10. They beg you for another chance.
This is most likely to happen when an ex regrets their decision for dumping you and it is also your decision to accept the plea or move on. When an ex still loves you, then they will look for any means to get you back.
When you observe these signs from your ex, it indicates your ex still loves you and might want you back. But don’t be in a haste to take him back, I know this might seem difficult especially when you still love your ex a lot. let them woo you again and fight for you so that you will be valued more. If you make it easy, your ex might just end up taking you for granted again.
How To Spoil Your Man (Experts Advice)
It feels so good to be showered with love, care, and attention, you know that feeling when your man spoils you with gifts and surprises.
Everyone loves the idea of being spoilt, it’s not meant for a particular gender.
Women rarely think of how to spoil their men or make them feel loved. If you are among the few women thinking of how to treat your man right then you are very close to winning his heart forever. Men also need to be loved and cared for, they need our attention too, it mustn’t be all about us.
Generally, women are used to being loved and cared for by their men and they feel to realize that they also need that tender care from their women.
You don’t need to wait for a special event before you show him some love. You can surprise him with a lovely gift, a love note, or even a surprise dinner for just the two of you. Men also crave these things, you shouldn’t always expect to receive love and care but learn to extend it to them.
If you have been thinking of how to make your man feel special and loved or you want to communicate how much you love him, then below are some useful tips on how to spoil your boyfriend.
Best ways on how to spoil your man (12 Proven Tips)
1. Give him a massage
A massage will make a great deal for him especially when he just returns from the day’s activity. Men love the soft tender touch of a woman, it relieves them of their stress having you around makes them forget how stressful and tiring their day went.
ALSO, READ How to make a guy fall in love with you
2. Suprise him with his favorite home-cooked meal
There is a saying that, the easiest way to a man’s heart is his stomach. This adage is still working. if you want to please your man, prepare his favorite meal by yourself. Men love the taste of home meals. Eating out is great, but you can never measure the joy in a man’s heart when he eats the food prepared by his WOMAN for him.
3. Send him unexpected text messages
Sending messages shouldn’t be left for men to do alone, you know how you feel when you just receive a love text message from your man. That feeling of love that flows like an electric current, which makes you happy all day.
You should also do so, let him have that same feeling. You can send him while at work or even when he is sitting on the couch focused on the newspaper.
4. Spoil him with random gifts.
Men also love gifts, the fact that they rarely mention it doesn’t mean they don’t value or appreciate it when you buy them a gift. It will be nice if you buy your man a gift, especially something he has been craving for; this single act will make him love you more.
You must not wait till his birthday, Valentine’s Day, or Christmas to buy him a gift. let your gift come unexpectedly, it will be more appreciated.
Give him a valuable gift and tell him how much he means to you. Let him know you cherish every moment spent with him.
5. Leave him a Love Note
Leaving love notes triggers his emotions, which indicates he is always on your mind. It could be on the stairs, in his briefcase or suit pocket, wherever that seems right to you; Just make it brief and romantic. Here are some samples of a romantic love letter to keep for him.
6. Buy him flowers.
The idea of buying flowers has been thought to be for women alone, flowers depict love; so it’s not a gender thing. Get your man some beautiful lovely flowers with a nice fragrance, you will have him all around you.
ALSO, READ Cute Paragraphs For Him After An Argument
7. Plan a date night
Wow! A date night doesn’t sound romantic, sure it does. Just imagine what it will look like when your man comes back from the day’s work and he meets you all dressed for dinner, with the table set with different dishes. It will be a very wonderful scene to behold.
You can also plan an outside date, it mustn’t be an in-door date, it could be in a nice restaurant, just make the dinner romantic, let the moment be memorable and remarkable.
8. Give him compliments
Just as women love to be flattered and complimented, men also love to be complimented, it triggers their “Hero instincts”. It shows that you appreciate them and you love them the way they are without having any reservations.
9. Plan a surprise
A surprise event can actually do in this case, it could be a surprise party for his birthday, your marriage anniversary or to celebrate his promotion. This will mean alot to him.
10. Take care of his laundry
This is a rare task, these days you rarely see women washing their husband’s clothes. So doing his laundry simply means you care about him and his looks and you want him to always be at his best. do his laundry and make him happy, it really means alot to them to see their women taking care of their personal belongings.
11. Plan a romantic weekend getaway.
This is an opportunity for the two of you to be together, having a quality time alone to bond and make up for the times lost. It must not be work always.
plan for a vacation or a weekend and enjoy the best of the moment.
12. Go on a mini road trip.
A mini trip is just like a short vacation or a short-distance trip to rekindle your love and ease you guys of the stress from your daily activities. It mustn’t be an expensive trip, the most important thing is the bonding and quality time spent together.
13. Get the ingredients for a new recipe and cook dinner together.
Go to the market and get some new recipes to prepare a nice dinner, you too can cook the food together, this is one of the most wonderful moments. The last time I did this with my husband he was so happy and he wished we do it often.
14. Watch the sunset.
Have you ever watched a movie where two lovers sit together holding hands or cuddle each other watching the sunset? You observe the vibe and the beautiful romance in that picture, try and practice the same with your man. It is a moment for you guys to feel each other and express your love for each other.
15. Spend the day together with your phones turned off.
Our phones and other personal gadgets can distract us and make us distant from our partners. These days, couples rarely have time for each other because of social media.
Try spending time together with your phones off, to avoid distractions and keep you away from your partner. The more time you spend together the closer you guys become and the stronger your love for each other.
A little more piece
Spoiling a man doesn’t make you look cheap or desperate for his love and attention. The more you care for him, the closer you are to his heart his love for you increases. It’s nice to reciprocate the gesture he shows towards you as well.
Men wish to be loved too and pampered, treat them like your hero, your baby, and your partner. The love we desire from them is also what they desire.
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