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The Dangers of Overscheduling Your Child

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dangers of overscheduling your kids

To overschedule your child means to allocate too many activities or events to your child. Although, it’s good to schedule your kids for different activities such as house chores, learning a skill, studying their books, running errands, and lots more. but  Many parents may not know the harm of overschedule their children.

When activities are overly done, they always have a negative impact. For instance, if your child studies excessively when he supposed to make out time for recreational activity, it might affect his social life.  Just as the saying goes all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and all play and no work, makes Jack a dull boy as well.

Sometimes, you as a parent may not be the one overscheduling your kids but the kids have a lot of things to attend to. From schoolwork to church programs and others.

Life as a teen for me was a bit challenging cause I wasn’t social. People knew me to be a very serious girl. My life was easily predictable. If I’m not in school, I will be in church or will be reading after house chores. At night I will have to wake up to read at length. However, it came to a point I began developing migraines at the left part of my head. I was stressed and constantly falling sick.

I experienced a maximum reduction in my weight. It’s was so serious that my younger ones became bigger than I am. My dad noticed this and decided to introduce a book to me so I could manage myself and stress. Yet, I didn’t read it I kept on overworking myself. This lingered till my University days like a cycle I wasn’t social. all was the same old triangular kind of life until I met with friends who made me see reasons for creating free time for myself and enjoying the company of friends.

Furthermore, as I studied books as well, I discovered the need to Stop overscheduling myself and enjoin the company of great friends, nature, and family.

A lot of children suffer from being overscheduled either by their parents or themselves. The need to strike the balance between this is important. Hence, I will be unveiling the dangers of over-scheduling your child and how to balance it.

The dangers of over-scheduling your child include :

1. overscheduling kills your kid’s creativity and Playtime
This is one aspect you need to critically examine. Every kid is born gifted. The creativity of a child surfaces when there is a conducive environment for it and the child receives support from his parents. This is possible when sufficient time is given to the child. These gifts varies, it can range from singing, drawing, to playing football, basketball, singing, dancing, etc. When your child isn’t given the room to develop this gift, it becomes dormant, and their creativity reduces.

What differentiates smart kids from the unsmart ones is simply the exposure, leisure time they enjoy. Therefore, a child should not be denied his/her playtime no matter how critical the situation might be.
It’s even important to have a playground or sitting room for your kids because playtime helps in the mental and physical development of your child.

2. Overscheduling can burn out your child
To “BURN OUT” means rapidly getting exhausted. When your kids get exhausted they won’t be able to do the things or have an interest in other things they wished for.

3. It can lead to severe weight loss.
Overscheduling your kids can cause weight loss. The implication here is a lot of people who are familiar with the size of your child may think your child is suffering or being maltreated having noticed a maximum reduction in their weight.
Symptoms of being burned out are headaches, stomach aches, crankiness, moodiness, irritability.

4. Depreciates their social life
When you overschedule your kids, it can harm their social life. The time needed for them to socialize with friends would be converted to doing an activity. It would be so unfair if your kids can’t socialize with their peers and elders.
overscheduling limits their leisure hours and overtime resulting to them being an introvert.

I had a neighbor then who refused to allow her children to play with other children. All they ever do was to work and work. If not reading, the would be working or attending church programs. Unfortunately, I was opportune to teach in the children’s school then I discovered one of her children, the way she behaves.

Although intelligent, but she wasn’t smart. She was so isolated, while other kids are happy, she looked moody, depressed, and hardly participate in extracurricular activities. That was how bad it was.

5 overscheduling Causes Stress and Pressure
Overscheduling can cause unnecessary stress in the life of your child. It’s very bad to put your child under a high volume of stress because it would affect his academic performance. A lot of parents overschedule their children with house chores that the child has little or no time to study his books. This definitely will affect the child’s performance.
When a child is stressed, it can also affect his performance generally.

6. Missing out on family bonding time
It’s important to bond as a family. It promotes peace and love in the home. However, this won’t be achieved if your child is overscheduled when he falls sick or stressed, such a child won’t be able to participate in the family bonding or outing. Because he will need time to rest or recover back.

Signs to know if your child is been overscheduled or not
1. Stress
When your child is showing some signs of being stressed like easily tired always, it’s a sign of overscheduling.

2. Depressed feeling moody, lonely
Children don’t easily get depressed like that. without a cogent reason. A child is expected to be lively and happy especially when he has all the comfort from home. His needs are provided by his parents so what else should border him. So, when a child is looking depressed, always sad, and lonely, he needs to be checked to know what’s happening.

3. Sickly feeling headache all the time
Migraine is one sign of one being stressed. When a child complains of such always, it means he is being overscheduled.

4. Reduced strength feeling tired
Children are known for their strength and agility. So, the feeling of being tired and weak can be ascribed to an overscheduled kid.

5. Poor Academic Performance
When a child begins performing poorly than usual this needs to be checked. If he is overscheduled.

6. Not hanging around friends and families again
Lonely, depression, and moodiness will never allow one to be social and enjoy the company of others. Especially if the child was known to be one who enjoys others company. When he begins distancing from others, there is a need to check if he is suffering from overscheduling.

Remedies on how to balance it.
1. Be involved in your child’s life
Mothers are known to be one who creates and spend time with their children. Children open up to those who can understand them. Therefore, if you create that opportunity for your child to easily relate with you as you get involved in his life, you will get to know his strength, his weakness, how far he can go with work, what he can do and can’t do, what he is up to and how to help him balance it so he won’t be affected.

2. Set a well-structured timetable
You can help your child have a well structured, planned, and workable timetable. This will help him to be organized and know how to live a balanced life and not being overscheduled. It will go as far as to help him in the future as well.

3. Encourage your child to have time to relax, have fun, visit friends
As you get involve in your child’s life, you are able to encourage him to enjoy the company of his friends and family members. This will help him a lot.

4. Create an eco – friendly environment
An environment that is friendly will help a child express himself. An eco–friendly environment involves you allowing the child to express his thoughts, air his view, opinion, and fears too. It also involves you not been too hard on the child if he fails to perform some chores. He might have done it for reasons unknown to you. Also, such an environment involves engaging the child in games, discussions that will enable the child to feel free to speak up.

5. Shared responsibility amongst all
Most parents tend to over labor just one child. Especially if he is more hardworking and more obedient than his siblings. I was a victim of it!!

My siblings hardly respond to errands and chores at home. I was always available to run errands and work. So my parents always engage me. All this affected me. After doing my chores, I will run errands, comeback to do my assignments, cook, go to church, wake up at night to read, while my siblings don’t do half of what I did. It got to a point I thought I wasn’t my parent’s biological child because I was over labored.

Likewise to avoid this, ensure you share activities amongst all your children. This will help ease the burden on one child than making the child suffering from overscheduling.

ALSO, READ 9 AMAZING WAYS TO DEAL WITH A STUBBORN CHILD

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Parenting tips

How to Deal with a Drop in Your Teen’s Grades

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picture of teens reading

Dealing with a drop in your Teen’s grade is usually one of the challenges faced by parents. When there is a poor grade, complaining and worrying are bound to occur at a certain point as a parent. Poor performance in school is usually caused by several factors; some may be caused by the parents. A drop in grade is usually a predicament faced by many teens during high school.

Notwithstanding, it is very paramount to decipher these three things,
• The cause of the Low grades
• Why the low grades and
• How to tal
Here I’ll be sharing the steps to take when your college kid’s grades are slipping.

WAYS TO DEAL WITH A DROP IN YOUR TEEN’S GRADES

1.BE WATCHFUL
The first step to take is trying to visualize what might prompt the kid’s failure. Relocating to another apartment may make you change your teen’s school. A change in school might result in  drop in grades. This is usually because the new school may have more brilliant students than the old school. Other causes of a drop in grade might be inadequate sleep, busy social life, too many house chores, spending so much time in school activities, etc. All of these could result in laziness, a lack of motivation, or distraction.

If the drop in grade is so sudden then quick action must be taken. It’s very important to analyze your child’s grades from time to time to see if there is a spontaneous or a slow drop in grade.

2.TRY TO FIND OUT THE ACTUAL CAUSE

Several years ago, I was working as Home Tutor. While I was doing my work, I encountered John who used to be a great mathematician in Primary school. When he entered high school, I noticed he started failing mathematics woefully. The painful part is that the parents of the boy never had the time to have  one-on-one communication with him.
As a counselor, I spoke with him and he opened to me that all he wishes for, is to change school and I asked why? After much persuasion, I discovered that the hatred he had for his teacher in mathematic never allowed him to put his best in school.

Getting to know what’s actually wrong with the kid might be quite difficult because the child may seem perfect in everything that he does. He might be a person who doesn’t like asking questions in class.
It could take you a while to get the right answers. The best is to find a quiet time with the child and speak with him.

ALSO, READ The Dangers of Overscheduling Your Child

3.SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL

speak to the school

speak to the school when you notice a drop in your child’s grade.

A fluctuation in the kid’s grade should not make you be a regular visitor to the school authority. A fluctuation may occur because there were so many people in competition at that particular time. The child’s grade may drop from Grade A to B. if the grades are sustained over a long time, then you’ll need to visit the teacher rather gun blazing or apportioning blames…
One good thing about teachers is that they are able to provide valuable insight of  everything that is happening at school as regards the child. Talking to the teacher may provide a valuable solution.

4. GET A HOME TUTOR

get a home tutor

Getting a home tutor will help tackle poor grade in your child

Getting a home tutor is very important in a child’s academics. Many parents usually deploy this approach whether their child is performing very well or not, they see it as a necessity.
Get one if you feel you’re too busy, to give your kids academic attention, it would help a long way.

5.When there is an underlying issue

Other underlying issues may be bullying from other kids, emotional upset, depression, or anxiety. all of these are usually very difficult to communicate with parents and even teachers too.

A child that is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) may not perform very well in class. If after complaining to the school and you see no result, then visiting the doctor or a psychologist would be the best option.

6. MOTIVATE THEM DAILY

You might actually say, “is daily motivation really necessary? Yes, it is. Motivation is one of the Skeleton keys to Unlock good grades. it’s very annoying to see your child having this lackadaisical attitude towards their education, without any thought of the future. Motivating them is the best thing you can actually give in as parents, if you really care for your kids.
You can strategically give them these right tips on how to get back on their feet.

• Always give them the reasons to work hard.
A child’s good future is a better reward for parents. This is what they will always be thankful for. It is only left for you to make it or mar it. Make them see the reason to work hard to produce better results, not only in their academics but in other aspects of their lives.

• Make sure to tell them that hard work pays and it’s only the strong that will scale through.

• Always encourage them to do better in their study. If you can be there for them, do it diligently.
• Don’t ever be harsh on them. In this case, use good words and speak in a calm manner. Being harsh will only add more pain to your child, and they might see that all you care about is their performance and not their own happiness.

• Tell them to report to you whatever difficulties, they are facing in their school. This will give them room to open up to you and ask questions, they couldn’t ask their teachers. You need to be available for them too or create time for this.

• Encourage them to enter any educational competition or club. This will help them see other kids like them, doing what they are doing. It creates room for good achievements and good performance.

ALSO, READ How to Strengthen family bonds when you’re staying at home

• Create family learning time. This is not actually easy to do, but it helps in motivating kids. When they see you reading, they will love to read too. It brings the family together and makes kids feel free to ask anything they don’t understand.

• Give them a puzzle to solve. There are a lot of puzzles you can give your kids like kids Sudoku 9*9, kids word search puzzle, kid hangman game, mosaics, pictures crossword game, shape puzzle, dot-to-dot puzzle, and many more.
These are the easiest ways to help kids master a lot of things within and outside their field. And this helps to improve their grades in school.

7. REWARD

Reward here is promising them that “ if you come out the first position, or you get a good average point, I will do _______ for you”. Over 60% would do their best if they have been promised by the guardians. Always fulfill your promise and take them to somewhere that can add more value to them.
Besides, you don’t need to wait for them to come out well before rewarding them, you can do it occasionally just to say thank you for their support and obedience towards learning and life.

8. LEARN TO VALUE MISTAKES

Being angry that your child failed should not make you grow annoyed excessively. You should know that failure always a road to success. No man succeeds without experiencing any form of failure.
Don’t go overboard, shouting or smacking them for the drop in their grades rather find ways to make them accept responsibility to do well.

A WORD FROM RELATIONSHIPS SEEDS
A drop in grades is actually not something we should panic about, but something that needs our time to figure out what is actually the ‘cause’. Kids react to everything that happens within and outside their environment. That’s why they are kids.

Mental health professionals believe that when a child is emotionally down or meltdown, there must be something that triggers this reaction. Kids need time, care, love, attention, patience, and more for you to understand them.
You need to do your own part and so the teachers too. Always communicate with them and do the best for them.

ALSO, READ How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex

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Parenting tips

When do Babies Start to Walk?

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when do babies start walking


When do babies start to walk? is a frequently asked question by most new parents around the world. Most times when we come across a baby crawling and cruising we tend to wonder when he/she will take the first step?
A child’s first year is full of events but the most anticipated one might be walking. Hence the question, “When will my baby start to walk.?”

When Should Babies Start to Walk?

Research has shown that babies usually take their first step between the 9th and 16th month. Not all babies start walking in the 9th month. Your first child might have walked when he was 10-months and probably you’re scared that the second is in its 13th month, but still crawling. The truth here is that every child reaches its milestone at a different time. There are several factors that may make a baby walk early or not. Of all, for your baby to start walking he/she must have contracted enough muscles.

The stages of walking

An old adage says, “for you to stand you must sit, for you to walk you must stand, and for you to run you must start walking.” This shows that life itself is in different stages. For a baby to start walking, he must have gone through and mastered other developmental milestones. These include:

Sitting Up
For a baby to start walking, he must learn how to sit properly. Within the periods of the 6th month, your baby should start hacking the puzzle to sit upright, using the muscle in his trunk.
Around this time, the 6th month, you can start teaching your child how to sit. When trying to teach the baby how to sit, ensure you’re close enough to prevent falling.

Pulling to Stand
Pulling to stand varies among toddlers still; some may start this around the 10th month. The leg actually needs lots of energy for a pull to stand to occur because 70% of our body mass is fixed on the hip, so the legs need lots of energy to lift the torso.

Cruising
This is when the child starts playing around the house with any furniture he/she sees. The time varies too for kids.

Holding Hands
Holding your baby’s hands while walking would help to improve the coordination and balancing of the child. It also adds fun to the walking process. when your child starts holding your hand for him to walk, just know that he would start walking alone soon.

Walking Alone
This is the final stage of completing the puzzle on how to walk. Usually, it starts with trying to move one leg forward and balancing the other leg. Here, the child may be falling too while trying to walk, but it’s all part of the process.

Why Do Babies Walk at Different Times?

One thing you should know is that babies also have emotions too. Some babies usually have this I can do it attitude; to them, the act of walking is a risk they are taking, and have to overcome. You can even perceive it, ranging from the way they interact with you, even as small as they are.
They don’t care if they fall. That’s why you’ll see some children fall as many times as possible when trying to walk. The beautiful part is that they see walking as one of the several fun things they do.
Not all babies have this type of personality, some also have the mentality of wait and see, an unintentional delay caused by fear of trying. These types are usually very cautious. This factor may be the reason why your child is delaying to walk.
Aside from this, there are other things too, which can affect the time it takes for babies to start walking.

• Birth Order:
Research has shown that babies tend to walk faster when they have older siblings around. So they may want to imitate what he/she is doing. It may be very difficult for your first child to start walking at 12months, but if you have other children let’s say from age 3-7, you’ll see your child become smarter. That’s why you see most children become smarter when they have older ones around to play with. That’s why it’s very important (and highly advised) for your child, even in the 8th month, to start school.

• Stature:
The bigger the size, the more difficult for the baby walking. This is because the baby would need to expend more energy to stand upright compared to one with a small stature.
Even when you look at fat people, you’ll notice that they may experience difficulty in walking or running at old age.

• Recurrent Ear Infections: If a child emerges in the 16th month and he’s not walking, then an investigation must be done concerning his health. Perhaps if he has experienced any ear infection. “An ear infection can throw off a baby’s balance and delay walking,” says Dr. Jensen.

A word from Relationshipseeds
Lack of nutrients may also bring delay in the walking puzzle of a child. When a child lacks calcium, it causes an almost permanent impedance to walk-ability. If you notice that after 17 months, you see no visible changes, then you should seek professional help. Meet a pediatrician, a child doctor.

ALSO, READ Major differences between first and second pregnancies

Reference:

  1. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.johnsonsbaby.co.uk/amp/play-and-learning/when-do-babies-start-to-walk
  2. https://www.parents.com/baby/development/walking/when-do-babies-start-walking/
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Parenting tips

How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex

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signs your teenager is having sex




When puberty shows up, teenagers often make so many wrong choices. Teenage age is a very sensitive period where teens want to explore, try new things, and all that. We are living in a world of technology where you can easily get access to anything you want online. Whether it is boyfriend, phone sex, porn clips, illicit materials, and so on.
These days Teens are so smart that they can keep a secret from you without you having a clue. Here, we’ll be looking at the signs that show your child is sexually active.

SIGNS YOUR TEENAGER IS HAVING SEX

1. Ask Your Teenager

One may say why would I ask? When you keep on shying away from asking questions like that things may not end well. when you finally decide to ask her that question, choose your words carefully, if you do it a threatening way, you may not get the answers you are seeking, instead, they will tell you lies out of fear.
This approach is a 50:50 because Teens love being secretive, if you’ve never had a deep conversation or you’re not very close with your child you can never get a YES ANSWER.

2. Provocative Dressing

Like I said in the beginning, the teenage age is an exploring age. When you see that your child starts dressing provocatively, it could mean that they’ve already eaten the forbidden fruit. Apart from the girls dressing seductively, the guys may also dress exposing their chests or buying a pink lips balm.
The adolescence stage is when teens become conscious of their appearance and body image. When the girls start having s*x, it usually gives them a heightened sense of maturity, this would make them pay more attention to whatever they wear.

3. More Secretive
When you notice that your child becomes more secretive than ever, it could be a sign that they are started having sex already. You’ll notice they hide their phone whenever they are operating it, use passworded phones; they also use coded language while chatting.
Being secretive is always associated with suspicious movements, such as coming home late, become overprotective about their privacy, because they don’t want you to find out. Even when they want to go out they always find it difficult to tell you where they are going. They will never make a phone call in your presence except it’s a family member that’s calling.

4. Check for Signs of Sexual Activity
Seeing condoms or contraceptives is a sign of sexual activity. It could mean that they are planning to have it or might have done it already. When you notice it, you don’t need to start boil, all you need is a conversation with your child to know what’s up.
When you see these tools in your child’s possession, it means that they are well equipped with the knowledge on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies or prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). So you have to educate them more about unwanted pregnancy, STI, and how having sex can destroy their dreams and career.

5. Behavioral Change
When a child starts doing something evil, you’ll notice that they either become more extroverted or introverted depending on their type of personality. Sometimes, they may become more stubborn. For instance, imagine your child of 18 having an affair with someone who’s 40years of age. The child might start disrespecting you and your partner.
Also, the child may become happier than before. Always try to notice and find out the reason(s) for their new behavior.

6. Keeping Tabs On You
They become too conscious of you. If they want to know where you are going and how many hours you will be spending. Similarly, they will want to know the number of days you are going to spend.
Occasionally, when you come too early, they’d become angry or anxious because they need more time to carry out what they want.

7. Poor Grades In School

The reason why it is not good for teens to engage in sexual activities is that they are not mature enough to handle what relationship or sex is all about. Sex and relationship can take your whole emotions and can drain you mentally.
I remembered when I fell in love during my 11th grade in high school. I can boldly confess that whenever I’m reading my books, I always see the picture of the girl I’m falling for. It took me 6weeks to get over her. When I was in love with her I could barely focus very well on my academics. Also, I’m very sure that I would have failed woefully in high school if I had dated her.
When a teen starts dating at a very young age, it will be very difficult to balance emotions and priorities properly. There are lots of distractions when your child starts premarital sex.

8. Being Involved In Their Life Regularly

The key to being involved in their life is communication. As a parent, there should not be a communication gap. Make your kids open up to you. Some kids might be very difficult or have hardened hearts, but you have to try your best.
Always make them know that you are available for them if any issue arises. With this, if they are facing sort of sexual humiliation they will be able to tell you faster than when you are far away from them.

9. Know Their Friends And Partner
An African adage says “show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are”. If you do well as a parent to know the character of your child’s friend you’ll be able to know the capability of your child. For example, if the friends of your child are all womanizer or involve in illicit sex, it a sign that your child could be sexually active.
What other signs do you think can point out a sexually active child?

ALSO, READ Exploring the different sexual location






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