Last Updated on January 18, 2022 by Joshua Isibor
Are you in an abusive relationship or you are an abusive partner? Then this is for you. Realizing and accepting the truth is one of the most difficult things to do and also the bravest step to take.
Abuse is physical or verbal maltreatment; It also means forcing undesired sexual activity by one person on another.
Abuse can be in different forms. It could be emotional or physical abuse. Whichever one it is, abuse can cause mental and emotional instability.
In fact, being abusive does not only affect your partner but also you, an abusive relationship deprives you of the joy you would have experienced in your home.
The more you abuse your wife the more separated you guys become emotionally.
So the earlier you realize the damage and emotional torture it’s causing you both the better for you.
You might be finding it so hard to desist from this act. If you are reading this article I believe you have come to terms that your abusive attitude is bad and you need to work on it. This is a very good step.
Taking responsibility for your actions and showing concern to change is a crucial step to take. So, if you want to end this circle of abuse, keep reading while I show you how to stop being abusive.
However, if you are still wondering if you are an abusive partner or not, perhaps you think what you are doing is right but your partner keeps complaining of being abused. Here are some signs you are abusive:
Sign You Are An Abusive Partner
1. Your partner tells you, that you are abusive.
2. You are often jealous
3. You are always angry
4. Your instincts tell you your attitude is bad
5. You always want to dominate
6. You blame others or your partner for being abusive
7. You make use of abusive styles such as gaslighting to make your partner doubt their reality.
8. You control alot and you are too serious
9. You are too short-tempered and can’t seem to control your temper
10. You often complain alot and criticize everything.
11. You don’t give room for privacy in your relationship and your partner’s space.
12. You are a very secretive person.
13. You just want to get all the attention.
If you possess all or some of this character, then you are an abusive partner. It might be difficult to accept but you must face reality and work towards changing your attitude.
ALSO, READ How To Date Someone With Depression
Can You Stop Being Abusive?
Although it might seem difficult at first. Your willingness and approach to it matter.
You can learn to treat your partner and others with love and respect.
You can also be empathic, and be loved also by others.“The fact you want to change is a good indicator that you could sort this out. However, doing it alone may be difficult. Having friends/family to support you… are all good things to try,” Dr. Petra-Boynton says.
The process might be a bit stressful and challenging, you might even want to keep to your beliefs and justify your actions or attitudes just to have your way.
If your family and friends support you it will help facilitate the process. Once it comes from your mind to change it’s easier to get through it.
How to stop being abusive
1. Admit that you’re an abusive person.
This is the most difficult part yet the most important thing to do. For you to change you must realize and admit you are wrong without this first step you can’t apply others.
Abuse is not about physical abuse alone. Verbal and Emotional abuse is even the commonest type of abuse in relationships these days. Emotional abuse destroys the trust and the bond you once had and it eventually leads to hatred and resentment.
However, if it’s captured it can be difficult to admit. This is the reason you must take a break and observe yourself.
If your behavior and actions are bad then you must accept you are an abusive person. Admit you are the cause of the issues you are having.
The minute you acknowledge and admit you are wrong and that your behavior is the major problem then you will see the need to change.
2. Decide to change.
Are you really ready to change? Do you want to change for good or do you want to do this because of the complaints you are having?
Your will to change must be intentional. Change is a process that takes alot from you, you will have to change your personality, belief, attitudes, and way of life.
At a point, you might want to change because the process will become so hard to deal with.
You may even prefer your abusive lifestyle even if it’s to the detriment of your wife. To change for real you, have to commit to change and work earnestly towards achieving it for your good and the good of your wife.
You must encourage yourself to change, do this for yourself, and not to impress others.
3. Discover the cause
If you realize that the cause of your being abusive is as a result of a past traumatic situation, seek help from a counselor or a therapist.
These people are in a good position to help you get over this abusive act.
You will go through some counseling sessions to facilitate the process.
4. Listen to the other person’s experience.
Spend time with those you have abused emotionally or physically,try to hear their experience it will help you have an idea on how abusive you are and the extent of the damage you cause them. When you listen to them it might seem like an accusation but instead of reacting be calm and understand their pain.
Don’t be defensive while you listen, though it’s okay to feel that way,but do not act on what you feel. If the person felt hurt by your attitude it means you are abusive.
Try not to make yourself the center of their experience, don’t overlook what they say it will eventually help you if you really want to stop being abusive.
5. Be flexible
It is very good to be flexible and free to relate with. Don’t make your marriage an official type of relationship. Create time to be with your wife, be transparent, let her know how to speak with you and assess you. If you are always serious or uptight you will scare her away which is not helpful for your marriage.
6. Choose the words wisely
Words are powerful, choose your words before you use them. It is advisable not to speak when one is angry.
You might say something that will hurt your partner. Be mindful of your words, that is where respect comes to play, do not use demeaning words and harsh words on her. It hurts to hear such words from one’s spouse. Words are sharper than swords.
7. Appreciate Your partner to Make them Feel Good
Appreciation in any relationship is very important. Most people complain about their partner’s attitude towards appreciating them, it feels good to be appreciated by the one you love. Even if it’s something little, appreciate them and let them know you value what they have done for you.
Show them you value and appreciate the effort they make in your marriage. Women love to be appreciated and valued. If you do this often they will never stop caring.
When you apply these steps, you will definitely see a remarkable change in your attitude and the Lost joy you once had in your marriage will be restored.
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