MAKING TIME FOR YOUR KIDS
Making time for your kids might not be so easy especially if you’re a very busy parent. it’s very important to make time for them because it shows how special they are to you.
Children are precious gifts from God.
…no joy ever know when you hold this gift, no sadness ever know when you lose this wonderful gift.
Psychology says, reading to household kids takes 0.07 hours per day for kids under age 6.
0.04 hours for kids aged 6–12, playing with kids under 6years takes 0.60 hours per day and 0.09 hours for kids under 6–12 years of age. (Average hours per day)
Parents are supposed to learn how to spend quality time with there children, even if it’s just for twelve hours.
The major problem parents have with there teen children especially, comes from the fact that they never spent time with them when they were younger.
Even though it’s not always easy, like in the case of working-class parents.
There are a few ways you can do this:
By telling him or her you love them at every single moment you get: Many parents usually forget this ritual, yes it’s supposed to be a ritual…something you do every time, something you can’t/don’t forget doing.
Telling a child you love them every single day creates a kind of awareness in them, no matter where you are or where they are, once they remember that you love and adore them they won’t feel lonely anymore.
Psychology says, that the worst thing you could say to a child is ‘i don’t love you anymore’
And when telling them you love them don’t forget to show it to them. As they say, “Action speaks louder than words”.
Joy rushed out of the house as she was about getting into the car, her little boy of six comes rushing down the stairs straight to her screaming
“Mummy mummy mummy!”, the nanny behind him.
She dumps her bag in the car and rushes towards him,
“Are you ok Jackson?”, He nods,
“You didn’t say it…”, She tries to recall what exactly she forgot to say, then she remembers.
She gives him a forehead kiss, then another on his eyes, on his cheeks.
“Mummy and daddy love you…we always will”, she muttered wishing with all her heart that Ronald hadn’t left her too early.
She felt this sudden joy in her when he hugged her real tight.
This is one scenario about saying and also acting. Joy has never for once forgotten to let her son know that his parents adore him, even when his dad is no more…she still makes sure he doesn’t forget.
No matter the little time she’s got she still manages to make time for her little boy, this is how it’s supposed to be.
Pay attention to them:
Jane stepped into the house, she knew glad would be asleep by now it was one in the morning.
She yawned for she was really tired, the meetings she had today were really hectic.
She went first to check if the maid was around, she found the lady sleeping on her child’s bed. Glad was curled into her.
Something in her chest tightened.
She whispered the lady’s name so she wouldn’t wake her little girl.
“Good morning ma”,
“How are you? Hope she ate before she slept?”,
“Yes ma”, the lady nodded,
“Ok, thanks, you can go back to bed”. But the lady hesitated, “any problem?”,
“She was in a fight today at school”,
Jane couldn’t believe her ears, this was the first time she was hearing this, a fight? Why would her glad possibly go into a fight?.
“Did she tell you why?”,
“No ma…she wouldn’t say”,
“And her teachers, what did they say?”,
“They don’t know the reason…but one of them says I should tell you that you need to spend more time with her”,
Jane scoffed, “well I think they need to mind there business…wake me really early tomorrow, I need to speak with my girl…her dad isn’t back yet?”,
“Right…good night”, she said waving her away.
The next morning, her housekeeper woke her early, she made sure she was done preparing before she went to meet her daughter who was already at the dining.
“Good morning dear”,
“Good morning Mom”.
“I know you slept well right?”, The girl nodded.
Jane sipped her coffee and watched her daughter fork down her noddles after she was done and the housekeeper had cleared out everything.
She cleared her throat…glad looked up at her mother.
“Sweetheart I heard you fought in school yesterday”,
Glad hesitated first then she nodded
“You know I’ve always warned you not to do that…why did you fight dear Glad?”,
“But mom…you didn’t ask me what happened first”
“I don’t need to know what happened glad, I just hope it doesn’t happen anymore”. She picked up her bag and stood up.
“But mummy, if I hadn’t been in a fight you wouldn’t have spent this much time with me”.
Jane stopped in her tracks, turned to her little girl. Those words struck her heart really hard.
“What do you mean?”, But glad wouldn’t reply, she knelt and gripped her shoulders, “that’s not possible…I always spend time with you, I take you to the gym with me most times, even to the park…I take you outings most times, why would you say that?”,
“Mummy, sometimes when you take me out I still feel alone, you don’t even let me talk. You say I talk a lot!”.
“If fighting is going to get me your attention then I will keep fighting!” She said and turned away.
Jane sank down to the ground, she was confused she still had no idea where all this was coming from.
It made her heartache.
Did we notice the absence of her father in this story? The only person who made us realize that there was a father was Mrs. Jane.
Glad might have even forgotten he existed because he is never around, she doesn’t think about getting his own attention because it might never work.
She hardly sees him only her mom, who even though she spends little time with her daughter is always working.
This is another scenario that happens in most families, especially where there are working-class parents.
I’m not saying working-class parents are bad or anything, what I’m trying to say is no matter what or where the parents are, they are supposed to make time for there kids.
Many kids tend to act out the moment they realize they aren’t getting the attention and love that they really want, in other for them to get that attention they either go into fights or exhibit really awful behavior so that when their parents notice, the attention they crave would finally be gotten.
Like in the case of little Glad.
When you ask some of these children why they act the way they do, they reply, “if I can’t get my parent’s attention by doing the right thing I might as well get to them by doing the wrong thing”.
I don’t blame most children for the character they sometimes exhibit, it’s this lack of attention that causes it.
Sometimes when a child misbehaves outside of the home if you do some research, you’d find out that they act out not because it’s a hobby but because they are seeking, even if it’s a little attention from there parents.
They are trying to get their parent’s approval.
For instance, I know someone, he is in his third year in college, but he doesn’t care at all about his academic Life, his results are poor.
He hardly attends classes, or even sit for exams…his excuse, “my parents won’t give a damn…I just need to graduate and show them a good result. Money can do that”.
Now, this guy isn’t even fighting to get any approval or attention from his parents anymore, why? Cause definitely there was a time when he needed this approval and attention but none were forthcoming.
He must have done all he could but gained nothing out of it…so he decided to relax, builds this mindset of “well they don’t care…they got the money I might as well do whatever I want and still give them the desired results”.
So instead of him wasting his energy on doing the right thing, he spends his time doing just anything.
With his attitude, he might go far if he’s lucky enough and knows what it is he needs out of life.
I no another a girl…well this is my really close friend. She’s dropped out of college and is living in an apartment with a man who she claims totally loves her and gives her the attention she deserves.
Her parents still think their daughter is in school, every year she goes back home like a normal student and collects pocket money like every student which she isn’t.
And I’m so sure her parents will never figure it out, they see her as a perfect daughter…they forget that no one is perfect.
She’s the kind of girl who’s got this really strict parent, the ones who never let her and her sisters leave the house for any reason.
Her mother was always around, the father had time for them…but they installed a kind of fear in them that this child could not ask them questions especially when it came to the opposite sex.
She explained that they were leaving in a kind of cage, you don’t talk unless been spoken too, when you talk, you make sure you lower your voice, do not laugh out anyhow (it makes you immature, like in my own parent’s house where I should be free).
Anyway, they learned to keep things to themselves and learned to take advice from friends at school.
And it really affected this girl, especially my friend…cause now she doesn’t care anymore what might happen in the nearest future.
“Whatever happens happens”, that’s her favorite quote.
Some of the characters she exhibits in front of her parents are nothing to write home about, and no matter how hard they try now, they can’t go back in time to correct any mistakes they think they made.
Many parents think the best way to train their kids is by locking them up, by denying them to meet with friends, especially the opposite sex. cause they think their children might end up useless.
But that’s not it. It’s the wrong way to train a child.
It’s not the best…locking your child up, especially the girl child, it won’t definitely make her get married as a virgin, your male child, it won’t stop him from running into bad gangs.
I know another whose mother never let her out of the house unless it was a family outing, she wasn’t even allowed to wave, just wave at a boy, and most times girls.
But what happened? The next thing we hear she’s pregnant for a school boyfriend.
I wonder what the mother of that girl would be thinking, she might have tried to ask herself where she went wrong.
I will tell you where she went wrong. There’s a time when you let a child explore when you sit them down and ask them questions and tell them things.
Some parents are scared (I don’t know if it’s really fear though) to talk to their children about sex, they don’t even want to hear it from there children.
But imagine this child knowing nothing about ‘sex’, then one day in class, they join a discussion or overhear the discussion from there friends.
Then they start asking questions, questions they can’t ask their parents definitely and start getting answers they would never get from there parents.
Then before you know it they start doing research and different kind of issues start popping up. Not every child is that smart to know, “this is wrong I don’t want to do it”
“This is definitely a mistake”.
Not everyone has that self-control to stop things that they know isn’t right, not every child can say No.
Saying No…is not something that can be taught at home or in school, it’s something that can be installed into a child. Children need to learn to be strong-willed at all times, cause it affects them in the future.
But imagine the case where these children get to a particular age, the parents or parents sit them down to explain things to them.
When they ask questions you don’t cringe, you don’t scream at them asking, ‘where did you get that from?’, cause they might get questions from anywhere, even the movie they’ve watched.
Instead, no matter how infuriating those questions might be, you calmly answer them and even give them examples.
Tell them they are free to bring friends home especially the opposite sex.
But most of all make sure you do not leave them alone for the whole day with those friends, check up on them from time to time, cause definitely something might go wrong at some point.
Nobody is perfect.
When parents start making time for there kids at a young age not just when they are babies, there are some dirty characters and attitudes in them that’s going to die eventually.
Children will always be children, I say it’s only up to the parents to train them in the way they should go or rather grow and parents should always remember to always ask God to help them with this kids.
Because hmm….kids can be very stubborn, patience is a virtue that needs to be activated.
Click here to READ 20 best parenting tips
How to Deal with a Drop in Your Teen’s Grades
Dealing with a drop in your Teen’s grade is usually one of the challenges faced by parents. When there is a poor grade, complaining and worrying are bound to occur at a certain point as a parent. Poor performance in school is usually caused by several factors; some may be caused by the parents. A drop in grade is usually a predicament faced by many teens during high school.
Notwithstanding, it is very paramount to decipher these three things,
• The cause of the Low grades
• Why the low grades and
• How to tal
Here I’ll be sharing the steps to take when your college kid’s grades are slipping.
WAYS TO DEAL WITH A DROP IN YOUR TEEN’S GRADES
The first step to take is trying to visualize what might prompt the kid’s failure. Relocating to another apartment may make you change your teen’s school. A change in school might result in drop in grades. This is usually because the new school may have more brilliant students than the old school. Other causes of a drop in grade might be inadequate sleep, busy social life, too many house chores, spending so much time in school activities, etc. All of these could result in laziness, a lack of motivation, or distraction.
If the drop in grade is so sudden then quick action must be taken. It’s very important to analyze your child’s grades from time to time to see if there is a spontaneous or a slow drop in grade.
2.TRY TO FIND OUT THE ACTUAL CAUSE
Several years ago, I was working as Home Tutor. While I was doing my work, I encountered John who used to be a great mathematician in Primary school. When he entered high school, I noticed he started failing mathematics woefully. The painful part is that the parents of the boy never had the time to have one-on-one communication with him.
As a counselor, I spoke with him and he opened to me that all he wishes for, is to change school and I asked why? After much persuasion, I discovered that the hatred he had for his teacher in mathematic never allowed him to put his best in school.
Getting to know what’s actually wrong with the kid might be quite difficult because the child may seem perfect in everything that he does. He might be a person who doesn’t like asking questions in class.
It could take you a while to get the right answers. The best is to find a quiet time with the child and speak with him.
ALSO, READ The Dangers of Overscheduling Your Child
3.SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL
A fluctuation in the kid’s grade should not make you be a regular visitor to the school authority. A fluctuation may occur because there were so many people in competition at that particular time. The child’s grade may drop from Grade A to B. if the grades are sustained over a long time, then you’ll need to visit the teacher rather gun blazing or apportioning blames…
One good thing about teachers is that they are able to provide valuable insight of everything that is happening at school as regards the child. Talking to the teacher may provide a valuable solution.
4. GET A HOME TUTOR
Getting a home tutor is very important in a child’s academics. Many parents usually deploy this approach whether their child is performing very well or not, they see it as a necessity.
Get one if you feel you’re too busy, to give your kids academic attention, it would help a long way.
5.When there is an underlying issue
Other underlying issues may be bullying from other kids, emotional upset, depression, or anxiety. all of these are usually very difficult to communicate with parents and even teachers too.
A child that is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) may not perform very well in class. If after complaining to the school and you see no result, then visiting the doctor or a psychologist would be the best option.
6. MOTIVATE THEM DAILY
You might actually say, “is daily motivation really necessary? Yes, it is. Motivation is one of the Skeleton keys to Unlock good grades. it’s very annoying to see your child having this lackadaisical attitude towards their education, without any thought of the future. Motivating them is the best thing you can actually give in as parents, if you really care for your kids.
You can strategically give them these right tips on how to get back on their feet.
• Always give them the reasons to work hard.
A child’s good future is a better reward for parents. This is what they will always be thankful for. It is only left for you to make it or mar it. Make them see the reason to work hard to produce better results, not only in their academics but in other aspects of their lives.
• Make sure to tell them that hard work pays and it’s only the strong that will scale through.
• Always encourage them to do better in their study. If you can be there for them, do it diligently.
• Don’t ever be harsh on them. In this case, use good words and speak in a calm manner. Being harsh will only add more pain to your child, and they might see that all you care about is their performance and not their own happiness.
• Tell them to report to you whatever difficulties, they are facing in their school. This will give them room to open up to you and ask questions, they couldn’t ask their teachers. You need to be available for them too or create time for this.
• Encourage them to enter any educational competition or club. This will help them see other kids like them, doing what they are doing. It creates room for good achievements and good performance.
• Create family learning time. This is not actually easy to do, but it helps in motivating kids. When they see you reading, they will love to read too. It brings the family together and makes kids feel free to ask anything they don’t understand.
• Give them a puzzle to solve. There are a lot of puzzles you can give your kids like kids Sudoku 9*9, kids word search puzzle, kid hangman game, mosaics, pictures crossword game, shape puzzle, dot-to-dot puzzle, and many more.
These are the easiest ways to help kids master a lot of things within and outside their field. And this helps to improve their grades in school.
Reward here is promising them that “ if you come out the first position, or you get a good average point, I will do _______ for you”. Over 60% would do their best if they have been promised by the guardians. Always fulfill your promise and take them to somewhere that can add more value to them.
Besides, you don’t need to wait for them to come out well before rewarding them, you can do it occasionally just to say thank you for their support and obedience towards learning and life.
8. LEARN TO VALUE MISTAKES
Being angry that your child failed should not make you grow annoyed excessively. You should know that failure always a road to success. No man succeeds without experiencing any form of failure.
Don’t go overboard, shouting or smacking them for the drop in their grades rather find ways to make them accept responsibility to do well.
A WORD FROM RELATIONSHIPS SEEDS
A drop in grades is actually not something we should panic about, but something that needs our time to figure out what is actually the ‘cause’. Kids react to everything that happens within and outside their environment. That’s why they are kids.
Mental health professionals believe that when a child is emotionally down or meltdown, there must be something that triggers this reaction. Kids need time, care, love, attention, patience, and more for you to understand them.
You need to do your own part and so the teachers too. Always communicate with them and do the best for them.
ALSO, READ How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex
When do Babies Start to Walk?
When do babies start to walk? is a frequently asked question by most new parents around the world. Most times when we come across a baby crawling and cruising we tend to wonder when he/she will take the first step?
A child’s first year is full of events but the most anticipated one might be walking. Hence the question, “When will my baby start to walk.?”
When Should Babies Start to Walk?
Research has shown that babies usually take their first step between the 9th and 16th month. Not all babies start walking in the 9th month. Your first child might have walked when he was 10-months and probably you’re scared that the second is in its 13th month, but still crawling. The truth here is that every child reaches its milestone at a different time. There are several factors that may make a baby walk early or not. Of all, for your baby to start walking he/she must have contracted enough muscles.
The stages of walking
An old adage says, “for you to stand you must sit, for you to walk you must stand, and for you to run you must start walking.” This shows that life itself is in different stages. For a baby to start walking, he must have gone through and mastered other developmental milestones. These include:
For a baby to start walking, he must learn how to sit properly. Within the periods of the 6th month, your baby should start hacking the puzzle to sit upright, using the muscle in his trunk.
Around this time, the 6th month, you can start teaching your child how to sit. When trying to teach the baby how to sit, ensure you’re close enough to prevent falling.
Pulling to Stand
Pulling to stand varies among toddlers still; some may start this around the 10th month. The leg actually needs lots of energy for a pull to stand to occur because 70% of our body mass is fixed on the hip, so the legs need lots of energy to lift the torso.
This is when the child starts playing around the house with any furniture he/she sees. The time varies too for kids.
Holding your baby’s hands while walking would help to improve the coordination and balancing of the child. It also adds fun to the walking process. when your child starts holding your hand for him to walk, just know that he would start walking alone soon.
This is the final stage of completing the puzzle on how to walk. Usually, it starts with trying to move one leg forward and balancing the other leg. Here, the child may be falling too while trying to walk, but it’s all part of the process.
Why Do Babies Walk at Different Times?
One thing you should know is that babies also have emotions too. Some babies usually have this I can do it attitude; to them, the act of walking is a risk they are taking, and have to overcome. You can even perceive it, ranging from the way they interact with you, even as small as they are.
They don’t care if they fall. That’s why you’ll see some children fall as many times as possible when trying to walk. The beautiful part is that they see walking as one of the several fun things they do.
Not all babies have this type of personality, some also have the mentality of wait and see, an unintentional delay caused by fear of trying. These types are usually very cautious. This factor may be the reason why your child is delaying to walk.
Aside from this, there are other things too, which can affect the time it takes for babies to start walking.
• Birth Order:
Research has shown that babies tend to walk faster when they have older siblings around. So they may want to imitate what he/she is doing. It may be very difficult for your first child to start walking at 12months, but if you have other children let’s say from age 3-7, you’ll see your child become smarter. That’s why you see most children become smarter when they have older ones around to play with. That’s why it’s very important (and highly advised) for your child, even in the 8th month, to start school.
The bigger the size, the more difficult for the baby walking. This is because the baby would need to expend more energy to stand upright compared to one with a small stature.
Even when you look at fat people, you’ll notice that they may experience difficulty in walking or running at old age.
• Recurrent Ear Infections: If a child emerges in the 16th month and he’s not walking, then an investigation must be done concerning his health. Perhaps if he has experienced any ear infection. “An ear infection can throw off a baby’s balance and delay walking,” says Dr. Jensen.
A word from Relationshipseeds
Lack of nutrients may also bring delay in the walking puzzle of a child. When a child lacks calcium, it causes an almost permanent impedance to walk-ability. If you notice that after 17 months, you see no visible changes, then you should seek professional help. Meet a pediatrician, a child doctor.
How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex
When puberty shows up, teenagers often make so many wrong choices. Teenage age is a very sensitive period where teens want to explore, try new things, and all that. We are living in a world of technology where you can easily get access to anything you want online. Whether it is boyfriend, phone sex, porn clips, illicit materials, and so on.
These days Teens are so smart that they can keep a secret from you without you having a clue. Here, we’ll be looking at the signs that show your child is sexually active.
SIGNS YOUR TEENAGER IS HAVING SEX
1. Ask Your Teenager
One may say why would I ask? When you keep on shying away from asking questions like that things may not end well. when you finally decide to ask her that question, choose your words carefully, if you do it a threatening way, you may not get the answers you are seeking, instead, they will tell you lies out of fear.
This approach is a 50:50 because Teens love being secretive, if you’ve never had a deep conversation or you’re not very close with your child you can never get a YES ANSWER.
2. Provocative Dressing
Like I said in the beginning, the teenage age is an exploring age. When you see that your child starts dressing provocatively, it could mean that they’ve already eaten the forbidden fruit. Apart from the girls dressing seductively, the guys may also dress exposing their chests or buying a pink lips balm.
The adolescence stage is when teens become conscious of their appearance and body image. When the girls start having s*x, it usually gives them a heightened sense of maturity, this would make them pay more attention to whatever they wear.
3. More Secretive
When you notice that your child becomes more secretive than ever, it could be a sign that they are started having sex already. You’ll notice they hide their phone whenever they are operating it, use passworded phones; they also use coded language while chatting.
Being secretive is always associated with suspicious movements, such as coming home late, become overprotective about their privacy, because they don’t want you to find out. Even when they want to go out they always find it difficult to tell you where they are going. They will never make a phone call in your presence except it’s a family member that’s calling.
4. Check for Signs of Sexual Activity
Seeing condoms or contraceptives is a sign of sexual activity. It could mean that they are planning to have it or might have done it already. When you notice it, you don’t need to start boil, all you need is a conversation with your child to know what’s up.
When you see these tools in your child’s possession, it means that they are well equipped with the knowledge on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies or prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). So you have to educate them more about unwanted pregnancy, STI, and how having sex can destroy their dreams and career.
5. Behavioral Change
When a child starts doing something evil, you’ll notice that they either become more extroverted or introverted depending on their type of personality. Sometimes, they may become more stubborn. For instance, imagine your child of 18 having an affair with someone who’s 40years of age. The child might start disrespecting you and your partner.
Also, the child may become happier than before. Always try to notice and find out the reason(s) for their new behavior.
6. Keeping Tabs On You
They become too conscious of you. If they want to know where you are going and how many hours you will be spending. Similarly, they will want to know the number of days you are going to spend.
Occasionally, when you come too early, they’d become angry or anxious because they need more time to carry out what they want.
7. Poor Grades In School
The reason why it is not good for teens to engage in sexual activities is that they are not mature enough to handle what relationship or sex is all about. Sex and relationship can take your whole emotions and can drain you mentally.
I remembered when I fell in love during my 11th grade in high school. I can boldly confess that whenever I’m reading my books, I always see the picture of the girl I’m falling for. It took me 6weeks to get over her. When I was in love with her I could barely focus very well on my academics. Also, I’m very sure that I would have failed woefully in high school if I had dated her.
When a teen starts dating at a very young age, it will be very difficult to balance emotions and priorities properly. There are lots of distractions when your child starts premarital sex.
8. Being Involved In Their Life Regularly
The key to being involved in their life is communication. As a parent, there should not be a communication gap. Make your kids open up to you. Some kids might be very difficult or have hardened hearts, but you have to try your best.
Always make them know that you are available for them if any issue arises. With this, if they are facing sort of sexual humiliation they will be able to tell you faster than when you are far away from them.
9. Know Their Friends And Partner
An African adage says “show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are”. If you do well as a parent to know the character of your child’s friend you’ll be able to know the capability of your child. For example, if the friends of your child are all womanizer or involve in illicit sex, it a sign that your child could be sexually active.
What other signs do you think can point out a sexually active child?
ALSO, READ Exploring the different sexual location
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