Personal differences in a relationship: A Strength or Weakness
Everyone, whether male or female, aside from loving our partners, just really wish to have a perfect relationship. Some think the aforementioned is unattainable, a fairytale, or just a flimsy dream, while others believe it is possible if we work hard enough. But how hard is this work? How challenging is this journey to perfection, and how do our differences affect our relationship. All these are what we will be examining.
In terms of personal differences, can we find someone that is 100% similar to us??
The answer to that is an absolute No! No! No! Even identical twins who may act alike are never 100% similar, more or less two people from two different backgrounds and upbringing. We find that even in two persons that practically grew up together, they still have varying characters. It would be best if you never forgot that the aim is Compatibility and not Similarity. Having a love for the same activities, having the same ambitions, and responding in sync to issues is not the best for a serious relationship.
We are not trying to guide your relationship because, as people differ, so does relationships. Thus, what works for Mr. A may not necessarily work for Mr. B., but in most cases, our differences as an individual in a relationship can be a strength or a weakness.
As I always hear my parent say, if a relationship is all smiles and no fight or disagreement, there are two things involved; these are
- One of the two is lying to the other. Meaning one of the two is concealing and not revealing everything he or she feels or thinks. This sort of thing happens even in friendship. Here is a good example. Hendricks and Jane are “supposed” best buddies, but, while Hendricks likes soccer, Jane hates anything sporty she would rather watch fashion shows. So, when it’s time to spend their fun time, Hendricks always takes the lead by buying tickets to a soccer match. And Jane will never grumble but, she will attend in all smiles.
- Meanwhile, in her heart, she loathes soccer matches the most. Now, here is where it gets tricky, just how long can she keep up the façade? I hope we all know that Hendricks knows nothing about her feeling towards sports. He assumed she likes it since she is always so full of smiles whenever he gets those tickets. Now Jane is the one lying in this relationship, thereby making their indifference a weakness.
- Secondly, the two of them are lying to each other. In this case, both parties are lying to each other. Knowing fully well, they don’t like something or aren’t comfortable with something they pretend and conceal and restrain. There a common misunderstanding about this as people call it love. But, how can it be love when it’s built on a lie and here I thought love is real. Of course, I understand that when you’re in love, you don’t force anything. Everything and anything you do is done out of a free will, even if you are not comfortable. However, it does not love if you can’t be sincere about it. Let’s use another couple to explain this point. Sandra and Linda’s friendship is the envy of the whole campus. Two people so compactible they never fight, a pair made from heaven, best buddies by divine pairing, etc. where other students’ thoughts. But, in reality, they were just two females who met by chance and have since been lying to each other about their entire existence. And these lies have kept them together for three whole years. Sandra was a total introvert before Linda, but because Linda was the opposite, she lied about her social preference just to gain a place in Sandra’s social circle. However, whenever they are out, she is always faking her smiles as deep down, she feels very uncomfortable and insecure. This is the same with Linda, who likes her junks but has to pretend a healthy eating habit to fit in Sandra’s world.
After fully understanding those two points, we can outrightly say the personal difference is a weakness in a relationship; however, this is not true. Assuming Jane had told Hendricks her irritation towards soccer but still choose to watch the match with him, it will strike a strong chord in his heart. He’ll know that she only goes to watch the game for him since it makes him happy. And in the future, he’ll have consideration for her likes. This will make their bond stronger because the truth is that she can’t pretend forever.
In Sandra and Linda’s case, their friendship is a fragile one, as no one can genuinely conceal their true self. Someday, a character will slip, Sandra will complain about the parties, and Linda will complain about the bland meals. Someone may even use it to blackmail them. But what if they both of them let their real selves out at the onset? They may not be similar, yes! But because they both are ready to adjust, they will be compatible.
In conclusion, the recipe to use to make your difference a strength or a weakness is this.
- To make it a weakness, lie about yourself and your likes, conceal your thoughts to a situation, in fact, fake everything.
- To make it a strength, share everything with your partner, be 100% real in all aspects but be ready to adjust for your partner.
ALSO, READ 10 HABITS THAT DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP