Communication is a vital part of our daily life, newly born babies communicate their needs to their mothers with the look on their face, their cries, groans, and moans, grownups communicate orally with spoken language. The deaf do the sign language, even and animals both land and Arial communicate.
The fairy tale type of relationship is a beautiful part of life. We’re talking about long walks on the beach, movie night, scuba diving, horse riding, laughing till your sides ache at your favorite joke.
But to be in a perfect relationship that is half as perfect as Bonnie and Clyde, Romeo and Juliet, requires hard work! The ideal relationships are those where both parties are willing to put in the work, swallow their fragile egos and show their commitment to moving forward. One of the spoilers of any relationship is- “Relationship communication problems”.
Communication problems in marriage can leave you frustrated; physically, and emotionally. Sometimes it seems like they don’t get you. Or maybe you’re wondering why you can’t tackle that one thorny issue without it descending into a fight.
Communication problems are rarely unsolvable. Sometimes a few simple tricks are all it takes to get your relationship out of the rabbit hole again.
Sometimes it is so embarrassing when evolved species like human beings can’t communicate effectively especially those in the marriage institution. Lack of communication in marriage is the reason for unsatisfied marriage, conflicts, silent treatments, fights, broken homes, and the list goes on and on. “It is popularly said that “lack of communication is the major wreckage of many marriages”.
In This Article we would be enumerating 14 Causes of Lack of communication problem in marriage and in relationships.
Too much screen time (TV, play station, social media, etc)
Making them responsible for us
Lack of empathy
Keeping scores (grudges and keeping a record of mistakes)
Poor listening skills
Not knowing their love language
Lack of romance/sex
1.Too much screen time
No doubt phones, tablets, iPods, iPods are great. I mean who doesn’t love YouTube and Netflix? But excessive screen time causes a lack of communication in marriage or in a relationship. It is really messy for someone to be present but completely lost in an imaginary wonderland because all their attention is fixated on the screen, It’s hard to be present with your partner if you’re scrolling Facebook, reading a tweet, checking out our favorite celebrities and or clicking the browse button on your favorite streaming service. Disconnect or unplug once in a while and give them your full attention.
Just because you’re married doesnt meant they can’t have friends of the opposite sex, one of the relationship problems is jealousy. Casual jealousy is what happens when you question who they are calling, who just sent a text. or asking questions like who was this? Who was that? , or get jealous when you see them laughing with someone. Assuming the worst damages, both trust and communication in relationships.
ALSO, READ How Pornography Can Destroy Your Marriage
Do you want to improve communication in marriage?
Well for starters stop accusing your partner.
No one listens whenever they are being insulted even when they are being corrected. Harsh words make it difficult to understand the real meaning behind the message. After all, most people go on the defense whenever they feel accused. speak more gently to solve relationship communication problems and other related issues.
Most times your partner might be observant enough to know your NEEDS even when you don’t ask or speak about them. But sometimes they just can’t put as much focus into the relationship as we like want them to, because life gets in the way from time to time. You have to reevaluate yourself if you have high expectations from your spouse.
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5.Hiding feelings (pretense)
Being open and honest about your feelings is the heart of good communication. It’s hard to get closure, move forward, or even put an issue behind you if one of you isn’t being honest. Don’t sweep any unresolved issue under the rug because you hit a brick wall of dishonesty, make it a pact, to be honest with your feelings.
6.Making them responsible for us
No one else is responsible for your thoughts and feelings but you. Don’t patronize them by making your partner responsible for your happiness. if you do communicate properly, your marriage will be clouded by frustration and the weight of unnecessary expectations.
Own and pilot your feelings, that way you can handle them with grace and openness.
You have to care for yourself, love yourself, and make yourself responsible for your actions. that way it will be easy for you to communicate with your spouse and also fix communication problems if the need arises.
7.Blind to their language of love
Everyone has a love language. If you can decipher your partner’s love language, it will go a long way in spicing up communication in your marriage and relationship. Some Partners like teasing and praises, they enjoy getting attention from their spouse and being complimented about their beauty and handsomeness. Small gifts, date nights, simple or rather detailed love letters expressing how special they are to you can work like magic.
Ladies love a man who is handy in the kitchen and also good with house chores. It literally thrills and blows off their mind. When you learn to understand their language, you can communicate better with them.
It’s hard to communicate well if you sense that your partner keeps a record of your transgressions. They tend to make reference to mistakes from the past, what was done wrong, what was said wrong, how many pence he/she spent on you etc. forgiving and forgetting completely is a key to flawless communication in marriage.
Remember your partner isn’t your rival, and it is a marriage, not a conquest. Whatever happened in the past, let it go so you can focus on the present and solve other related problems.
9.Poor listening skills
A poor listener is not good at communicating in a civil society let alone be good at communication in any relationship they find themselves in. when a partner feels shut out, ignored, their opinions not validated, frustration and misunderstandings will seep in. Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, why not try active listening?
Listen carefully to what your partner says. It gives them a sense of security and trust. When they are talking, it is advisable not to judge or accuse them quickly. You will learn that it means a lot to have someone who listens to you and hears you out.
10.Lack of empathy
Poor communication in relationships comes down to not having enough empathy for the other person. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what we feel, need and worry, that we sometimes forget to see or feel what our partner is feeling. It’s not your fault and it’s not something you do on purpose, it’s just part of being human. However, if you can put yourself in their shoes, imagine what they are thinking, feeling, and going through, your communications will improve dramatically.
Good communication is not something we are born with, we learn it every day because nobody wants to be a dummy. We all adapt and learn to be good communicators. That way our marriages and relationships will weather any storm and survive the test of time.
How does lying play a role in the lack of communication in marriage? You see nobody likes to be lied to. some persons will say that every human being lies on a regular basis. To some persons, lying is a habit they cant stop! To others, it just a slit moment of imperfection.
So what exactly is the point here? In marriage, lying, withholding the truth, lying by omission, or whatever we call it these days can be very destructive in marriage.
Don’t always try to justify lies with “I didn’t want to hurt you” “I was trying to protect you” “I knew you would react like this that’s why I didn’t tell you” oh please give me a break.
Funny enough instead of working to prevent the habit of lying, people tend to seek control over the circumstances of the lie. The lie I want to focus on is the consistent lie.
The consistency of lies leads to the consistency of marriage problems because the solution often cannot be found if the truth you know is false, to begin with.
No marriage has the chance of surviving if it’s foundation is rooted in lies.
The central message of pride is this, “you are to blame, not me.”
“It’s not my fault!”
“I didn’t cause that.”
“You made me.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You should have told me.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should have stopped.”
“You should have told me.”
“I’m not apologizing.”
People generally need to learn to handle their pride, for us to be able to solve the problems of lack of communication in our marriages, the key is “humility”.
Some partners completely go mute at the slightest provocation, some barely talk, some never contribute to the conversation. Let’s take a look at this hypothetical. Your partner shares their feelings with you. You say nothing. If they were talking there about their favorite food or movie, and you stay silent that shouldn’t be a problem.
But, what if they share their feelings about something you have been doing poorly? Something that they want you to work on? In that context, NOT saying something sends many negative messages. These negative messages create negative feelings for your spouse. When you are always silent and you give off this vibe or feeling that you don’t care about your partner, and understanding is only achieved when partners communicate properly.
Just as characters are different, so are individuals. What might be amusing and fun to Mr. A, might be offensive and disrespectful to Mr. B. However, that is a relativistic approach.
That is an approach that makes it seem that it is the context that determines right or wrong. That isn’t the Christian approach. As Christians, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”Colossians 4:6
Some people are blatantly disrespectful, it’s just in their nature to disrespect anyone that comes their way, and it’s always worse if they don’t know how to apologize Disrespect sends the message, “I don’t value you as a human being.” If you don’t respect and value your spouse, there won’t be effective and meaningful communication In the relationship.
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