Communication is a vital part of our daily life, newly born babies communicate their needs to their mothers with the look on their face, their cries, groans, and moans, grownups communicate orally with spoken language. The deaf do the sign language, even and animals both land and Arial communicate.
The fairy tale type of relationship is a beautiful part of life. We’re talking about long walks on the beach, movie night, scuba diving, horse riding, laughing till your sides ache at your favorite joke.
But to be in a perfect relationship that is half as perfect as Bonnie and Clyde, Romeo and Juliet, requires hard work! The ideal relationships are those where both parties are willing to put in the work, swallow their fragile egos and show their commitment to moving forward. One of the spoilers of any relationship is- “Relationship communication problems”.
Communication problems in marriage can leave you frustrated; physically, and emotionally. Sometimes it seems like they don’t get you. Or maybe you’re wondering why you can’t tackle that one thorny issue without it descending into a fight.
Communication problems are rarely unsolvable. Sometimes a few simple tricks are all it takes to get your relationship out of the rabbit hole again.
Sometimes it is so embarrassing when evolved species like human beings can’t communicate effectively especially those in the marriage institution. Lack of communication in marriage is the reason for unsatisfied marriage, conflicts, silent treatments, fights, broken homes, and the list goes on and on. “It is popularly said that “lack of communication is the major wreckage of many marriages”.
In This Article we would be enumerating 14 Causes of Lack of communication problem in marriage and in relationships.
Too much screen time (TV, play station, social media, etc)
Making them responsible for us
Lack of empathy
Keeping scores (grudges and keeping a record of mistakes)
Poor listening skills
Not knowing their love language
Lack of romance/sex
1.Too much screen time
No doubt phones, tablets, iPods, iPods are great. I mean who doesn’t love YouTube and Netflix? But excessive screen time causes a lack of communication in marriage or in a relationship. It is really messy for someone to be present but completely lost in an imaginary wonderland because all their attention is fixated on the screen, It’s hard to be present with your partner if you’re scrolling Facebook, reading a tweet, checking out our favorite celebrities and or clicking the browse button on your favorite streaming service. Disconnect or unplug once in a while and give them your full attention.
Just because you’re married doesnt meant they can’t have friends of the opposite sex, one of the relationship problems is jealousy. Casual jealousy is what happens when you question who they are calling, who just sent a text. or asking questions like who was this? Who was that? , or get jealous when you see them laughing with someone. Assuming the worst damages, both trust and communication in relationships.
ALSO, READ How Pornography Can Destroy Your Marriage
Do you want to improve communication in marriage?
Well for starters stop accusing your partner.
No one listens whenever they are being insulted even when they are being corrected. Harsh words make it difficult to understand the real meaning behind the message. After all, most people go on the defense whenever they feel accused. speak more gently to solve relationship communication problems and other related issues.
Most times your partner might be observant enough to know your NEEDS even when you don’t ask or speak about them. But sometimes they just can’t put as much focus into the relationship as we like want them to, because life gets in the way from time to time. You have to reevaluate yourself if you have high expectations from your spouse.
ALSO, READ Reasons Why Kissing Is Important In A Relationship
5.Hiding feelings (pretense)
Being open and honest about your feelings is the heart of good communication. It’s hard to get closure, move forward, or even put an issue behind you if one of you isn’t being honest. Don’t sweep any unresolved issue under the rug because you hit a brick wall of dishonesty, make it a pact, to be honest with your feelings.
6.Making them responsible for us
No one else is responsible for your thoughts and feelings but you. Don’t patronize them by making your partner responsible for your happiness. if you do communicate properly, your marriage will be clouded by frustration and the weight of unnecessary expectations.
Own and pilot your feelings, that way you can handle them with grace and openness.
You have to care for yourself, love yourself, and make yourself responsible for your actions. that way it will be easy for you to communicate with your spouse and also fix communication problems if the need arises.
7.Blind to their language of love
Everyone has a love language. If you can decipher your partner’s love language, it will go a long way in spicing up communication in your marriage and relationship. Some Partners like teasing and praises, they enjoy getting attention from their spouse and being complimented about their beauty and handsomeness. Small gifts, date nights, simple or rather detailed love letters expressing how special they are to you can work like magic.
Ladies love a man who is handy in the kitchen and also good with house chores. It literally thrills and blows off their mind. When you learn to understand their language, you can communicate better with them.
It’s hard to communicate well if you sense that your partner keeps a record of your transgressions. They tend to make reference to mistakes from the past, what was done wrong, what was said wrong, how many pence he/she spent on you etc. forgiving and forgetting completely is a key to flawless communication in marriage.
Remember your partner isn’t your rival, and it is a marriage, not a conquest. Whatever happened in the past, let it go so you can focus on the present and solve other related problems.
9.Poor listening skills
A poor listener is not good at communicating in a civil society let alone be good at communication in any relationship they find themselves in. when a partner feels shut out, ignored, their opinions not validated, frustration and misunderstandings will seep in. Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, why not try active listening?
Listen carefully to what your partner says. It gives them a sense of security and trust. When they are talking, it is advisable not to judge or accuse them quickly. You will learn that it means a lot to have someone who listens to you and hears you out.
10.Lack of empathy
Poor communication in relationships comes down to not having enough empathy for the other person. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what we feel, need and worry, that we sometimes forget to see or feel what our partner is feeling. It’s not your fault and it’s not something you do on purpose, it’s just part of being human. However, if you can put yourself in their shoes, imagine what they are thinking, feeling, and going through, your communications will improve dramatically.
Good communication is not something we are born with, we learn it every day because nobody wants to be a dummy. We all adapt and learn to be good communicators. That way our marriages and relationships will weather any storm and survive the test of time.
How does lying play a role in the lack of communication in marriage? You see nobody likes to be lied to. some persons will say that every human being lies on a regular basis. To some persons, lying is a habit they cant stop! To others, it just a slit moment of imperfection.
So what exactly is the point here? In marriage, lying, withholding the truth, lying by omission, or whatever we call it these days can be very destructive in marriage.
Don’t always try to justify lies with “I didn’t want to hurt you” “I was trying to protect you” “I knew you would react like this that’s why I didn’t tell you” oh please give me a break.
Funny enough instead of working to prevent the habit of lying, people tend to seek control over the circumstances of the lie. The lie I want to focus on is the consistent lie.
The consistency of lies leads to the consistency of marriage problems because the solution often cannot be found if the truth you know is false, to begin with.
No marriage has the chance of surviving if it’s foundation is rooted in lies.
The central message of pride is this, “you are to blame, not me.”
“It’s not my fault!”
“I didn’t cause that.”
“You made me.”
“I’m not wrong.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You should have told me.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should have stopped.”
“You should have told me.”
“I’m not apologizing.”
People generally need to learn to handle their pride, for us to be able to solve the problems of lack of communication in our marriages, the key is “humility”.
Some partners completely go mute at the slightest provocation, some barely talk, some never contribute to the conversation. Let’s take a look at this hypothetical. Your partner shares their feelings with you. You say nothing. If they were talking there about their favorite food or movie, and you stay silent that shouldn’t be a problem.
But, what if they share their feelings about something you have been doing poorly? Something that they want you to work on? In that context, NOT saying something sends many negative messages. These negative messages create negative feelings for your spouse. When you are always silent and you give off this vibe or feeling that you don’t care about your partner, and understanding is only achieved when partners communicate properly.
Just as characters are different, so are individuals. What might be amusing and fun to Mr. A, might be offensive and disrespectful to Mr. B. However, that is a relativistic approach.
That is an approach that makes it seem that it is the context that determines right or wrong. That isn’t the Christian approach. As Christians, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”Colossians 4:6
Some people are blatantly disrespectful, it’s just in their nature to disrespect anyone that comes their way, and it’s always worse if they don’t know how to apologize Disrespect sends the message, “I don’t value you as a human being.” If you don’t respect and value your spouse, there won’t be effective and meaningful communication In the relationship.
ALSO, READ How to fix communication problem in a relationship without a therapist
10 Signs You’re Ready to Get Married
Description: One of the things many people fear is getting into marriage for the wrong reasons. Before you consider the idea, ensure you’re prepared to handle the responsibilities that come with marriage. Here are ten signs you’re ready for marriage.
How do you know if you are ready to get married? (10 Signs)
Because of the excitement of meeting a person you love, you might feel ready for marriage after the first date. Knowing you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is an incredible feeling. But no matter how you feel, marriage is not something you should take lightly. Marriage requires a lot of work, compromise, and sacrifice to maintain the relationship. Anyone craving companionship must have a few things figured out before saying “I do.” While you can borrow from installment loan lenders for your wedding, it’s something you must think about critically.
Before committing, do some soul soul-searching to know who you are and what you want. Understand the things you can give your prospective spouse and what you expect from them. Being ready for marriage means you have figured out what you want in life and are prepared to be in a relationship where you contribute and compromise. Here are signs that will help you know you’re ready for married life.
1. You’re Psychologically Mature
Some people will realize they’re not ready for marriage after 5 years of dating, and this is okay. Just because you have been out there for a long time does not qualify you to get married. Maturity is an essential component that will keep your marriage going strong amid all the turbulence. There is no best age for marriage, and you should never fall for the pressure to get married because you’re approaching a certain age. However, there’s an optimum level of maturity that shows you’re emotionally ready for marriage.
Experts say that the brain does not reach peak development until the age of 27, especially the part of the brain linked with one’s ability to review long-term consequences and also compare options. Until you have a fully working brain able to assess situations correctly, you should not get married. This is a ready-for-marriage checklist you must complete as it influences your choice of mate and ultimately determines if you’ll have a successful relationship.
2.You Love Yourself
Knowing you’re ready for marriage after divorce can be confusing, as some people want to fill the void created by prior events. However, this is the time you should trackback and exercise self-love for healing. When you truly love yourself, you will easily give selfless love to others. The way you love yourself is how you teach other people to love you. Focusing on self-love before you get married is crucial as it helps you set standards that no person can undermine. Having respect for yourself means you cannot tolerate disrespect from anyone or abuse in a relationship.
Marriage comes with different stressors that test your resilience and patience. Failure to love yourself enough means it’s easy to feel lost during times of struggle. You get comfort knowing you adore yourself enough to be brave and conquer challenges in your marriage.
3. You’re Financially Stable
There are cases where you find a lady is ready for marriage, but the boyfriend is not. Some of these cases involve finances, as the boyfriend might not have attained the financial stability they believe is sufficient to take care of a family. Looking at your finances, are you ever ready for marriage? There are many perks you get from marriage if both of you are bringing income to the family. Before getting started, both of you need to evaluate your financial situation to know if it can sustain a marriage.
Money is a critical component of marriage that could make or break the relationship. Also, you don’t want to use marriage as a way to get rich as this could attract consequences later. Besides your wedding, the beginning of your marriage costs a lot – from kitchen equipment and furniture to a place to stay. Discuss finances with your partner to find common ground and understand how you can sustain the marriage if you decide to go ahead.
4. You Truly Love Your Partner
Love is among things you must confirm is present before you start thinking about how to get ready for a marriage proposal. You must love your partner for everything they are. Their personality is unique and different, so don’t attempt to change it when you get married. It’s something you need to accept and respect before you proceed with a marriage. It’s easy to tell about one’s character by looking at how they treat others. Know if they’re kind, and don’t ignore red flags that could blow up later in the marriage.
Looking at all things, you should ensure your partner is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Avoid falling for illusions of false expectations and face reality, which means asking yourself if you truly love that person.
5. Your Values Align
If you’re ready for marriage but your partner’s not, it could mean your values don’t align, which is a sign you should not go ahead with the plan. Having values that align makes your lives easier in the future. You need to be comfortable discussing taboo topics like sex, finance, and religion. Ladies ready for marriage should check that they’re comfortable discussing sensitive topics with their partners, as this will make it easier to know what to expect in the future. If there are clashes whenever some issues are brought up, it could mean you’ll endure stress in the marriage. People who share the same values protect their relationship from disappointment, clashes, and resentment. Values define people. It’s not something you can change overnight. They show the things you place much significance to.
6.If you Trust Yourself Around Your Partner
Getting ready for marriage in a dream is easy as everything feels smooth, but before accepting to get married, ask yourself if you feel safe around your partner. This is like a situation where a friend brings life to the party, but everyone feels the void when they leave, and the event gets dull. If you’re considering getting married, you must address topics like whether you trust the person to give you what you need to feel loved and at peace.
You must have already touched on topics that could shake the stability of the relationship. If it feels necessary to hide your true self because you fear your partner would never accept or love you for that, then it could be you’re not dating the right person. Marriage is a long-term investment, and nobody deserves to suffer in silence or suppress some aspects about themselves.
7. You Overcome Conflict Together
Is anyone ever ready for marriage until they go through conflict with their partner? This comes as a learning moment where you get to understand how it feels to deal with conflict and moments of high pressure. Marriage is not always lovey-dovey as you will encounter moments where you will split apart for some time.
Forgiveness is one of the main dimensions of a stable marriage, so when you experience this while still dating, it could signify you can live together for many years to come. Couples must learn conflict resolution before entering into a marriage. Handling conflict successfully brings marital satisfaction.
ALSO, READ 12 Steps to Increase Your Self-Esteem
8.You Have Realistic Expectations
You’ll not find a perfect human if that’s what you want for marriage. If you have lived with your partner for some time, you might be aware of this. So, before getting married, understand that besides many happy times, you will encounter sad moments. It’s common to see people expect the perfect type of love they read in all the fairies, but this is unrealistic as you’re dealing with a real human being. Check the lingering doubts of marrying the person to understand the trade-offs.
9.You’re Inspired to Succeed
Sometimes, it’s easy to feel you’ve found the perfect person, so all you need is to relax and enjoy life. However, feeling settled and not aiming to improve is something you should be aware of. Having the inspiration to reach greater heights comes from an inner calling. It means just because you finally found your true love; it should not mean you should neglect other things, like your job, purpose, or mental and physical health. These are things that should stay with you even after marriage. You should not let the relationship make you forget about your ability to stay hungry for success.
10.You Support Each Other’s Hobbies
If you never fancied fly fishing, but this is something your partner enjoys, you should support their passion and try learning a bit about it. You will discover many interesting things and probably also find happiness doing those things.
Marriage marks an important transition in one’s life, so it must be approached carefully as you expect to spend your life with your partner. Finding the right person for marriage is not enough as you also need to evaluate yourself to know if you’re ready for marriage. Consider these things before you get married to improve your chances of success.
How do you handle conflicts in your relationship? Leave a comment below.
Jade is a finance analyst and has been involved in many successful business projects with a range of companies throughout the country. She started writing 3 years ago and enjoys researching, discussing, and writing on the topics of finances, budgeting, money advice, lifestyle, and wellness. Jade loves to spend time with her family and has many hobbies, including hiking, riding a bike, cooking, and traveling.
ALSO, READ HOW TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
Why You Must Hire A Divorce Attorney
Going through a divorce without legal help is like committing financial suicide. You might be thinking of going through your divorce on your own
and just using information that you can research online but that can do more harm than good. Though a DIY divorce may apply to certain situations,
it is still smarter to hire a divorce attorney to ensure that your best interests are taken into consideration. Keep reading for reasons why hiring a divorce
attorney could be one of your best divorce decisions.
You Want to Eliminate Mistakes
“The legal system is complicated enough to navigate for those who have a legal degree, so navigating it from a layman’s perspective is like trying to pilot a plane without even knowing how to ride a bike”, says Michael Porter of Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc.
Legal jargon can be very challenging. It can take just one word for you to completely misunderstand something (like a debt or medical issue) or overestimate/underestimate the value of an asset. This is the last thing you want. Why? Because mistakes like this can cause your financial ruin or may need to be corrected with more legal proceedings in the future. An attorney can ensure that your case is being handled properly and that you will not be making decisions that you will regret for years to come.
You Will Benefit from Legal Advice
A divorce attorney can ensure that you get what you deserve during a divorce. This is important because state laws do not always support an even split of a couple’s assets. There are cases where a spouse is entitled to a spouse’s future income and/or retirement. By hiring an attorney, you ensure that complicated issues such as debts, child custody, current assets, future assets, and child support are legally addressed.
You Want to Minimize Stress
Divorce is a highly stressful time. Not only will it be addressing the end of your marriage, but might also bring up painful experiences from the past. A divorce attorney will provide objective help in gathering information, presenting information, and representing your interests. This will give you more time to process your feelings and take care of yourself and your family.
Keep in mind that a divorce will be a very painful time and the last thing youneed is to have to take on legal work. That is what an attorney is for.
You Don’t Want Delays
Completing all the paperwork needed for a divorce plus gathering information and documenting everything isn’t an easy task. Yes, there are court provided documents but that is just a small percentage of what you actually need. Aside from paperwork, there are other legal issues that can prolong a divorce or halt the progress into a crawl. An experienced divorce attorney knows how to avoid problems like the above and get things done as fast as possible.
You Want A Clear Divorce
A divorce is a legal agreement and is legally binding. You want everything in your divorce to be as clear as possible and that each point that needs to be
addressed are taken care of. A divorce attorney will ensure that your wishes are accurately presented and that you understand everything that goes into
the divorce. This way, the divorce would be free from unclear language or errors.
What to Look for in a Wife TO MARRY
Before getting married to the love of your life as a man, questions like “what to look for in a wife?” Will definitely arise. The ideal woman for Everyman differs. Some may say they want a skinny lady, or a fat girl, if you could hear some of the things said by MEN, as per what they want, you’d be shocked.
Choosing a life partner is a major decision taken by man, here he selects one lady over a bunch of them. Marriage is a lifetime race, and when it’s not been run properly, it could lead to a broken home. Nobody wants a broken home. Everyone wants to live happily ever after. When you choose the wrong partner, it may take you years to correct, or even spending all your life trying to put things in proportion. A marriage that is not Divinely approved will end in divorce, emotional pains, and suffering.
It is therefore important to choose wisely. Before you choose to marry any lady make sure that she is a Kind of person, never force yourself on her just because you think she’s the most beautiful lady on planet Earth or you wanna marry her because she’s a model.
In life generally, if you want to buy something expensive, you don’t just rush in purchasing it. for instance, if you’re trying to buying a used car worth $40,000 for yourself, there are things you need to look out for in the car before buying it. You’ll need to check stuff like the * * vehicle history- you’ll need to make sure that the vendor is not selling a stolen car. Through the use of VIN, you can actually check if the car has been in an accident.
• You can check how efficient the engine is- this would be better if you go with a motor engineer (i.e the mechanic). In order not to bore you with these, the main message is to carefully search for what’s needed.
So, If you’ve been asking questions like What qualities should I look for in a wife? Then keep reading this article.
6 Things To Look For In A Wife
Like we said in the beginning, men have different tastes when choosing women, but we’re going to bring out the most important thing to look for when hunting for a wife. They are things that you must consider without looking back.
I’ve always told my friends that if I want to marry, I must marry someone to whom I’m deeply attracted to. Yes! She may have all the wife material features, but bro, if she isn’t so attracted to you, I’ll advise you to leave her. Attraction isn’t everything but it’s something.
You may say, she’s beautiful, she has the qualities of a good wife, she’s just so perfect in her ways… but if you’re not attracted to her it may lead to another problem in future.
A girl once crushed on me years back! I noticed she had every quality that a good mother should possess but the problem actually was that I wasn’t attracted to her… I vividly know that if I end up marrying her, I would cheat on her like I never had a wife.
If you aren’t comfortable hanging out with your woman or introducing her to your friends, then I’m sorry to give you the breaking news, “Leave her Alone”, this may be very hard for you.. it was hard for me when I decided to make my own decisions, but the good news is that you’ll overcome.
It is very good to foresee because, if you’re marrying her because she is skinny, her body morphology may change with the season, she may run out of your taste!!
Marry someone who you know with or without her body changing drastically, you’ll still fall for her. Attraction goes beyond the physical structure, it’s more of a psychological feature, so be wise!!!!!!
2. She brings out the Best in You
Wow!! This is also an important factor in what to look for in a wife… one important question to ask yourself is “does my woman brings out the best in you?” Not all women have the capability. If you have one like this, then you’ll need to hold her really tight..
Some women may just decide to focus on just themselves, but a woman who’s really interested in you will want to resharpen and remold you.
If you’ve got the habit of smoking and drinking alcohol all the time, extravagant living, she’ll want to help you in that arena.
One way to know that she really brings out the best in you is that whenever you’re with her, you’re always inspired and you just discovered something just awakened in you.
This kind of woman reinforces your confidence. Here, she’s just like a coach to you. She just has the ability to make your world brighter.
She’s never in to demotivate, instead, she’ll motive and lift your heart’s up…
If you’re in a relationship now and you’ve ever felt like you’re in a prison, then that should be a red flag on your side telling you to run.
ALSO, READ BEST ROMANTIC LOVE LETTERS FOR YOUR PARTNER
3. Find a Wife who’ll Love you Unconditionally
An Ex. Once asked me, Josh!! Why do you love me?? Can you please tell me what you like about me or the major reason why you love me???.. As a relationship expert, you know full well that the answers you make can hurt you or flame up something in the future. Like the cops will always tell any criminal they capture. “ any you say or do, will be used against you in the court of law”.
It’s not bad to give an answer of your choice tho.
Finally, I gave her no answer, I just told her that I don’t have any reason(s) for loving you. that if I do, in the future, if that reason is no longer manifesting, then the love will fade away. I told her I just love her unconditionally.
The word unconditionally has a dictionary meaning: without a condition.
The day I was shocked, was when I saw a lady who married a man in a wheelchair. I wept in my heart. I asked my self does true love like this still exists?? That’s an example of unconditional love.
When exchanging the marriage vow, the priest usually quotes stuff like:
“in riches and in poverty”
“in sickness and in good health”
This was meant to be the true definition of unconditional love.
Looking for someone who’ll love you unconditionally might be very tough for you. But if you carefully watch her well. You’ll be able to detect it.. an adage says by their fruits, ye shall know them. When the fruits in a mango tree is ripe, It’s always accessible for sightseeing until it’s been plucked.
Unconditional love is a sacred kind of love!! Not everyone in a relationship is lucky to get it. Some actually got it, but screwed things up!
Unconditional love also means putting your partners first, Before putting yourself. You deserve a woman that’ll love you the way you are.
Sexual compatibility should be one of the TOP 3 discussed topics Before marriage.
It’s very important! I once asked a lady, “how sexual are you? Rate it from 1- 10. She said 3. I was shocked, I just told myself deep down, that i cant be with such a fellow!!.
She told me she isn’t a Fan of sex!!! Although research and statistics have proven that sex wanes and waxes at different stages of life. For instance, the sex drive for nursing mother’s periodically low.
If you’re a man who’s practicing abstinence from sex with your partner before marriage, then this issue of sexual openness needs to be taken very seriously.
And if you’re a man who’s so crazy about sex and wants more in marriage, then you’ll need to look for a woman who has a healthy sex life that discusses sex openly, in other not to fall into a sexless marriage.
Find out little things like “does she love kissing?😘”, would she want to explore the world of sex?.
Being so religious shouldn’t make you shy from the REAL TRUTH.
When you fail in this aspect, you’ll be left with no choice rather than to cheat.
5. intellectual and Educational Compatibility
It has never been in the dictionary of some educated men to marry a lady that is not educated.
Education shouldn’t be something you place so much value on over intelligence. Education can never be substituted for intelligence!!
Whenever a man feels his woman is less Intelligent and educated than him, if they tend to marry, the man will definitely maltreat her.
However, such men would find it very hard to let their wives make key decisions about child-rearing, money management etc if they doubt their wives’ intelligence.
ALSO, READ SIGNS YOU ARE NOT INTELLECTUALLY COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR PARTNER
6.Marry Your type
Marrying your type means you should look for a wife that has similar traits, characteristics, and personality. If you’re an extroverted man and you’re not really comfy handling an introvert, then you shouldn’t run into marriage with her. Marriage shouldn’t be something that will bore you. Having a partner that you can’t have a long conversation with would be boring especially you’re the type that loves talking a lot.
These are some funny answers that Joshua Isibor– A relationship Coach, got when he asked some guys the kind of lady that they want..
“ I want a woman that loves drinking alcohol”
“ I want a lady who smokes”
“I also want a lady who is good in bed”
The goal here is to find someone that’s like a best friend to you: someone that you’re free with.
Please leave your comments!
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