Being a positive parent is the first thing, a man and a woman would look into while thinking of having kids. As a parent, you should ask yourself questions like ‘ how do I train my children on the right track? ‘.
Positivity helps a lot in training kids, because, it helps to keep you, on the right track before making you, do so to for your children.
Take for instance, in a family, where you have parents who are drunkards raising up children, How positive do you think the children will be? Probably, they would turn themselves into drunkards. Remember, parenting is based on “leadership by example”. You can’t be a bad person and expect your children to become the best. they would rather, want to follow your footstep.
Therefore, in becoming a good parent. You have to bear the terms of positivity in mind. You have to be a role model, to your children. There is no growing child, who does not need what Rubottom (2001) calls ‘frequently does of reassurance and encouragement. This is because, as a growing child, they are prone to worries and are very open to getting confused with pieces of information, probably from their peers. Therefore, if they don’t have any positive parent, they would combine the wrong gotten information with the imaginations being gotten from the happenings in their environment, however, turning themselves into wild beings.
To be a positive parent, you should bear these top tips in mind.
1.Being the role model:
Using the decent television models we see today AS a case study, one might be tempted to ask how it is related to being a positive parent. Television models are those beauty Queens and Kings which companies use to advertise their products and to attract their customers.
Have you ever wondered why you will never see an ugly person as a television model? The answer is, people want perfection, the companies wouldn’t allow anyone to spoil their products, they don’t want people to look down on their products, so they go for people with a nice and perfect body structure.
However, by putting it in this way, you would actually understand where we are heading to. In order not to spoil your products, which are your children, you must be perfect, you don’t have to be ugly. That is, having a bad character. You must become like a queen and a king in order to direct your children in the right way. To be a positive parent, you have to be good and nice in your own dealings.
Remember that your children would want to become like you, they watch you like a television set and becomes whatever you become. Therefore, you have to be careful not to mislead your children through your own habit and character. As they are little, they are probe to be very open and can easily absorb whatever they see and behave like it.
2. Frequent communication with your children:
Some children are not close to their parents because they think that they don’t have time for them. Some parents have made their business their life, they don’t think about their children. They give them too much carefree life which is very bad. Having known this, it will lead us to the question ‘ “why do they even give birth to kids”, when they don’t even think that they have kids to raise?
Absolutely, this has been a serious problem in the society now, some children have been living a reckless life and when you ask them a reason for living in such a mess, the answer you will get, will be very shocking. ‘my parents don’t show any sign of concern for me’.
If you fail to communicate with your child as a parent, they will get the information from their peers and start behaving accordingly. In this case, you don’t have to blame them because you are the one that is making them accept what they don’t want to accept.
Communication is the process of transferring information from one source and person to another. Here, ideas are shared and knowledge is being gotten from different people.
However, imagine when a child don’t have a parent to transfer and gain information from, what will such a child be up to? Probably, any information gotten from his or her peers whether good or bad will be taken seriously. To be a positive parent, you have to make out time to speak and talk with your children, they get to ask you some questions and get your advice, scolding, and other good things you have to show to help keep them on the right track. Therefore, do not neglect your children and never try to avoid communicating with them, because it is considered as the best way to speak and get to know your children more.
Hence, for effective communication to take place, parents must learn to be open and honest. You don’t have to hide the necessary information your child is meant to know. You have to tell them the truth. Some parents can tell their children that a man touching them could get them pregnant. Knowing fully that this is a lie, why still tell them that? The secret to this type of lie is that it gets them to panic when mistakenly touched.
Therefore, as a parent, you have to be honest with your words, so that they can be able to trust you.
why would you even think of flogging, shouting, or denying your child her meal when she fails a test or an examination? Have you forgotten that her dullness in class might be because of a situation or even because of you? Encouraging a child is the best thing one would do at this stage. Every child needs encouragement and supports.
A child’s bad performance might be from the genes, or other distractions like watching too many movies, staying late at night, not eating good meals, and many others.
However, it is left for you as a good person to dictate the actual cause of the dullness and correct it. If it is from Malnutrition, then feed him more. A growing child is meant to be fed very well, Malnutrition decreases the active performance of the brain, therefore feed him well.
In as much as the children are easily prone to distractions, it is best to encourage them more, always show them that they can make it and that they are the best. Never compare them with others in a negative way.
Some parents are making this serious mistake. Instead of comparing your child, why don’t you make him or her become the best? Just a little encouragement with your sweet tongue can help a child pick up and do great. Hence, try finding out the problem and challenges your child is facing and help him/her get rid of it. Don’t verbally hurt them, it makes them lose hope. Therefore, encourage and you will see them picking up and doing great.
4. Guiding your child in making decisions:
Sometimes, when a child is growing, he thinks he has become mature to take care of himself. In this case, they are prone to start making decisions on their own, and here your help is needed as a parent.
You don’t have to be harsh to their decisions, you just have to guide them in making their decisions. Sometimes when they refuse yours, allow them to do it and see for themselves how wrong that decision is.
Definitely, they would turn to you for guidance. It is even a thing of joy to say’ my child is acting mature, making good decisions ‘ rather than say ‘ I make my children’s decisions by myself’. Remember they won’t stay with you forever, so it is best to get them a bit exposed, allow them to feel mature, let them do some thinking, let them come up with their own ideas, and put it into consideration if it is nice. Ask them for their own ideas on a particular issue, it helps a lot in bringing out the creativity of their children.
Hence, it is advised to guide your children to make the right decisions and not to make it all by yourself. Sometimes, it gets annoying to your child and makes him act so stubborn. He wants to be mature, but you aren’t making him look mature. Guide and not make them look irresponsible.
To become a positive parent, you have to avoid the concept of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child ‘. Sparing the rod helps in destroying the life and bright future of your children. Why will you allow your child to be taking your money without your notice, and not doing anything about it? Why will you allow your child to be watching a movie above his age, knowing fully well that it will get him to practice it?
In bringing up a child, you have to be disciplined in order to discipline them. Discipline implies correcting them when they do something bad. It is better to know what type of disciplinary action your child understands best, and using it to correct him. ‘ leave my child, she is still a kid ‘ seriously, at the age of 12, she is still taking your money without your notice, and you are over there, telling yourself that she is still a kid.
Definitely, it will reach the stage when you will say ‘ leave her, she is just a lady ‘. A lady? Still stealing.
Therefore, stop ignoring your children’s wrongful actions, because you don’t want them to you and other flimsy excuses. Let her hate you now and thank you later.
6. Stick to what they want, and not what you want in terms of career:
We understand that your children came through you, however, they are not you. Forcing them into what you want is not a good idea at all. Stick to what they desire and love, if he loves acting, help him, if she loves dancing, train her up that way.
Some parents, because they are doctors and however respected in the society, want their children who are art inclined to follow their leads which is not a good sign of parenting. If your children desire another thing different from what you wished for, it is better to let go of your own plans and look forward to theirs. Help them, stick to their opinions, and try your possible best to help and support them. Everyone has something God created him or her with, therefore, you must respect and appreciate it. Don’t try to have your own way with your child, because you will benefit from
their good deeds sometime, one day.
Note: Every child is a gift from God, teach and treat them well, be a good parent to them. God has a reason for entrusting them to your care and love..
How to Deal with a Drop in Your Teen’s Grades
Dealing with a drop in your Teen’s grade is usually one of the challenges faced by parents. When there is a poor grade, complaining and worrying are bound to occur at a certain point as a parent. Poor performance in school is usually caused by several factors; some may be caused by the parents. A drop in grade is usually a predicament faced by many teens during high school.
Notwithstanding, it is very paramount to decipher these three things,
• The cause of the Low grades
• Why the low grades and
• How to tal
Here I’ll be sharing the steps to take when your college kid’s grades are slipping.
WAYS TO DEAL WITH A DROP IN YOUR TEEN’S GRADES
The first step to take is trying to visualize what might prompt the kid’s failure. Relocating to another apartment may make you change your teen’s school. A change in school might result in drop in grades. This is usually because the new school may have more brilliant students than the old school. Other causes of a drop in grade might be inadequate sleep, busy social life, too many house chores, spending so much time in school activities, etc. All of these could result in laziness, a lack of motivation, or distraction.
If the drop in grade is so sudden then quick action must be taken. It’s very important to analyze your child’s grades from time to time to see if there is a spontaneous or a slow drop in grade.
2.TRY TO FIND OUT THE ACTUAL CAUSE
Several years ago, I was working as Home Tutor. While I was doing my work, I encountered John who used to be a great mathematician in Primary school. When he entered high school, I noticed he started failing mathematics woefully. The painful part is that the parents of the boy never had the time to have one-on-one communication with him.
As a counselor, I spoke with him and he opened to me that all he wishes for, is to change school and I asked why? After much persuasion, I discovered that the hatred he had for his teacher in mathematic never allowed him to put his best in school.
Getting to know what’s actually wrong with the kid might be quite difficult because the child may seem perfect in everything that he does. He might be a person who doesn’t like asking questions in class.
It could take you a while to get the right answers. The best is to find a quiet time with the child and speak with him.
ALSO, READ The Dangers of Overscheduling Your Child
3.SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL
A fluctuation in the kid’s grade should not make you be a regular visitor to the school authority. A fluctuation may occur because there were so many people in competition at that particular time. The child’s grade may drop from Grade A to B. if the grades are sustained over a long time, then you’ll need to visit the teacher rather gun blazing or apportioning blames…
One good thing about teachers is that they are able to provide valuable insight of everything that is happening at school as regards the child. Talking to the teacher may provide a valuable solution.
4. GET A HOME TUTOR
Getting a home tutor is very important in a child’s academics. Many parents usually deploy this approach whether their child is performing very well or not, they see it as a necessity.
Get one if you feel you’re too busy, to give your kids academic attention, it would help a long way.
5.When there is an underlying issue
Other underlying issues may be bullying from other kids, emotional upset, depression, or anxiety. all of these are usually very difficult to communicate with parents and even teachers too.
A child that is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) may not perform very well in class. If after complaining to the school and you see no result, then visiting the doctor or a psychologist would be the best option.
6. MOTIVATE THEM DAILY
You might actually say, “is daily motivation really necessary? Yes, it is. Motivation is one of the Skeleton keys to Unlock good grades. it’s very annoying to see your child having this lackadaisical attitude towards their education, without any thought of the future. Motivating them is the best thing you can actually give in as parents, if you really care for your kids.
You can strategically give them these right tips on how to get back on their feet.
• Always give them the reasons to work hard.
A child’s good future is a better reward for parents. This is what they will always be thankful for. It is only left for you to make it or mar it. Make them see the reason to work hard to produce better results, not only in their academics but in other aspects of their lives.
• Make sure to tell them that hard work pays and it’s only the strong that will scale through.
• Always encourage them to do better in their study. If you can be there for them, do it diligently.
• Don’t ever be harsh on them. In this case, use good words and speak in a calm manner. Being harsh will only add more pain to your child, and they might see that all you care about is their performance and not their own happiness.
• Tell them to report to you whatever difficulties, they are facing in their school. This will give them room to open up to you and ask questions, they couldn’t ask their teachers. You need to be available for them too or create time for this.
• Encourage them to enter any educational competition or club. This will help them see other kids like them, doing what they are doing. It creates room for good achievements and good performance.
• Create family learning time. This is not actually easy to do, but it helps in motivating kids. When they see you reading, they will love to read too. It brings the family together and makes kids feel free to ask anything they don’t understand.
• Give them a puzzle to solve. There are a lot of puzzles you can give your kids like kids Sudoku 9*9, kids word search puzzle, kid hangman game, mosaics, pictures crossword game, shape puzzle, dot-to-dot puzzle, and many more.
These are the easiest ways to help kids master a lot of things within and outside their field. And this helps to improve their grades in school.
Reward here is promising them that “ if you come out the first position, or you get a good average point, I will do _______ for you”. Over 60% would do their best if they have been promised by the guardians. Always fulfill your promise and take them to somewhere that can add more value to them.
Besides, you don’t need to wait for them to come out well before rewarding them, you can do it occasionally just to say thank you for their support and obedience towards learning and life.
8. LEARN TO VALUE MISTAKES
Being angry that your child failed should not make you grow annoyed excessively. You should know that failure always a road to success. No man succeeds without experiencing any form of failure.
Don’t go overboard, shouting or smacking them for the drop in their grades rather find ways to make them accept responsibility to do well.
A WORD FROM RELATIONSHIPS SEEDS
A drop in grades is actually not something we should panic about, but something that needs our time to figure out what is actually the ‘cause’. Kids react to everything that happens within and outside their environment. That’s why they are kids.
Mental health professionals believe that when a child is emotionally down or meltdown, there must be something that triggers this reaction. Kids need time, care, love, attention, patience, and more for you to understand them.
You need to do your own part and so the teachers too. Always communicate with them and do the best for them.
ALSO, READ How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex
When do Babies Start to Walk?
When do babies start to walk? is a frequently asked question by most new parents around the world. Most times when we come across a baby crawling and cruising we tend to wonder when he/she will take the first step?
A child’s first year is full of events but the most anticipated one might be walking. Hence the question, “When will my baby start to walk.?”
When Should Babies Start to Walk?
Research has shown that babies usually take their first step between the 9th and 16th month. Not all babies start walking in the 9th month. Your first child might have walked when he was 10-months and probably you’re scared that the second is in its 13th month, but still crawling. The truth here is that every child reaches its milestone at a different time. There are several factors that may make a baby walk early or not. Of all, for your baby to start walking he/she must have contracted enough muscles.
The stages of walking
An old adage says, “for you to stand you must sit, for you to walk you must stand, and for you to run you must start walking.” This shows that life itself is in different stages. For a baby to start walking, he must have gone through and mastered other developmental milestones. These include:
For a baby to start walking, he must learn how to sit properly. Within the periods of the 6th month, your baby should start hacking the puzzle to sit upright, using the muscle in his trunk.
Around this time, the 6th month, you can start teaching your child how to sit. When trying to teach the baby how to sit, ensure you’re close enough to prevent falling.
Pulling to Stand
Pulling to stand varies among toddlers still; some may start this around the 10th month. The leg actually needs lots of energy for a pull to stand to occur because 70% of our body mass is fixed on the hip, so the legs need lots of energy to lift the torso.
This is when the child starts playing around the house with any furniture he/she sees. The time varies too for kids.
Holding your baby’s hands while walking would help to improve the coordination and balancing of the child. It also adds fun to the walking process. when your child starts holding your hand for him to walk, just know that he would start walking alone soon.
This is the final stage of completing the puzzle on how to walk. Usually, it starts with trying to move one leg forward and balancing the other leg. Here, the child may be falling too while trying to walk, but it’s all part of the process.
Why Do Babies Walk at Different Times?
One thing you should know is that babies also have emotions too. Some babies usually have this I can do it attitude; to them, the act of walking is a risk they are taking, and have to overcome. You can even perceive it, ranging from the way they interact with you, even as small as they are.
They don’t care if they fall. That’s why you’ll see some children fall as many times as possible when trying to walk. The beautiful part is that they see walking as one of the several fun things they do.
Not all babies have this type of personality, some also have the mentality of wait and see, an unintentional delay caused by fear of trying. These types are usually very cautious. This factor may be the reason why your child is delaying to walk.
Aside from this, there are other things too, which can affect the time it takes for babies to start walking.
• Birth Order:
Research has shown that babies tend to walk faster when they have older siblings around. So they may want to imitate what he/she is doing. It may be very difficult for your first child to start walking at 12months, but if you have other children let’s say from age 3-7, you’ll see your child become smarter. That’s why you see most children become smarter when they have older ones around to play with. That’s why it’s very important (and highly advised) for your child, even in the 8th month, to start school.
The bigger the size, the more difficult for the baby walking. This is because the baby would need to expend more energy to stand upright compared to one with a small stature.
Even when you look at fat people, you’ll notice that they may experience difficulty in walking or running at old age.
• Recurrent Ear Infections: If a child emerges in the 16th month and he’s not walking, then an investigation must be done concerning his health. Perhaps if he has experienced any ear infection. “An ear infection can throw off a baby’s balance and delay walking,” says Dr. Jensen.
A word from Relationshipseeds
Lack of nutrients may also bring delay in the walking puzzle of a child. When a child lacks calcium, it causes an almost permanent impedance to walk-ability. If you notice that after 17 months, you see no visible changes, then you should seek professional help. Meet a pediatrician, a child doctor.
How To Tell If Your Teenager Is Having Sex
When puberty shows up, teenagers often make so many wrong choices. Teenage age is a very sensitive period where teens want to explore, try new things, and all that. We are living in a world of technology where you can easily get access to anything you want online. Whether it is boyfriend, phone sex, porn clips, illicit materials, and so on.
These days Teens are so smart that they can keep a secret from you without you having a clue. Here, we’ll be looking at the signs that show your child is sexually active.
SIGNS YOUR TEENAGER IS HAVING SEX
1. Ask Your Teenager
One may say why would I ask? When you keep on shying away from asking questions like that things may not end well. when you finally decide to ask her that question, choose your words carefully, if you do it a threatening way, you may not get the answers you are seeking, instead, they will tell you lies out of fear.
This approach is a 50:50 because Teens love being secretive, if you’ve never had a deep conversation or you’re not very close with your child you can never get a YES ANSWER.
2. Provocative Dressing
Like I said in the beginning, the teenage age is an exploring age. When you see that your child starts dressing provocatively, it could mean that they’ve already eaten the forbidden fruit. Apart from the girls dressing seductively, the guys may also dress exposing their chests or buying a pink lips balm.
The adolescence stage is when teens become conscious of their appearance and body image. When the girls start having s*x, it usually gives them a heightened sense of maturity, this would make them pay more attention to whatever they wear.
3. More Secretive
When you notice that your child becomes more secretive than ever, it could be a sign that they are started having sex already. You’ll notice they hide their phone whenever they are operating it, use passworded phones; they also use coded language while chatting.
Being secretive is always associated with suspicious movements, such as coming home late, become overprotective about their privacy, because they don’t want you to find out. Even when they want to go out they always find it difficult to tell you where they are going. They will never make a phone call in your presence except it’s a family member that’s calling.
4. Check for Signs of Sexual Activity
Seeing condoms or contraceptives is a sign of sexual activity. It could mean that they are planning to have it or might have done it already. When you notice it, you don’t need to start boil, all you need is a conversation with your child to know what’s up.
When you see these tools in your child’s possession, it means that they are well equipped with the knowledge on how to avoid unwanted pregnancies or prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). So you have to educate them more about unwanted pregnancy, STI, and how having sex can destroy their dreams and career.
5. Behavioral Change
When a child starts doing something evil, you’ll notice that they either become more extroverted or introverted depending on their type of personality. Sometimes, they may become more stubborn. For instance, imagine your child of 18 having an affair with someone who’s 40years of age. The child might start disrespecting you and your partner.
Also, the child may become happier than before. Always try to notice and find out the reason(s) for their new behavior.
6. Keeping Tabs On You
They become too conscious of you. If they want to know where you are going and how many hours you will be spending. Similarly, they will want to know the number of days you are going to spend.
Occasionally, when you come too early, they’d become angry or anxious because they need more time to carry out what they want.
7. Poor Grades In School
The reason why it is not good for teens to engage in sexual activities is that they are not mature enough to handle what relationship or sex is all about. Sex and relationship can take your whole emotions and can drain you mentally.
I remembered when I fell in love during my 11th grade in high school. I can boldly confess that whenever I’m reading my books, I always see the picture of the girl I’m falling for. It took me 6weeks to get over her. When I was in love with her I could barely focus very well on my academics. Also, I’m very sure that I would have failed woefully in high school if I had dated her.
When a teen starts dating at a very young age, it will be very difficult to balance emotions and priorities properly. There are lots of distractions when your child starts premarital sex.
8. Being Involved In Their Life Regularly
The key to being involved in their life is communication. As a parent, there should not be a communication gap. Make your kids open up to you. Some kids might be very difficult or have hardened hearts, but you have to try your best.
Always make them know that you are available for them if any issue arises. With this, if they are facing sort of sexual humiliation they will be able to tell you faster than when you are far away from them.
9. Know Their Friends And Partner
An African adage says “show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are”. If you do well as a parent to know the character of your child’s friend you’ll be able to know the capability of your child. For example, if the friends of your child are all womanizer or involve in illicit sex, it a sign that your child could be sexually active.
What other signs do you think can point out a sexually active child?
ALSO, READ Exploring the different sexual location
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