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HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY DEAL WITH ARGUMENTS IN A RELATIONSHIP

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HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY DEAL WITH ARGUMENTS IN A RELATIONSHIP

 

Arguments are necessary for the growth of any relationship. But knowing how to manage these arguments to stop them from turning into fights is what we will be talking about today.
Before we continue, it is necessary to know that there are two types of arguments: The constructive argument and the destructive argument.

The destructive type of argument: An argument is destructive if it leads to a fight and doesn’t solve any problem. This argument could also lead to breakups, as hurtful words and anger always come to play here.

The constructive type of argument: The argument becomes constructive when it solves the problem which started it. It also leads to the growth of the relationship.
Dealing with arguments is basically learning to stop an argument or successfully manage it before it turns destructive, but rather turn them into constructive form.

Some Tips on Dealing with Arguments in Your Relationship:

1. Learn to Talk to Your Partner About Your Feelings:

Most times, talking about your feelings helps you deal with arguments in your relationship. The more you talk to your partner, the more you get to the root of the problem. Most arguments can be prevented if your partner understands how you feel or what your stand is on that particular issue.

Let’s look at a case where you don’t like the way your partner relates with members of the opposite sex, or you feel insecure about their relationship with a particular member of the other sex, and instead of you talking to your partner about it, you kept it to yourself. A word in your ears from outsiders in regards to them and that person will trigger a reaction from you that might lead to a fight if not properly contained at the argument level. You might even accuse your partner of cheating. This is what lack of communication causes.

To prevent an argument from arising from the case above, you should learn to always talk about your feelings to your partner. That is immediately you start feeling insecure about their relationship with that person.

 

2. Avoid Raising Your Voice:

Raising your voice has been known to greatly increase anger factors during an argument. To prevent an argument from escalating, avoid raising your voice when you are having a heated conversation with your partner.

Whenever you are about to have a conversation with your partner, about an issue that could lead to an argument, you must begin carefully and calmly. Before you call them to begin the conversation, you should ask yourself what position am I  putting them in by raising this issue? Am i  giving them the power the defend himself/herself? or sending them into attack mode.

Having considered that, the next thing you need to do is to choose carefully, the type of words you use, the tone of your voice, and your volume, if any of these are harsh, tense, and loud, that conversation is going to explode into a destructive argument very fast.
Therefore, to deal with an argument before it even begins, be calm, and learn to reduce the volume of your voice.

3. Avoid Threatening to Punish Your Relationship:

To manage arguments in your relationship, don’t see every argument as a threat to your relationship.
A perfect instance to further explain this will be a situation where you got into an argument with your partner because he/she is feeling insecure about your relationship with a particular member of the opposite sex. The argument might have risen from your lack of adjustment after the first time the both of you discussed this, instead of you to reason from your partner’s angle and try to come to a kind of compromise, you went ahead to tell your partner that if he/she can’t deal with it, they should be prepared to lose you because you have initially told him/her that nothing is going on between the both of you.

When you present this kind of threat, you are putting your partner in a state of panic. If your partner doesn’t really want to lose you, they would keep quiet about the issue, but it would continue weighing on their minds and might even make them slip into depression and they would start withdrawing from you gradually. On the other hand, they might just walk away from you.

So, no matter the level of the argument, do not threaten your relationship, but rather calm down, and think like a rational adult.

4. Don’t Allow Issues Pile Up:

To deal with arguments in a relationship, you must avoid piling up issues. Rather deal with them as they come up. If you keep piling issues, you will definitely explode and you might say or do things you will regret when you become calm.
Another reason you should avoid piling up issues is to avoid bringing up past unresolved issues as a weapon when you are having a disagreement on another issue with your partner.
Instead, deal with the issue on ground first, when everyone is calm, try to peacefully discuss previous issues you think are unresolved with your partner. This will help you effectively manage arguments in your relationship.

5. Understand Your Feelings:

Another way to deal with destructive arguments in a relationship is to properly understand your feelings first.
When you are angry, your body releases certain chemicals (adrenaline), which control how you react at that moment. These reactions if not carefully understood, might cause you to react in ways that could be destructive to your relationship.

To avoid being destructive when angry(verbal, mental, or physical abuse), you need to be able to understand your anger and ways to channel it out without hurting anyone.
When you successfully understand your feelings and how to process them, you can handle arguments of any kind in your relationship without it turning into a fight.

6. Create Ways to Resolve the Problem Quickly:

To deal with arguments constructively, you need to quickly try to resolve the problem before it becomes bigger.
Start by thinking about the source of the problem, then think of how your partner reacted to it. You and your partner should come together and talk about your feelings on the issue, when you both must have finished stating your feelings and airing your views, discuss how you both think is the best way to deal with the problem. Make sure you both are calm and collected before discussing the issue to avoid tempers flaring again. It is okay if the problem doesn’t get solved immediately, but there should be at least a compromise from both of you.

7. Learn to Create Boundaries during Arguments:

SETTING BOUNDARIES

sorce: bizmom

When you are having an argument with your partner, always create boundaries that you shouldn’t ever cross no matter how heated the argument becomes. Create boundaries to avoid attacking your partner’s character instead of talking about the issues at hand.

Attacking your partner’s character, swearing and yelling at them while avoiding the problem at hand makes things go down south very fast.
To sufficiently manage an argument between you and your partner, you should calmly discuss the issue causing the argument, without taking a jab at their character and hurting them.

8. Create Time for Yourself:

If you must successfully deal with an argument in your relationship, then you must learn to create time for yourself. The world of an adult is a stressful place on its own without the added responsibility of a relationship. This stress can seep into your relationship and make things difficult.
Although it is good to do things together as a couple most times, but sometimes, you also need your personal time to relax and clear your head. Take that trip to the spa, go on vacation, have a night out with the girls/guys as long as it isn’t affecting your relationship negatively. This helps to reduce stress, and time away from your partner allows you to see your relationship from a different perspective. More relaxed than you were before having time for yourself, you can now calmly discuss with your partner with an open mind.

9. Create an Atmosphere Filled with Love:

The best way to avert arguments in your relationship, and manage them better even when they arise is by creating an environment filled with love and trust.
When you and your partner constantly feel loved and trusted by each other, most issues that can potentially cause problems will be more easily handled. Because you can easily talk to your partner without fear about what bothers you and you both can lovingly discuss and arrive at a solution or compromise without shouting name-calling, and other things that follow negative arguments.

You already know that arguments and disagreements are inevitable in a relationship, and now you have learned how to effectively manage these arguments as they arise. It is time for you to enjoy your relationship and your partner more by putting all you have learned into practice.

Always remember that to successfully deal with arguments in your relationship, you need love, respect, honesty, and sincerity.

Cheers to a more loving relationship.
ALSO, READ How to fix a broken relationship

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Love & Dating

How To Break Up With A Married Man With Ease

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how to break up with a married man

You tapped on this post because you’re in a situation like this and you feel guilty for dating another woman’s husband or you’re just tired of the relationship. But here’s the thing, you want to get out and you don’t know how to. So let’s press play and start this journey together. You want to know how to break up with a married man?……SOLUTION AWAY!

Now a lot of women out there get into relationships like this for reasons best known to them and because of those reasons they don’t see how unreasonable it is, literally, logically basically and practically unreasonable. But you tapped this post because you already see that it’s unreasonable and you just can’t keep up with.

Here’s the good news, you’re half way through the solution.

Now breaking up with a married man would require the following procedures:

8 Sure way to break Up with a Married Man

1: Put God first

This is the most essential part of making any decision in life even something as ‘Sinful’ as this. Basically it is called adultery, so you’re committing a sin with a married man, Even though the sin is more on the man, you’d still be seen as a partaker of it. Remember a sin is a sin, and when you’re involved you have committed a sin.

What does God say about adultery?

Hebrews 13:4

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

It says here that you’d judged for being adulterous, why would you want to face God’s wrath for just a few months of pleasure. Just be assured that, that married man would always pick his wife over you.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

It shows that it corrupts you, it reduces your dignity and the standard that you may have built for yourself, you become a shadow of your own self.

1 Corinthians 7:2

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

The bible gives an alternative, Get yours and don’t reap the fruit you did not sow.

Matthew 5:28

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This explains the side of the man, as long as the man looks at you, he’d always commit a sin because all he would need you for is sex!

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

With this, You dating a married man means you’ve hindered the main ordinance of marriage, Coming Into the life of a married man means you’ve broken a bond that was made by God.

Luke 16:18

“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

This is self explanatory. It buttresses the point of the former when It means you’ve broken a bond created by God. But this is seen in another context and still makes the same point. Whatever makes you date a married man who had been divorced is not love but lust, or just admiration for what he claims to be. Succumbing to him only makes you commit adultery. This generation doesn’t even see the absurdness of this, but putting God first makes you see this.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

The bible also see this as sexual immorality! Which means you don’t just sin against God but against yourself. That’s a loss on both sides!

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Even though the man doesn’t see how wrong it is, be the first to make that move, do the right thing. You basically don’t belong together, if you are a Christian, what relationship does your righteousness have with such lawlessness?

These are questions you must ask yourself

Ephesians 5:33

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Make the man know this. His lust/love for you shouldn’t be in the picture if he claims to truly love his  wife. It is God’s commandment and he must follow it.

Read through the rest of the bible verses and drop your questions in the comments zone.

Malachi 2:16

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:39

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Matthew 19:5

And said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

Genesis 2:18

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

1 Corinthians 7:9

But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Read your Bible on a daily basis, pray and always communicate with God your solution comes quicker that way.

After putting God first, The “how” and the “When” comes in.

How and when do you break up with a married man

2: Do a reality check

Face reality, he’s not the one for you, you’d always be a mistress to him, you’re only needed when he needs you and not when you need him. You have no true emotional support, you’d still be left alone to live for life on your own. Your only usefulness is quench is sexual urge or desire.

3: Become independent

Most women go into relationships like this because you feel like that’s what you deserve, to be pampered and showered money when you want or need it. You feel you should have everything on a platter of gold, but think about this properly you can make that money on your own and even more. All you have to do is believe in yourself that you can do it without the help of any man. Say daily affirmations to yourself everyday, encourage yourself. Stop blaming yourself for whatever guilt you have and own up to it. Face your mistakes and fix it. Start up a business of your own. Save up some money. You can become successful without the help of a Married Man!

4: Try to scare him off

Now testing a man’s love for his wife or the fear of losing his married is quite easy. This is where the intellect comes in. Try the pregnancy scare. Tell him you’re pregnant. His reaction would determine your next action. Not all men would accept it and some men would also accept. If he doesn’t accept it, that’s your cue to leave!  Now if he accepts it that means you have to work with option B. Ask him to file a divorce with his wife. Trust me, no man would want to lose his marriage to a woman he barely loves.

In rare cases the man might want to file the divorce. So just go straight to the point!

5: Tell his wife

This would actually be the best thing to do it trying to scare him off doesn’t work, tell his wife. Telling his wife does two things in one

  • Clearing the feeling of guilt that you have: This would make you free. It’s the truth so it would always set you free, you’d feel the burden lifted of your shoulders.
  • The fact that his children might hate you: While doing a reality check, you’d find out that if you end up getting married to that man, his children might hate you for life. Trust me if a child hates you, you’d barely survive in that house. So telling the wife actually saves you the stress.

6: Seek Counsel

You can talk to your best friend about it, or someone you trust, or an older person that might have had such experience or even a mother figure in your life. Talking about it with someone would also go a long way relieving you from that feeling of guilt

7: Cut ties

At this point breaking up with him would be very easy. Tell him how you really feel about the whole situation then let him go his way and find yours.

8: Get yourself back

Build back that standard for yourself. Make yourself happy again. Channel your mind to finding love when the time is right and work on getting yourself back.

In conclusion

Breaking up with a married man may not be an easy process, but the result is what really matters. You can get out of such relationship, just acknowledge that it’s a problem and work towards the outline given above. You can get yourself back. You can be happier. And your happiness is what really

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Love & Dating

10 Sure Signs Your Ex Regrets Dumping You

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signs your ex regrets dumping you

Being in love is a beautiful thing and being loved back by your partner is the best feeling ever. You would never want to lose such a beautiful relationship, however, never say never.

You should understand that, not all relationships lead to a happy ending as a lot of them ends in premium tears. Break-ups in relationships are inevitable especially when your partner is not committed to the relationship. Being dumped by your girlfriend/boyfriend can be so devastating and the most painful feeling that you can experience in your life. After breakup, you will begin to wonder what went wrong in the relationship and you will have many unanswered questions. Some of the frequent questions running through your head might be if your partner has really moved on or if he/she regrets dumping you.

For the latter, you begin to look out for signs that show your ex regrets dumping you. Now let’s take a look at 10 common signs to be wary of:

10 SIGNS YOUR EX REGRETS DUMPING YOU

1.They keep communication alive.

“They say out of sight is out of mind”. However, the ex that claims to be over you still has you in mind if he or she keeps communication alive by constantly sending unsolicited texts to you. They will always initiate communication with you and ask all sorts of personal questions so as to get you talking. This may indicate that they are not truly over you and might want you back.

In cases where it may have been a while since he/she dumped you, but out of the blues, you begin to receive texts regularly from your ex asking about your well-being and all that, may indicate he/she wants you back.

Either way, they still care about you and feel some sort of regret for dumping you. It may be a sign you’re about getting back together.

 ALSO, READ Signs You Are Not Ready to Date

2 .They always want to hang out with you. 

Dude, you just dumped me, yet you are seeking for my attention! This is one of the best signs your ex regrets dumping you. Your ex simply still misses you and derives some sort of happiness being around you. His/her feelings for you are still intact and might think about you often.

So if your ex shows a sign of wanting to always hang out with you, perhaps, they are looking for the right moment to tell you they are still interested in the relationship.

3.They apologize for dumping you.

they apologies

When your ex finally realizes his/her mistake for breaking up with you and how hurt you must have been, they will apologize to you. This is because they obviously regret dumping you and would want to have you back in their life. 

4.They can’t stop keeping tabs on you.

When your ex begins to ask about your private life from your friends and keeps talking about you trying to know who you’re dating next, then that’s a sign of regret for dumping you.

They are always the first to like or comment on any post you make on your social media platforms even when you shut them out of your page. This obviously indicates he/she regrets the decision of dumping you.

5.They become extremely nice and caring than before. 

When an ex suddenly becomes more loving and caring towards you after dumping you, he/she probably regrets breaking up with you. Perhaps, they are trying to get back to you by being loving and affectionate even more than they did when you were still dating. They begin to shower you with so many gifts and love to show how remorseful they were for breaking up with you.

When you notice this, it is a good sign that your ex regrets dumping you and cares about your feelings.

6.They keep talking about the happy memories you guys had.

This is another good sign that your ex regrets dumping you when they are reminiscing the good times you had together. They begin to remember how you both made a great team together and realize it was actually a bad decision letting you go.

So if you hear your ex still talking about the best memories you had together and share them with you, it could possibly mean he/she misses you and would still want to create more positive memories with you.

ALSO, READ SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION

7.They suddenly got dumped too.

Yes, your ex can get rejected too by another person and will probably regret dumping you. They will understand that you actually loved them more, you wanted them to be happy and supported them in their worse moments. Right there, they will regret treating you badly and miss your love for them. They will realize that they lost something that meant a lot to them and would probably want to run back to you.

So if your ex lacks the courage to work through his/her current difficulties, it might indicate regrets for dumping you.

8.They are feeling depressed and lonely. 

they feel depressed

This is not a feeling that comes immediately they break up with you; rather, it is a gradual process. At first, they might feel in control and experience this feeling of freedom and power from the decision of dumping you. However, after few weeks, they will inevitably feel the loneliness and depression that accompanies a breakup.

When loneliness sets in, they begin to reminisce on the wonderful memories with you and a sense of regret from dumping you starts setting in. Although, an ex might move on and be happy but when this doesn’t happen, then he/she is obviously regretting the decision.

9.They can’t stop flirting with you.  

 Flirting is a sign of attraction and when an ex still flirts with you; it means they are still fascinated about you. The attraction and attachment was never lost and they regret not being romantically involved with you.

10.They beg you for another chance.

This is most likely to happen when an ex regrets their decision for dumping you and it is also your decision to accept the plea or move on. When an ex still loves you, then they will look for any means to get you back.  

Final thoughts

When you observe these signs from your ex, it indicates your ex still  loves  you and might want you back. But don’t be in a haste to take him back, I know this might seem difficult especially when you still love your ex a lot. let them woo you again and fight for you so that  you will be valued  more. If you make it easy, your ex might just end up taking you for granted again.

ALSO, READ 10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DATE YOUR FRIEND’S EX

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Love & Dating

How To Spoil Your Man (Experts Advice)

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HOW TO SPOIL HIM

It feels so good to be showered with love, care, and attention, you know that feeling when your man spoils you with gifts and surprises.

Everyone loves the idea of been spoilt, it’s not meant for a particular gender.

Women rarely think of how to spoil their men or make them feel loved. If you are among the few women thinking of how to treat your man right then you are very close to winning his heart forever. Men also need to be loved and cared for, they need our attention too, it mustn’t be all about us.

Generally, women are used to being loved and cared for by their men and they feel to realize that they also need that tender care from their women.

You don’t need to wait for a special event before you show him some love. You can surprise him with a lovely gift, a love note, or even a surprise dinner for just the two of you. Men also crave for these things, you shouldn’t always expect to receive love and care but learn to extend it to them.

If you have been thinking of how to make your man feel special and loved or you want to communicate how much you love him, then below are some useful tips on how to spoil your boyfriend.

Best ways on how to spoil your man (12 Proven Tips)

1. Give him a massage

A massage will make a great deal for him especially when he just returns from the day’s activity. Men love the soft tender touch of a woman, it relieves them of their stress having you around makes them forget how stressful and tiring their day went.

ALSO, READ How to make a guy fall in love with you

2. Suprise him with his favorite home-cooked meal

COOK FOR YOUR MAN

Cooking for your man is one of the best ways to spoil him

There is a saying that, the easiest way to a man’s heart is his stomach. This adage is still working. if you want to please your man, prepare his favorite meal by yourself. Men love the taste of home meals. Eating out is great, but you can never measure the joy in a man’s heart when he eats the food prepared by his WOMAN for him.

3. Send him unexpected text messages

Sending messages shouldn’t be left for men to do alone, you know how you feel when you just receive a love text message from your man. That feeling of love that flows like an electric current, which makes you happy all day.

You should also do so, let him have that same feeling. You can send him while at work or even when he is sitting on the couch focused on the newspaper.

4. Spoil him with random gifts.

spoil him with random gifts

Men also love gifts, the fact that they rarely mention it doesn’t mean they don’t value or appreciate it when you buy them a gift. It will be nice if you buy your man a gift, especially something he has been craving for; this single act will make him love you more.

You must not wait till his birthday, Valentine’s Day, or Christmas to buy him a gift. let your gift come unexpected, it will be more appreciated.

Give him a valuable gift and tell him how much he means to you. Let him know you cherish every moment spent with him.

 

5. Leave him a Love Note

Leaving love notes triggers his emotions, which indicates he is always on your mind. It could be on the stairs, in his briefcase or suit pocket, wherever that seems right to you; Just make it brief and romantic. Here are some samples of a romantic love letter to keep for him.

 

6. Buy him flowers.

buy him flowers

The idea of buying flowers has been thought to be for women alone, flowers depict love; so it’s not a gender thing. Get your man some beautiful lovely flowers with a nice fragrance, you will have him all around you.

ALSO, READ Cute Paragraphs For Him After An Argument

7. Plan a date night

Wow! A date night doesn’t sound romantic, sure it does. Just imagine what it will look like when your man comes back from the day’s work and he meets you all dressed for dinner, with the table set with different dishes. It will be a very wonderful scene to behold.

You can also plan an outside date, it mustn’t be an in-door date, it could be in a nice restaurant, just make the dinner romantic, let the moment be memorable and remarkable.

8. Give him compliments

Just as women love to be flattered and complimented, men also love to be complimented, it triggers their “Hero instincts”. It shows that you appreciate them and you love them the way they are without having any reservations.

9. Plan a surprise

A surprise event can actually do in this case, it could be a surprise party for his birthday, your marriage anniversary or to celebrate his promotion. This will really mean alot to him.

10. Take care of his laundry

wash his clothes

This is a rare task, these days you rarely see women washing their husband’s clothes. So doing his laundry simply means you care about him and his looks and you want him to always be at his best.  do his laundry and make him happy, it really means alot to them to see their women taking care of their personal belongings.

11. Plan a romantic weekend getaway.

This is an opportunity for the two of you to be together, having a quality time alone to bond and make up for the times lost. It must not be work always.

plan for a vacation or a weekend and enjoy the best of the moment.

12. Go on a mini road trip.

trip22

A mini trip is just like a short vacation or a short-distance trip to rekindle your love and ease you guys of the stress from your daily activities. It mustn’t be an expensive trip, the most important thing is the bonding and quality time spent together.

 

13. Get the ingredients for a new recipe and cook dinner together.

Go to the market and get some new recipes to prepare a nice dinner, you too can cook the food together, this is one of the most wonderful moments. The last time I did this with my husband he was so happy and he wished we do it often.

14. Watch the sunset.

watch the sun set

Have you ever watched a movie where two lovers sit together holding hands or cuddle each other watching the sunset? You observe the vibe and the beautiful romance in that picture,try and practice same with your man.It is a moment for you guys to feel each other and express your love for each other.

15. Spend the day together with your phones turned off.

Our phones and other personal gadgets can distract us and make us distant from our partners. These days, couples rarely have time for each other because of social media.

Try spending time together with your phones off, to avoid distractions and keeping you away from your partner. The more time you spend together the closer you guys become and the stronger your love for each other.

 

A little more piece

Spoiling a man doesn’t make you look cheap or desperate for his love and attention. The more you care for him, the closer you are to his heart his love for you increases. It’s nice to reciprocate the gesture he shows towards you as well.

Men wish to be loved too and pampered, treat them like your hero, your baby, and your partner. The love we desire from them is also what they desire.

ALSO, READ Get Well Soon Messages, Wishes, and Quotes

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