Arguments are necessary for the growth of any relationship. But knowing how to manage these arguments to stop them from turning into fights is what we will be talking about today.
Before we continue, it is necessary to know that there are two types of arguments: The constructive argument and the destructive argument.
The destructive type of argument: An argument is destructive if it leads to a fight and doesn’t solve any problem. This argument could also lead to breakups, as hurtful words and anger always come to play here.
The constructive type of argument: The argument becomes constructive when it solves the problem which started it. It also leads to the growth of the relationship.
Dealing with arguments is basically learning to stop an argument or successfully manage it before it turns destructive, but rather turn them into constructive form.
Some Tips on Dealing with Arguments in Your Relationship:
1. Learn to Talk to Your Partner About Your Feelings:
Most times, talking about your feelings helps you deal with arguments in your relationship. The more you talk to your partner, the more you get to the root of the problem. Most arguments can be prevented if your partner understands how you feel or what your stand is on that particular issue.
Let’s look at a case where you don’t like the way your partner relates with members of the opposite sex, or you feel insecure about their relationship with a particular member of the other sex, and instead of you talking to your partner about it, you kept it to yourself. A word in your ears from outsiders in regards to them and that person will trigger a reaction from you that might lead to a fight if not properly contained at the argument level. You might even accuse your partner of cheating. This is what lack of communication causes.
To prevent an argument from arising from the case above, you should learn to always talk about your feelings to your partner. That is immediately you start feeling insecure about their relationship with that person.
2. Avoid Raising Your Voice:
Raising your voice has been known to greatly increase anger factors during an argument. To prevent an argument from escalating, avoid raising your voice when you are having a heated conversation with your partner.
Whenever you are about to have a conversation with your partner, about an issue that could lead to an argument, you must begin carefully and calmly. Before you call them to begin the conversation, you should ask yourself what position am I putting them in by raising this issue? Am i giving them the power the defend himself/herself? or sending them into attack mode.
Having considered that, the next thing you need to do is to choose carefully, the type of words you use, the tone of your voice, and your volume, if any of these are harsh, tense, and loud, that conversation is going to explode into a destructive argument very fast.
Therefore, to deal with an argument before it even begins, be calm, and learn to reduce the volume of your voice.
3. Avoid Threatening to Punish Your Relationship:
To manage arguments in your relationship, don’t see every argument as a threat to your relationship.
A perfect instance to further explain this will be a situation where you got into an argument with your partner because he/she is feeling insecure about your relationship with a particular member of the opposite sex. The argument might have risen from your lack of adjustment after the first time the both of you discussed this, instead of you to reason from your partner’s angle and try to come to a kind of compromise, you went ahead to tell your partner that if he/she can’t deal with it, they should be prepared to lose you because you have initially told him/her that nothing is going on between the both of you.
When you present this kind of threat, you are putting your partner in a state of panic. If your partner doesn’t really want to lose you, they would keep quiet about the issue, but it would continue weighing on their minds and might even make them slip into depression and they would start withdrawing from you gradually. On the other hand, they might just walk away from you.
So, no matter the level of the argument, do not threaten your relationship, but rather calm down, and think like a rational adult.
4. Don’t Allow Issues Pile Up:
To deal with arguments in a relationship, you must avoid piling up issues. Rather deal with them as they come up. If you keep piling issues, you will definitely explode and you might say or do things you will regret when you become calm.
Another reason you should avoid piling up issues is to avoid bringing up past unresolved issues as a weapon when you are having a disagreement on another issue with your partner.
Instead, deal with the issue on ground first, when everyone is calm, try to peacefully discuss previous issues you think are unresolved with your partner. This will help you effectively manage arguments in your relationship.
5. Understand Your Feelings:
Another way to deal with destructive arguments in a relationship is to properly understand your feelings first.
When you are angry, your body releases certain chemicals (adrenaline), which control how you react at that moment. These reactions if not carefully understood, might cause you to react in ways that could be destructive to your relationship.
To avoid being destructive when angry(verbal, mental, or physical abuse), you need to be able to understand your anger and ways to channel it out without hurting anyone.
When you successfully understand your feelings and how to process them, you can handle arguments of any kind in your relationship without it turning into a fight.
6. Create Ways to Resolve the Problem Quickly:
To deal with arguments constructively, you need to quickly try to resolve the problem before it becomes bigger.
Start by thinking about the source of the problem, then think of how your partner reacted to it. You and your partner should come together and talk about your feelings on the issue, when you both must have finished stating your feelings and airing your views, discuss how you both think is the best way to deal with the problem. Make sure you both are calm and collected before discussing the issue to avoid tempers flaring again. It is okay if the problem doesn’t get solved immediately, but there should be at least a compromise from both of you.
7. Learn to Create Boundaries during Arguments:
When you are having an argument with your partner, always create boundaries that you shouldn’t ever cross no matter how heated the argument becomes. Create boundaries to avoid attacking your partner’s character instead of talking about the issues at hand.
Attacking your partner’s character, swearing and yelling at them while avoiding the problem at hand makes things go down south very fast.
To sufficiently manage an argument between you and your partner, you should calmly discuss the issue causing the argument, without taking a jab at their character and hurting them.
8. Create Time for Yourself:
If you must successfully deal with an argument in your relationship, then you must learn to create time for yourself. The world of an adult is a stressful place on its own without the added responsibility of a relationship. This stress can seep into your relationship and make things difficult.
Although it is good to do things together as a couple most times, but sometimes, you also need your personal time to relax and clear your head. Take that trip to the spa, go on vacation, have a night out with the girls/guys as long as it isn’t affecting your relationship negatively. This helps to reduce stress, and time away from your partner allows you to see your relationship from a different perspective. More relaxed than you were before having time for yourself, you can now calmly discuss with your partner with an open mind.
9. Create an Atmosphere Filled with Love:
The best way to avert arguments in your relationship, and manage them better even when they arise is by creating an environment filled with love and trust.
When you and your partner constantly feel loved and trusted by each other, most issues that can potentially cause problems will be more easily handled. Because you can easily talk to your partner without fear about what bothers you and you both can lovingly discuss and arrive at a solution or compromise without shouting name-calling, and other things that follow negative arguments.
You already know that arguments and disagreements are inevitable in a relationship, and now you have learned how to effectively manage these arguments as they arise. It is time for you to enjoy your relationship and your partner more by putting all you have learned into practice.
Always remember that to successfully deal with arguments in your relationship, you need love, respect, honesty, and sincerity.
Cheers to a more loving relationship.
ALSO, READ How to fix a broken relationship