Last Updated on July 22, 2022 by Joshua Isibor
“Should I stay or leave?” That’s a question every person comes across when they face infidelity. Infidelity generally signals an end to a relationship. It is difficult for many of us to get along with the person who has cheated on us without dwelling on the facts behind it.
But cheating doesn’t always mean that your relationship is doomed.
Cheating could be a death blow to a relationship indeed if you are adamant about not forgiving. But before dumping your partner, tell yourself to give him another chance. Especially if you are not quite ready to throw in the towel after being cheated on. Here are six signs why you shouldn’t get divorced:
1. Your partner is not a habitual cheater
As an adult, you are no stranger to the cheating game. Cheating is mostly due to something missing in your relationship. People cheat when there is a ‘disconnection’ between the two partners and eventually when nothing works, someone ends up in the arms of another person. However, sometimes, betrayal does not last long.
People can often find themselves feeling trapped. Cheating is the only choice when nothing else works. Therefore, if you have been betrayed, there could be some solid reason.
Do not look for spouse monitoring apps like Xnspy to spy on their phones; rather, dig up things yourself. These apps can get you addicted. They surely work great in case of monitoring your children, but for adults, it gets intrusive, not to mention addictive.
Xnspy and other similar spouse monitoring apps give you a view of all the activities of their phone, such as text messages, call logs, emails, multimedia, locations, and web browsing history, instant messenger chats, and a lot more. You are going to get hooked.
Your behavior could become obsessive enough to wait for them to make a mistake. These apps offer some rather advanced features like a keylogger and even surround recording features so you can secretly hear the conversations that happen around the phone.
To be honest, keeping an eye on their every move and conversation is going to make you read too much between the lines and sometimes seeing things that are not even there. This is downright unhealthy behavior.
It’s possible that you ignored them or did not reciprocate their attempts at emotionally connecting with you. No person is a habitual cheater; it’s the circumstances that force them to look for another person. Forgive the offense and understand why your partner cheated. Address the cause of infidelity to find out if that person is even worth forgiving.
2. Your partner was serious in making this relationship work
Just look back at your relationship and try to remember those instances where your partner reached out to you to make things better between the two. If you find several such instances where he actually tried to make their feelings known, then this infidelity is, in fact, a consequence of you failing to understand them. But don’t blame yourself for this.
The fact you are reading this is proof that you never wanted to hurt or ignore them. If you both still hold the feeling of love for each other, then it’s better to move past this indiscretion and start a new life all over.
This here does not mean that a simple “sorry” should do it for getting caught; this generosity is for those individuals who are genuine in their feelings and feel remorse for their cheating act. See if you are getting played and adjust your decision according to the situation.
3. Being merciless is exhausting you mentally
The act of cheating can mentally drain any person. But ending your relationship over infidelity just because you think “you were supposed to” means that you are depressed. In such instances, we take too much input from our family and friends about what we should be doing.
But every relationship is different and only you can decide about forgiving your partner. Don’t just get carried away by the feelings. A realistic approach is needed in determining the impact of your actions.
4. You both still love each other
If you love him even after his infidelity and if he also loves you too is sorry for his one-off mistake, then there’s no reason why you two shouldn’t sort things out. Love is the essential building block of a relationship; if it’s there, there’s a definite room for some solution. But perhaps, the enigma lies with how you determine if your cheating partner still loves you and won’t be cheating you again. How do you find out if he didn’t cheat on you because of some problem but because he stopped loving you?
Slipping in spyware on his phone with the intent of finding just that out is abysmal, yet extremely effective. So if you are desperate enough to know the truth, there’s no harm in taking a desperate measure.
5. You don’t Have Underlying Marriage Problems
In the past, cheating has been a significant and constant predictor of divorce, and studies have shown that divorced people have a higher rate of infidelity than married people. Despite the fact that a substantial amount of research shows a link between infidelity and divorce, more in-depth analysis has revealed that correlation does not imply causation.
Couples who have been muddled along in moderately miserable marriages for a long time usually require another person to hedge their odds on leaving. When one individual discovers this, the remainder of the relationship immediately crumbles. When you start to peel back the layers, you will quickly discover that there are many reasons for a marriage falling apart, not just one.
An analysis of more than 1000 interviews found that majority of couples under 50 divorced due to a poor sex life and quarreling, instead of cheating. So if you know you love your partner and have intimate feelings for each other, cheating won’t be the end of the line for your marriage.
There is some hope for cheating spouses who want to keep their marriage. A healthy marriage may recover from the loss of trust because adultery isn’t usually the cause of divorce. Society has put a lot of pressure on us to reject our partners if they cheat. People shame us if we return to the guilty party. It is the biggest impediment in our journey to healing our marriage.
People feel guilty of returning back to their partner once they have been found guilty of cheating. We feel pressured to leave once the deed is done. It is a stigma that we must all deal with and must realize that cheating isn’t the end all be all it is perceived as. The truth is many people should try to fix the relationship before killing it off entirely.
6.How about changing yourself?
Let me make it clear here: Changing yourself does not, in any way, mean that I am blaming you for your partner’s infidelity. Every person is responsible for their own actions. But as discussed aforementioned, cheating is often an outcome of various shortcomings in a relationship.
We, sometimes, end up mistreating our partners when we are oblivious to their feelings and situation. These are a few things that you must consider changing about yourself. An honest introspection and self-reflection of your conduct in a relationship is not only important but also offers you the solutions for moving forward.
A decision as crucial as forgiving a cheating partner should not be made in haste. But if you think there’s a tendency to sort things out, you should never let your relationship die. Finding the real reason behind what made them look for pleasure outside the relationship will help you determine the fate of your relationship.
ALSO, READ 41 Keys to a successful marriage
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